The Undomestic Goddess (23 page)

Something is going on. Something is definitely going on.

I have totally abandoned the housework for the afternoon and am sitting on my bed with a
pad of paper and pencil, trying to work out the possibilities.

Who stands to gain? I stare at my scribbled facts and arrows of connection yet again. Two
brothers. Millions of pounds being transferred between banks and companies.

Think. Think ...

With a small cry of frustration I rip out the page and crumple it. Lets start again. Lets
get everything in logical order. Glazerbrooks went into receivership. Third Union Bank
lost their money. BLLC Holdings jumped ahead in the queue...

I tap my pencil impatiently on the paper. But so what? They only get back the money they
loaned. They dont get any advantage, they dont get any benefit, its pointless.

Unlessunless they never paid over anything in the first place. The thought comes to me out
of nowhere. I sit bolt upright, unable to breathe. What if

thats it? What if its a scam ?

My mind starts to race. Suppose there are two brothers. They know that Glazerbrooks is in
serious financial trouble. They know that the bank has just paid in fifty million but the
banks charge wasnt registered. That means theres a fifty-million unsecured loan swilling
around in the company, up for grabs by anyone else who registers a charge...

I cant sit anymore. Im pacing backward and forward, feverishly gnawing my pencil, my brain
sparking like an electrical circuit. It works. It works. They fiddle the figures. BLLC
Holdings gets the money that Third Union Bank paid over, Carter Spinks insurers foot the
bill

I pause in my striding. No. It doesnt work. Im being stupid. The insurers are only
covering the fifty million because I was negligent. Thats the crucial element. The whole
plan would have depended on me, Samantha Sweeting, making that particular mistake.

But I mean... how on earth could they have planned that? It makes no sense. Its
impossible. You cant plan a mistake in advance. You cant make someone forget to do something, you cant make someone fuck up

And then I stop dead. My skin suddenly feels clammy. The memo.

I never saw that memo on my desk until it was too late. I know I didnt.

What if

Oh, my God.

I sink onto the window seat, my legs like rubber. What if someone planted that memo on my
desk? Slipped it into a pile of papers after the deadline had passed?

What if I didnt make a mistake? I feel like everything is cracking and reshaping around me.

What ifArnold deliberately didnt register the bank charge and made it look like my fault?

Like a looped tape, my conversation withArnold that day is playing over and over in my
mind. When I said I couldnt remember seeing the memo on my desk. And he immediately
changed the subject.

I assumed the memo was there all the time. I assumed it was my error. My inefficiency. But
what if it wasnt? Everyone at Carter Spink knew I had the messiest desk in the firm. It
would be easy to slip it into a pile of papers. Make it look as if it had been there for
weeks.

Im breathing harder and harder, till Im almost hyperventilating. For the first time Im
realizing the huge strain Ive been under. I have lived with that mistake for more than a
month. Its been there every morning when I wake up and every day when I go to bed. Like a
constant background ache that Ive gotten used to, like a chorus in my head: Samantha Sweeting ruined her life. Samantha Sweeting fucked up .

But... what if I was used? What if it wasnt my fault? What if I didnt make a mistake after all ?

I have to know. I have to know the truth. Right now. With a shaking hand I reach for my
mobile phone and punch in the number again.

Lara, I need to speak toArnold again, I say as soon as Im connected.

Samantha... Lara sounds awkward. Im afraidArnold wont take any more calls from you. And he
asked me to tell you that youre not to pester him about your job anymore.

Im in shock. What has he been saying about me?

Lara, Im not pestering him about my job, I say, trying to keep my voice steady. I just
need to talk to him about a... matter. If he wont talk to me, Ill come to the office. Can
you make me an appointment, please?

Samantha. She sounds even more embarrassed than before. Arnoldtold me to inform you... if
you try to come here to the offices, Security will eject you.

Eject me? I stare at the phone in disbelief. Im sorry. I really am. And I dont blame you! she
adds fervently. I thought

whatArnold did to you was really shocking! A lot of us do. What he did to me? Does Lara know the memo was planted?

Whatwhat do you mean? I stammer.

The way he got you fired! says Lara.

What? I feel like all the breath has been squeezed from my chest. What are you talking
about?

I did wonder if you knew. She lowers her voice. Hes leaving now, so I can say it. I took the
minutes at that meeting, after you ran off. AndArnold talked round all the other partners.
He said you were a liability and they couldnt risk taking you back and all sorts. A lot of
them wanted to give you another chance, you know. She clicks her tongue. I was appalled.
Of course, I couldnt say anything toArnold .

Of course not, I manage. Thanks for telling me, Lara. I... had no idea.

Everything is distorted.Arnold didnt fight my corner at all. He got me fired. I dont know
this man at all. All that genial, affable charmits an act. Its a bloody act.

With a sickening lurch I suddenly recall him the day after it happened, insisting I should
stay where I was, not come back. Thats why. He wanted me out of the way so I couldnt fight
for myself. So he could stitch me up.

And I trusted him. Totally and utterly. Like a stupid, stupid gullible fool.

My chest is heaving painfully. All my doubts have disappeared.Arnold is in on something
crooked. I know it. He planted that memo, knowing it would destroy my career.

And in a week hell have disappeared to theBahamas . I feel a stab of panic. I need to take
action now.

Lara, I say, trying to sound calm. Could you put me through to Guy Ashby?

I know Guy and I had a row. But hes the only person I can think of right now wholl be able
to help me.

Guys inHong Kong , says Lara in surprise. Didnt you know?

Right, I say, my heart plummeting. No. I... didnt know.

But hell have his Blackberry with him, she adds helpfully. You could send him an e- mail.

Yes. I take a deep breath. Yes, maybe Ill do that.

I cant do it. I just cant. There is no way of writing this e-mail without sounding like a
paranoid crazy. I look in despair at my tenth attempt.

Dear Guy,

I need you to help me. I think I have been set up byArnold . I think he planted that memo
on my desk. Something is going on. He has family links with both BLLC Holdings and
Glazerbrooks, did you know that?? Why did he never tell anyone? And now hes banned me from
the building, which in itself is suspicious

I sound delusional. I sound like some bitter, twisted ex-employee with a grudge.

Which of course is what I am.

As I run my eyes over my words, Im reminded of nothing more than the wild-eyed old woman
who used to stand at the corner of our street, muttering, Theyre coming to GET me.

I have total sympathy for that old woman now. They probably were coming to get her.

Guy will just laugh. I can see him now. Arnold Saville a crook? It sounds insane. Maybe I am insane. Its only a theory. I dont have evidence; I dont have anything solid. I lean
forward and rest my head hopelessly on my hands. No ones ever going to believe me. Or even
listen to me.

If I only had some proof. But where am I supposed to get that from?

A bleeping from my mobile phone makes me jump, and I look up blearily. Id almost forgotten
where I was. I pick it up and see that Ive got a text.

Im downstairs, have a surprise to show you. Nat

As I head downstairs, Im really not with it. Flashes of anger keep overwhelming me as I

think of Arnolds jocular smile, the way he encouraged my messy desk, the way he told me
hed do his very best for me, the way he listened as I blamed myself, as I apologized and
groveled...

The worst thing is, I never even tried to defend myself. I never questioned the fact that
I couldnt remember seeing the memo. I immediately assumed the worst of myself, assumed it
was my fault for having such a messy desk.

Arnoldknows me pretty well. Maybe thats what he was counting on. Bastard. Bastard . Hi. Nathaniel waves a hand in front of my face. Earth to Samantha. Oh... Sorry. Hi!
Somehow I muster a smile.

Come this way. He grins and ushers me out to his car, which is an ancient Beetle
convertible. As usual, rows of seed pots are crowding the backseat and an old wooden spade
is sticking out of the back.

Madam. He opens the door gallantly. So what are you showing me? I ask as I get in. Magical
mystery tour. He smiles enigmatically and starts up the engine.

We drive out ofLower Ebury and take a route I dont recognize, through a tiny neighboring
village and up into the hills. Nathaniel seems in a cheerful mood and tells me stories
about each farm and pub that we pass. But I barely hear a word. My mind is still churning.

I dont know what I can do. I cant even get into the building. I have no credibility. Im
powerless. And I only have three days. OnceArnold disappears off to theBahamas thatll be
it.

Here we are! Nathaniel turns off the road into a gravel drive. He maneuvers the car into
place by a low brick wall, then stops the engine. What do you think?

With an effort I wrench my mind back to the present time. Um... I peer around blankly.
Yes. Lovely.

What am I supposed to be looking at? Samantha, are you OK? Nathaniel shoots me a curious
glance. You seem on edge. Im fine. I try to smile. Just a bit tired.

I open the car door to get out, away from his gaze. I shut the door behind me and look
around.

Were in some kind of courtyard. Theres a ramshackle old stone house to the right, with a
for sale post. Ahead are banks of greenhouses, glinting in the low sunlight. There are
plots filled with rows of vegetables, theres a Portakabin markedGARDENCENTER ...

Hang on.

I turn to see that Nathaniel has got out of the car too and is holding a sheaf of papers
in his hand.

A horticultural business opportunity , he reads aloud. Four acres of land, with ten more available, subject to negotiation. Ten thousand
square feet of glasshouses. Four- bedroom farmhouse, needs work ...

Youre buying this? I say, my attention fully grabbed.

Im thinking about it. I wanted to show you first. He spreads an arm around. Its a pretty
good concern. Needs building up, but the lands there. We can get some polytunnels going,
extend the offices...

I cant take all this in.

But what about the pubs? How come youre suddenly

It was you. What you said in the garden that day. He pauses, the breeze ruffling his hair.
Youre right, Samantha. Im not a landlord, Im a gardener. Id be happier doing what I really
want to do. So... I had a long talk with Mum and she understood. We both reckon Eamonn can
take over. Not that he knows yet.

Wow. I look around again, taking in a pile of wooden crates, stacks of seed trays, a
tattered poster advertising Christmas trees. So youre really going to do it?

I can see the excitement in his face. You only get one chance at life.

Well, I think its fantastic!

And theres a house. He nods toward it. Or at least, there will be a house. Its a bit
run-down.

Right. I take in the old stone house again. The paintwork is peeling and theres a shutter
hanging offone hinge. It does look a bit of a mess.

I wanted you to see it first, says Nathaniel. Get your approval. I mean, one day you

might He stops.

All of a sudden my relationship sensors are swiveling round madly, like the Hubble
spotting an alien ship. What did they just pick up? What was he going to say?

I might... stay over? I supply at last.

Exactly. Nathaniel rubs his nose. Shall we have a look?

The house is bigger than it seems from the outside, with bare boards and old fireplaces
and a creaking wooden staircase. One room has practically no plaster, and the kitchen is
totally old-fashioned, with 1930s cupboards.

Great kitchen. I shoot him a teasing look.

Im sure I could refit it to your Cordon Bleu standards, he returns.

We make our way upstairs and into a huge bedroom overlooking the rear of the house. From
above, the vegetable plots look like an orderly patchwork quilt, stretching away into the
green meadow. I can see a little terrace down below and a tiny private garden belonging to
the house, all clematis and tangled roses.

Its a beautiful place, I say, leaning on the windowsill. I love it.

Standing here, looking out at the view, I feel likeLondon is on another planet. Carter
Spink and Arnold and all of them suddenly seem part of another life.

But even as Im gazing out at the restful country scene, I cant relax. All it would take is
one phone call to the right person....

If I had some proof...

Anything...

My mind starts turning over the facts again, like a bird turning over empty snail shells.
Im going to drive myself crazy like this.

What I was wondering is...

Suddenly I become aware that Nathaniel is speaking. In fact I think he could have been
speaking for a whileand I havent heard a word. I hastily turn round, to see him facing me.
His cheeks are flushed and he has an unfamiliar awkwardness about him. It looks like
whatever hes been saying has required some effort.

... do you feel the same way, Samantha?

He coughs, and breaks off into an expectant silence.

I stare back at him dumbly. Do I feel the same way about what?

Oh, shit. Bollocks . The man Im secretly falling in love with just made a romantic speech to meprobably the
only one Ill get in my whole lifeand I wasnt listening ? I missed it?

I want to shoot myself for being so rubbish . And now hes waiting for me to reply. What am I going to do? Hes just spilled his heart

to me. I cant say, Sorry, I didnt quite catch that.

Um... I push my hair back, playing for time. Well... youve given me quite a lot to think
about.

But do you agree?

OK, this is Nathaniel. Im sure I agree with it, whatever it is.

Yes. I give him the most sincere look I can muster. Yes, I agree. Wholeheartedly. In
fact... Ive often thought so myself.

Nathaniel is scrutinizing me. You agree, he says, as though to make sure. With everything?

Er...yes! Im starting to feel a bit nervous now. What have I agreed to?

Even about the chimpanzees?

The chimpanzees ? I suddenly see Nathaniels mouth twitching. Hes on to me.

You didnt listen to a word I was saying, did you? he says, in matter-of-fact tones.

I didnt realize you were saying something important! I wail, hanging my head. You should
have warned me!

Nathaniel looks at me incredulously. That took some nerve, you know, saying all that. Say
it again, I beg. Say it all again! Ill listen! Uh-uh. He laughs, shaking his head. Maybe
one day.

Im sorry, Nathaniel. Really I am. I turn away to press my head against the window glass. I
was just... distracted.

I know. He comes over and puts his arms around me, over my own. I can feel his steady
heartbeat against me, calming me down. Samantha, whats up? Its your old relationship, isnt
it?

Yup, I mutter after a pause.

Why wont you tell me about it? I could help.

I turn round to face him. The sun is glowing in his eyes and on his burnished face. Hes
never looked more handsome.

I know I cant hide my past forever. I could tell Nathaniel the whole story, right here,
right now. But at the same time, I know that the minute I tell him who I was, hell look at
me differently. Everything will change between us. I wont be Samantha anymore. Ill be a
lawyer.

And its all so perfect as it is. I cant bear to rock the boat just yet.

I dont want to bring that world into this one, I say at last. I just dont. Nathaniel opens
his mouth again, but I turn away before he can speak. I stare out at the idyllic view,
blinking against the rays of the sun, my mind in total turmoil.

Maybe I should just give up on the whole nightmare. Forget about it. Let it go. The
chances are Ill never be able to prove anything.Arnold has all the power; I have none. The
chances are if I try to stir things up again all Ill get is more humiliation and disgrace.

I could so easily do nothing. I could just put it from my mind, as Ive tried to do all
this time. Close the door on my old life and leave it behind forever. I have a job. I have
Nathaniel. I have a possible future here.

But even as Im thinking itI know thats not what Im going to do.I cant forget about it. I
cant let go.