The Thing Itself (21 page)

He is shy
, said my
lord
the Judge, with a laugh.

Damn his shyness
, said my lord Knox, sudden Wrathful &d his face dark.
I’ll see him strip or hang him
. At this he rose &d came towards me. Being in great terror of his furor, I made to retreat, but he caught me by a leg &d tipped me onto the floor. At this he began ripping my Shirt &d tore it from me, &d them roughly tugging my Trowsers.

Have a care with the lad
, said my
lord
the Judge, coming over.
You’ll put me to expense if I have to buy him new shirts.

I’ll buy the shirts
, said my lord Knox tho his teeth were gritted,
&d breeches too
.

I was much afeared at my lord Knox’s design, &d struggled to free myself but his strength was too great for me, &d his vigour was compounded with a terrible purpose. My Breeches were torn from me, when my
lord
the Judge intervened, &d caught my lord Knox by the shoulder, saying
injure him not, I adjure you. Wheerefore this suddenness, my lord?

At the loosening of the grip upon my shoulder I made a leap, on a sudden, &d strugglt free. I heard but my lord Knox shout in sudden Rage, &d blindly I fled my way forward, my mind blotted out with the fear. Yet Fate guided my steps poorly, for I stumbled &d fell forward into the open Fireplace, &d my arms went out before me into the orange flames.

Of this I remamber little, save that I screamed, but with terror rather than paine. I saw the glowing log of the fireplace come up close to my eyes, such that I saw the lit scaly embers upon the wood; &d I heard the mouth of the fire roar loudly as if at the application of more fuel, &d this roar did greet my ears as [if] I were to be consumed also in the fires. But all was red &d orange &d yellow [in my] eyes, &d in my heart, &d whether this was meerly the fire or whether the Red descended over my eyes in my swoon (as I have heard said it do), I could not say. It was as a dreame, &d the arms of Flame curled round my body to embrace me, &d the fire kisst me upon the skinn of my right arm, &d on the side of my face, &d the bosoom of hot coals was soft to receive me, as I was a child againe.

It beseemed me that I dreamt, &d that in my dream I passed into the coals, which revealed themselves to be a mighty Blacke Hill. But they opened, as Arthur’s Hill will sunder in the days to come, &d I was carried within riding the steed of the West Wind. &d within were treasures, &d weaponry, of sorts never seen before, &d a man with a great bald head with a dent in it &d a blacke throne, twinkling, as it were molten black oil &d solid abbomate [ebonite?] at once, wondrous. &d upon the throne the windes did bring me to alight, &d when I touched the surface it was hot as coals but did not burn my skinn, &d I was crowned with a ring of the same black substance, that was hot as blacksmith’s metal but [did] not burn my temples. Theere was a glamoure in this place, &d a sensation of shadow was in my bones, wheerein was also a glow, as of starlight, all of which I felt, or rather apprehended, in place of actively perceiveing. Theere was noyse, as of a thousand paper bells ringing, faint &d rustling as of leafes on a tree, yet penetrating. A horde of Devills flew in upon the throne-roome, &d all settled in ranks like starlings upon a wall, &d all bowed before me. I awoke with a feeling of great Joye in my heart, but I was in my bed, &d Molly was standing over me.

Molly told me that I had not been asleep but an half-an-hour, but that she had been set to watch over me, for they feared I might grow feverish.

Twas lucky that my master &d the young lord were hard by
, she told me.
They pluck’d you from the fire as soon as you threw yourself in. What Devill possess’d you boy, to do such a thing?

At this I wept, for I felt that a Devill indeed was inside me, &d my Dreame confirmed it to me.

I heerd from the footman that you had thrown yourself from a high window in London
, continued Molly, as she bustled around.
It is a curious madness. In my village, such folk were treated to ducking in the river, until the madness flew out of them at the cold water
.

A poultice had been applied to my right arm, which had been burnt the most &d grievously so, &d which arm was covert theerefore in soft linen, with a mixture of herbal gruel kept close to the charred skinn. This was Saint Bartlemew [Bartholomew]’s wort, for suche was I told. My face had been a little touched by the fire, but was Blister’d rather than Burnt through to the flesh, on the right side. The burns hurt somewhat, but the Paine would advance &d recede. Sometimes it would wake me in the night, &d sometimes I would weep with the paine when my poultice was chang’d. But my
lord
the Judge was loathe to summon the doctor, for fear perhaps of needing to explain how I came to fall Naked into the fireplace. Molly, I have no doubt, was wise to the ways of her master, as was the Grinning man. In my maim’d state my heart turned over, &d I began to repent me of my Dreame, bethinking it preluded nought but my Damnation in Hell. That God had hurl’d me into the fire to punnish my Wickedness was most probable to me, &d my Dreame did confirm this suspicion most palpably. In my Soule’s darke Night I felt myself abandoned utterly, in a House wheere none cared for me, with even God’s face turned away from me. Never before or since had such Violence of Despair seiz’d me.

In the morn my
lord
the Judge visited me, &d put on a shew of seeming concern for my health. He examined the skinn of my arm, Molly removing the Poultice to this end.

My boy, my boy
, he said.
How are you, my lad?

I thought I saw his Ey moisting, as if he would Weepe, &d this frightened me greatly.

I am well, my lord
, I said, yet I was shrinking in the bed, &d Molly was attempting to unfasten the Poultice about my Head, that my
lord
the Judge might view my burnt eye.

Leave that, Molly
, said my lord, with the Displeasure entering his voice,
can ye not see it uncomforts the boy.
Molly began to excuse herself, but my Lord grew only more fierce with her &d bad her
begonne, Molly, I would be alone with the lad.

Molly tried to stand, so as to Courtsey for my lord before withdrawing, but her Elbow caught the jugg of water with which she had been a-washing me. The water spilt all across the floor &d some spattered onto my bedcloathes. At this my
lord
did shout with vexation, &d rail at Molly as she hurried out &d returned with a pail &d a mop to wipe the water away. I felt close to weeping at all this Activity, but my
lord
the Judge soon usheered her out of the roome &d return’d to my bedside, to seat himself at a Chaire beside me.

My lord Knox has ridden out this morning
, he told me.
He has taken the hounds &d will hunt all day, methinks. You must not blame him, my lad, his temper is hot, you know
.

I knew not what to say to this, so I held my peace.

What think ye of my lord Knox? Is he not a fine gentleman
.

To this I only said
He is a gentleman my lord
.

My
lord
the Judge squeez’d my Hand at this, &d smil’d, &d said
he is indeed a man of good parts, &d very clear sense. His Conversation is brisk, my lad, &d ingenious, would you but converse with him. He is a man of such Boldness, such Enterprize!

I am very sorry to have lept into the Fire
, I now told my lord, the tears starting in my Lamentation.
I ought not to have done it, but that I was put into such fear by the action of my lord Knox, when he gripped me, &d went to remove my Cloathes.

I know my lad
, he said, in reply.
But ye should not be afeared of what Knox was about
.

At this I burst forth,
I am indeed afeared my lord, for I am fillt with terror at the Usages he would put me to.

Blood!
cried my lord at this,
what Pelican have we heere! How he turns his beak in at my breast!
At this he paced the roome about for a space of minutes, before repairing to my bed &d seating himself againe.
Lad, you speake in haste, in a poor Humour. Your injury has impair’d you, perchance, filled you with Ill thoughts. My lord Knox meant you no harm, my boy
.

Being frighted by my lord’s behaviour, I concurred heere, &d readily.

Did none ever speake to you of the Greekes?
asked my lord of me, &d it seem’d Relenting some towards me.

None, your honour
, I answered.
For I was but ill school’d, tho Parson Wilmot is teaching me Lattin, so please you
.

Ay, very good, Lattin is very good
, he said.
But better were the Grecians. Founders of all our Sciences, of all Philosophy. Masters of all Arts, of the Tragical but also the Comical. My lord Knox has some fine discourses on the Grecians, I wish ye could hear them
.

Twas the Grecians fought the Troians
, I said then, wishing perchance to display what poore Learning I possess’d.

You’re right boye, you’re right.
At this, he spoke to me in a Tongue I presumed Grecian, tho I knew not a one of the wordes.
I wish ye could hear my lord Knox speake of the Greekes, my lad
, he said againe, Musingly.
Twas the Foundry-place of Civilisation, indeed it was. Athens, theere was a true Commonweal, my lad. All the Men together tooke a Responsibility for Soldiering, &d Marine Endeavour too. The Athens-men formed a mightie Empire, my chuck. Perchance we may one day do like
.

Shortly after this my
lord
did leave, &d Molly was sent back to me to affix my Poultice anew, in no good humour she. She scowled at me, &d Yank’d &d Pull’d the Poultice Cloth about to such degree that my burns wept, &d I cried likewise.
Would that you had fall’n in the Fire &d burnt to a cinder
, she Hisst to me.
&d if ye tell the master I said so, I’ll creep heere in the night &d sort you, Saints &d Angels help me
.

I could not forebear weeping at this unkindness, but she only boxed my ears, &d said
cry on, little mewler. Dost think we are blind, tho we live below stairs – wheere
you
should be
.

I know nothing of what you say, mistress
, I said.

O no
, she said,
&d a fish has no scales neither. Dost ye think I am too much a Country Maide not to know what you were doing in the Hall, with two gentlemen, &d you Naked as the day your Mother bore you?

Truly, Mistress
, I wept (for she was twisting the Hair above my ears most painfully),
I am an innocent.

If ye tell the master what I say
, she said, bringing her Face very close to mine,
I’ll punish you. Yet even if you give me away, theere’s another you cannot give away, another who will Punish you when I am gone. You should ask the Parson to read you the Chapters of Genesis wheerein the dreadful Fate of the Cities on the Plaines is laid down, as the word of God.

At this she desisted; &d, to be sure, she seem’d tired with her Exertions, &d she Lost her Winde easily upon any task or Chore. Her quoting of the book of the
Holy Bible
filled me with hope that she might succour me in my distress, &d help me hence from that house (for I was much worrited with the thought of what my lord Knox would doe on returning from his Hunt. &d, indeed, what would become of me at the Hands of my
lord
the Judge).

Mistress,
I said.
I beg you mercy. I am a prisoner heere, &d if only you could help me—

But she cut me short with another box on my ears.
Help you!
she said.
To touch you is Pestilence. My lord had another such as you, last year it was. He was a young soldier lad, no older than yourself, &d my lord kept him heere in fine array, I might tell you, forever eating &d drinking, &d never having to Work a moment. But his Regiment mov’d from Maidstone, &d he moved with it, to my lord’s unhappiness.
&d heere she leant closer to me.
&d more unhappiness, too; for a Person told the Camp Serjeant of what manner of man this young Recruit was, &d I heerd after that he was Hung like a Dog, for his sins.