The Ultimate Guide to Fellatio (10 page)

Bacterial STDs

Gonorrhea, chlamydia, and syphilis are bacterial STDs that are spread through unprotected sexual contact. You are at much more at risk of contracting gonorrhea or syphilis through fellatio than you are of contracting HIV or hepatitis. Though transmission of chlamydia through fellatio is unlikely, it has been shown to appear in the throat. Unless you and your partner have been tested for chlamydia (which usually has no symptoms or looks like mild gonorrhea or a yeast infection), it’s safest to use condoms. Gonorrhea can be spread via unprotected oral contact, as can syphilis if there is a sore (chancre) present on your mouth or his penis. These STDs can be treated with antibiotics, but if left undetected they can become serious.

Safer Sex

Sexually transmitted diseases can remain dormant for months or even years after exposure, so it’s possible to pass on something you didn’t even know you had. This is why it’s essential to use barriers—latex or nonlatex—when coming in contact with a partner’s sexual fluids.

If either you or your partner has an STD, safer-sex practices are
required
to prevent transmission. If one of you has a viral STD, such as hepatitis C, HIV, HPV, or herpes, use latex (or non-latex, such as nitrile or polyurethane, but not animal skin, such as lambskin condoms—see “Condoms” below for more information) barriers during fellatio. It may also be helpful to talk to your physician or an STD prevention specialist (see chapter 13, “Resources,” for hotlines and organizations) about the risks for transmission in your particular case.

If one of you has a bacterial infection such as chlamydia, you
must
use barriers until you’ve completed treatment. If you have a cut or bite in your mouth, the risk to both partners is greatly increased. Keep this in mind if you’ve recently brushed or flossed your teeth, both of which can cause tiny cuts and bleeding in your mouth. Don’t despair—there are many options out there for the orally inclined apprentice who wants to stay safe.

However, not everyone who comes to the fellatio table needs to use a barrier. Once you and your partner have been tested for all STDs and are sure you are free from infection, you may decide to have sex only with each other. Or you may choose to become
fluid bonded,
a term that means the parties involved have had updated tests for STDs and infections and have explicitly agreed to have unprotected sex only with each other and use barriers with all other partners.

We all make our own choices about everyday risks, and most of them are informed—we know the risks involved in smoking, walking down a dark street at night alone, or having a one-night stand with a stranger. Life is full of these decisions. With sex, the important thing is to understand that safer sex involves a spectrum of choices and is not an either/or issue. We determine what safer-sex practices we are comfortable with and what our acceptable levels of risk are, and we each make our own set of safer-sex “rules.” For instance, some possible rules are “no fellatio from strangers without a condom” or “unprotected oral sex only with my partner.” This way, we choose the risks we take. And since we’re human and love to make rules and then break them, we can also examine what might cause us to break those rules; perhaps alcohol, drugs, trust issues, love—or fear of judgment.

Risk assessment is the process of honestly assessing your own risky sexual behaviors, such as preferring unprotected fellatio or engaging in unprotected intercourse, and determining how risky they are. It’s also assessing the risk level of your potential partners. For instance, if a partner has been recently tested (and they are free from STDs), they can be considered a low-risk partner for unprotected sex, but if you enjoy unprotected oral sex on the first date, then your partners may be high-risk. And having this type of sex with them puts you in the high-risk category, too.

Safer Sex Made Easy: Gear

Safer sex
is a term usually associated with using condoms for intercourse or fellatio with a new partner to prevent transmission of STDs or pregnancy. But the applications for the many types of safer-sex gear currently available go much further than making certain types of sex safer. Even if you’re in a long-term, monogamous relationship, you’ll be surprised at just how useful safer-sex gear is for adding pleasure and spontaneity (yes, spontaneity!) to your oral adventures. Plus, there are some safer-sex items that you will always want to have handy: gloves serve a dual purpose of preventing the spread of certain bacteria and facilitating cleanup in a snap, while a selection of unlubricated condoms can make your insertable sex toys ready to use without a trip to the sink to clean them.

For fellatio or rimming, you can choose among different types of protection to suit your individual style and preferences, or you can tailor them to make a specific encounter sizzle. The thought of a mouthful of latex may seem unappealing to you, or not as intimate as you like, but I encourage you to consider the risks and make an informed decision. When you decide which methods you want to use, set aside some time alone to taste, smell, examine, and handle the items before you put them to use.

Condoms

I’ve only gone down on five guys, but I have to admit that I never thought once about using a condom.

I love sucking guys off when they have condoms on: I don’t have to worry about what to do when they come.

Before you put anything in your mouth, you really should know where it’s been first. But when knowing is just not possible, and that thing you want in your mouth is a penis or strap-on, then what you need is a condom.

Condoms prevent many STDs from making you their next home; when used properly, they’ve been shown to prevent transmission of most viruses and infections. You don’t want a hot round of fellatio to become a bittersweet memory of the times before you caught X, Y, or Z—so find some latex or nonlatex condoms that you don’t mind tasting while wrapping your lips around your favorite lollipop.

Unlubricated condoms are the best to have around for giving head, mainly because they’re not coated with that vile-tasting lube that lubricated condoms are marinated in. Additionally, that prepackaged lube almost always has silicone in it, which not only tastes disgusting but is also hard to get out of your mouth and can ruin some silicone dildos. Skip the lubed brands if you can, and head for the plain. Never use oil-based lubricants, massage oils, Vaseline, or anything that contains oil in conjunction with a condom. When oil touches latex, it breaks the latex down in seconds, destroying your condom, glove, dam or finger cot. Most unlubricated condoms are manufactured for oral sex, and some lubricated ones come in a plethora of fruity flavors, but you can find them unflavored: straight, no chaser. It’s also important to note that animal-skin condoms (lambskin) do not prevent the transmission of viruses. Avoid them.

RECOMMENDED CONDOMS FOR FELLATIO, UNLUBRICATED

• Durex Clear Unlubricated are as straightforward as it gets. Cream-colored, reservoir tip, average length (7.5 inches), width (2.5 inches), and thickness.

• Ria colored condoms are your basic unlubricated condoms, but they come in pretty colors to make your party more festive. Reservoir tip, average length, width, thickness.

• Trojan Enz unlubricated are another stalwart friend: simple yet eloquent in cream-colored, reservoir tip, and average everything.

• Trojan Non Lube are a special breed, and a favorite for fellatio aficionados. The last of their kind, they have a plain rounded end instead of a reservoir tip that makes transmitting subtle sensations to the head of his penis effortless. Cream-colored; longer than average.

CONDOMS, FLAVORED

• Durex Flavored are a jaunty European import and were the first condom to have flavored lubricant FDA approved. Bright colors signal Carmen Miranda’s favorite flavors: banana, orange, and strawberry.

• Kiss of Mint (Lifestyles) are the most popular condoms for oral sex. Thinner than most condoms, they have an extremely flared shape that makes them wider at the tip—something men really like, because it gives them more sensation. Slightly shorter than most, cream-colored, flavored with a minty powder (unlubricated), reservoir tip.

• Trustex Flavored are also FDA approved, and they turn heads by being a bit longer, wider across, and made with thinner latex than average condoms. Colorful and flavorful in strawberry, vanilla, chocolate, grape, banana, and cola. Now, if they could just add bubble gum, in pink…

CONDOMS, NONLATEX

• Avanti Polyurethane beat the pants off latex by being twice as thin and strong as a latex condom. Many people without latex sensitivities prefer Avantis for oral sex because they have no taste. Hypoallergenic and available in Super Thin, this is the widest condom available and one of the shortest (flared at the end; snugger at the base). Lubricated, and because it’s not latex you don’t have to worry about contact with oils.

• Trojan Supra are the second polyurethane condom to hit the market. Made of Trojan’s Microsheer, they’re ultra-thin, really soft in texture, and hypoallergenic, and they have no taste or smell. Like any other superhero, they’re also truly invisible. Quite wide and long, but they have a band at the base to make them stay put. The catch? Currently only available lubricated with the skin-irritating (and mouth-numbing) spermicide nonoxynol-9. Bad Trojan!

When using a condom for oral sex, you can apply it to your lover either manually (very sexy) or orally (even sexier). For the hands-on approach, first open and unroll the condom a tiny bit so you can see which way it’s unrolling. Take a moment to drip a drop of lube into the very tip of the condom. The slippery surface will transmit more sensation to the head of his cock, helping him to feel every little lick. Pinch the tip, to keep the air out as you place the condom on the tip of his penis. This will make room in the condom for semen when he comes. Firmly wrap your thumb and forefinger around the base of the condom while holding the condom’s tip, and unroll. It will take a few strokes to roll it down to the base, but he probably won’t mind.

I’ll never forget the first time I put a condom on him with my mouth! He thought it was the sexiest thing he’d ever seen, and the blow job was his favorite.

Oral application takes a little practice, but it’s worth it. Place a little lube on your lips (or lick them), and suck the reservoir tip into the opening of your mouth, so the roll of the condom makes a ring around the outside of your lips. Make sure you have the inside of the condom facing out, so it will roll down over the penis. With your lips slightly parted, suck the tip of the condom in slightly and give the tip of his cock a nuzzling kiss with your lips, letting them glide down over the head. Hold the shaft with one hand, keep suction on the condom, and wrap your lips firmly over your teeth, squeezing the condom between your mouth and his penis. Push with your mouth in one smooth motion down the shaft, letting your lips unroll the condom as he goes into your mouth. It may take a few rolls. Don’t worry if you can’t go all the way, because your hand is there to help you finish if you need it. Because the first few tries may be awkward, it’s highly recommended that you practice your technique on a dildo. Unless, of course, you have a willing partner for some potentially humorous—but very hot—erotic experiments.

Gloves

Latex and nonlatex gloves are your best friends when you want to incorporate your hands into oral sex. The feel of smooth, slippery latex fingers caressing a penis or penetrating an anus is a sensation some men go crazy for. Plus, gloves instantly solve the problem of rough hands, jagged fingernails, or hangnails. Using a glove is a good safer-sex practice, as you may have tiny cuts on your fingers you may not be aware of, and some viral STDs, such as herpes, can be transmitted by skin-to-skin contact.

Even if you are fluid bonded, you may still want to use gloves to touch his penis or for penetration. They facilitate easy cleanup: you have a messy lube-covered glove and you want to switch activities or cuddle—tada! You remove the glove. Without the glove, you would be washing up in the bathroom. Gloves are essential for preventing the spread of germs from your unwashed hands to his genitals, and vice-versa.

Finger Cots

You can find singular little finger condoms called finger cots at your local pharmacy (made to protect fingers with cuts, these are used a lot in restaurants). Finger cots are great for fingers that may enjoy traveling southward during a blow job (for a little penetration), and they’re very discreet. They’re inexpensive, indispensable, and fit easily in pockets or purses.

Dental Dams

If neither of you have latex sensitivities, you can use dental dams, or lollyes, for rimming. Dental dams are small squares of latex that are used in dentistry to isolate a tooth. They can transmit the sensations of rimming well when both sides are lubricated. Dental dams are on the thick side—thicker than a condom—so the sex industry has answered back with thinner, larger squares of latex. Glyde Lollyes are thin 10-by-6-inch sheets that come in both flavored and unflavored versions. Lixx are even thinner, but smaller (5-by-5-inch) and also come in flavored or plain versions. If you can’t find dams, you can cut open a latex or nonlatex condom or glove.

The best way to use dental dams and other, smaller barriers is to first mark the “mouth” side of your barrier with a pen (one side for your mouth, the other for the anus, in case it slips or slides), then apply a drop or two of water-based lube to the recipient’s anus. Press the barrier in place, and you’re all set. That little dental dam can be slippery when wet, so be sure to hold it in place with your hands. Remember to switch dams when switching activities or partners.