The Whole Lesbian Sex Book (42 page)

Glycerin-free lube has proved to be a god(dess)-send to many women who experience yeast infections that can be traced to the glycerin contained in most water-based lubricants. Glycerin is similar in chemical composition to glucose—sugar—which can create a fertile environment for yeast infections to flourish. Liquid Silk by Bodywise leads the pack of the new glycerin-free lubes. “Our customers rave about this creamy British lube,” writes the Good Vibrations toy buyer. “It contains no glycerin and never gets sticky.”
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Good Vibrations also markets its own brand of glycerin-free lube, Slip Inside, which they say is thicker and longer lasting than Liquid Silk. Liquid Silk is by far the best-selling lube at A Woman’s Touch in Madison, Wisconsin. “For fisting and anal play, women tend to prefer Liquid Silk or its cousin, Maximus. It doesn’t get sticky, has no smell, and feels close to the real thing.”
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The websites of Good Vibrations and Blowfish list the ingredients in every brand of lube they sell—an added bonus for those of us who are concerned about putting mystery substances in our bodies. The Early to Bed site features a page of “all-natural” lubes, like O’My, which even contains hemp (to discourage yeast, bacterial, and fungal infections, according to the manufacturers).

Pyrex, steel, chrome, granite…butt plugs?!? Yes. There is something about a hefty toy that “offers a uniquely weighted sensation in the ass,” says Tristan Taormino. “Tap the base with a cane or fingernails, and the sensation vibrates through the ass like you’ve got a tuning fork in there!”
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Metal, glass, and stone are a good choice if you like the fullness of a solid weight exerting pressure on the walls of your rectum. Try rolling over or lifting your ass in the air—the gravitational pull on a half-pound butt plug is something to be experienced. Pyrex and metal are easy to clean, and they conduct temperature. You can easily warm up toys in a basin of water. Plus, the highly polished surfaces help the plug slide right in.

Acrylic and glass dildos now come in a wide variety of exquisite designs. The shapes are graceful as well as functional, with lovely curves just right for G-spot play. Or bold ridges, veins, and balls, as on the Crystal Cock, an acrylic realistic available from Blowfish. Innerspace makes a large assortment of acrylic toys—voluptuous, durable, and discreet. (Many fit securely into special stands for display as objets d’art.) You’ll also find ruby curved-glass dildos, juicer-style glass dildos (the cock head looks like an orange juicer), and glass dildos with bumps, spirals, and handles that invite you to crank that baby up.

Technologically innovative vibrator designs abound: dual-action vibes (clit stimulation plus penetration), remote-control vibes, pretty vibes, waterproof vibes, stronger battery-operated vibes, strap-on vibes, and vibes that swirl and pulse as well as vibrate. Pocket rockets are among the most popular battery-operated vibrators. Hardly bigger than a lipstick, they can be kept anywhere. They’re cheap and their many imitators come in colors to match your favorite purse. Or your entire shoe collection.

Fukuoku 9000 finger vibes caused a sensation when they appeared in sex toy stores. They’re cute, fit on your finger tips, and pack a whole lotta buzz in such a small package. Then there’s the Audi-Oh Butterfly vibe. The vibe straps on where you want it most, and a control (which looks like a pager) innocently hangs off your belt. The vibrator pulses in time to music. As if you needed a reason to go dancing.

Other innovations in multitasking include a pantheon of toys that provide additional stimulation during strap-on sex. Harness cuffs fasten onto the center strap of a thong-style harness to hold a dildo or butt plug inside the wearer of a strap-on dildo. Either partner can tuck any of a dozen small vibrators into a harness or pouch for clitoral stimulation during dildo play. You can also wear a corset harness to hold up your stockings while you strap it on.

Introducing Sex Toys into Partner Play

The same communication skills you use to negotiate any type of sex will help you introduce your partner to your favorite sex toys. (See “Sex Talk Guidelines” in chapter 7, Communication and Finding Sex Partners.)

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Tell your partner your sex toy fantasies.
She may have no idea what you want to do with that vibrating cock ring.

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Bring up the subject in a relaxed setting.

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Speak in positives.
She may jump to the conclusion that if you want to bring your vibrator to bed you must find her techniques inadequate.Tell her what you like about her sexual style and what you like about sex toys.

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Trust your senses.
Are you concerned that sex toys are contrived or unnatural? One woman wrote, “I used to believe that ‘real’ lesbians only had sex in a ‘natural’ way—hands, mouth, tongue, fist.” The blood pulsing through your clitoris, the contractions of your vaginal and anal muscles, the rush of pleasure through your genitals—all are deliciously “natural.” So trust your body, not your judgments.

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Demonstrate on yourself.
Show your partner exactly what you like to do with your favorite sex toy. (See “Masturbating with a Partner” in chapter 6, Masturbation.)

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Be playful.
We call them toys because they’re meant to be fun. “My lover and I keep our lubes chilly in the fridge and then shock each other by dripping the cold lubricant on each other’s steamy vaginas,” wrote one woman.

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Go shopping together.
Perhaps your partner isn’t turned on by the toys you’ve got at home. You may be surprised by what catches her eye.

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Talk about your misgivings
. Are you afraid you’ll feel silly wearing a harness and dildo? Approach sex toys in the spirit of learning. “I still have some work to do on my comfort level with strapping it on,” wrote another. “But, you know, practice makes perfect!”

Many toys try to do too much, with too little attention to design and engineering—they appeal to impulse rather than your “smart-shopper” savvy. The women of Toys in Babeland describe such toys as “huge, slimy, battery powered monsters [that] will ‘vibro twist’ and ‘corkscrew delight’ their way right into your trash can.”
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I strap on a thick, 7-inch vibrating jelly dildo. What a godsend! It seems to fit my partner’s needs perfectly and the vibrating soft jelly-like texture feels absolutely fabulous on my clitoris.

There are exceptions, of course—including vibrating jelly dildos and vibrating anal probes featuring flexible spines. One such toy is the Flex-O-Pleaser. “Yes, the name is dorkiness incarnate,” say the folks at Blowfish, “but if you’re looking for a vibrator for insertion play, we recommend this one highly.”
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This battery-operated vibrator features a 3-inch cylindrical head on a strong, flexible 5-inch shaft. The whole thing is attached to a 5-inch handle with an adjustable switch. Other vibrating anal probes feature a vertebral column that allows the toy to retain any shape you give it. The Adventurer, featured in Rachel Venning and Claire Cavanah’s
Sex Toys 101,
ups the ante: not only does the shaft vibrate, it twirls in little circles. A little goes a long way.

How to Choose Sex Toys

There are so many toys you can purchase or adapt for your pleasure, you may feel overwhelmed by the possibilities. A quick surf through the websites of retail and mail-order outlets will show a virtually limitless choice of sex toys. You can invent your own toys, making clever use of household items, or search the produce aisle of the grocery store for erotic inspiration. How can you find out what you like? A little window shopping will help, whether you browse on the Web or in person at your local sex toy boutique. Below are some questions to consider as you begin your search, along with suggestions for play and cautions regarding safety. You can purchase the toys and supplies mentioned here from the mail-order and retail outlets listed in the resources section.

Do You Like Clitoral Stimulation?

My Hitachi Magic Wand sends me into spiraling heights of orgasmic ecstasy! I like the Magic Wand because it’s very fast and it can allow me to reach orgasm in a few minutes. It’s like a quickie, but with a toy.

Vibrators provide steady, reliable clitoral stimulation. You can choose from electric vibrators, rechargeable vibrators, battery-operated vibrators, remote-control vibrators, waterproof vibrators you can use in the bathtub, egg-shaped vibrators you can slip inside a harness cuff, and vibrators shaped like rabbits, beavers, and even bears.

For an intense buzz, try a coil-operated electric vibrator, like the Wahl, which produces quite strong sensations and features a small point of contact that can focus sensation on a very small area. The all-time best-selling Hitachi Magic Wand, with its tennis-ball shaped head, produces somewhat more diffuse sensations, though you can slip an attachment over the head for more specifically focused vibrations.

Battery-operated vibrators tend to produce sensations that are less intense than those of electric vibrators, though recent models offer much greater sensation. They also don’t hold up to years of use, unlike many electric vibrators. However, they come in many more shapes and styles than electric vibrators and are much less expensive. Battery-operated vibrators are quite versatile—they’re easily adapted to use with dildos and harnesses as well as other toys. Plus, they’ll fit in your pocket, purse, backpack, suitcase, and the glove compartment of your car. (See chapter 10, Clitoral Play.)

For solo delights, I like the Rabbit Pearl, a rotating dildo with revolving “pearls” in the shaft and two vibrating bunny ears that fit on either side of my clit…. Yum!

Do You Like Nipple Stimulation?

You may enjoy playing with clothespins, tweezer and alligator clamps, tit pumps, suction cups, hot wax, piercing needles, and other toys. Try wetting your nipple with lube and then caressing it as you would your clitoris. (See chapter 9, Breast Play, and “Teach Yourself Some New Tricks” in chapter 15, Play Nice!….)

Illustration 20. Vibrators

Do You Like Vaginal Penetration?

My favorite toy is my slender, curving, purple-and-black-swirled silicone dildo, Champ. I think its form is elegant, and its coloring beautiful. It’s just the right size for me when I’m really hot and loose.

Dildos come in all sizes and shapes—from the diminutive 5-inch Pal to the meaty 10-inch Prince. You’ll find dildos in silicone, rubber, Cyberskin, and other materials. Dildos are available in a variety of colors—black, lavender, and swirl patterns, among many others. You no longer need to put up with a sickly pinkish hue marketed as “flesh tone” (which one savvy retailer calls DOA Caucasian). You can buy dildos in a variety of abstract designs, realistic dildos with veins and balls, dildos shaped like dolphins, double dildos, battery-operated vibrating dildos, and dildos with a slit in the base to fit a small egg-shaped vibrator.

Do you like deep thrusting rather than a feeling of fullness? Try a long, slender dildo. Make sure it’s firm enough to stay rigid. Do you like a feeling of being stretched wide? You might like a thick, squat dildo.

I love my amethyst Jelly Jewel. It’s a bit too long (10 inches) but it’s the perfect width—almost 2 inches. It’s realistic—it doesn’t apologize for its invasive attitude.

Double dildos have long been popular among women who are captivated by the fantasy of simultaneous vaginal penetration—but they have rarely lived up to their promise. Either too floppy or too rigid, these double-headed dongs suffered from poor design. Traditional models worked for the few women who could “manage the scissors-like positioning and pulled shoulder muscles that come with the territory of a ruler-straight double.”
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The Nexus changed all that. It’s a harness-compatible silicone double dildo, angled and curved to actually work. The shorter, curved end fits inside you; the longer end “juts jauntily out” to penetrate your partner. “We love it’s ultraqueer chic: reciprocal pleasure, hands-free functionality, and tasteful marbling,” wrote the toy reviewers at
Girlfriends
magazine.
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The newest innovation in double-dildo design is the Feeldoe, which features an extra-short short end angled to hit the wearer’s G-spot.