The Truth About Us (27 page)

“I’m sorry, Sophia. I shouldn’t-” he says after he’s done.

I pull back suddenly and press my hand to his mouth.

“You shouldn’t what? Be upset? Be angry? Be fucking sick of whatever it is you’ve been carrying around in here all these years?” I tap his forehead before both my hands find his face and something inside me clicks. “You have a right to be angry. You have a right to tell the truth. You have a right to. You should not be sorry. You should not have to carry it all on your own. So don’t you dare tell me you’re sorry.”

“But Gaby…” He stares past me and I force him to look at me again.

“Gaby will do what she needs to do to get through this. How you told her was shitty. What you just did was really shitty. But she’s your sister. She loves you. If she tolerated your Dad for this long just so Parker had a grandfather, she’s not going to cut you out. You still have a sister.”

His breathing is slowing and I’m surprised at my calmness. I’m unsure how I’m keeping myself together, but I guess one of us has to. We can’t both be broken and maybe that’s why we work. We are each other’s distraction, going back and forth until we can breathe again.

“It guts me, Sophia. The things I’ve kept from her. The things I can’t tell her.”

“Then tell me,” I say and Corbin’s head leans back against the wall.

“She was having an affair. Dad was always a dick, but it wasn’t until he found out that it got bad.” Corbin looks up as he talks avoiding eye contact. I shift on the floor next to him, tucking my legs into his big grey hoodie.

“Your mom?” I ask.

Corbin nods. “Yeah. Mom never intended for me to find out. But Gaby got really sick when she was nine. I was thirteen. We took her to the hospital and the doctors didn’t know what was wrong. Mom seemed really worried about something but she never told me what. I overheard her talking to the doctor, telling him that Gaby might have a different father. That she wasn’t certain, but it was a possibility.” Corbin still won’t look at me and I reach out as if to touch him, changing my mind at the last second. I don’t respond as my hand falls back into my lap, sensing that he doesn’t want me to. As if reading my mind he continues.

“Gaby got better. I never knew what was wrong. Mom never told me so I assumed she was fine. But I was angry. I was fucking pissed at Mom and I didn’t understand what I was doing. I never understood what would happen. But when I was fifteen, I told my dad. Mom had asked me to keep it a secret. That she didn’t want to upset Gaby. Mom and I had gotten into a fight and Dad took her side. I just told him. One sentence destroyed my family. A sentence that came from me.”

The crashing understanding hits me from all sides. Everything that never made sense about Corbin, his guilt and why he chose to stay behind. Guilt. Punishment. My eyes fill with tears and I fight them back again. It feels too real. Too close. The guilt I see in his eyes as he speaks is the same guilt I know so well.

“But it was the truth. Your mom had the affair. Not you.” I try to understand the only part that isn’t clicking. How it ended up like this. How it could have gotten this bad.

“It wasn’t. I told my dad that Gaby wasn’t his. But that wasn’t the truth, because I didn’t know. Mom didn’t know. Dad made mom get a paternity test for Gaby. He started drinking more. He became controlling, domineering. He started picking on Gaby and I watched it all happen. I started to protect her. That’s the first time he hit me. Told me it was my fault. Mom tried to defend me from that, but Dad just became more secretive and withdrawn. I don’t know why Mom didn’t leave then. I watched my family deteriorate because of one stupid thing I said when I was mad. And now I just did it again.”

I play with the sleeves of Corbin’s hoodie and chew on my lip while he talks. There's an anguish in his voice that almost transcends sound, causing a physical pain as it passes from his mouth.

“Mom had the test done but she made me promise not to tell Gaby. She blamed me. I blamed her. But more than anything we needed to protect Gaby. Then Gaby got pregnant. Dad became violent toward her instead of just me. Mom got scared. So she left and I stayed. I was nineteen, so it was up to me.”

“But why?”

“I had to make sure. I hated Mom for what she did, but I couldn’t leave him. I had to make sure he still had someone to take it out on so he wouldn’t try and find her. I had to keep my promise to Mom and keep him quiet. For my sister and Parker. There was another life added to our mess.”

He looks at me with this hazy confusion as if I should have picked that up. Like I should have known that it was all his responsibility. I lean forward and fling my arms around his neck, wanting to absorb all his hurt, forgetting about my own. Also forgetting his broken collarbone. A sharp gasp of air sounds followed by a groan of pain. I sit back quickly and apologize in rapid-fire ‘sorrys’. The air is fast and heavy as he visibly tries to calm his breathing and it reminds me of my panic attacks. I dig through the pocket of the hoodie I’m wearing, pulling my bottle of pills. I shake them at him.

“Not technically pain killers but they’ll numb you out a bit so you can think.” I try to smile and he touches my face, running his thumb over my lip. Like the day on the lake when I told him about my accident, when he showed me how his dad is, the night on the roof, a silent understanding passes between us. Sometimes you don’t need someone to tell you it’s okay, or that it’ll get better, or that it’s not your fault. Sometimes you just need to let someone in. Sometimes that’s enough.

“Have I ever told you that I love you?” His mouth turns up into a smile but it doesn’t reach his eyes. He lets his hand drop and I take it in mine.

“Maybe once,” I reply. I shake the bottle again.

“Drug peddler.” He takes the bottle, popping the top and taking a pill.

“Just this once. I need those.”

We sit on the floor of Corbin’s dad’s apartment quietly. The door is still open, Garett and Riley long gone. The wind whistles in, shifting around the smell of alcohol, pushing it out of the way with the fresh air. Corbin slouches against the wall, looking at me with his head cocked to the side. I play with his hand. Running my fingers over his, tugging them, feeling the warmth of them. Bending and flexing them with my own. This is where I need to be. A day of hiding away trying to decide and all I had to do was touch him to know what I needed. All he had to do is look at me like he is right now for me to feel what I need to feel. Loveable.

My chest constricts, as thoughts of Tobie flood my mind. My heart shatters every time I think of that truck. Every time I hear her scream ‘my baby’. Every time I see the twisted heap of silver as Corbin’s dad was pulled from the wreck. “What is this mess, Corbin?”

His eyebrows pull in, his head tilting further. I can see the soft focus and distance that my medication causes in his eyes. His lip twitches and slowly stretches out into the smile I love the most.

“The consequences.” He pulls on my hand so I move closer.

“Consequences of what?” I ask, letting him guide my chin with his fingers until my lips hover over his.

“Our tragedy.” He kisses me softly. “Our truth.”

“Our truth?” I speak between kisses. Between swelling in my chest. Between the love that pours in and around and through me. Between absorbing him with every breath.

“When I met you I was drowning in my own lies. You became my truth. The only thing keeping me afloat. Because the truth about us, sweet Sophia, is simply the truth.” He kisses my forehead and pulls my head to rest against his good shoulder. “And the truth has consequences.”

“The price of no more running,” I whisper. “No more hiding.”

He rests his head against mine. “No more lies.”

Chapter Twenty-eight

Corbin

It’s nearly impossible to describe what’s going on in my mind as I sit against the wall in my Dad’s grungy apartment. Whatever drug Sophia gave me numbs my thoughts and detaches me from them, making it as if I’m merely an observer in my own memory.

Telling Gaby in the way I did was a shit thing to do, but I couldn’t stop it. All the feelings bubbling inside and mixing together so I couldn’t separate them. The rational from the impulsive. Everything felt like a good idea and now I see how wrong it was. Now that I’m back with Sophia, watching the way she looks at me, my head is clearer. I meant what I said. No more lies. No more secrets. I know I need to call Mom. I need to make it right.

“Have you seen your parents?” I ask her and she shakes her head.

“I’m too scared. But I will. I texted Mom on my way here and told her I’d call when I was ready.”

I hug her tighter. “Good.”

“Your mom? Are you going to talk to her?”

“Yeah,” I sigh. “Yeah, I’ll talk to her.”

“Good.”

I twirl a strand of Sophia’s smooth hair between my fingers turn to kiss the top of her head.

“It’s really weird how two people can know the same person and not know the same person at all.” Sophia nuzzles into my neck and I fight the shooting pain across my shoulders.

“I’m not following.” The fog in my brain may keep me calm but it slows me down, too.

“Your mom saved my life.” It’s a blunt statement, but I pick up on what she means. How the Mother I’ve been angry with for years, the woman I’ve chosen to hate is the only reason I can sit here now, with the only woman I’ve ever loved.

I don’t say anything.

A few more minutes pass before Sophia sighs and pushes herself to standing. She swims in my hoodie, and I’m too wrecked to fully appreciate how sexy she looks in my clothes.

“Do you want to finish this?” She gestures to the fridge and I’m suddenly embarrassed by my behavior. I’ve never lost it like that, but the look on her face is serious. She’s not looking at me like I’m a child, or speaking with any sarcasm. She is genuinely willing to help me dump every drop of booze down that sink if that’s what I need.

But is that really what I need?

I look around the room again. This is fucking ridiculous. How did I end up here? How did I lose it for just long enough to drive away the person I’ve been protecting my entire life? My sister.

I shake my head, both at myself and Sophia’s question, just as my phone buzzes in my pocket. The vibration sends a chill through me and I really don’t want to look. Tosh’s name flashes and through the haze of medication, I’m not sure if I’m happy to hear from him, or terrified.

“Tosh?” I say.

“Hey, buddy. How are ya feelin’? I heard about your dad.” His tone is concerned but the exhaustion in his voice is draining even to listen to.

“I’m fine. How’s Tobie holding up? The baby?”

Sophia’s eyes get wide and she waves her hand in front of my face. The fear and sadness in her expression tell me exactly what happened.

“Fuck, man, I’m so sorry.” I tighten my grip around one of the beer bottles and smash it against the sink. One last vent of frustration.

Tosh clears his throat and stays silent for a long time before he speaks. “She still won’t talk to anyone. She just sits and stares. She’s not even crying anymore. I fucking hate seeing her like this, man. It’s ripping me apart.”

I glance at Sophia, who can hear Tosh. Her lip begins to tremble and I instinctively put the phone between my ear and shoulder to pull her into me.

“We’re coming to the hospital now.” I hang up on him and usher Sophia to the front door. She goes without question until we’re on the driveway and have no vehicle.

“Riley, I’m taking your car,” I yell up the stairs and grab the keys off the wall.

“Fuck you, you are!” he yells back, appearing at the top of the stairs. “You have a concussion you idiot. You are not driving.”

He hammers down the stairs and swipes the keys out of my hand. “I’ll drive you.”

xxx

On the way to the hospital we stop so Sophia can change and I become increasingly more nervous the closer we get. My head is pounding and I keep rubbing my eyes.

“Stop acting like you’re my mother; it’s fuckin’ annoying.” I glare at Riley when he asks me if I’m okay for the hundredth time.

He ignores me as he taps his fingers on the steering wheel. I’m just about to go check and make sure Sophia didn’t decide to take a nap or something when Riley sighs.

“So what are you going to do about Gaby?” he asks, not looking over at me, but squinting through the windshield at something invisible.

I shrug. “Wait for her to stop being pissed at me.”

“That was super douchey what you did.” Riley grips the steering wheel tighter just as Sophia steps out the front door.

“Since when are you so concerned about my sister?” I’m really not ready to talk about any of this right now.

Sophia pulls open the back door and slides into the car. Riley looks at me then in the rear view mirror and shrugs.

“I just said it was douchey.”

Sophia looks between us and I shake my head.

xxx

The hospital really is the last place I want to be.