The Vigil (29 page)

When she released Mama's neck, I rolled the chair behind her and released her right arm from the straps. “You can sit now, Mawmaw.”

She reached for the chair with her left hand and descended onto the cushioned seat.

Mama and Aunt Melanie stared at Mawmaw through tears. They stood in awe not sure what to say or do.

Finally, Mama spoke. “This is awesome, Mama. You are amazing, and I love you.” Mama held onto Mawmaw's hand. Aunt Melanie hugged her neck. “You are such an inspiration to me. I love you.”

“Love you.” Mawmaw whispered to Melanie and Mama. She turned to Anthony and then to me. “All you.”

As I glanced around the room, my throat cinched with emotion. Our family, dysfunctional and struggling, was together and supporting one another. I'd never heard Mawmaw tell Mama she loved her before.

The words resonated through the room and floated around us like God's embrace, infusing us with hope. Hope that the truths revealed would make us stronger and free us from the bonds keeping us from being all we could to each other. It offered hope that she would be around a while longer and our family would be whole. A family who knew each other's ugliness, but still stood firm in support.

Mawmaw pushed her chair back into her spot and looked directly into my eyes. “I'm ready to see Carlton.”

 

 

 

 

Trente-Deux

 

Beau's lips lingered on the edge of his soft drink straw while he waited for my answer. We sat in the diner Wednesday afternoon and reflected on all that had happened since my return to Bijou Bayou. He had lost a wife.

I'd gained a grandfather and a newfound relationship with my mother.

The events changed both of us.

He lifted his eyebrows and met my gaze head on. “Well? Stayin' or leavin'?”

I hadn't given much thought to whether I would stay in Bijou Bayou once my job with Carlton was over. Something I didn't want to think about. Finally, I blurted out my first thought. “I think I'll stick around.” The reasons I left all those years ago seemed pointless now. I enjoyed having family and trusted old friends around. “It's comforting to be here now. Something I never thought I'd feel and certainly not anything I'd ever say out loud.”

I smiled when he shot me his all-knowing look. He laughed. “It's taken a long time for you,
Te
. But you're here now and that's what's important.”

“I suppose so.” A quick glance at my watch confirmed what I'd suspected. Time to go. I promised I'd meet Mama, Anthony, and Aunt Melanie for dinner at Charlie's. “I gotta run. See you next week?”

He lifted his drink in a mock toast. “I'll be here.”

I flipped a few dollars on the table to cover my sweet tea and apple pie.

“Whoa, no way. This is my treat.” He stuffed the dollars into the side pocket of my purse as I tried to slip by him.

I abandoned any argument, knowing it was futile. We met on Wednesdays after work because I'd started working Wednesday mornings since Carlton's condition had worsened. Our conversations offered new insights into each of our lives, and I loved getting to know Beau again.

While he hadn't changed a whole lot, he had changed immensely. Beau's gentle kindness continued to permeate his worldview and contributed to his very essence. He had matured into a leader and wise counselor. I loved his ideas and listened when he shared spiritual knowledge with me. Most of all, he kept his sense of humor and made me laugh until my sides ached.

I headed toward the door and on my way out, Mrs. Martin walked in. “Cheryl, honey, it's good to see you.” She embraced me in a hug that I thought I would never break free from. No judgmental looks, she seemed genuinely happy to see me. She waved at Beau on her way to her table.

“My turn next time.” I called to Beau from near the door.

“We'll see.” His response followed me. I shook my head. That was my dear friend, Beau. A true southern gentleman.

A gentle breeze brushed across my face. It gave the promise of autumn and cooler temperatures. And maybe the promise of a happy future here in Podunk Bayou Dullsville. The thought brought a smile.

 

****

 

Carlton's steady whizzing greeted me as I entered his room.

Anthony sat in the recliner next to his bed holding his hand. He'd gotten here early. “Hey, Sis.” He stood when I approached and pecked a kiss on my cheek.

Today would be the day Mawmaw would see him.

Mama chatted nonstop last night at dinner about the upcoming meeting.

I wasn't sure who in our family was more excited. But seeing Carlton's condition this morning tempered some of the joy.

Darcy stood at his bedside adjusting the drip on his IV.

“How was last night?” I placed my handbag and knitting bag on the floor next to the antique dresser.

She tilted her head toward the kitchen.

Anthony moved to the recliner and returned Carlton's hand into his own while Darcy and I walked to the kitchen.

“He's fading, Cheryl. His pain has increased, and he needs higher dosages of the medication to keep it barely under control. I can't see how he can take much more of this.”

Steel prongs tightened around my heart. I hated his suffering.
Lord, be merciful.

“Mama will bring Mawmaw today. Maybe that will help him.” I tried to sound hopeful, but with the progression of his cancer, he probably wouldn't know she was in the room. Tears burned my eyes.

“Oh, Cheryl. I'm so sorry things have turned out the way they have. I wished they'd gotten together sooner.” She placed her arms around my shoulders and hugged me.

“Me, too. Me, too,” I said and leaned my head onto her shoulder. “Thanks, Darcy.” I stepped away and helped her gather her belongings.

When she walked out the door, she said, “Call me if you need me today. I'm good on three to four hours of sleep.”

I nodded but knew I wouldn't disturb her sleep.

Once Darcy left, an eerie quiet settled in the kitchen.

I headed back to Carlton's room. As I stood next to his bed and gazed upon his elderly, frail body, I saw less of the man who needed forgiveness and more of the soul who needed comfort. He'd been forgiven by his Creator and that was the most important thing. I learned from Chuck, he'd accepted Christ as his savior a few weeks back when he realized the end drew near. But while Carlton withered away, he still lived. No matter how close death loomed, Carlton wasn't a dying man, but God's creation who still lived and needed comfort.

The Lord showed me a different perspective and was telling me in a gentle firm voice.
Do your job, and let Me do Mine.

My job wasn't to get Mawmaw to forgive him. It was to comfort this man as best as I could as he accepted the inevitable. Death drew near. But until his last breath, he lived.

The cinch around my heart loosened and the freedom to be his nurse, his granddaughter, and his friend rushed in like a raging wave to propel me forward. That's when my heart exploded with bountiful love, and that's when I saw him as my grandfather, this tiny man who battled so bravely a horrible, unseen monster that stole his life bit by bit.

I couldn't grieve the lost years. Only bask in gratitude for the gift of getting to know him. I wanted to treasure his remaining days and show him love and kindness. I wanted so much to show him something good from that evil act so long ago. And that something good from Carlton would live on. I knelt at his bedside.

Anthony followed and knelt with me, as well. He grasped my hand while holding onto Carlton with the other.

I cleared my throat. “Lord, You've forgiven him and that's all that matters. It's my selfish desire that he have Mawmaw's forgiveness before You take him. Lord, he's Yours. Give us the strength to go on without him.”

“Amen.” Anthony's emotion-filled response nearly broke my resolve and sent me sobbing uncontrollably.

Mama's voice beckoned from the kitchen. “Cheryl, we're here.”

The squeak from the wheel of Mawmaw's walker followed Mama's voice. She'd come.

Anthony helped me stand. We stood next to Carlton's bed and waited for Mama and Mawmaw to enter.

“Come in. He's sleeping.”

Aunt Melanie walked in, too. “I hope it's OK for me to be here.”

I hugged her tightly. “Of course. I'm glad you are.”

“How is he?” Mama and Aunt Mel slid off to the side to allow Mawmaw to enter the room.

I shook my head and lowered my eyes. My tongue refused to form the words. When I met Mama's gaze, her eyes glistened.

Anthony circled the bed and kissed Mawmaw's cheek. He walked next to her as her careful steps brought her closer to Carlton's bed and the chair I had placed next to his bed for her. The same chair where I had sat and read her letters to him—a lifetime ago. His Lady S had come to see him, and he didn't know it. I squelched the rush of emotion threatening to erupt. I couldn't fall apart now. Someone needed to be strong for them.

Anthony guided Mama to the recliner on the other side of Carlton's bed.

Mawmaw lowered herself into the leather armchair and stared at Carlton. Her stoic features remained void of emotion. Slowly, she leaned forward and placed her hand on top of his right hand. Her touch or the fading medication, I'm not sure which, awakened him. He groaned, but didn't open his eyes.

I leaned close to his left ear and whispered. “Carlton, it's Cheryl. Someone is here to see you. Your Lady S.”

His lips moved but no sound emerged.

“She's on the other side of your bed.”

He tilted his head toward the right.

The fingers on his right hand twitched, and he slid his hand over hers.

Mawmaw laughed in her guttural voice.

The corners of Carlton's lips tilted slightly. He'd heard her.

Suddenly, I felt as though we were invaders in this intimate moment of reunion. I straightened, glanced toward Mama, and then toward Anthony and Aunt Mel. They must have been feeling the same because Anthony nodded toward the kitchen and Mama stood and reached for my hand. “I'll fix us a cup of tea.”

“Sounds wonderful.” I blinked back the sting in my eyes. A love smothered so long ago had been rekindled, if only for a brief moment. The amazing thing—no words had exchanged.

That was the power of love. I reveled in that. For Mawmaw. For Carlton. For all of us. It gave me hope for all of us lost souls struggling to survive in a world that would rather we stay lost. I was so blessed to see it was never too late to forgive and receive forgiveness.

Mama dabbed at her eyes while she stood at the sink filling the kettle. “Wow, I believe we just witnessed a miracle.”

I smiled, my heart bursting with bittersweet joy. “Yes, I believe we did.”

Thank You, Lord.

 

 

 

 

Epilogue

 

One Year Later at the Bijou Bayou Fais do do

 

“Cheryl, dance with me.” Beau stood next to our table his hand outstretched. The sounds of the lively accordion, fiddle, washboard, steel guitar, and a bevy of other instruments belted through the hot humid Saturday afternoon. A Cajun tune blared from the stage, one Pawpaw would have called,
chancky, chanck
music.

I wasn't sure if my two-step skills were still intact, but I was willing to give it a try. It was nice to reflect on my history and know that I'd gotten so much from so many. A rich heritage, one that I grew more proud of with each passing day. I stood and placed my hand in Beau's. “I would love to.”

We reached the dance floor, a portable platform, under the lighted limbs of several mighty live oaks. The trees framed the parish property where the
fais do do
was held each year. As I began to move around the floor steered by Beau's expert guidance, I couldn't help but smile. Life was good.

“What's so funny?” Beau met my gaze and smiled also.

“I was just thinking how nice it was out here in Podunck Bayou Dullsville.”

He laughed. A tilt-your-head-back, from-the-belly laugh. And I joined him as he twirled me around the floor until the end of the song. The pink chiffon dress I wore bellowed out with each swirl. Mawmaw's pink chiffon dress. The idea from last year had been such a hit the committee decided to repeat it this year. The dress still had the subtle scent of her perfume
and reminded me of a young Clarice in love with a young Carlton.

At the table, Mawmaw beamed in an amazing white dress made by the one and only Mrs. Mouton, Beau's great-grandmother. The dress she'd intended to marry Carlton in. This was the second time she'd worn it. The first was at his funeral. A week after they'd reunited, he'd died while holding the hand of his beloved Lady S. From the first day of their reunion, she'd never left his bedside.

Her walking improved with the help of her steady companion—her Quad cane. She was still the feisty independent grandmother I adored. Her speech had improved also, but she continued to communicate mostly with her board. Mama and Aunt Mel have gotten her to attend church on Sundays.

She regretted all the years of not being with Carlton. And the years of secrets that caused the family so much pain. She writes often about the day they were reunited. But she's quick to assure us that she lived a good life with Pawpaw and loved him very much. She says she can't wait to see them both in heaven.

Mama has been faithful to church and Bible study. The change in her has been remarkable. No violent mood swings. She's happy. That makes me happy. As I see the smile on her face and the twinkle in her eye, I know she's in a good place.

She danced with Dr. James Scarfield, the new dentist who moved to town from a small town in Colorado. She'd met him last week at church. She proudly wore Mawmaw's lilac dress. So there we were Mawmaw, Mama, Aunt Melanie, and me. All dressed in one of Mawmaw's old dresses. Surprisingly, they fit with only a few alterations.