Authors: L. J. Smith
The Return: Shadow Souls
For my wonderful agent, Elizabeth Harding
“Dear Diary,” Elena whispered, “how frustrating is this? I left…
Elena burst out of the backseat of the Jaguar and…
Time stopped. Elena found that she was instinctively groping for…
“You’re shaking. Let me do it alone,” Meredith said, putting…
Elena got into the backseat of the Jaguar and put…
Elena was using all her considerable talents at negotiation to…
Elena woke to the sound of Damon impatiently rapping on…
As they hastened from the car to the secluded motel…
Even as Elena opened her mouth to speak, she could…
The next morning Elena got up and dressed quietly in…
Arizona was as hot and barren a state as Elena…
Elena checked the edges of the hotel room’s draperies for…
The Demon Gate.
“All right,” Damon said as he and Elena reached Bonnie…
Hurrying behind Damon, Elena tried not to look either to…
Damon clearly decided to throw himself on the mercy of…
“Her name’s Ulma,” a voice said, and Elena looked down…
Elena came back to the real world slowly, fighting it…
Damon wouldn’t have thought a sadistic old fool who whipped…
Elena had seldom felt such relief as she did when…
Pandemonium. Elena whipped her head up, confused as to whether…
The afternoon after Elena’s “discipline,” Damon took out a room…
That “night” they moved in, choosing the hour while the…
Elena put down the pen and stared at her diary…
“Oh, I just want to take a little peek,” Bonnie…
“We have to keep our minds on saving Stefan,” Elena…
Elena felt confident and just a little light-headed as they…
They walked right by the weeping door-guards. But very quickly,…
Someone was trying to make her drink out of a…
Matt watched Mrs. Flowers go over Sheriff Mossberg’s badge, holding it lightly…
“I’m feeling much better,” Elena told Dr. Meggar. “I’d like to…
Elena was radiantly happy. She had gone to sleep happy,…
To her surprise, Elena felt no anger, only a determination…
I don’t think about those things, Elena answered in the…
“Nevertheless”—Damon’s eyes took on a steely glint—“without the amulet my…
“What?” shouted Damon over the music, while adding: Run—go! telepathically…
Elena had been tied, like someone in a B-movie who…
“Talon! Uh—heel!” Elena shouted and began to race as fast…
Elena waded into the crowd feeling like a soldier. She…
Matt and Mrs. Flowers were in the bunker—the addition to the…
“Stefan!” Elena screamed and knew that she sounded like a…
By now Matt and Mrs. Flowers couldn’t ignore the blinding lights…
Elena had a feeling she couldn’t quite describe. It wasn’t…
Elena was wakened by shouting. She’d already once awakened to…
ear Diary,” Elena whispered, “how frustrating is this? I left you in the trunk of the Jaguar and it’s two o’clock in the morning.” She stabbed her finger on the leg of her nightgown as if she had a pen and was making a period. She whispered even more softly, leaning her forehead against the window, “And I’m
to go outside—in the dark—and get you. I’m afraid!” She made another stab and then, feeling tears slip down her cheeks, reluctantly turned her mobile on to record. It was a stupid waste of the battery, but she couldn’t help it. She
“So here I am,” she said softly, “sitting up in the backseat of the car. This has to be my diary entry for today. By the way, we made a rule for this road trip—I sleep in the Jag’s backseat and it’s the Great Outdoors for Matt and Damon. Right now it’s so dark outside that I can’t see Matt anywhere…. But I’ve been going crazy—crying and feeling lost—and so lonely for Stefan….
“We have to get rid of the Jaguar—it’s too big, too red, too flashy, and too memorable when we’re trying
to be remembered as we travel to the place where we can free Stefan. After the car is sold, the lapis lazuli and diamond pendant Stefan gave me the day before he disappeared will be the most precious thing I have left. The day before…Stefan got tricked into going away, thinking he could become an ordinary human being. And now…
“How can I stop thinking about what
might be doing to him, at this very second—whoever ‘They’ are? Probably the kitsune, the evil fox spirits at the prison called the Shi no Shi.”
Elena paused to wipe her nose on her nightgown sleeve.
“How did I ever get myself into this situation?”
She shook her head, hit the seatback with her clenched fist.
“Maybe if I could figure that out, I could come up with Plan A. I always have a Plan A. And my friends always have a Plan B and C to help me.” Elena blinked hard, thinking of Bonnie and Meredith. “But now I’m frightened that I’ll never see them again. And I’m scared for the entire town of Fell’s Church.”
For a moment she sat with her clenched fist on her knee. A small voice inside her was saying, “So stop whining, Elena, and think.
Start from the beginning.”
The beginning? What was the beginning? Stefan?
No, she had lived in Fell’s Church long before Stefan came.
Slowly, almost dreamily, she spoke into her mobile. “In the first place: who am I? I’m Elena Gilbert, age eighteen.” Even more slowly, she said, “I…don’t
it’s vain to say that I’m beautiful. If I didn’t know I was, I’d have to have never looked in a mirror or heard a compliment. It’s not something I should be proud of—it’s just something that was passed down from Mom and Dad.
“What do I look like? I have blond hair that falls in sort of waves past my shoulders and blue eyes that some people have said are like lapis lazuli: dark blue with splashes of gold.” She gave a half-choked laugh. “Maybe that’s why vampires like me.”
Then her lips tightened and, staring into the utter blackness around her, she spoke seriously.
“A lot of boys have called me the most angelic girl in the world. And I played around with them. I just used them—for popularity, for amusement, for whatever. I’m being honest, all right? I considered them to be toys or trophies.” She paused. “But there was something else. Something that I knew all my life was coming—but I didn’t know what. I felt as if I were searching for something that I could never find with boys. None of my scheming or playing around with them ever touched my…deepest heart…until one very special boy came along.” She stopped and swallowed and said it again. “One
“His name was Stefan.
turned out not to be what he looked like, a normal—but gorgeous—high school senior with rumpled dark hair and eyes as green as emeralds.
“Stefan Salvatore turned out to be a vampire.
“A real vampire.”
Elena had to pause to take a few choked breaths before she could get the next words out.
“And so did his gorgeous older brother, Damon.”
She bit her lips, and it seemed a long time later that she added, “Would I have loved Stefan if I’d known he was a vampire from the beginning? Yes! Yes!
I’d have fallen in love with him no matter what! But it changed things—and it changed me.” Elena’s finger traced a pattern on her nightgown by touch alone. “You see, vampires show love by exchanging blood. The problem was…that I was sharing blood with Damon, too. Not really by choice, but because he was after me constantly, day and night.”
She let out a sigh. “What Damon
is that he wants to make me a vampire and his Princess of the Night. What that translates into is: he wants me all to himself. But I wouldn’t trust Damon on anything unless he gave his word. That’s one quirk he has, he never breaks his word.”
Elena could feel an odd smile curling her lips, but she was speaking calmly now, fluently, the mobile almost forgotten.
“A girl involved with two vampires…well, there’s bound to be trouble, isn’t there? So maybe I deserved what I got.
“Not just ‘died’ like when your heart stops and they resuscitate you and you come back talking about almost going into the Light. I
into the Light.
“And when I came back—what a surprise! I was a vampire.
“Damon was…kind to me, I suppose, when I first woke up as a vampire. Maybe that’s the reason I still have…feelings for him. He didn’t take advantage of me when he could have easily.
“But I only had time to do a few things in my vampire life. I had time to remember Stefan and love him more than ever—since I knew, then, how difficult everything was for him. I got to listen to my own memorial service. Ha! Everybody should get a chance to do that. I learned to always,
wear lapis lazuli so I wouldn’t become a vampire Crispy Critter. I got to say good-bye to my little four-year-old sister, Margaret, and visit Bonnie and Meredith….”
Tears were still sliding almost unnoticed down Elena’s face. But she spoke quietly.
“And then—I died again.
“I died the way a vampire dies, when they don’t have lapis lazuli in the sunlight. I didn’t crumble into dust; I was only seventeen. But the sun poisoned me anyway. Going was almost…peaceful. That was when I made Stefan promise to take care of Damon, always. And I think Damon swore to take care of Stefan, in his mind. And that was how I died, with Stefan holding me and Damon beside me as I simply drifted away, like going to sleep.
“After that, I had dreams I don’t remember, and then suddenly, one day everyone was surprised because I was talking to them through Bonnie, who is very psychic, poor thing. I guess I had landed the job of being Fell’s Church’s guardian spirit. There was a danger to the town. They had to fight it and somehow, when they were sure that they had lost, I got dumped back to the world of the living to help. And—well, when the war was won I was left with these weird powers I don’t understand. But there was Stefan, too! We were together again!”
Elena wrapped her arms around herself tightly and held on as if she were holding Stefan to her, imagining his warm arms around her. She shut her eyes until her breathing slowed.
“About my powers, let’s see. There’s telepathy, which I can do if the other person is telepathic—which all vampires are, but to different degrees unless they’re actually sharing blood with you at the time. And then there are my Wings.
“It’s true—I have Wings! And the Wings have powers you wouldn’t believe—the only problem being that I don’t have the faintest idea how to use them. There’s one that I can feel sometimes, like right
, trying to get out of me, trying to shape my lips to name it, trying to move my body into the right stance. It’s
Wings of Protection
sounds like something we could really use on this trip. But I can’t even remember how I made the old Wings work—much less figure out how to use this new one. I say the words until I feel like an idiot—but nothing happens at all.
“So I’m a human again—as human as Bonnie. And, oh, God, if I could only
her and Meredith right now! But all the time I tell myself that I’m getting closer to Stefan every minute. That is, if you take into account Damon’s running us up and down and everywhere to throw off anybody trying to track us down.
“Why would anyone want to track us down? Well, you see, when I came back from the afterlife there was a very big explosion of Power that everyone in the world who can see Power saw.
“Now, how do I explain Power? It’s something that everybody has, but that humans—except genuine psychics like Bonnie—don’t even recognize. Vampires definitely have Power, and they use it to Influence humans to like them, or to think that things are different from reality—oh, like the way Stefan Influenced the high school staff to think his records were all in order when he ‘transferred’ to Robert E. Lee High School. Or they use Power to blast other vampires or creatures of darkness—or humans.
“But I was talking about the burst of Power when
dropped down from the heavens. It was so big that it attracted two horrible creatures from the other side of the world. And then they decided to come see what had made the burst, and if there was any way they could use it for themselves.
“I’m not joking, either, about them being from the other side of the world. They were kitsune, evil fox spirits from Japan. They’re something like our Western werewolves—but much more powerful. So powerful that they used
, which are really plants but look like insects that can be no bigger than a pinhead or big enough to swallow your arm. And the malach attach themselves to your nerves and feather out along your entire nervous system and finally they take you over from inside.”
Now Elena was shuddering, and her voice was hushed.
“That’s what happened to Damon. A tiny one got into him and it took him over from inside so that he was only a puppet of Shinichi’s. I forgot to say, the kitsune are called Shinichi and Misao. Misao is the girl. They both have black hair with red all around the tips, but Misao’s is long. And they’re supposed to be brother and sister—but they sure don’t act like it.
“And once Damon was fully possessed, that’s when Shinichi made Damon’s body…do terrible things. He made him torture Matt and me, and even now I know that sometimes Matt still wants to kill Damon for it. But if he’d seen what I saw—a whole thin, wet, white second body that I had to pull out with my fingernails from Damon’s spine—with Damon finally passing out from the pain—then Matt would understand better.
can’t blame Damon for what Shinichi made him do. I
. Damon was…you can’t imagine how different. He was crushed. He
. He was…
“Anyway, I don’t expect to ever see him like that again. But if I ever get my Wings’ powers back, Shinichi is in big trouble.
“I think that that was our mistake last time, you see. We finally were able to fight Shinichi and Misao—
and we didn’t kill them
. We were too moral or too gentle or something.
“It was a bad mistake.
“Because Damon wasn’t the only one who got possessed by Shinichi’s malach. There were girls, young girls, fourteen and fifteen and younger. And some boys. Acting…crazy. Hurting themselves and their families. We didn’t know how badly until after we’d already made a bargain with Shinichi.
“Maybe we were too
, making a bargain with the devil. But they had kidnapped Stefan—and Damon, who was already possessed by then, had helped them. Once Damon was unpossessed, all he wanted was for Shinichi and Misao to tell us where Stefan was, and then for them to leave Fell’s Church forever.
“In exchange for that, Damon let Shinichi into his mind.
“If vampires are obsessed with Power, kitsune are obsessed with memories. And Shinichi wanted Damon’s memories for the last few days—the time that Damon was possessed and torturing us…and the time when my Wings made Damon realize that he had done it. I don’t think Damon himself wanted those memories, either of what he’d done or of how he’d changed when he had to face that he’d done it. So he let Shinichi take them, in exchange for Shinichi putting Stefan’s location into his mind.
“The problem is that we were trusting Shinichi’s word that he would leave then—when Shinichi’s word meant nothing at all.
“Plus, ever since then he’s been using the telepathic channel that he opened between his mind and Damon’s to take more and
of Damon’s memories without Damon even knowing.
“It happened just last night, when we were pulled over by a policeman who wanted to know what three teenagers in an expensive car were doing that late at night. Damon Influenced him to go away. But just a few hours later Damon had forgotten the policeman completely.
“It frightens Damon. And anything that frightens Damon—not that he would ever admit it—scares me to
“And, you might ask, what
three teenagers doing out in the middle of nowhere, in Union County, Tennessee, according to the last road sign I saw? We’re heading toward some Gate to the Dark Dimension…where Shinichi and Misao left Stefan in the prison called the Shi no Shi. Shinichi only put the knowledge into Damon’s mind, and I can’t get Damon to say much about what kind of place it is. But Stefan is there and I’ll get to him somehow, even if it kills me.
“Even if I have to learn how to kill.
“I’m not the sweet little girl from Virginia I used to be.”