The Wanton Widow - A Regency Novella (9 page)

“
The part about me falling for you. What complete taradiddle!” Willow exclaimed. If she had any hope of looking him in the eye again, she had to make him believe it was a falsehood. “I care about you, of course, but I went a bit too far.”

“
I see.”

“
And... how do you feel about me, Edward?” Willow asked, fidgeting with the pages of her book. If he said she was like some sort of dear sister, she thought she would perish right then and there!

“
I think you're a very b-b-beautiful woman,” he stammered, so Willow reached across the table and gave him a pinch. After all, she did not want him to regress. “You're kind and caring. I love to be in your presence, and I owe you a great deal of gratitude.”

The absence of passion in his voice made her sigh. “But... could you not care for me? The way you care about Miss Abrahms?”

“
I-I...” Edward raked a hand over his mouth, willing himself not to stutter. “I already care for you, Willow.”

In an instant, Willow's reservations melted away. She leapt from her chair, circled the table, and sat in Edward's lap. When she saw his eyes swell, she had to giggle.

“
Edward...” As she whispered his name, she raked a hand through his chestnut hair. “I need you.”

“
You...”

When he hesitated, she continued, “You are always in my thoughts. I want to kiss you... I want to feel your lips on my skin.”

“
Willow...”

Even in the dim room, which was lit by a single candle, she could see the color rushing to his cheeks. “Don't you want me?”

He whispered his answer. “I... do.”

“
Then kiss me,” she entreated him. “Kiss me, please. I
need
you to kiss me, or my heart might die from wanting it so badly!”

Edward stroked her hair a few times, which felt more wonderful than anything she had ever experienced. “Well, I certainly would not want your heart to die.”

“
No?” Willow tilted her head in his direction, allowing him easy access to her lips. “Then kiss me.”

At long last, Edward closed the gap and brushed his lips against hers. The soft, sensuous contact made Willow feel as if her body was soaring. She clutched the back of his head, deepening their kiss. When her tongue emerged, Edward threw back his head and gasped.

Willow wasn't going to let it end there. She coiled her fingers through his hair and pulled him back to her, kissing him again and again. She brought his head to her shoulder, where she cradled it in her arms. She softly kissed his head, burying her lips in his hair as she showered him with affection. When he moaned against her neck, she knew he must have been enjoying himself.

“
I need you, Edward...” As she spoke, she slipped her nightrail off her shoulder. “I want you.”

When he saw her exposed skin, Edward lifted his head. “I can't,” he whispered.

“
But why?!” Willow burrowed her lips against his neck and stamped a feverish trail of kisses across his skin.

“
I can't. You know I can't...” Edward tilted his head away, ending her onslaught of kisses. “I'm saving myself.”

“
Saving yourself for marriage, or saving yourself for Miss Abrahms?!” Willow shrieked. She sprang from his lap and started pacing around the room, hands on her hips.

“
That isn't fair.”

“
What
isn't fair?!” Willow asked. “I'll tell you what isn't fair, Edward! It isn't fair that I've fallen for you, but you show no sign of returning my feelings. It isn't fair that I want you, but you keep pushing me away. It isn't fair that my heart
aches
for you, and yet there's nothing to end my pain!”

“
I care for you,” he repeated softly.

“
It isn't enough.” There were tears in her eyes, which had her blinking rapidly. “No matter how perfect I think we would be together... it will never be enough.
I'll
never be enough. You're saving yourself, and yet... I would never be a suitable wife for you.” When the first tear slipped down her cheek, she brushed it away with the back of her hand.

“
Willow...” Edward held out his arms, silently willing her back to him.

“
I wish I was Miss Abrahms,” she said. “I wish I was some chaste young miss, but I'm not. I wish I was someone you could be proud to be with... but I'm not.”

“
What did I say to make you feel that way!?”

“
It's not something you said, Edward. It's the simple truth.”

“
Then by all means, please explain to me how any sensible man wouldn't be proud to call you his!”

The door to the library opened, which saved her from an explanation. Olly, who was humming to himself, strutted into the library with a candle in his hands. As soon as he saw them, Olly halted.

“
My, my, my...” Olly clicked his tongue a few times. “What do we have here? A midnight tryst?!”

“
Hardly!” Willow rushed past Olly, toward the door. “In fact, I should excuse myself. It was a pleasure to see you, Mr. Harcourt.”

“
Oi!” Olly exclaimed. “And it's not a pleasure to see me?!”

“
A pleasure to see you too,” she added half-heartedly. “Good evening, gentlemen.”

She was out of the library before Edward could ask her to wait.

* * *

The next morning, Willow's senses returned. She had no business pining for a man who would never have her, so she focused her attention on Philip. She was, after all, Lord Mowbray's mistress, and it was high time she started acting like it!

They broke their fast with their guests, Edward and Olly. The latter had questionable table manners, and he slathered his bread with jam until it was practically dripping. Willow tried to appear aloof, as if the encounter in the library had little effect on her. Every time she looked at Edward, however, his eyes were fastened on her. Was she correct to think he looked somewhat pitiful?

His doleful gaze might have had something to do with the fact that she was raining affection on Philip. Willow fed him food from her plate, tousled his hair, and nuzzled her cheek against his neck. She hoped, in her sinister heart, that her actions would inspire jealousy. If she had to endure his comments about Miss Abrahms, it seemed only fair that he be subjected to her closeness with Philip.

At one point, Philip declared, “I am a lucky, lucky man.”

“
And why is that?” Willow cooed, tapping his nose with her finger.

“
Because I am with you, Wilomena Worthington, and you happen to be the most incredible woman in the world!” Philip said. “Fortune smiled on me the day I met you.”

“
She's quite beautiful, alright,” Olly agreed as he chewed on a mouthful of sausage. “She's too beautiful for you, at any rate!”

“
She's too beautiful for any of us,” Philip went on. “She is practically too beautiful for this world!”

“
Oh, please...” Willow rejected the notion. “Surely I am nothing special.” For the first time in several minutes, she stole a glimpse of Edward. She wished he would say something, but he had been silent the entire morning.

“
You
are
special,” Philip insisted. “When I see you with your rifle, it puts me in mind of the Greek goddess Artemis, beautiful and deadly.”

“
If I am Artemis, then
you
are Apollo!” Willow said to Philip.

“
And what would that make me, exactly?” Olly squawked.

His companions took a moment to mull it over, then Philip declared, “I could see you as the jolly god Pan.”

Olly crossed his arms, dissatisfied with his friend's answer. “Very well. But if you're Apollo and Artemis, is your relationship not incestuous?! They are brother and sister, are they not?”

Philip responded to Olly's question with a roll of his eyes. The conversation waned as breakfast drew to a close. Edward was the first to excuse himself from the table. They had agreed to meet for a hunting excursion at a later hour, which couldn't come soon enough for Willow who, despite her disappointment, was eager to see Edward again.

But he didn't show up.

Philip, Willow and Olly were standing in front of the house, rifles in hand, but Edward was nowhere in sight.

“
Where is Edward? Is he not coming, or is he late?” Willow asked.

Olly's answer surprised her. “He's gone.”

“
Gone.
Gone
?! What do you mean?!” It was impossible to suppress the panic in her voice.

“
He's gone back to London,” Olly said. “Don't ask me why. I haven't the slightest idea!”

Willow had a few ideas, but she didn't like any of them.

He was jealous.

He was disgusted by her behavior.

He never wanted to see her again.

Whatever the case, Edward's sudden exodus left a tremendous hole in her heart.

Chapter Eleven

“
You're leaving me?!” Philip chased her around the room as Willow gathered her belongings and tossed them into a valise. “But why?!”

“
I do not think you would like the reason.”

As she reached for her folded undergarments, Philip seized her wrist. “Was I not a passionate and attentive lover?”

“
Of course you were!” Willow exclaimed. “You were perfectly satisfying in every way.”

“
Perfectly satisfying!?” Philip whimpered. “That's almost as bad as saying I was
adequate
! Surely I was better than that?”

“
You were... perfect,” she corrected herself, tugging her arm from his grip.

They were back in London now, having returned just two days ago. Their trip had been a disappointment, particularly for Philip, who kept wondering why their intimacy was at a standstill. He would not let her go until he had his reason.

“
Is it because you wanted something more?!” Philip asked. “Were you hoping I would marry you, Willow?”

“
No. Most definitely not!”

“
I must have disappointed you in some way... or said something to anger you?”

“
Not that I can recall.”

“
Then why would you leave?! I cannot figure it out...” Philip scratched his head as he watched her pack her valise. “Unless...”

“
Unless what?” she pressed.

“
Unless you're in love with someone else!” Philip finished. He sat on the end of the bed and crossed his arms, taking an accusatory stance. “That's what it is, isn't it?”

“
I...” If he had figured it out, there was no sense in denying it. “Yes.”

“
Who could you possibly be in love with? Is it an acquaintance of mine?”

“
Is it necessary for you to know?”

“
Yes!” Philip raked his hands across his face in grief. “It's necessary! It's...
wait
...” He closed his eyes as the realization dawned on him. “It's Edward, is it not?”

Willow gave a tiny nod.

“
I should have known!” Philip exclaimed. “The way you were always slipping off together... and the way you would light up whenever he was around. I should have figured it out long ago!”

“
Are you angry with me?” Willow asked, her lips trembling.

“
No. Not at you.”

“
Please
don't be angry with Edward!” Willow beseeched him. “He did nothing to encourage my feelings, nor does he return them. If it is any consolation whatsoever, I can honestly say there is no chance Edward and I will be together.”

“
It's no consolation,” Philip said with a sigh. “But... no matter. I'm going to go out for a bit. I'll have one of the footmen help you into the carriage.”

When she saw him head for the door, Willow hollered, “Wait!”

Philip paused in the doorway, but he refused to face her direction. “What is it, minx?”

“
I hope you don't mind, but I'm taking Eddie with me,” she said. “I'm assuming you won't be rendered heartbroken by his absence?”

“
Of course not!” Philip chuckled at the prospect. “I'm happy to be rid of the mutt. In fact, if he's going with you, I'll help you into the carriage myself...”

* * *

When she arrived at her brother's front door, valise in hand, Willow held her breath for a few seconds. She hated to be at her brother's mercy, especially when her brother did not approve of her recent tryst. Willow knew he was ashamed of her, but she had no other option. It was either her brother or the streets, and Arthur's wrath was preferable. Slightly.

The butler answered the door, grabbed her valise, and showed her to one of the sitting rooms. Eddie followed her, practically nipping at her heels as they ventured inside. Willow waited on the settee and observed her surroundings, which were pleasantly familiar. She stared at a vase on the mantle, which belonged to her grandmother, and she felt the surprising twitch of a smile on her lips.