The Weight of Small Things (26 page)

50

B
ryn stood in the dark hallway the next day, key in hand, staring at the door of the apartment she had shared with Paul for so many years. He’d be in a faculty meeting today. Every Monday afternoon for all the years she’d known him, faculty meetings had been the bane of his existence.

She felt foolish even being here. Of course he hadn’t changed. He couldn’t change.

Still, if there was a chance . . . She’d just slip in and look around. She knew where he kept his pot, his clips, his bong. She’d check the fridge and cabinets for liquor. At least then she’d know for sure.

She took a deep breath and unlocked the door.

“Hey, babe!” A voice came from the living room. “I thought you had a meeting today.”

Bryn stepped into the kitchen and looked into the living room. A young blond woman—not a day over twenty-five, if that—sat on the couch in an oversized jersey and panties, painting her toenails.

Her smile froze when she saw Bryn.

“Who are you?” She rose, holding the polish brush in front of her like a weapon.

“I’m Bryn.”

The woman’s face remained blank.

“I’m Paul’s ex.”

The young woman relaxed a bit. “What are you doing here?”

“I . . .” Bryn paused. What the hell was she doing here, anyway?

“I just came to drop off my key.”

She removed the apartment key from her ring and handed it to the young woman.

“Okay.” The blond took the key. “I’ll give it to him.”

Bryn turned to leave, then turned back.

“This is his baby, you know.” She opened her coat to pat her belly.

The girl simply stared at her.

“Take my advice, get out while you can.”

Bryn closed the door behind her and walked to her car, feeling lighter than she had in a long time.

 

“Oh my God!” Corrie took Bryn’s hands. “Are you okay?”

“Actually, yes.” Bryn smiled. “I’m fine. I mean, you’d think I’d be angry or sad or something. But mostly I’m just relieved.”

“I cannot believe him! I cannot believe he would come over here and beg you to move to Kentucky with him and promise you he’s changed, and he’s got a girl living with him. What an unbelievable ego!”

“Yeah,” Bryn agreed. “Paul has enough ‘self-esteem’ for an entire city.”

“So, you’re really fine?”

“Yes, I really am. I knew he was who he was. I just had to make sure. I should have trusted my instincts. I feel kind of stupid for even half believing him, but I had to see for myself.”

“And now you know.”

“And now I know.”

Someone knocked on the door, hard.

“I’ll go.” Bryn rose and opened the door. Bob stepped into the house without a word and took her hand.

“Okay, I know I shouldn’t have kissed you. It was stupid and selfish and . . . stupid. And I know I only just got divorced. And I know you think I still love Wendy. But you’re wrong. I mean, I do still care about her. She’s the mother of my kids, and she’ll always be part of my life. But I’m not in love with her anymore. I’m through with that chapter, and I’m ready to get on with my life.”

Corrie rose and tiptoed into the kitchen.

“Bob . . .” Bryn began.

“No, wait,” Bob interrupted her. “Hear me out. Just sit down and listen for a minute.”

Bryn walked back to the couch and sat down, keeping her eyes on Bob as he paced back and forth before the fireplace.

“Look, Bryn,” he said. “I don’t know how you feel about me. I mean, we’ve been friends forever, and maybe that’s all you want to be. And that’s okay. I mean, it’s not really okay, but it is. I mean . . . God, I’m making a mess of this.”

He dropped down beside her on the couch.

“What I’m trying to say is that I care about you. I really care about you. As a friend, but not just as a friend. As . . . I don’t know, but more than a friend. I miss you. I hate that you left and I hate that I miss you so much and I hate that I’m probably freaking you out right now and you’ll never want to see me again. But I won’t just stand by and watch you go back to that jerk! You’re too good for him. You’ve always been too good for him. And . . .” His voice trailed away and he stared at her, smiling at him.

“And I’m not going back to Paul,” she said softly. “I’m never going back to Paul.”

“Oh. Well . . . good, then. I mean, I’m glad.”

He rose. “Then I should probably go. Right? I mean, you probably were doing something and I just barged in and . . .”

“Bob, sit down.” Bryn took his hand and pulled him back down to the couch. She took a deep breath and said, “You are so great.”

“Okay,” he said, turning away. “I get it. We’re friends and that’s all you want. And that’s fine, really.”

“Are you going to let me finish?” She held onto his hand.

He sighed and sat back, looking away from her.

“You really are so great,” she said again. “And yes, we’ve been friends forever. And yes, it’s scary to think about screwing up that friendship. And yes, it freaks me out to think about being in a relationship with you. But . . .”

He turned to look at her finally.

“But what?”

“But I really care about you, too. As a friend and as more than a friend. I do worry that you’re not over Wendy. And my situation is a mess. And the timing is all wrong. And it’s probably a huge mistake to even think about it. But . . . I miss you, too. I miss you so much. And I miss Micah and Cody and Saturday morning pancakes and Friday night movies. I miss them. I miss feeling like I’m part of a family. But mostly, I miss you.”

He grinned at her then. “Are we crazy?”

“Probably,” she said.

“Are you scared?”

“Definitely.”

“Me too.”

They sat for a minute, holding hands and watching each other. Then Bob leaned forward, tilted her chin up, and kissed her.

Bryn felt her breath catch in her chest. She leaned into him and savored his smell, his taste, his touch.

Then the baby kicked.

“Wow!” She sat up straight, her eyes wide.

“What’s wrong?” He watched her closely. “Is it too much? I’m sorry. We can take things slow if you want.”

“No!” She laughed and guided his hand to her stomach. “Do you feel it?”

He paused, focusing intently on her hand on his. Then he laughed.

“The baby kicked! You’ve felt it before, right?” He left his hand on her stomach.

“Yeah, but never a real kick like that.”

“So maybe it’s a sign.” Bob kissed her forehead. “Maybe the baby is giving us a blessing.”

“Or maybe Baby doesn’t like what I had for lunch.”

They both laughed then.

“So, what do we do now?” Bryn asked softly, leaning against his shoulder.

“Now . . . I don’t know. Maybe we go on a date?”

She laughed. “That sounds nice. Maybe we can take the boys to see
Alvin and the Chipmunks
.”

“Or maybe,” he said, kissing her cheek, “we can go out like real grown-ups and see a movie with real people in it. And have dinner someplace besides Pizza Hut.”

“That sounds lovely.”

“Friday night?”

“Don’t you have the boys then?”

“I can find a sitter.”

“Okay,” she said, smiling. “Friday night.”

51

“A
re you and Bob going out on Valentine’s Day?”

Corrie poured coffee into a mug and handed it to Bryn.

“I think so,” Bryn said. “We’re going to try that new Thai restaurant on Fourth Street.”

“That sounds nice.” Corrie poured a second cup of coffee and sat down at the table.

“What are you going to do that night?” Bryn watched as Corrie sipped her coffee.

“Nothing, I guess.”

“I’m sorry, hon. You can go to dinner with us.”

“That would be
very
romantic.” Corrie laughed. “I’m fine. I’ll be fine.”

“I know it’s going to be a hard day.”

Corrie nodded. February 14 was her wedding anniversary. Every year, Mark had planned a special evening for Valentine’s Day. Last year they had flown to Bermuda for the whole week.

“I can watch the boys while you go out,” she said.

“I think they’re going to Wendy’s parents’,” Bryn said. “But I’ll ask Bob.”

They drank their coffee in silence. Then Bryn said, “We don’t have to go out that night. We can stay in and cook something together.”

“No,” Corrie said, smiling. “It’s your first Valentine’s Day as a couple; you should do something special.”

 

Bryn protested several times over the next couple days, but on Monday evening she stood before the mirror in her room, surveying herself in the glass.

“You look nice,” Corrie said.

“I look like a stuffed sausage.”

“I think it’s time you broke down and bought some maternity clothes.”

“Ugh!” Bryn grimaced. “That’s romantic.”

“You’re pregnant, honey. And you’re beautiful. Bob thinks so. I think so. Anyone who sees you will think so.”

“Hmmm.” Bryn simply stared at her reflection, trying to smooth the fabric stretched tight across her belly.

“Screw it,” she finally said, pulling the dress over her head. “I’ll wear pants.”

The doorbell rang and Corrie went to answer it. On the porch, Bob stood clutching two bouquets of roses.

“Happy Valentine’s Day,” he said, handing the bouquet of yellow roses to Corrie.

“Oh, you didn’t have to do that.” Corrie held the bouquet to her face and breathed in deeply. “They’re beautiful, Bob. Thank you.”

“Are you sure you don’t want to come with us?” Bob asked.

“No,” Corrie said. “I’m just going to kick back and watch a movie.”

“Hey!” Bryn appeared at the top of the stairs wearing jeans and a black tunic.

“Hey, you!” Bob smiled and held out the bunch of red roses. “Happy Valentine’s Day!”

Bryn kissed him, then handed the bouquet to Corrie.

“I’ll take care of these,” Corrie said. “You guys go have fun.”

After Bob and Bryn left, Corrie filled two vases with water and began arranging the roses. She placed one vase on the dining room table and the other on the coffee table in the living room. Then she sat on the couch and let the tears come. She and Mark had been married seven years today. They should be together, celebrating. Instead, she didn’t even know where he was.

After a while, she rose and walked into the kitchen. She poured herself a bowl of cereal and a glass of orange juice. “Happy Valentine’s Day, baby,” she whispered, patting her stomach.

She turned on the television and watched a generic movie until she fell asleep.

At eleven, Corrie was startled awake by the front door. Bryn came in, closing the door softly behind her.

“Hey,” Corrie said. “How was dinner?”

“I didn’t think you’d be up.” Bryn sat down on the recliner. “It was good.”

“Where’s Bob?”

“The boys have school tomorrow.”

Corrie yawned and stretched and sat up, rubbing sleep from her eyes.

“How was the restaurant?”

“It was good,” Bryn repeated, not meeting her eyes.

“Are you all right?” Corrie asked, watching her carefully.

“Yeah,” Bryn said. “I’m fine.”

“What’s wrong?”

Corrie leaned forward to catch Bryn’s eyes.

Bryn hesitated for a minute, then said softly, “We saw Mark at the restaurant.”

“Oh.” Corrie sat back, waiting.

“He was there with a woman from his office, a redhead,” Bryn continued. “Her name is Paige.”

“Paige?” Corrie nodded slowly. “Paige Chapin. I remember her. She’s only been with the company a couple years.”

“I wasn’t sure if I should tell you,” Bryn said. “Bob said I shouldn’t, but I thought you’d want to know.”

Corrie nodded again. “Paige,” she repeated softly. “Mark took Paige Chapin out for Valentine’s Day.”

She let the notion sink in for a long minute.

“Our anniversary,” she said then. “He took someone out on our anniversary.”

“I’m sorry, Corrie.” Bryn wrung her hands together.

“Did you talk to him?”

“We said hello,” Bryn said. “And he introduced us to his . . . to her.”

“I almost called him earlier,” Corrie said. “I just wanted to hear his voice. I’m glad I didn’t.”

She lay back on the couch, her arm across her eyes.

“Are you okay?” Bryn came to sit on the edge of the couch, her hand on Corrie’s arm.

“I’m okay,” Corrie said. “I mean, I don’t know. . . . Why shouldn’t he be out with someone on Valentine’s Day? We’re getting divorced. I cheated on him. He is obviously moving on.”

“I’m really sorry,” Bryn whispered.

“I’m going to bed now.” Corrie sat up and gave her friend a brief hug. “I’m just really tired.”

“Are you sure you don’t want to talk?”

Corrie just shook her head. “I’ll see you in the morning.”

Bryn watched her walk to her room and shut the door behind her.

“Damn you, Mark!” she hissed.

She sat a minute, wondering if she should knock on Corrie’s door. Then her eyes fell on the roses on the coffee table and, beside them, Corrie’s cell phone.

Bryn took a deep breath, then picked up the phone and carried it upstairs.

She dialed with shaking fingers, praying that he’d be home.

“Hello?”

“Daniel? It’s Bryn,” she said softly. “Listen, I know Corrie told you not to come out, but I think it might be a good thing for you to come anyway.”

52

T
he following Saturday, Bryn and Corrie sat in the living room drinking coffee when the doorbell rang.

“Bob?” Corrie asked, looking at Bryn.

“I don’t think so,” Bryn said. “He’s taking the boys roller skating today.”

Corrie rose and walked to the door, pulling her robe closed around her. When she opened the door, she stood absolutely still.

“Daniel?”

“Hey, gorgeous!” Daniel swooped her into a hug, lifting her off her feet.

“What are you doing here?” Corrie pulled away from him.

“I came to see my favorite girls. Are you going to let me in?”

Corrie stepped back so that he could enter the house.

“Hey, Bryn,” he said, grinning at her. “You’re looking huge.”

“Screw you!” Bryn snapped, but she smiled at him.

“You, on the other hand, are positively beautiful.” Daniel kissed Corrie’s forehead. “Pregnancy obviously agrees with you.”

He looked around the tiny living room, crowded with furniture.

“Nice place,” he said.

“We’re still trying to figure out where everything goes,” Bryn said.

“Maybe some of it needs to go to Goodwill?” Daniel laughed. “But it’s a nice house. And how great to have the park right across the street.”

Corrie still stood in the doorway, watching him in silence.

“Why did you come?” she finally asked.

“To see you, to see how you’re doing, to see how the baby is doing. I know you said not to, but this is my daughter, too, Corrie. I wanted to see you, to make sure you’re taking care of yourself.”

“Do you want some coffee?” Bryn rose and walked into the kitchen. “Black, right?”

“Thanks,” he called after her.

He turned to look at Corrie. “Aren’t you even going to say hello?”

She smiled at him. “Hello.”

“I brought something for you.” Daniel reached into the bag he was carrying and produced a big heart-shaped box of chocolates. “Happy belated Valentine’s Day,” he said, holding the box toward her.

Corrie felt tears sting her eyes.

“Thank you,” she whispered, taking the box.

“I brought something for the baby, too!” He pulled another box from the bag, this one gift-wrapped in pink-and-white paper. “Are we still calling her Emmaline?”

Corrie nodded, sinking down onto the couch.

Daniel laid the box in her lap. “Open it,” he commanded.

She unwrapped the present and opened the box. Inside she found a tiny pink L.A. Dodgers jersey and an equally tiny Dodgers baseball cap.

“I thought about the Lakers,” he said, “but I figure this is Pacers’ country, so I went with the Dodgers.”

She lifted the small jersey and laid it across her stomach.

“It’s so tiny,” she said. “And cute . . . really cute.”

“Well, it’s her first Valentine’s Day,” he said. “I couldn’t just let that pass by without doing something.”

“How long are you in town?”

“Till Tuesday,” he said. “I fly back Tuesday afternoon.”

“Where are you staying?”

“At Bob’s,” he said, smiling. “I guess he’s finally forgiven me for messing up your life so bad.”

“No, he hasn’t!” Bryn appeared from the kitchen carrying a mug of coffee. “He just can’t ever say no.”

“So you guys are dating now?” Daniel took the cup from her.

“Yeah.”

“Be good to him,” he said.

Bryn just shook her head.

“I’m going to get dressed,” she said. “And then go to the store.”

“I thought we were going to get haircuts this morning.” Corrie watched Bryn walk up the stairs.

“We can do that another day,” Bryn said.

Corrie sat a moment, looking from Bryn’s back to Daniel’s face.

“She knew you were coming, didn’t she?”

Daniel’s eyes widened. “No, of course she didn’t. Not unless Bob told her.”

She stared at him intently for a long minute, then seemed to relax.

“When did you get in?” she asked.

“Just this morning,” he said. “I wanted to see you. I’ve really been missing you.”

“You shouldn’t have come. I asked you not to come.”

“I know,” he said. “But like I said, Corrie, this is my baby, too. I want to be part of her life, even if you won’t let me be part of yours.”

She sighed and leaned back against the couch. “Well, I’m glad to see you,” she admitted.

He grinned at her and sipped his coffee.

“So, what should we do today?”

“I don’t know,” she said.

“How about we buy stuff for the nursery?”

Her eyes widened in suspicion again.

“How do you know I need anything for the nursery?”

“Bob said he’d offered you his stuff, since you didn’t bring anything from your old house.”

Corrie shook her head. “Sometimes I think we all know each other too well.”

“Maybe,” he agreed. “But I still think we should buy a crib today. And whatever else you think this baby needs.”

She smiled at him. “Deal.”

 

Bob came with the boys that evening after their roller skating adventure. He and Daniel assembled the new crib and changing table in the nursery while Corrie and Bryn made stuffed peppers and salad. The boys ran from room to room, supervising.

“Hey!” Daniel called from the bedroom. “We’re done. Come see it.”

Corrie walked into the pale green bedroom, now sporting a white crib and changing table, with a matching chest of drawers. White curtains hung in the window and a pink-and-white rug covered the floor. In the corner, her father’s globe stood beside the closet door.

“It’s beautiful,” she breathed.

“It really is,” Bryn agreed.

“Whose room is this?” Cody stood in the doorway.

“This is for my baby,” Corrie said, smiling at him.

“When did you get a baby?”

“I haven’t gotten her yet,” Corrie said. “She’ll come in June.”

“How can you get a baby if you’re not married?”

Corrie’s cheeks flushed red.

“It’s okay, buddy.” Bob lifted Cody onto his shoulders. “There are all kinds of families in the world. Like our family isn’t how it used to be, but we’re still a family, right?”

Cody nodded thoughtfully.

“But you used to be married to Mommy,” he said. “When you got me and Micah.”

“Yes, that’s true,” Bob agreed. “But remember, we talked about this. Sometimes people who aren’t married yet want to be parents. Like Bryn, remember?”

Cody stuck his fingers in his mouth and thought about it for a long minute.

“When are we eating?” he asked.

Corrie’s shoulders relaxed and she smiled at him. “In just a few minutes,” she said. “Why don’t you go wash your hands?”

“Sorry about that.” Bob touched her shoulder.

“It’s okay,” she said, shrugging. “I’m sure he’s not the only one I’ll have to answer about that.”

Bob and Bryn followed the boys from the room, leaving Corrie and Daniel alone.

“Marry me,” he said softly. “Marry me and come to L.A. and you won’t have to do this alone.”

She shook her head.

“The nursery is really beautiful,” she said. “Thank you.”

Then she walked back to the kitchen to toss the salad.