The Weakness in Me (19 page)

“I suppose you’re right,” she answered, coyly, giggling before pulling him in for a slow, smoldering kiss.
“But I think you should get us back to our room before we start celebrating right here and get arrested for indecent exposure,” she whispered, huskily.

“Absolutely,” he agreed, echoing her earlier words.
Grabbing her hand, he, practically, dragged her back up the stairs to the car. When they reached the door, he pulled her to him again in a kiss that had her reaching for the button to his pants. Although they didn’t get arrested, it was another forty-five minutes before the truck was back on the road to the inn.

The weeks leading up to Jason’s 27
th
birthday seemed to pass in the blink of an eye. Samantha was appreciative of the fact that Garrett had kept his distance when he needed to be in the office to talk to Joe about new ideas. Sometimes he would shoot her an apologetic smile that Samantha felt was entirely sincere. However, she did wonder what he’d told Missy after the plan to ‘save’ her failed.

“What’s got you so deep in thought tonight?” Jason asked, spearing a leaf of his Caesar salad on his fork.

“Oh,” she cleared her throat. “Garrett had to come in today,” Samantha answered, pushing her own salad around the plate, absently. “He needed to look over a release he wanted to run in a paper in Spokane and Joe is readying an ad for some trade magazines for him,” she looked up from her food, with a thoughtful sigh, “He just looked so damn contrite, I wanted to hug him.” A small frown settled across her features at her words.

“Just be careful,” Jason warned.
“He and Missy might’ve regrouped and are trying to deploy a new tactic.”

“Yeah, probably,” Samantha said, taking a bite of her salad.
“This chicken is delicious, by the way.”

“So, what’s the plan for tomorrow?” Jason asked, looking excited.

“Oh, I don’t know,” she whined, suppressing her smile. “I thought I’d spend the day resting. It’s been such a long week! Nothing important is going on, is it?” she asked, trying to keep her face as straight as possible.

“Um,” his face fell slightly and she couldn’t keep up her deception as a peal of laughter erupted from her lips.

“Like I’d forget your birthday, Jason! Give me a
little
credit!” her grin faltered slightly at his smug smirk.

“You didn’t
really
think you got me, did you?” he asked, leaning across the table, his hand propped under his chin.

“I suppose not,” she pouted.
“Anyway, I was thinking we could take Corigan to the aquarium, have lunch on the pier, then grab the ferry to Vashon to have dinner, sound good?”

“Yeah, but, um,” he leaned back again, looking nervous, “is there any way that dinner can just be us?
I mean, just you and me?” Jason’s blue eyes shone with a hope that made Samantha feel a little uncomfortable.

“That
might
be okay,” she started, carefully, “as long as you aren’t trying to recreate a moment,” she warned, giving him a side long glance, though she was no longer nervous about his intentions.

“
I promise,” he held up two fingers like a Boy Scout. “Besides, you didn’t make a reservation as the same restaurant, I trust?”

“Good,
of course not, I was planning on taking Corigan with us, and that place isn’t exactly toddler friendly,” she shot him another pointed look. “I’ll have Caleb’s mom meet us on the pier to pick Corigan up after lunch. They have a condo in the U district and they’ve been begging me for an overnight.”

“Sounds perfect,” Jason said, but his voice sounded uncertain with the plans.

“What?” Samantha asked, her voice deeper with the question.

“Are Caleb’s parents going to be okay…” he trailed off.

“With me having dinner with a friend on his birthday?” she asked, raising her eyebrow at him. “Of course,” Samantha dismissed. “Besides, they know who you are and are happy you are there for Corigan.”

“Okay,” he agreed, but still sounded skeptical.

“I promise, it is fine,” she pressed, pointing her fork at him.

“I believe you,” he held his hand up in defeat.

“Good,” she said, returning to her food.

**

Even though everything had been perfect so far, Jason didn’t find himself relaxing the following day until he watched the tail lights of Caleb’s mother’s car disappear in the distance.

“Not all mothers are like yours, you know,” Sammy said from beside him, bringing him out of his trance.
“Jamie is in a class
all
her own. You know that!”

“I know that!” he laughed.
“I mean, Kelly is a nice, normal mom,” he scoffed. “I just didn’t expect his mom to be so nice!” he said, putting his hand in the small of her back to lead her toward their ferry. “After all, her son hasn’t been gone that long and their granddaughter’s new caretaker is her daughter-in-law’s ex-fiancé. It would make me a little uncomfortable if I were her,” he explained.

“Mary isn’t from Covington, Jason,” she reminded him.
“She hasn’t heard all the toxic Sammy/Jason bull shit. Besides, I prefer to think of you as my best friend, rather than my ex.”

“Yeah,” he agreed.
“I’m sure being outside of the poison in that town helps your perspective,” he finished as he paid for their tickets and ushered her onto the boat.

**

The afternoon with Jason on the island had been a more relaxing day than she’d had in a very long time. She was constantly surprised that they never seemed to run out of things to talk about. Although, she knew it shouldn’t surprise her because it had never been a problem in their friendship. Dinner was way more low key than the last time they’d been to Vashon, seven years ago.

Even though things were completely different now, she couldn’t help but remember how nervous he’d been that day.
He had to have known what her answer would be, but his leg would constantly shake whenever they would sit down. This time, he was entirely focused on enjoying the day and it made everything lighter, including the weight of their past.

By the time they caught the ferry back to Seattle, the sun had set and a chill had settled in as they sat on the deck watching the lights of the city glitter off the Sound
in front of them.

“We can go inside, if you want,” Jason offered when she shivered.

“I’m fine out here,” she smiled up at him beside her as the breeze carried his scent over her. Unconsciously, she moved closer to him and he wrapped his arm around her shoulders, rubbing her arm in an attempt to warm her up. Without a thought, she laid her head on his shoulder and let out a small sigh as his fingers began to trace patterns against her sleeve.

Finally realizing what she was letting happen, she let out a gasp and slowly lifted her head to look at him.
Jason’s cerulean eyes were nearly black with repressed desire as he gazed at her. Her head was telling her to move out of the situation, but the slight tilt of her chin upwards was the only invitation he needed to connect his lips with hers, softly. She felt a shudder rock through her that had nothing to do with the evening chill.

‘
Holy FUCK!’
was the only thought in her head as she felt her heart drop to her toes.

Samantha shocked herself when
she
was the one who deepened their kiss. Electricity pulsed in her veins as his finger traced from behind her ear down to her neck and across her collarbone. After opening her mouth to him, he tried to take over the kiss, sliding his tongue to mate with hers, but it was still so soft, so gentle.

Her hands clutched the silk strands of his blonde hair as she changed the tempo of the kiss, and, embarrassingly, tried to devour him.
Samantha’s head was screaming at her to stop, but her heart and her body were both giving her the finger. She understood her body’s response. After all, it had been over eight months since she’d been touched like this in a way she had invited. The bursting of emotion from her heart is what gave her pause. It didn’t feel the same as it did when he’d kissed her five years ago; it was deeper, stronger, and much more frightening.

Trying to slow the progress of their ministrations, she brought her hand down his face to rest on his cheeks. Suddenly, she felt cold, as she opened her eyes to find that
Jason
had broken off the kiss. Her eyes flew to his in bewilderment that
he’d
pushed
her
away. Watching him stand and pace in front of the bench, she waited for her breathing to slow again.

“That was—” she breathed deeply.

“Amazing, incredible, almost everything I imagined it would be,” he finished, pushing his hands threw his hair as he continued to pace.

“Almost?” she asked, her mouth wide in confusion.

“This,” he sat beside her again, lifting her left hand into her field of vision.

“Oh,” she gasped as the diamond on her platinum wedding set glittered in the darkness.
Suddenly, her hand felt like it weighed a ton.

“I can’t do this with you while you still belong to someone else,” he explained, pain evident in his voice.
“It’s not fair to him,” he nodded at the ring, “and it’s not fair to us. We deserve better than this, especially this time.”

“You’re right,” she agreed, hanging her head.

“As much as I’d love to do that again,” he lifted her chin so their eyes met and she could see the desire still flickering in them, “I won’t let it happen until you are ready to take these off,” he finished, letting his thumb skim across the top of the rings. His words and actions sent a heady cocktail of guilt, desire and love through her system, confusing her even more.

“Okay,” she answered, deciding secretly that she was glad to have something to protect her from the specter of their relationship that had been missing all day.
As much as she didn’t want to admit how that kiss had affected her, she knew she’d practically started dry humping him right there in public. She also knew she wasn’t ready for everything being with Jason would mean. They weren’t some casual fling. Any renewed romantic entanglement would be serious from day one.

“When that ring comes off, though, I promise, all bets are off.
So be sure of what you want from me before you make that decision, okay?” he promised, pulling her to him for a hug. Samantha couldn’t find her voice anymore and simply nodded against his chest. Although they didn’t speak for the remainder of the trip back to the mainland, they stayed in each other’s arms, knowing their relationship had just changed again. Samantha hoped that they could find a way to get back to the light hearted moments they’d had earlier in the day by the time he showed up on Wednesday to resume his role with Corigan.

Before they reached her car to drive back to Kent, he stopped her.
“I don’t want you to think I’m going to pressure you, Sammy. Please, don’t think that. Everything will be just as it always is on Wednesday, but while I’m working, I want you to think about us, okay?” he asked.

“Okay,” was all she could say as she blinked back tears that confused her.
Was she upset that he wasn’t going to pressure her? Was she upset that he’d seemingly read her worry like he always did? Or was she crying because she found comfort in both? “Thank you,” she gave him a weak smile when he kissed her forehead softly and lead her to the car.

“I know how deeply you loved Caleb, but at this point, don’t you think you might be hiding inside your love for him as an excuse not to move on?” Sara asked, flicking the petals of the rose she picked onto the deck.

“You aren’t asking me to move forward, Sara, you are asking me to move backward,” Samantha said, picking up her glass of wine from the table between them and willing herself not to think about how she’d felt when
Jason’s lips touched hers on the ferry ride back from Vashon two months ago.

The feelings the kiss had stirred inside her were becoming difficult to ignore.
Samantha loved the way his arms felt and the way his smell comforted her during what should have been a scary moment. Yet, she hated that the first time she’d felt alive since the accident was when she was in his arms. She hated even more that he’d kept his promise to her. He’d behaved these last months as if the kiss hadn’t happened. The only glimpse that it had was the way his eyes drifted to her left hand at some point every day.

“You think admitting you might’ve been wrong about Jason is moving backwards?” Sara raised an
eyebrow at Samantha and began picking the thorns off the rose’s stem.

“No, I think taking him back is though.
I mean, isn’t it just easy for me to fall back into our comfortable, old relationship?” Samantha’s eyes moved to the lake, watching as a boat roared past her dock, avoiding her sister’s gaze like she’d be able to tell that something had happened between her and Jason.

“That’s ridiculous!
It’s been nearly six years, Sammy; there
is
no comfortable, old relationship. Only the new one you’re forging together,” Sara snorted.