The Vampire Blog (14 page)

Monday 22 October
7.55 p.m.

I was only about a quarter of an hour late when I arrived at the Monsters in School meeting place. It looked very different this time, of course. No candlelight, no figures in masks: just Tallulah and me in a dark, musty-smelling room.

She rushed over to me. ‘How are you feeling, Marcus?' Her voice was surprisingly gentle and she was smiling at me in a way— Well, let's say girls don't normally smile at me like that. I wondered suddenly if we'd kiss again tonight.

‘I'm feeling as good as new – if not better,' I said confidently.

We grinned at each other and I wondered how I could ever have thought she was a vampire. Insane or what? It must have been Karl's influence, poisoning my mind. Tallulah went on grinning at me – I'd never seen her so gentle and nice – and I was putting it all down to my awesome magnetism, when she said softly, ‘Marcus, I know.'

‘Good,' I said encouragingly. Then I added, ‘Know what?'

‘I know your secret,' she said, just a trifle impatiently.

‘What secret is that then?' I asked.

‘I know you didn't fall over in the woods that night – you were attacked.' My heart beat even faster. ‘And, Marcus, I know you were attacked by a vampire because that night in the woods when I found you, I saw the bite mark on your neck.'

My face tingled. Then I tried to laugh.

‘No, don't you laugh at me,' said Tallulah firmly. ‘I'm an expert on monsters. And when I shone the torch I saw the mark of the vampire high up on the left side of your neck. Vampires always attack you on the left side and they have a favourite spot
too, exactly where you were attacked.'

My throat felt very tight now. ‘Look, Tallulah—' I croaked.

‘Please don't lie,' she snapped. ‘This means too much to me.'

‘OK,' I croaked.

‘And afterwards I did wonder if somehow I'd imagined it. That's why I had to check, and I did. That night at your house when I leaned over to kiss you.'

My whole body froze. ‘So that's why you kissed me, is it?'

‘Oh yes,' she said, without a particle of guilt. ‘And I saw it again – the mark of a vampire just on the left side …'

But I'd stopped listening to her. Instead, I was too busy reflecting on how my life totally and completely stinks.

I mean, I've grown fangs, had cravings for blood and been attacked by a vampire – to name just a few of the past few weeks' high- lights. But I could cope with all that – and more – because one night a girl, who for some mad reason I like, had turned up at my house and kissed me.

That made up for everything else. Only
now, even that's been snatched away from me.

Tallulah was staring at me, all flushed and excited, while I said in a cool, clipped voice, ‘So, just for the record, when you came to see me it was purely so you could check out your theory – your insane theory – that I'd been attacked by a vampire?'

‘I had to know, Marcus. It was all I could think about.'

‘Well, to make your day I will say yes, I
was
attacked by a vampire.'

She gave a thrilled gasp.

‘And then I was rescued by a kindly unicorn. That's how I got home. It let me ride on its back. It was remarkably comfortable actually, and it could fly, which was so handy. Then who was waiting for me when I got home? Only Father Christmas. A bit early, but he thought I needed cheering up—'

‘Stop!' she shouted at me. ‘Why are you saying all this rubbish?'

‘Because I thought that's what you wanted,' I said. ‘I haven't told you Aladdin popped in too. He was just back from a date with Cinderella and—'

‘Shut up, you're not funny,' she said.

‘At least I'm not mad, going round kissing boys because you think they've been attacked by a … a totally fictional creature.'

‘I know what I saw on your neck,' she cried.

‘What you saw on my neck was a jab which I had recently.'

‘No, it wasn't,' she cried, shaking her head fervently.

‘You'd like me to have been attacked by a vampire, wouldn't you?'

And do you know, she actually hesitated.

‘In fact, it'd have made your day,' I half yelled.

‘No, of course I didn't want you to be hurt,' she said finally.

‘Sorry, don't believe you,' I said. ‘But then you never have time for anyone, do you?'

‘That's not true.'

‘Yes, it is. Well, you hate all your family for a start. And there's not a girl in the whole school who can even bear to talk to you. In fact, you haven't got one single friend.'

‘Yes, I have.'

‘Who?'

‘Oh, just shut up!' she suddenly shouted at me.

‘No, the only people you like,' I shouted back, ‘are totally made-up monsters. You're not bothered about real people, like me.'

‘But I am. That's why I had to warn you. Once vampires get a taste for your blood, they often return for more.'

‘Which story did you read that in?' I asked.

‘Marcus, I am certain you've been attacked by a vampire – and are now in great danger. And I'm trained to know all about vampires.'

‘Trained,' I muttered disbelievingly. ‘Who trained you then?'

‘Actually, I trained myself.'

I started to laugh.

‘No, don't laugh, I've done months and months of research on this—'

‘No, you've just read loads of stupid stories.'

‘Listen to me,' she cried. ‘You are in grave danger.'

Well, she was on the money there but I still snapped, ‘I'd rather be attacked by a band of blood-crazed vampires than spend another second with you. And don't ever try kissing me again.' Then I stomped off.

I thought she'd yell something rude after me for that, but instead she called, ‘Marcus, please listen to me. You've definitely been attacked by a vampire and it will return. I'm right about this. So be very careful when you're going through the woods, won't you?'

‘Your concern makes me want to heave,' I yelled back.

But I hurried back through the woods as fast as I could. I'd be such an easy target for a vampire now as my body just ached with tension and tiredness. No doubt Karl would really tell me off when I got back. Well, I suppose I deserved it. It was insane to go wandering off when I was still ‘in season', as the doctor put it.

I just had to keep moving. And finally I was out of those eerily still woods. I breathed a sigh of relief. I was bitterly disappointed though by what had happened. I'd really thought … but I've wasted too much time thinking about Tallulah.

I quickly scrambled back inside the house through the still-open window, the curtains flapping like sails. Immediately I heard Karl calling me. I sped towards him in the
hallway. ‘Ah, there you are,' he said. ‘Hope you've been studying those vampire books I gave you,' he said.

‘Oh, yes,' I lied.

So Karl hadn't even noticed I'd slipped out. That was a piece of luck. His hair was a bit dishevelled, as if he'd just woken up. I'd suspected for a while that he took afternoon naps.

‘You still look very groggy,' he said.

‘Thanks so much for that.'

‘And I don't want you slipping out to meet that Tallulah,' said Karl with a little smile. Well, he was just a bit late on this one. So I smiled grimly as he locked the front door and pocketed the key.

‘Now I shall prepare my special tonic for you,' said Karl, striding towards the kitchen. ‘This will sort you out.'

I didn't argue. I was too tired, to be honest – and very relieved to be home and safe.

9.45 p.m.

Only I wasn't safe at all.

Monday 22 October
9.46 p.m.

Oh yeah, the vampire has returned.

What a night this has been.

It started – and already that seems light centuries away – with Karl babbling on in the kitchen about this wonderful tonic he was making for me and how it'd give me so much energy … when the phone in the hall rang. We don't get very many calls on the land line now and I just assumed it was someone selling something or a wrong number. But instead, a voice said quite excitedly, ‘Oh hello, is that Marcus?'

‘I claim that honour – so who's this?'

‘I don't expect you recognize my voice, after all this time.'

‘You're right, I don't.'

‘But we heard from a friend of a friend that you've been trying to contact us.' He lowered his voice here. ‘You're going through something I know all about.'

‘Well, that's great, but who exactly are you?'

He laughed. ‘Oh yeah, sorry – it's your cousin Karl.'

I nearly dropped the phone with shock.

‘Wh … aat?'

‘Yeah, I think the last time we met was at Cousin Fred's wedding, but you probably don't remember that.' Still stunned, I just mumbled something.

‘And my parents and I have been in America these past months, but we're back earlier than we expected. So I just wondered how it was all going …'

‘Well …' I began.

‘I know you don't want to say very much on the phone – very wise. But you haven't crossed over yet?'

‘No, there have been a few little problems,' I said.

‘Oh, I know all about that,' he said and laughed just as the kitchen door opened and there was – Karl.

Trust me, moments don't get much weirder than that. Talking to my cousin Karl on the phone, while by the kitchen door stood another cousin Karl. Only this one was clutching something too: a small glass containing a very dark, very frothy liquid.

‘Well, now I'm back, maybe I could pop round sometime,' said Karl on the phone.

Why not? I thought, and then we could have a Karl party. Who knows, I might even have some other cousin Karls knocking about.

The Karl on the phone went on, ‘Well look, I've got a new mobile number, do you want to jot it down?'

In a kind of trance I scribbled the number on the pad. And Karl on the phone sounded good fun; much more likeable than the other one, who was watching me with a curious, impatient look on his face. But which one of them was genuine? Because one of them had to be an impostor.

And why exactly was someone pretending to be Karl anyway?

I said goodbye to Karl Mark Two, while Karl Mark One asked who was on the phone.

I longed to say, ‘Well,
you
actually,' but I had to play this very carefully. So I said vaguely, ‘Oh, just a mate telling me his new mobile number.' Karl wasn't really listening anyway. Instead, he said firmly, ‘Now, here's the tonic your parents want you to drink.' Then he beckoned me into the kitchen and thrust the glass at me.

Up to now the sheer weirdness of everything had stopped me being scared. But quite suddenly I was terrified. Here I was, in what could well be the greatest danger of my life. Time for me to act like a hero – and hide. But I couldn't even do that. Not with Karl right in front of me, while that potion continued to froth and bubble menacingly.

‘Funny they never mentioned this brew to me,' I said.

‘They've been very busy,' said Karl, ‘but I know they're anxious for you to try this … and so am I.'

I was holding the glass now and Karl was watching me with such an intense, keen look. This worried me. And the fact that he almost
certainly wasn't Cousin Karl worried me even more.

‘Well, before I drink this lovely-looking brew,' I said, ‘I'd like to propose a toast to us and our friendship. I can call you a friend, can't I?'

‘Of course you can,' said Karl.

‘Well, who'd have thought we'd be such great mates, especially as we haven't seen each other for such a long time, not since Cousin Charlie's wedding, in fact.' I said this so casually, but I've never waited more expectantly for an answer to a question.

Karl replied with just two words. ‘That's right.'

But it was enough. For I haven't got a Cousin Charlie. It was at Cousin Fred's wedding we'd last met. The real Cousin Karl would definitely have known that. So that meant this impostor had wormed his way into my house because … HE WAS A VAMPIRE.

The words just exploded into my head. There couldn't be any other explanation. It wasn't the headmaster. It wasn't Tallulah. It was KARL. And Karl had been waiting
impatiently around here all these days for a top-up of my blood. And now that moment had clearly arrived.

I wanted to yell, scream and faint, all at once. And my head was spinning so much I nearly lost my balance. One thing saved me: I wasn't just very, very scared. I was absolutely furious as well.

How dare he strut about my house, bore me rigid and be a blood-sucking fiend! Well, I wasn't having it.

So, my heart thumping furiously, I said, ‘Here's to us: mates to the end.' Then I gave the drink a massive jolt and threw it all over the floor. Not a drop of it was left.