The Unfailing Light (18 page)

He stood up as soon as he saw me. “Katiya.” He gathered me up in his arms, kissing me as if his life depended on it. Now I was truly home. Where I belonged.

I could feel the cold light rising within me, though. I gasped and tried to pull away.

“Shhh,” George whispered as he held me against him. “It’s all right. I’m fine.”

“But it will kill you.” I was frightened for him. I struggled to fight back against the cold light.

“No, Katiya. I’m much stronger now,” he murmured as his lips pressed against my temple.

I made one more halfhearted attempt to push him away, but did not succeed. “What do you mean? Why haven’t you written me? Where have you been?”

“Shhh” was all he said, his hands slowly moving up from my waist, sliding up my back and caressing my shoulders. “I don’t want to talk about that right now, Katiya. Please.”

I couldn’t help sighing. His fingers on the back of my neck were casting their own magic spell over me. I didn’t want to talk anymore either. I wanted the rest of the world to melt away and leave us alone forever. I kissed him back as my hands slid under his arms and up his back, pressing him closer to me. His fingers traced lightly down the sides of my dress’s bodice, causing me to arch my back and shiver in pleasure.

His passion frightened me, but I didn’t want him to stop. I knew there was much we needed to talk about, but at that moment, I needed his kisses more than anything. The mages
in France, Konstantin, the Smolny ghost: none of them mattered right now. It had been months since we had seen each other. A lifetime since I’d felt his touch.

“I’ve missed you so,” I whispered.

His breathing was ragged as he rested his forehead against mine. He was smiling. “You don’t know what it means to hear you say that. I’ve missed you as well.”

I put my hand on his chest. Surely I only imagined that I could feel his heart pounding beneath my fingertips. It was beating just as fast as my own. I’d never been so deliriously happy in my life.

If the boy had asked me to run away with him that very moment I would not have been able to say no.

“Katiya, there is so much I want to tell you, but I cannot.” His voice was weary, as if his struggle to control his passion was exhausting him.

“What do you mean?” I did not pull away from him. I was scared to let go.

“Please go back to Smolny where you are safe. I don’t know what I would do if something happened to you.” He led me toward the stone bench, where we sat down.

I wanted to laugh at him but I couldn’t. “No. I can’t go back. Not now. Talk to me. Tell me about the mages and the Inner Circle. Are you in danger?”

He shook his head and frowned. “Don’t be ridiculous. And don’t worry about me. I told you. I’m stronger than I ever was before.”

“But you won’t tell me about the mages.”

“I’m sorry, Katiya, but I’m bound by oath not to talk about them. I cannot.”

I shuddered. The grand duke had joined their brotherhood. Danilo had been right.

George mistook my movement, thinking I was cold. He slid his hands up and down my gloved arms to warm them. “You look so beautiful tonight.”

I blushed. His touch was setting my skin on fire. I had missed him so much. I gazed up into his dark eyes, and was frightened to see his cold light, spiraling around him in a dim coil. I reached out and held him close to me, as if I could keep his light safe. What had he been doing in Paris? It could not be anything good. “My brother believes there is a traitor within the Order,” I told him. “That you and your family are in danger.”

“Yes, I’ve heard. I’m sure your brother and his soldiers will find the traitor. My father is safe, thanks to the Order. And thanks to you.”

“What about Konstantin? Has no one heard anything about him? Is he still imprisoned in the Graylands?”

“No one knows, Katiya. That is why I want you safe at Smolny under my mother’s protection.” He hugged me close to him, his breath warm on my hair. “Please promise me you will not do anything foolish.”

“George, I am more worried for you. What are the wizards teaching you? What do you plan to do with that knowledge?”

He sighed, his hands caressing my back comfortingly. “I cannot discuss it. And there is so much I wish to tell you.” His smile was grim. “I think you would actually enjoy attending some of the lectures I’ve had to endure.”

“Such as?” I leaned my head against his shoulder and closed my eyes. As long as he kept talking, he wouldn’t let me go.

“Alchemy, auras, even the history of ritual magic.” His finger toyed with a fallen curl at the back of my neck.

“Is it all so boring for you?” I asked.

He laughed quietly. “I do like the astrology lectures. Not the casting of horoscopes, but the study of the planets. I prefer the more rational astronomy. They assigned me Nicky’s chart, as he is the future tsar, and it is full of malign stars. But I spend my nights at the Paris Observatory, using their telescope instead of ancient star charts. It’s so beautiful, Katiya. I wish you could see it.”

“One day you will show me,” I said, smiling up at him.

“Perhaps.” He did not smile back.

I pulled away to examine him more closely. He looked sad. And he looked thinner than when I had seen him in the Crimea. I touched his cheek with the palm of my hand. “Tell me more about Paris.”

He closed his eyes. “I shouldn’t. I’ve probably said too much.”

I sighed. This was getting us nowhere. If George wouldn’t, or couldn’t, tell me about the French wizards, then who would?

George stood up and began to pace. He ran his fingers through his hair. “Maybe seeing you here tonight wasn’t a good idea. I’ve probably put you in more danger.”

I stood up too. “From whom? Konstantin? Or the wizards?”

“I should go.” His face was troubled. He seemed to be fighting with himself.

“No!” I grabbed his arm as he tried to turn away. He might have lost weight, but his arms were still muscular. I could not imagine what he’d been doing in Paris to build up such strength.

Gently, he took my hand and raised it to his lips. “I will not endanger you, Katiya. You mean too much to me.” With another gentle kiss, this time on my forehead, he said, “Please be careful. Stay close to your brother until you return to Smolny.”

“Wait. When will I see you again?” I was trying hard not to cry. My eyes were stinging, and my throat was sore.

“When it’s not dangerous anymore. I promise.” With a sad smile, he turned and walked off.

I held out until I no longer heard his footsteps, then sank back down onto the bench and gave in to the tears. Each time he left me, I was afraid it would be the last time I would see him.

To the devil with His Imperial Highness, I thought with an unladylike sniffle. I would find out what the Inner Circle was doing without his help.

I heard someone enter the winter garden. I could tell it was a woman by the swishing of her heavy skirts.

“Katerina Alexandrovna?” someone whispered. It was Aunt Zina.

“Yes?” I hurriedly wiped the tears from my face.

“Your mother is frantic! She’s been looking all over for you.
Mon Dieu
, what is wrong, dearest?”

“I’m fine,” I said, standing quickly.

Aunt Zina eyed me suspiciously. “It’s a boy, isn’t it? Has someone broken your heart?” She sat down and leaned forward, a greedy look on her face. “Tell me all about it, Katerina. I promise I won’t tell your mother.”

I forced myself to laugh. “Oh no, it’s nothing like that. Let’s go back to the ball.”

“Are you certain? I think you could use some air first. Perhaps just a quick walk outside in the courtyard?”

I started to open the glass door, and stopped. I remembered what had happened the year before, when George and Count Chermenensky had saved me from Princess Cantacuzene’s undead soldier. It pained me to think of it. I turned away from the door. “I think I’d rather have something warm to drink. Will you come with me?”

“Of course, dearest.” She rose with a small, half-feral smile. I knew she belonged completely to Miechen’s court. The glamour was no longer hiding her fae eyes from me. I sighed. One more person in St. Petersburg I had to watch closely.

CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
 

I
followed Petya around the house like a puppy, waiting for a chance to talk to him about the Inner Circle of the Order. He was keeping odd hours, sleeping all day and staying out past the early hours of the morning. I did not know if he was working on things related to the Order or just having fun with his friends. It was the holiday season, after all. He was evasive when I asked him.

Dariya and her father and stepmother came to our house for Christmas dinner after the mass. Aunt Zina smiled at me over the dinner table and kindly asked how my heart was. Maman and Papa both looked at me curiously. Dariya too.

“It’s as healthy as ever.” I did not look at her again for the whole meal.

My uncle discussed the plans for the new medical institute with my father. They had begun construction on the building, and Papa hoped to have the Oldenburg Institute of
Experimental Medicine open sometime in the coming year. I sighed, poking at my Christmas pudding halfheartedly. I wished I could be one of the physicians working at his institute. I wanted to treat patients as well, but researching cures for deadly diseases would be fascinating.

After dessert we went into the drawing room and opened presents. Papa had given me a set of Greek and Latin books, and from Maman I received another Marie Corelli romance. I gave them each a scarf that I had knitted.

Maman gasped with delight when she opened Aunt Zina’s present: a book written in French on communicating with spirits. As if my mother needed any more information on that subject. I glanced at Dariya, who shrugged as she stroked Sasha’s ragged ears. The cat purred even as it glared at me. Dariya did not seem to notice anything wrong with the rotting animal that was purring unsteadily in her lap. She had never been interested in the spiritism parties my mother held before, but now that she was considered a young woman, she was admitted to all the best social gatherings in St. Petersburg, and she’d been to several of Maman’s séances. With Aunt Zina.

I’d received several letters from Dariya over the past few months while I was at Smolny, and they’d all described fancy dinner parties and séances that she’d attended. Dariya was now obsessed with finding a rich and handsome husband. Aunt Zina was attempting to keep her allied with the Dark Court and Grand Duchess Miechen. I hoped that my cousin would find a handsome, foreign prince and move far away to somewhere much safer.

“Oh, Katiya, look at this! What a treasure!” Maman
exclaimed, smoothing the black leather cover of her book. It looked ancient, but well cared for. I would have loved to know where Aunt Zina had gotten her hands on such a volume. And why was she so interested in Maman’s séances?

“This gift is for you, dearest,” Aunt Zina said, handing me a brightly wrapped package.

“Merci,”
I said, unwrapping it warily. It was a book about magical orders:
L’histoire de l’ordre du Lis Noir. The History of the Order of the Black Lily
. “You are too kind,” I said, wondering how she knew I would be interested in such things.

“I hope you enjoy it. The Grand Duchess Miechen and I were shopping for Christmas presents, and she said it looked like something you would appreciate.”

A chill slid down the back of my neck. Miechen. It made me nervous that I could not guess the dark faerie’s motives. I knew I owed her a debt for my Christmas holiday. Would I owe her another debt for this book? Or was it somehow linked to the way I was to repay the grand duchess? I would read it as soon as everyone left.

My brother prepared to leave not long after we finished opening presents. “Where on earth are you headed?” Maman asked. “Petya, it’s Christmas!”

He was dressed in his regiment uniform. “I have to go, Maman. I’m sorry.” He kissed her on the cheek and then bowed to the rest of us in the room. “Happy Christmas, everyone.”

I was disappointed. Each night I had tried to stay awake and catch him when he came home, but I kept falling asleep. My holiday would be over soon and I would have to return to Smolny. I would never get a chance to talk to my brother about the Order of St. John.

Aunt Zina and the others left not long after Petya. Dariya gave me a hug, thanking me for the diary I’d given her. “I hope to see you when the winter season begins. Will your mother let you come home from school to attend a few of the balls? And the ballet?”

“We shall see,” I said, giving her an optimistic smile. I had no doubts that the empress wanted me locked up at Smolny as soon as possible. But when would she be willing to release me again? When the tsar needed me to summon the bogatyr? I could not wish for such a thing.

As soon as our guests left, I kissed my parents goodnight and took my Christmas gifts back to my room. I curled up with the book from Aunt Zina, not even bothering to change into my nightclothes.

I read about the first Russian grand master of the Order, Tsar Pavel, and his ties with a society of magicians in Paris. Pavel had allowed the magicians a safe haven in Russia after the terrors of the French Revolution. The court magicians of St. Petersburg learned much from their French counterparts and reorganized their coven based on the French order. The Russians called their grand master the Koldun, or the Sorcerer, who was the leader of the innermost circle of the Order. The outermost circle was made up of the tsar’s most elite soldiers, who did not learn magic. Their mission was to protect the inner circle and its secrets. The middle circle consisted of several wizards who aided the Koldun. They studied alchemy and other forms of magic, all supposedly for the glory and advancement of Russia.