The Undomestic Goddess (20 page)

Are we done? My breath is coming in short, hot bursts. I have to have him. He has to
realize.

Weve done pretty well. His gaze drifts toward the other fruit cages. Theres still more to
do...

No, I hear myself saying. No more.

I stand there in the heat and the dusty earth, panting and aching. And just as I think I
might explode, he comes forward and bends his mouth down to my nipple, and I nearly swoon.
And this time he doesnt move away. This time is for real. His hands are moving over my
body, my skirt is falling to the ground, his jeans are sliding off. Then Im shuddering,
and clutching him, and crying out. And the raspberries are forgotten, scattered on the
ground, squashed, crushed beneath us.

We seem to lie still for hours afterward. I feel numb with euphoria. There are stones and
dust embedded in my back and knees and hands and raspberry stains all over my skin. I dont
mind. I cant even bring myself to lift a hand and remove the ant that is crawling up my
stomach like a tickling dot.

My head is on Nathaniels chest, his heart beating like a deep, comforting clock. The sun
is hot on my skin. I have no idea what time it is. I dont care what time it is. Ive lost
all sense of minutes and hours.

At last Nathaniel shifts his head slightly. He kisses my shoulder, then smiles. You taste
of raspberry.

That was I break off, almost too stupefied to frame any sensible words. You know...
normally I... A huge yawn suddenly overcomes me and I clap my hand over my mouth. I want
to go to sleep now, for days.

Nathaniel traces lazy circles around my back.

Six minutes isnt sex, I hear him saying as my eyes crash shut. Six minutes is a boiled egg.

By the time I wake up, the raspberry cages are in partial shade. Nathaniel has moved from
underneath me, given me a pillow constructed from my crumpled, raspberry-stained skirt,
put on his jeans, and brought down some beer from the Geigers fridge. I sit up, my head
still groggy, to see him leaning against a tree on the grass.

Slacker, I say. The Geigers think youre tying up sweet peas.

He turns toward me with a flicker of amusement. Sleep well?

How long was I asleep? I put my hand to my face and remove a small stone. I feel totally
disoriented.

Couple of hours. You want some of this? He gestures to the bottle. Its cold.

I get to my feet, brush myself down, put on my skirt and bra as a good compromise outfit
and join him. I sink back against the tree trunk, my bare feet in the cool grass.

God, I feel so... I lift a hand and let it drop down with a heavy thump.

Youre not as twitchy as you were, says Nathaniel. You used to jump a mile whenever I spoke
to you.

No, I didnt!

Uh-huh, you did. He nods. Like a rabbit.

I thought I was a badger.

Youre a rabbitbadger cross. Very rare breed. He grins at me. For a while neither of us
speaks. I watch a tiny plane high above, leaving a white trail in the sky.

Mum says youve changed too. She said she reckons whoever youve run away from... whatever
happened... theyre losing their grip on you.

The question is there in his voice, but I dont respond. Im thinking of Iris yesterday.
Letting me take all my frustrations out on her. Its not like shes had it easy herself.

Your mums amazing, I say at last. I put the bottle down and roll onto the grass, staring
up at the blue sky. I can smell the earth beneath my head and feel grass stems against my
ears and hear a grasshopper chirruping nearby.

I have changed. I can feel it in myself. I feel... stiller.

Who would you be? I say, twisting a grass stem round my finger. If you could just run
away. Become a different person.

Id be me, he says at last. Im happy as I am. I like living where I live. I like doing what
I do.

I roll over onto my front and look up at him, squinting in the sunlight. There must be
something else youd like to do. Some dream youve got.

He shakes his head, smiling. Im doing what I want to do. But what about the nursery you
were going to set up? I see the surprise on his face. How did you Trish told me about it
this morning. She said you had business plans and everything.

What happened?

For a moment hes silent, his eyes averted from mine. I cant tell whats going on inside.

It was just an idea, he says finally.

You gave it up for your mum. To run the pubs.

Maybe. He reaches for a low-growing branch and starts stripping it of leaves. Everything
changed.

But do you really want to run the pubs? I edge forward on the grass, trying to intercept
his gaze. You said it yourself, youre not a landlord. Youre a gardener.

Its not a question of want ! Nathaniels voice has a sudden edge of frustration. Its a family business. Someone has to
run it.

Why you? I persist. Why not your brother?

Hes... different. He does his own thing.

You could do your own thing!

I have responsibilities. His frown grows heavier. My mum

Shed want you to do whatever you want to do, I insist. I know she would. Shed want you to
be happy in your life, not give it up for her.

I am happy. Its ridiculous to say

But couldnt you be happier ?

Theres silence in the garden. Nathaniels shoulders are bent round as if he wants to shut
out what Im saying.

Dont you ever want to ditch your responsibilities? I throw my arms out wide in sudden
abandon. Just... walk out into the world and see what happens?

Is that what you did? he demands, wheeling round.

IWere not talking about me. Were talking about you.

Samantha___ He rubs his cheek. I know you dont want to talk about the past. But I want you
to tell me one thing. And be truthful.

I feel a deep tremor of alarm. Whats he going to ask me?

Ill... try. What is it?

Nathaniel looks me directly in the eye and takes a deep breath.

Do you have kids?

Im so dumbfounded, I cant speak for a moment. He thinks I have kids ? A gurgle of relieved laughter rises through me before I can stop it.

No, I dont have kids! What, you think Ive left five starving little mouths behind?

I dont know. He frowns, looking sheepish but defensive. Why not?

Because... I mean... do I look like Ive had five kids? I cant help a note of indignation, and he starts to laugh too.

Maybe not five ... Whats that supposed to mean? Im about to hit him with his shirt when a voice pierces

the air.

Samantha?

Its Trish. Coming from the house. Theyre home ?

Samantha? her voice trills again. Are you outside?

Oh, fuck. Im naked except for a skirt and a bra, and covered in dust and raspberry stains.
Nathaniel is much the same, except in jeans.

Quick! My clothes! I hiss, scrabbling to my feet. Where are they? says Nathaniel, looking
around. I dont know ! Im trying to control my laughter. Were going to get the sack. Samantha? I can hear the
clunk of the conservatory doors being opened. Shit! I squeak. Shes coming!

Its fine, says Nathaniel, retrieving his T-shirt from the raspberry cage. He pops it over
his head and at once looks pretty together. Ill create a diversion. You sneak up the side,
behind the shrubs, go in the kitchen door, run upstairs, and get changed. OK?

OK, I say breathlessly. And whats our story?

Our story is... He pauses as though thinking. We didnt shag in the garden or help
ourselves to beers from the fridge.

Right. I cant help giggling. Good plan.

Go swiftly, Brown Rabbit. He kisses me, and I dart across the lawn to the cover of a huge
rhododendron bush.

I sneak up the side of the garden, keeping behind the shrubs, trying not to give myself
away. My bare feet are cool on the damp, shaded earth; I step on a sharp pebble and wince
in total silence. I feel about ten years old, playing hide-and-seek, the same mixture of
terror and delight pounding in my heart.

When Im only ten yards from the house I crouch behind a shrub and wait. After a minute or
two I see Nathaniel firmly leading the Geigers down the lawn toward the lily pond.

I think we could have a case of powdery mildew, hes saying. I thought you should see it
for yourselves.

I wait until theyre well past, then sprint to the conservatory, in through the house, and
up the stairs. When Im in my room and the door is safely closed, I collapse on the bed,
wanting to laugh at my own relief, at the hilarity, at the silliness of it all. Then I get up and look out the window. I can just see them all down by the
pond. Nathaniel is pointing at something with a stick.

I hurry into the bathroom, turn on the shower full blast, and stand under it for thirty
seconds. I pull on clean underwear, a pair of fresh jeans, and a demure long-sleeved top.
I even add fresh lipstick. Then, slipping on a pair of espadrilles, I head downstairs and
out into the garden.

Nathaniel and the Geigers are by now making their way back up to the house. Trishs heels
are sinking into the lawn and both she and Eddie look hot and irritated.

Hi, I say casually as they approach.

There you are, says Nathaniel. I havent seen you all afternoon.

I was studying recipes, I say innocently, and turn to Trish with a polite smile. Did you
enjoy the party, Mrs. Geiger?

Too late I see Nathaniel making deathlike, finger-across-the-throat gestures behind their
backs.

Thank you for asking, Samantha. Trish snaps her purse shut and dabs her nose with a

tissue. Id rather not talk about the party, thank you.

Eddie makes an incensed spluttering sound. You wont bloody give up, will you? All I said
was

It was the way you said it! shrieks Trish. Sometimes I think your sole purpose in life is to embarrass me!

Eddie stalks off toward the house, his Panama hat lopsided on his head.

Uh-oh. I raise my eyebrows at Nathaniel, who grins back over Trishs head.

Would you like a nice cup of tea, Mrs. Geiger? I say soothingly. Or... a Bloody Mary?

Thank you, Samantha, she replies, lifting her chin in a dignified manner. A Bloody Mary
would be very nice.

As we walk up to the conservatory, Trish seems to calm down a little. She even mixes her
own Bloody Mary instead of bossing me around as I do it, and makes one each for me and
Nathaniel too.

Now , she says, after weve each taken a sip and sat down among the frondy plants. There was
something I needed to tell you, Samantha. Were having a visitor.

Oh, right, I say, trying not to smile. Nathaniel is sitting next to me and is edging off
my espadrille with his foot under the coffee table.

My niece is coming to stay tomorrow for a few weeks. Shes coming to get some peace and
quiet in the country. She has some work to do, and its very important she isnt disturbed, so Mr. Geiger and I offered her a place here. Id like you to
get the spare room ready for her.

Very good. I nod dutifully.

Shell need a bed made up and a deskI believe shes bringing a laptop computer with her.

Yes, Mrs. Geiger. Shes a very bright girl, Melissa. Trish lights up a cigarette with a
Tiffany lighter.

Extremely high-powered. One of these City girls.

Oh, right, I say, trying to stay composed as Nathaniel finally manages to push my
espadrille off. What does she do?

Shes a lawyer, says Trishand I look up, speechless. A lawyer?

A lawyer is coming to stay in this house?

Nathaniel is tickling the sole of my foot, but I can only respond with a weak smile. This
could be bad.

What if I know this lawyer?

As Trish mixes herself another Bloody Mary, Im racking my brains frantically. Melissa . It could be Melissa Davis from Freshwater. It could be Melissa Christie from Clark
Forrester. It could be Melissa Taylor who worked on the DeltaCo merger. We spent hours in
the same room together. Shed recognize me straightaway.

So... is she a niece on your side, Mrs. Geiger? I ask casually as Trish sits down. Is she
called Geiger too?

No, shes calledHurst .

Melissa Hurst. Doesnt ring any bells.

And where does she work? Please let it be abroad ...

Oh, shes at some high-powered place inLondon . Trish gestures vaguely with her glass.

OK, so I dont know her. But if shes at any of the big law firms shes bound to have heard
about me. Shes bound to know about the Carter Spink lawyer who lost fifty million and ran
away. Shell know every humiliating detail of my disgrace.

Im feeling cold all over at the thought of it. All it takes is for her to recognize my
name, to put two and two together... and the whole story will come out. Ill be as
humiliated here as I was inLondon . Everyone will know what happened at Carter Spink.
Everyone will know my lies. I glance at Nathaniel and feel a spike of dread.

I cant let things be spoiled.Not now.

The crucial thing is that this lawyer doesnt recognize me. So the following afternoon,
after Ive prepared the spare room, I hurry to my own room and pin my hair up on top of my
head, allowing large tendrils to escape artistically and conceal my face. Then I find

myself adding a pair of old tinted glasses I discovered in the dressing table drawer,
which look like they date from the 1980s. As disguises go, this isnt exactly the most
subtle job in the worldbut at least I look nothing like my old self.

As I come downstairs, Nathaniel is heading out of the kitchen, looking pissed off. He
looks up at me and stops dead in surprise.

Samantha... what have you done? Oh, my hair? I touch it casually. I just wanted it in a
different style. Are those your sunglasses? Ive got a bit of a headache. So...whats up? I add, hastily changing the
subject.

Trish. He scowls. Shes been lecturing me on noise. I cant mow the lawn between the hours
often and two. I cant use the trimmer without giving warning. Could I please tiptoe on the
gravel. Tiptoe .

Why? Because of this blasted visitor. We all have to dance around her. A bloody lawyer ! He

shakes his head in disbelief. Her works important? My works important!

Shes coming! Trishs voice suddenly shrills from the kitchen and she comes hurrying out.
Are we all ready? She flings open the front door and I hear the sound of a car door
opening in the drive.

This is it. I pull a few more strands of hair over my face and clench my fists by my
sides. If I recognize this woman Ill just keep my eyes down, mumble my words, and play my
part. Im a housekeeper. I have never been anything but a housekeeper.

Now, you should get lots of peace here, Melissa, I can hear Trish saying. Ive instructed the staff to look after
you with extra special care...

I exchange looks with Nathaniel, who rolls his eyes.

Here we are! Let me hold the door open...

I hold my breath. A moment later Trish enters the house, followed by a girl in jeans and a
tight white top, dragging a suitcase.

This is the top, high-powered lawyer? She has long dark hair and a pert, pretty face, and
cant be much out of her teens.

Melissa, this is our wonderful housekeeper, Samantha Trish breaks off in surprise. Samantha... what on earth are you
wearing? You look like Elton John!

Hello, I say awkwardly, removing the sunglasses. Its very nice to meet you.

Its fab to be here. Melissa has a boarding-school drawl. Londonwas, like, sooo getting me down.

Mrs. Geiger said youre a lawyer at some... big place inLondon ? Yah. She gives me a smug
smile. Im atChelseaLawSchool . What?

Shes not even a qualified lawyer. Shes a law student. Shes a baby . I cautiously raise my head and meet her eyes but theres not a blink of recognition. Oh,
for Gods sake. I have nothing to worry about from this girl. I almost want to laugh.

And whos this? Melissa bats her mascaraed eyelashes alluringly at Nathaniel, whose scowl
deepens.

This is Nathaniel, our gardener, says Trish. But dont worry, hes under strict instructions not to disturb you. Ive told him, you need absolute quiet for your work.

Its true. Ive got loads of revision to do. Melissa gives a world-weary sigh and pushes a hand through her hair.
You wouldnt believe the workload, Auntie Trish. Ive been soooo stressed.

I dont know how you do it! Trish puts an arm around her shoulders and squeezes tight. Now,
what would you like to do first? Were all at your disposal.

Could you unpack all my things? Melissa turns to me. Theyll be creased, so theyll all need
ironing.

Shes not going to do her own unpacking? Im to be this girls personal maid ? I might take my books out in the garden, she adds airily. Maybe the gardener could

set up a table for me in the shade?

Trish is watching in total admiration as Melissa rummages in a backpack full of textbooks.

Look at all those books, Samantha! she exclaims as Melissa retrieves Beginners Guide to Litigation . Look at all those long words!

Er... wow, I say politely.

Why dont you make us all some coffee first? Trish turns to me. Well take it on the
terrace. Bring some biscuits out too.

Of course, Mrs. Geiger, I say, bobbing an automatic curtsy.

Could you make mine half caffeinated, half decaf? Melissa adds over her shoulder. I, like,
dont want to get too wired.

No, I bloody couldnt, you pretentious little cow.

Of course. I smile through gritted teeth. My pleasure.

As I carry the coffee out to the terrace ten minutes later, Trish and Melissa are
ensconced in chairs under a parasol along with Eddie.

Youve met Melissa, have you? he says as I set down the tray on a wrought-iron table. Our
little star? Our legal eagle?

Yes, I have. Your coffee, I add, handing the cup to Melissa. Just as you asked for it.

Melissas under a great deal of pressure, says Eddie. Its up to us to make things easy for
her.

You cant imagine what the strains like, says Melissa seriously. Ive been working into the evenings and
everything. My social lifes, like, gone out the window. She takes a sip of coffee, then
turns to me. By the way, I meant to say... She frowns. Whats your name again?

Samantha.

Yes, Samantha. Be really careful with my red beaded top, OK? She takes another gulp of
coffee.

Ill do my best, I reply. Will that be all, Mrs. Geiger?

Wait! Eddie puts his cup down. Ive got something for you. I havent forgotten our little
conversation the other day! He reaches under his chair and produces a brown paper bag. I
can see a couple of shiny books poking out of the top. Now, youre not going to get out of
this one, Samantha. This can be our little project!

Oh, no. Please do not let this be what I think it is. Mr. Geiger, I begin quickly. Its
really nice of you, but I wont hear another word! he interrupts with a raised hand. Youll
thank me one

day!

What are you talking about? Melissa wrinkles her nose in curiosity.

Samanthas going to take some qualifications! With a flourish Eddie pulls two workbooks
from the bag. Both are brightly colored, with big jazzy letters and illustrations. I can
see the words Math and English and Adult Learning .

Im totally speechless.

Im sure Melissa will be delighted to help with anything tricky, chips in Trish. Wont you,
love?

Of course, says Melissa with a patronizing smile. Well done you, Samantha! Its never too
late. She pushes her full cup of coffee toward me. Make me another coffee, will you? This
ones too weak.

By the middle of the following day I have had just about enough of Melissa. Ive made her
about fifty cups of coffee, half of which she hasnt bothered to drink. Ive brought her
chilled water. Ive rustled up sandwiches. Ive washed all the dirty laundry, which it
turned out her suitcase contained. Ive ironed her a white shirt to wear in the evening.
Every time I try to start on one of my regular jobs I hear Melissas high-pitched voice
summoning me.

Meanwhile, Trish is tiptoeing around as though we have

Cherie Blair herself in the garden, working on some vital human-rights case. As I dust the
living room, shes watching Melissa, sitting at a table set up on the lawn.

Shes working so hard. Such an intelligent girl, Melissa.

Mmm, I grunt, noncommittally.

You know, its not easy to get into law school, Samantha. Especially the best one! Melissa
had to beat hundreds of people just to get the place!

Fantastic. I flick my cloth roughly over the TV. Thats great. So... how long is she
staying? I try to ask the question casually.

It depends, replies Trish. Her exams are in a few weeks, and Ive said shes welcome to stay
as long as she likes!

A few weeks ? Its only been one day, and already shes driving me mad.

I spend the afternoon in the kitchen, pretending to have selective deafness. Whenever
Melissa calls me, I turn the blender on, or the radio up, or clatter around with baking

trays. If she wants me she can find me herself.

At last, she appears at the kitchen door, her cheeks flushed with annoyance. Samantha, Ive
been calling you!

Really? I look up innocently from the butter Im chopping to make pastry. I didnt hear.

We need a bell system or something. She exhales in impatience. This is ridiculous, me
having to stop what Im doing.

What did you want?

My water jug is empty. And I need some kind of snack. To keep my energy levels up.

You could have brought your jug into the kitchen, I suggest mildly. Or made your own snack?

Look, I dont have time to be making snacks, OK? snaps Melissa. Im under a great deal of
time pressure right now. I have piles of work, I have exam deadlines... you have no idea what my life is like.

Im silent for a moment, trying to get my resentment under control.

Ill bring you out a sandwich, I say at last.

Thank you, she says sarcastically, then stands with her arms folded, as though shes waiting for
something.

What? I say.

Go on. She gestures with her head. Curtsy.

What? She cant be serious. Im not curtsying to you ! I say, almost laughing.

You curtsy to my aunt. And my uncle.

Theyre my employers, I retort tightly. Its different. And believe me, if I could turn back the clock, curtsying would not be featured in any
of our lives .

Im living in this house. So Im your employer too. You should show me the same respect.

I want to slap this girl. If she was my junior at Carter Spink I would... annihilate her. Right. I put my
knife down. Ill go and ask Mrs. Geiger, shall I? Before she can

reply I stride out of the kitchen. I cannot tolerate this. If Trish takes her side, thats
it. Im leaving.

I cant see Trish anywhere downstairs, so I head upstairs, heart racing. I arrive outside
her room and knock. Mrs. Geiger? Id like a word.

A few moments later, Trish opens the door a crack and pokes her head out, looking a little
ruffled. Samantha! What do you want?

Im not happy with the current situation, I say, attempting a calm, civilized voice. Id
like to discuss it, please.

What situation? She wrinkles her brow.

With Melissa. And her... her constant needs. Im being taken away from my regular duties.
The housekeeping will suffer if I have to keep attending to her.

Trish doesnt seem to have heard a word.

Oh, Samantha... not now. She waves a distracted, dismissive hand. Well talk about this
later.

I can hear Eddie mumbling something from inside the room. Great. They were probably having
sex. She probably wants to get back to Turkish style.

Right. I try to control my frustration. So Ill just... get on, then, shall I?

Wait. Trish suddenly seems to focus on me. Samantha, well be having champagne on the
terrace in half an hour with some... ahm... friends. Id like you to wear something other
than your uniform. Her eyes run over it with slight distaste. Its not the most flattering garment you possess.

You bloody chose it! I want to yell back at her. But instead, I curtsy, turn away, and
walk to my room, fuming.

Bloody Trish. Bloody Melissa. If shes waiting for a sandwich, she can just wait.

I close the door, slump down on my bed, and look down at my hands, red and raw from
hand-washing Melissas delicate garments.

What am I doing here?

I can feel disappointment and disillusionment spreading through me. Maybe I was being
naivebut I honestly thought Trish and Eddie had come to respect me. Not just as their
housekeeper but as a person. But the way Trish behaved just now... its plain Im just staff
to them. Like some sort of useful object, one notch above theHoover . I almost

feel like packing my bags and walking out.

I have a sudden vision of myself flouncing down the stairs, flinging open the door,
shooting over my shoulder to Melissa, And by the way, Ive got a law degree too, and mine is better than yours.

But that would be petulant. No, worse. It would be pathetic.

I massage my temples, gradually getting things in perspective.

I chose to do this. No one forced me. And maybe it wasnt the most rational move in the
world, and maybe I wont stay here forever. But its up to me to make the most of it while I
am here. Its up to me to be professional.

Or at least... as professional as I can be, bearing in mind I still havent a clue what a
savarin mold is.

At last I summon some energy and get up off the bed. I change out of my uniform, into a
dress, and brush out my hair. I even add some lipstick for good measure. Then I reach for
my mobile and text Nathaniel:

Hi ! RU there? Sam

I wait for a reply but none comes. He hasnt been around all afternoon, I realize. I wonder
what hes up to.

As I descend the stairs into the hall, the house is still and silent. I dont know what
time Trishs friends are coming, but theres no sign of them yet. Maybe Ive got time to
finish my pastry quickly. I might even get the vegetables peeled.

Im hurrying toward the kitchen when Nathaniel appears out the door.

There you are. He puts his arms round me and kisses me, pulling me under the stairs, which weve
discovered is quite a convenient hiding place. Mmm. Ive missed you.

Nathaniel I protest, but his grip around me only gets tighter. After a few moments I
manage to wriggle free.

Nathaniel, Ive got pastry to make. Im already behind schedule, and apparently Ive got to
serve drinks to some people-

Wait. Nathaniel tugs me back, glancing at his watch. One more minute. Then we can

go.

I peer at him uncertainly.

Nathaniel, what are you talking about?

Samantha... He shakes his head in amusement. Did you really think you could fool us?
Sweetheart, your secrets out. We know !

I feel a plunging dread. They know? What do they know?