The White Cowboy - Complete BWWM Romance Box Set (14 page)

CHAPTER FOUR

Brandon leaned back in his chair. This was all too much to digest. His head spun and he wanted to talk this out with Gemma without Jessica here. That thought stopped him. When had he come to rely on Gemma?

He rubbed a hand down his face instead of running screaming from the house. Well, the screaming would be on the inside. But he refused to escape. Gemma had been right. They needed to hash this out.

“When you left, I felt as if I wasn’t worth anything to you unless I was a star,” Brandon blurted out.

Gemma looked at him with her mouth open. Then she smiled, her gaze traveling to Jessica.

This was the most vulnerable Brandon had ever been. He shifted in his chair, not liking the feeling of it. If he could get things right with Jessica, maybe he could get things right with Gemma. That was most important.

Jessica shifted in her rocking chair. “It wasn’t that simple.”

“From my viewpoint, it seemed that simple.” He said it as calmly as he could. His heart raced, and he didn’t like being vulnerable. This was why he kept to himself. Much easier on the blood pressure. His goats never asked this of him.

Jessica frowned, glanced at Gemma, then cleared her throat. “When you were a star, I was content to bask in the glow of that. When you weren’t a star, I felt lost without the attention. I had always pictured myself being a successful singer, but when I met you, I put those dreams on hold.”

“I never asked you to.”

She looked at her nails. “I know that. I just saw myself old and having never fulfilled my dreams. The idea choked me.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

She looked out the window, as if trying to remember that time. “You were so preoccupied with healing and getting this farm off the ground, I didn’t know how to tell you.”

“You didn’t think I could run the farm and support you?” Brandon said.

Jessica shifted in her seat. “No, I didn’t think so. I thought you were ready to be out of the spotlight.”

“I was, but you being in it didn’t have to mean I was in it. This farm could have been a sanctuary.”

“Yes, it could have. Ironically, this was the first place I wanted to be when all the trouble hit,” Jessica said.

“Ironic for sure.”

“I can’t stay here long-term. There isn’t room.”

“No, there isn’t, but I could expand the place,” Brandon said.

“No, I need a place of my own. Besides, you two seem to have something going on,” Jessica said.

Brandon glanced at Gemma who didn’t make eye contact. “Gemma is leaving in the morning.”

Jessica frowned. “That’s a shame. I haven’t seen you this happy in a long time.”

***

Gemma couldn’t look at Brandon because she might be tempted by him. If he asked her to stay, she might. She understood what Jessica had felt about not fulfilling her dream. So Gemma looked at the floor.

She didn’t want to know that she’d made Brandon happy. Jessica would know what that looked like. Gemma didn’t want to know any of that because it would make it harder to leave in the morning.

And anything that happened tonight would be bittersweet. If she had any place to go, she would go there, but she didn’t have any options. Breaking it off now would be better than spending another night with Brandon.

She didn’t want her heart to break or be the cause of his breaking. Jessica had done a number on him, and she didn’t want to contribute to his heartache.

“Where do we go from here?” Jessica said.

Gemma’s attention returned to the conversation.

“I need some time to digest all this. I can’t just go from being mad to forgiving you right away.”

“I am sorry, Brandon. I didn’t want to hurt you, but I was so afraid I’d die and not fulfill my dream.”

“I understand that, but what makes me mad was that all you had to do was talk to me.”

“I know that now. I didn’t see that at the time,” Jessica said.

“I don’t know why. I don’t understand that.”

“Maybe I don’t either,” she said, a frown creasing her face. “I screwed up and lost something valuable.”

“And I lost something also. I lost the wife that I thought I was going to have for the rest of my life.”

“I get it, Brandon. I hurt you. I’m sorry.”

Brandon stood. “I think I’m done for now. I need to get some air.”

***

For Gemma, Brandon’s presence left a void in the room. It would feel like that in her heart when she left tomorrow.  She had to get her business done. “I need a ride.”

“Where to?”

“I need to pick up my car,” Gemma said.

It might be better if they all took a break.

“I can do that.  Let me get my car. It’s behind the barn,” Jessica said.

Gemma put on her coat and grabbed her purse with her wallet in it. She had to pay the man. A few minutes later, Jessica drove her to the garage. “I’ll wait to make sure.”

“Thanks Jessica.”

The same greasy man poked his head into the office. “I’m not done. I’m working on it now.”

“Will you be done today?”

She had to leave. She had to get on the road before she regretted making a decision to stay. But Brandon had never asked her to stay, so she might have no reason to think he would want her there.

“I’ll be done around five.”

“Okay. I’ll come back then.”

“Call first to make sure.”

She hobbled back to Jessica’s car. “He’s not done.”

“Typical,” Jessica said.

“I can come back at five. I guess Brandon can bring me on our way to the pot luck dinner tonight.”

“Pot luck dinner?”

“Helen is holding one to benefit someone. She’s got all sorts of activities planned. I’m singing for her.”

“She didn’t mention it to me,” Jessica said.

Gemma couldn’t imagine why. With Jessica Steele as the headliner, they’d make even more money. “Would you be willing to sing? I could be your opening act. Imagine what a crowd you’d draw.”

Jessica snorted. “Everyone would come to see the washed-up singer.”

“I don’t think you’re washed up. Maybe down on your luck. Let’s drive by the bar and see if Helen is there.”

“She will be. She lives upstairs. That’s where I’ll be living. Guess I could have brought my suitcase.”

“You had no idea we were going there. You want to swing by Brandon’s and get it?”

“Might as well.”

***

Brandon saw the two women drive back in. Was Gemma’s car not fixed? Part of his heart leapt at the idea she might stay another day.

But then that would make her goodbye even harder.  Jessica parked in front of the house, then got out. She’d gone inside by the time he reached the car.

Gemma rolled down her window. “Jessica is getting her stuff and we’re moving her to Helen’s place. Besides, we need to talk to Helen.”

“What about?”

“To see if she can get the word out that Jessica Steele will be signing tonight.”

Brandon looked up at the sun as he leaned on the car. “It’s already the afternoon. How will she accomplish that?”

“Guess we’ll be brainstorming ideas.”

He hesitated to ask. “Is your car fixed?”

“Not until five. If you could drive me there on the way the dinner that would be great.”

Brandon nodded, his heart a little heavier. This would truly be the last night with Gemma. “Sure.”

Jessica walked out of the house, her suitcase in hand. Her leaving didn’t affect him the way Gemma’s would. Jessica flashed him a smile. “I’m getting out of your hair.”

“I see that.”

“Good talk this afternoon.”

“Yes, I guess it was,” Brandon said.

“We should keep talking,” she said as she paused on his front porch.

“I think so, also. Have you been to a doctor?”

She patted her stomach. “No, I just realized I was pregnant two days ago.”

“Does the father know?”

Jessica laughed. “No, he’s the one who ran off with my money. Don’t I feel doubly stupid.”

Brandon frowned. He wasn’t sure what to say. “Well, I’ll see you tonight, then.”

“You venturing out?”

“Gemma and I bought tickets,” he said.

She didn’t need any other explanation.

“Right. Then I’ll see you tonight.”

He didn’t watch her drive away. He would be doing that with Gemma tomorrow. No need to do it twice.

***

Gemma rolled up her window. “He still feels something for you.”

Or maybe that was wishful thinking on her part. If he loved Jessica, she could leave. She would have to leave. Jessica gave her a strange look. “I think he has affection for me, but that’s it. I hurt him badly.”

Gemma couldn’t disagree with her. She’d seen direct results of that hurt. Brandon didn’t trust easily, and he was always sure that Gemma was going to make fun of him. 

Jessica grimaced and put a hand on her stomach.

“You okay?” Gemma asked.

“Just crampy. Been that way all day.”

“Any bleeding?”

“A little spotting. I’m sure I’m fine. Just overdoing it.”

Gemma put a hand on Jessica’s arm. “How far along are you?”

“Thirteen weeks. Nowhere near getting a bump yet, but I am very tired.”

“Still? You should be out of the worst of it by now.”

“How do you know so much?”

“A million cousins who have had babies,” Gemma said. “Do you want to go to the urgent care?”

“No, let’s get my stuff to Helen’s and talk to her,” Jessica said.

“Only if you promise to lie down when we get there.”

“I’ll take a nap, and you can talk to Helen about our plans.”

“Deal.”

Gemma had never been so glad to see the bar. Helen lived in an apartment that could be accessed from inside the bar or outside.  Jessica toted her suitcase up the wooden stairs. She knocked, then walked in as if Helen were expecting her.

The modest apartment had cleaner lines than Gemma expected and wasn’t cluttered with too much furniture. A love seat and a recliner gathered around the television without a coffee table. Frilly curtains hung in the small windows. A galley kitchen with a breakfast bar occupied most of the back wall. Another door that probably led to bedroom sat to the left of the kitchen.

“Cute.”

Helen entered the living room from the hallway. “You don’t look so good, Jess. Go lie down.”

“I’m going.”

Jessica left. Helen turned her attention to Gemma. “How’s my star of the evening.”

“Wondering if Jessica Steele could be the star. I could be the opening act.”

Helen glanced over her shoulder at where Jessica had disappeared. “She’s willing?”

“Yes. I bet if you can get the word out, then you’d have more people.”

“I’ll see what I can accomplish on social media,” Helen said. “How’s she doing?”

“She’s not feeling well, but she plans on a nap.”

“Good. I’ll keep an eye on her. Even if she does only one song, that’ll bring folks in.”

“That was my thought.”

“That recipe you sent me looked good.”

“Were you able to pass it onto someone who could do it?”

“Of course. One of the church ladies is making it. I can’t wait to taste it.”

“Me, neither.”

CHAPTER FIVE

Clint came by to help Brandon not long after the women left. He’d wanted to be alone, but Clint never pried into his life. Though the man would always listen to him. Right now, Brandon had a lot to think about.

Jessica had revealed some truths to him. All facilitated by Gemma, of course. She didn’t meet an elephant in the room that she couldn’t point out. He had to chuckle at her.

“What’s so funny?” Clint said.

They both milked some goats for the second time that day. When he had to do this chore, Brandon was glad he didn’t have too many goats. The creamery would be by in an hour or so to pick up the milk for the day.

“Gemma. She can’t let things lie.”

“You’re seeing this as a good thing?”

“Well, let’s say I’m amused by it. Makes my life difficult.”

“What elephant was it this time?”

“Jessica and I. She made us talk it all out.”

“Did you resolve things?”

“Not sure.”

“Do you love Jessica?”

“No. She hurt me too much to feel that anymore, but I don’t hate here. I’m trying to understand her reasoning about why she left.”

“Did she explain herself?”

“Yes, she did and she apologized for hurting me.”

“That’s a huge step. You know that Jessica has always been self-centered. For her to step out of that is good.”

“Or did she have another motive?”

“What?”

“She’s pregnant. And alone. And sort of broke. Well, not that broke. I can’t help wonder if she wanted to raise this kid with me.”

“Did you want kids?”

“Yes, I did, but Jessica never seemed ready.”

“She kept putting you off?”

“Yes. I figured once I was healthy we could start trying. Then she left.”

“Did you talk about that?”

“No, her revelations about why she left were enough for now. I’m sure we’ll talk again. I get the impression she’s staying in town for a little while.”

***

Helen drove Gemma back to Brandon’s place. Helen parked the car. “I need to talk to Brandon.”

“I’d bet he’s in the goat barn,” Gemma said. “You want company?”

“That’s fine. It isn’t private.”

Gemma’s foot throbbed a little, and she vowed to take it easy for the rest of the afternoon. She could type in some more recipes while she sat on her butt.  Helen waited for her to come around the car, and they walked together to the barn.

“I just want Brandon to understand some things about Jessica.”

“You sure this isn’t private?”

“No, it’s fine. Jessica has been a good friend to me. I want to make a plea to Brandon to give her a chance.”

“I think he still feels something for her.”

“Maybe that can grow back into love,” Helen said.

The idea hurt Gemma’s heart. It shouldn’t. She’d be gone in less than twenty-four hours. Brandon would be a sweet memory. She’d bring a piece of him wherever she went. Maybe she was even leaving a piece of her own heart behind. Not wanting to dwell on that, she mentally shook herself.

Helen was on a positive mission here. These people had to navigate these lives when Gemma was gone. Why not try to help her get Jessica and Brandon together?

Despite how she realized she felt for him. If she truly loved him, she’d want him to be happy.

So he could be happy with Jessica.

“She’s changed,” Helen said. They reached the barn. “Wish me luck.”

“Luck, and I’m here with you.”

“You see my plan?”

“Of course. It’s the least I can do since I’m leaving tomorrow,” Gemma said.

She bit her lip, not liking this at all. Brandon was hers for one more night. Couldn’t Helen wait to put her plan in motion at least until Gemma left? Keeping her concerns to herself, she entered the barn with Helen.

***

Brandon looked up in time to see Helen and Gemma enter the barn. Helen looked determined, and he figured it had to do with Jessica.

“Is everything okay?”

“Jessica’s not feeling well, but I’m sure her nap will take care of it,” Helen said. “I came to talk to you.”

“Me?” Brandon said.

“I think I’m going to rest my foot,” Gemma said.

Helen looked at her as if she’d been betrayed. What had they cooked up? Helen watched Gemma leave, and had a frown on her face when she turned back around. Clint left without a word. Guess he wanted no part of this.

“What can I do for you, Helen?”

He put the last goat back in its stall. He was done for the day, but he didn’t want to stand around talking until it was time to go to the potluck supper. Which he still didn’t want to go to, but would let Gemma drag him to.

“I heard you talked to Jessica.”

Helen sat on a bale of straw. She crossed her legs in her jeans and cowboy boots.

“Yes, I did. Not sure how that concerns you.”

He stood in the middle of the barn, wishing he had something else to do. He knew Helen wanted him back with Jessica, despite her at one point wanting him for herself. He wasn’t going back with Jessica. Whatever love he’d had for her was long gone.

“Well, she is my friend and I want to see her happy.”

“Okay. I don’t know what I have to do with that.”

“Well, without you she’s alone in the world. To raise a baby,” Helen said.

So, that was it. Helen was trying to play matchmaker. These women were going to be the death of him. Jessica and her pregnancy. Gemma and her dreams of stardom. He let out a noisy breath.

“I think that situation happened because of choices that Jessica made.”

“You’re still mad at her.”

“Yes, a little, though I’m beginning to understand my part in all of this. Still, she left. I didn’t.”

“Well, she’s back.”

“Helen, I don’t love her. I can’t play house or marriage with someone that I don’t love. And even if I forgive her, I will never trust her again.”

“That’s harsh.”

He shrugged. “That’s reality.”

“It’s Gemma, isn’t it?”

“What? What does Gemma have to do with this?”

“I see now. You’re in love with her,” Helen said.

“No, I’m not. Even if I was, she’s leaving tomorrow morning. I’m not going to hold her back.”

“The way that Jessica thought you’d hold her back.”

“I wouldn’t have. I would have supported her. She never gave me a chance.”

He choked on those last words. How could she not give him a chance? He was her husband and he had loved her. That would always stick in his craw.

“But you do love Gemma. That’s why you can’t love Jessica. I see it all clearly. And she must love you, that’s why she couldn’t be here for me convincing you to get back with Jessica.”

“Helen, I think you need to stay out of this.”

Helen nodded as if she’d finally understood it all. “Will you at least be supportive of Jessica?”

“Of course I will. If she wants the baby, then more power to her. She didn’t take the easy way out.”

He had to think that Jessica had grown a little in her time away from him. But still not enough to make him fall in love with her again.

***

Gemma was typing furiously when Clint entered the house. This was only the third time she’d seen him come inside when he’d been here. How did he stay out in the cold for so long?

“I wanted to talk to you,” Clint said.

“Oh?”

“This is none of my business, but I wish you would stay.”

She couldn’t stay. She had that appointment with the agent. She was going to be a star. Besides, it should be Brandon asking her to stay. Would she if he did? “I can’t.”

“I’ve never seen Brandon so happy. Ever.”

“Clint, I can’t. I’ll pick up my car tonight, then I’ll be on my way in the morning.”

That was her plan, and she needed to stick to it. Though she wasn’t so sure it was still a good plan. She’d been searching for a place for herself; who knew she would find it in Iowa. A Jersey Girl on a farm in Iowa.

“He’s in love with you, and he’s too proud to say it.”

“I doubt he loves me. We haven’t known each other but a few days. I think you’re exaggerating.”

“I’m not.”

“Could you do me a favor?”

“Sure.”

“Bug him about getting this cookbook done. I don’t have time to format it or edit it. I’m just typing the recipes onto a flash drive. He needs to figure out how to publish it.”

“Okay. I still wish you would stay.”

“It isn’t going to happen. Are you coming to the potluck dinner tonight?”

“No, I’ll be home. I’ve been here a lot this week. I need to take care of my wife,” Clint said.

“I see. Can you keep a secret?”

“Sure.”

“I sent one of Brandon’s recipes into the recipe contest.”

“Who is making it?”

“One of the church ladies.”

“I think he’s going to be pissed,” he said.

“I hope not.”

***

Brandon waved at Helen as she drove off. He’d tried to convince her that he wasn’t going to get back together with Jessica. It didn’t matter that Gemma was leaving. Jessica shouldn’t want to be a consolation prize. He stretched his arms. The lack of sleep the last few nights was catching up to him.

Not that he would have traded this much sex for anything.

He whistled as he walked toward the house. He shouldn’t be so happy with a pregnant Jessica back in his life, but he couldn’t manage to get upset.

Gemma was with Clint when Brandon entered the house. He decided that none of it mattered. “Did you call again to make sure your car is fixed?”

He didn’t want to bring attention to her leaving, but he was going to try and be like Gemma. He was going to face the elephant in the room.

“I did. It will be ready,” she said. “I’m almost done with these recipes. I only have a few more.”

“You coming to the potluck, Clint?”

“No, I’m heading home and staying there tonight,” Clint said.

He left.

Brandon settled himself on the rocking chair.

“How’s the cow?” Gemma asked.

“Much better. She’s eating, and not so fussy,” Brandon said.

“Glad to hear it. This recipe for stew. Do you really put beer in it?”

“Usually a dark one. Instead of beef broth. I find it gives the stew more flavor.”

“I see. I’m taking that one with me. Can’t wait to try it. Too bad we’re going to the potluck, otherwise I would try one more of your recipes.”

“We can beg off.”

“No, I’m Jessica’s opening act.”

“Right.”

He drummed his fingers on his legs, restless. It was just the two of them now. The afternoon was fading, and soon they would be out the door to the dinner. He had things he could do, some bills to pay.

None of that seemed important.  He just wanted to spend the next half a day naked with Gemma. Then maybe he could say goodbye.

Her fingers tapped furiously over the keys; he didn’t want to interrupt, but he moved to sit next to her on the couch. His fingers massaged her neck.

“That feels good,” she said.

She didn’t stop typing, so he nuzzled her neck. “How many more do you have to type?”

“Three, and I won’t get them done if you keep doing that,” she said.

“That was the point.”