The Truth About Us (26 page)

“Gaby,” I say, realizing what I’ve done, but Gaby steps away from me. Her head shakes, so I say it again.

“Gaby.”

“You knew the whole time?” She takes another step back, looking from me to Mom.

“I’ve known for a long time.” All the fight is sucked out of me at the look on her face, but she won’t let me get closer to her.

“And you didn’t say anything? You didn’t think to mention it ever?” Gaby hiccups as she talks and we all stay silent while a group of nurses passes us.

“Gaby, can we talk about this somewhere else?” I shift and glance over my shoulder. I really don't need anyone overhearing us.

“No, Corbin, we can’t. My
father
just died. I don’t want to fucking talk to you about anything.” She sets her jaw in stubbornness. “Thank you for making this day even worse. I didn’t think it was possible, but you did a fantastic job.”

I beg her with my eyes to stay; that I’m sorry. I know I shouldn’t have. Gaby turns and walks away and I follow her, calling her. She stabs at the button and disappears inside. I stand in front of the doors but don’t get into the elevator. She hits me with another hard stare.

“How am I going to explain this to Parker? That his grandfather’s dead, but not really his grandfather. And his grandma and uncle are liars.”

“I wish I could have told you, Gaby.” I fight to stay still, but my limbs shake now that the adrenaline is gone. The doors ding and Gaby slams her hand to force them open again.

“You could have! You could have told me a million times. Don’t blame this on Mom. You blame everything on her. Goddammit, Corbin. You’re just like him.” She screams at me and the words wind me. “Stop blaming everyone else. Stop lying. Stop trying to pretend you have anything straight in your head. You’re not sixteen anymore.
You
stayed behind.
You
did this.
You
chose to be the hero.
You
chose to hide it, or shield me from it, or protect me, or whatever fucking bullshit excuse you believe. This isn’t Mom’s fault; it’s both of your fault. He’s warped you. He fucked us all up but none more than you. Look at you. You’re not even upset. You don’t even care. He’s dead, Corbin. Dead. And all you think about is your fucking girlfriend and your misguided hatred of Mom.”

Every word is a hit. More painful than anything I’ve felt. More true than anything I’ve heard.

Be careful you don’t become him.

I’m not him. I know I’m not him, but I’ve become his balance. I became the reaction to his every action. I became a part of him by trying to protect everyone else from him. I never thought of anything but how to keep my life stable through controlling him and how people interacted with him.

I’m protecting you.
Dad’s words hit me. Protecting me from Sophia and how she’d use me to get back at her dad.

Gaby disappears behind the sliding door, and I watch the light until it says she got safely to the main floor before I turn my gaze to Mom. The hurt on her face grinds the truth in further until I can’t breathe. He used me to get back at my mother. He knew that Gaby was pregnant. He knew that Mom would do whatever she had to do to protect Gaby. Mom had asked me to keep it secret from Gaby, but when I told my dad that day my family fell apart it hadn’t occurred to me that he’d always known. It hadn’t occurred to me that I’d just given him the perfect opportunity to hurt mom the way she’d hurt him.

Mom’s eyes spill over with tears, and for the first time I feel bad for her. I feel my anger shift with each rolling drop. She fucked up. She made a mistake. She made a decision that altered all our lives. But she didn’t do this to us. She didn’t tear apart our family.

He did.

My lungs fill, and I choke on nothing. My head goes foggy with every awful thing he did. Every lie he told. Every drink he took. Every swing. Everything. It all fills me, and I need to get it out. I need it out.

I move to the stairwell next to the elevator, and I slam open the door. I ignore the pain as I hammer down the stairs the sound echoing all around me, hitting me on all sides with their frantic urgency. I hear the door slam again and footsteps behind me. It doesn’t take long for Garett to catch up. He doesn’t look at me, or say anything; he just keeps pace until we get out to the parking lot. He pulls the keys to Tosh’s car out of his pocket and slides the right one into the door.

“Home?” he says but doesn’t look at me. I nod, unable to open my mouth for fear of what will come out. I’m holding on to it. I’m holding on to everything I feel if I make any sudden movement I know I’m going to explode. So I hold onto it.

xxx

I see my house come into view, and I have my seatbelt off before the car rolls to a complete stop. The door flies open, and I’m moving without any thought. I see nothing but hatred. I feel nothing but hatred. I’m propelled forward by hatred. Gaby’s already gone. Her car no longer in the driveway next to Riley’s. She must have got one of those taxis that always sit outside the hospital. She must have just grabbed Parker and left.

“Corbin!” Garett yells, but I’m at his door already. I yank the door handle, but it’s locked. I kick the door, and it cracks.

“Fucking hell, man! There’s a key upstairs.” Garett says and takes off to the house. This isn’t about a key. This isn’t about a door. This is about everything I’ve ever felt coming out, right now. It has to. I kick the door again, sending bits of the frame flying through the air. Another kick and the glass panel at the top shatters. One more and the lock finally lets loose, and I’m in. I ignore the slicing pain in my shoulder. I ignore Garett
who returned with the key and Riley. 

I see nothing but every single thing he has ever done. I hate everything he’s done. To me, to Gaby, to Parker, Mom, Kayla. Any one he’s ever come in contact with. I see everything I hate about him, and now he’s dead. He’s gone. And I hate him for that too.

Chapter Twenty-seven

Sophia

I've cried every ounce of moisture from my body by the time I walk all the way to Corbin’s house. I bang on the door with the heel of my hand and it doesn’t take long for Riley to answer. His concerned eyes take a moment to register me before he flings open the door and pulls me into his arms. I can’t cry anymore even if I wanted to, so I hug him like a zombie while he tells me how worried he was.

“I need to think.” I pull away from him and trudge up the stairs to the only spot I know where I can’t be found by anyone I don’t want to find me.

xxx

My knees are pulled to my chest and tucked inside Corbin's grey hoodie, the hood pulled up over my head. I found it on the chair in his room as I came through. It smells like him, laundry and earthy cologne, which helps to slow my mind a little.

I’ve gone over every scenario in my head. Staying. Leaving. Running. Facing my parents. But all I can do right now is hide. My legs are cramping and the shingles have become more than uncomfortable. I drift in and out of sleep for hours only to dream of Lance, or Corbin, or Tobie. My feet itch to go to Tobie but the thought fills me with fear. I wouldn’t know what to say.

I hear the sound of tires crunching rocks as they pull up the driveway and I hunch further down into Corbin’s sweater. A thud and someone yell.

Someone yells Corbin’s name and it jump-starts my body, a wave of fear crashing through me. Another thud. Another. More yelling.

I scramble to the ledge outside Corbin’s window and crawl back through into his room. The front door slams. My heart pounds as I head down the stairs to the entrance.

There’s a strange noise floating through the air and I peek around the doorframe, unsure of what to expect. The sound gets louder. It’s a smashing sound.

Riley and Garett stand motionless in front of the door to Corbin’s dad’s basement apartment. Garett’s eyes widen as I step onto the driveway. He shakes his head telling me not to go closer. But I do. I can’t stay away.

The crashing from inside comes in regular, rhythmic intervals.

Smash. Pause. Smash. Pause. Smash.

I push past Riley to stand in the doorway of Corbin’s dad’s place. The stench of booze is thick enough that I can taste it. Corbin’s arm is in a sling, he’s wearing no shirt. I can see bits of paper around his sling from where he ripped off the hospital shirt, his hair messy, the bruises on his face and chest make me hurt for him. His eyes are focused intensely but not on me. He doesn’t see me.

He moves back and forth in the kitchen between the fridge and the sink, carrying two glass beer bottles in his good hand. He gets to the sink and slams them against the side.

Smash.

He goes back and gets two more.

Smash.

The fridge is more beer than food and my first thought is that it’s going to take him all day to empty it with one hand. He reaches into the fridge once more and I step forward. Either Riley or Garett grabs at me but I yank my arm from their grip. I think only about Corbin. He needs to let it out, but I hate to see him like this. My heart squeezes in my chest and I take a deep breath as I step further into the room. Slowly I make my way to him. Glass crunching under my shoes. Corbin hears nothing. He’s lost. So far in himself he sees nothing, hears nothing. He grabs two more beers, spinning toward the sink. I put myself between him and his destination. His eyes take me in with no recognition. Just pure pain. I reach out and grab one of the bottles in his hand.

He doesn’t let it go but neither do I. We are locked in a silent battle, neither of us giving in. The booze burns my nostrils and I wish I were back on the roof with him. Wrapped up in his smell. His smile. His laugh. I wish this side of him didn’t have to exist. I wish I didn’t have to face my parents. I wish he didn’t have to deal with this. I wish I didn’t panic every time I thought of my brother. I wish a lot of things but that doesn’t change the way it is right now.

I touch his face with my other hand, and his eyes finally register me.

“Sophia?” He loosens his grip on the beer but doesn’t let it go. I run my hand down his strong cheek, my heart shatters at the wobble in his voice.

“Oh, Corbin. What are you doing?” It’s all I can say, never letting go of the bottle. Still struggling to pull it from his grip.

“He’s dead.”

My chest crushes under the weight of his words, but something inside told me I already knew that. The way that car was wrapped around that light post. The number of paramedics surrounding him. I’m not surprised but my heart still breaks for Corbin. He looks battered and broken, shattered from the inside out. I feel dizzy. The stale air is burning. His stillness torments me. I see Lance’s face. Still beneath the surface of the lake.

“It’s okay to hate him.” I don’t know why I say it, but Corbin shifts. He tightens his grip on the bottle. I tighten mine.

“It’s okay to be angry.”

His dark eyes harden and he looks away. His chest heaves with breath and his shoulders begin to shake.

“It’s okay,” I repeat, just wanting him to know.

He loosens his grip on the bottles and I finally pry them from his grip. A small choke cuts off his next breath and I tell him again that it’s okay. He grips the counter for support as the first tears fall.

“It’s okay.” I touch his face and feel the heat of his emotions. Everything pent up pushing its way out. The first sob scares him, and he bends forward. I press his face to my shoulder, careful of his sling. He struggles to stand as another sob shakes through his body.

“It’s okay.” One more time before he crumples to his knees on the glass covered floor. I follow him down, his head still buried in my shoulder. His cries muffled by my hair and the fabric of his hoodie. If I had any ability to cry, I’d be crying with him, but I’m glad I don’t. I’m glad I can hold myself together for long enough to be there for him. To hold him through this, like he would for me.

This proximity to him reminds me how much I crave his touch. How easy it is to let him in. To be honest with him. I remember how much calmer I feel wrapped up in him and I’m ashamed that I ran. I’m ashamed that I didn’t go to him. Or Tobie. The only two people who accepted me and all my demons without question. The only two people who have made me feel like Lance’s death wasn’t my fault. And I hid on his roof like a coward. I wrap my arms tighter around him. He crushes me to his body with one arm, tangling his fingers in my hair as he lets it all out. How did I ever think I could walk away from this?

I look up and notice that Garett and Riley are gone, glad that Corbin gets a chance to have his breakdown without an audience.

It doesn’t take him long to slow his breathing and gather himself together again. He sighs and leans back against the wall pulling me with him. “I told her,” he says and I’m confused.

“Told who, what?”

“Gaby. I told her about Dad,” he starts but I have no idea what he’s talking about. I run my fingers through his hair as he tells me about the hospital. About seeing his mom and telling Gaby that the man she thought was her father her whole life was a lie.