The Whole Lesbian Sex Book (38 page)

Illustration 17. Seated Rope Bondage

You can even use plastic wrap—rolls and rolls of colored wrap you’ll find in the supermarket—to bind your partner to a post, a chair, or a cross. You can wrap her entire torso, save for her pubic area—which you can then attend to with sublime torture. Keep the plastic wrap away from her nose and mouth. To avoid heat prostration, remove the wrappings after 30 minutes or so—depending, of course, on the temperature of the room. On a very hot day, you’d do best to skip the plastic wrap entirely.

Conversely, the most challenging form of bondage for most bottoms is the bondage of will—no bindings, no rope, no lock and key. Simple obedience to a top’s command—“Stand there and don’t move!”—will stretch her capacity for submission. It’s especially difficult to take a whipping or caning when held in place only by one’s own desire to submit.

Restraints

Wrist and ankle restraints are often the first bondage gear we buy outside of a hardware store. You can buy fairly inexpensive wrist restraints made of cloth webbing and Velcro, or you can go upscale with beautifully crafted leather restraints. What’s important is that the material be wide enough to avoid stress on the joints and that the restraints fit snugly and close securely—many are designed for use with padlocks. They all feature a ring through which you can loop rope or attach a chain. Many women prefer handcuffs—which evoke fantasies of law enforcement officers capturing escaped prisoners. If you’re going to use handcuffs, buy a quality pair designed with a safety stop to lock them in at a comfortable point. Cheaper handcuffs tend to get tighter and tighter with stress. Don’t lose the key!

A few basic rules for wrist and angle restraint: If restraints are too tight, blood circulation will be restricted. Check your partner’s fingers and feet for numbness. Don’t keep her hands above her head for longer than 30 minutes—she could faint. Don’t allow your partner’s weight to place stress on joints—wrist and angle restraints aren’t suitable for suspension bondage.

Sensory Deprivation

Depriving someone of her senses creates mystery. With her eyes covered by a blindfold, your partner will listen to every creak and rustle to figure out where you are and what you’re doing. Since she doesn’t know whether you’re picking out a soft deerskin flogger or a stinging cane, she can’t anticipate the sensation—which will be more intense for being such a surprise. (Keep that in mind as you get ready to whack her with that toy—a little will go a long way with a blindfolded partner.)

A gag will disable your partner’s ability to communicate with words or even sound. Not being able to speak may make her feel especially helpless. Remember, of course, that in negotiating use of a gag, you must arrange a visual safeword. Will your partner be able to snap her fingers? Hold up one thumb? You must also make sure that the device you use as a gag will permit your partner to breathe easily and to swallow saliva without choking.

A hood combines the effects of a blindfold with a sense of being enveloped. A spandex body bag will extend that feeling to the entire body. Some women find the experience of wearing a hood and body bag very securing and even transcendent—alone in the dark with only your own internal awareness, your experience of yourself is greatly heightened. Yet some people find hoods and body bags terrifying. If you use one, make sure the hood is well ventilated. Again, don’t forget to arrange for an appropriate method of communicating a safeword.

You can make a hood from cut-up pantyhose. Tie a scarf or blindfold around your partner’s eyes and then slip the thigh of the pantyhose over her head. Double it over to make it thicker. You can cut a breathing hole.

Spanking

Often the first kind of erotic beating many women try is a good (or “bad”) spanking. Spanking can be very erotic because the hand comes in direct contact with the buttocks. The heat and force of the hand send ripples of sensation throughout the pelvic area. With the bottom’s pelvis firmly planted on the top’s lap, the clitoris can grind against the knee with each downward stroke of the hand.

A spanking can feel very sensual, with gentle pats and caresses, or punishing, with hard-pounding strikes of the palm against flesh. A spanking can leave very personal marks—the outline of a hand on a loved one’s ass.

Many women have strong emotional associations with spanking, as they may have been spanked as a child—many women have similarly strong associations with face slapping. “There is something very personal about being hit with an open hand,” wrote one woman. “It accentuates the power dynamic.”

Paddling

A paddle is an easy tool to wield for a novice top. Paddles are easy to find and require less skill than other implements. You can buy fur-covered paddles, or paddles with fur on one side and leather on the other. You can find a hard wooden paddle, like the ones fraternity members use. You can even use a Ping-Pong paddle. Strike only the fleshy parts of the buttocks and upper thighs. Don’t strike bone or joints. Find the “sweet” spot of the ass—that place where the upper thighs meet the buttocks.

Caning

Canes are thin rods made of rattan, plastic, or fiberglass. Many people are utterly terrified of canes—and with good reason. Canes can produce a menacing amount of pain and leave welts. A formal British caning lays “six of the best” in a mean row along the thighs and buttocks. The red lines sting in a particularly nasty way. Good caning skill takes practice. Yet because canes are so scary, they’re effective in producing an emotional reaction as well as a physical one. Many bottoms who at first reluctantly bend over for the cane eventually admit that they love getting caned.

Whipping

Whips are sensuous and beautiful—and require a degree of skill. Whips are harder to control than your hand, a paddle, or a cane. There are many different kinds of whips, such as floggers, cat-o’-nine-tails, quirts, and signal whips, to name a few.

Floggers are multitailed whips. A flogger can be constructed from a variety of materials, including deerskin, cowhide, bull hide, elk and buffalo skin—or even heavy rubber. A flogging can be sensual and subtle or pounding, and a good, hard flogging can feel like deep-tissue massage. Cat-o’-nine-tails are just what they sound like—floggers made of nine braided strands. They have the weight of a flogger, but the individual braided strands can do more damage than the individual strands of a flogger. Single-tailed whips, like 4-foot signal whips used to drive working dogs, require considerable skill to use safely.

Janette Heartwood, a well-respected whipmaker, has identified three aspects of whipping: accuracy, intensity, and connection.
²
Accuracy and intensity, she says, are “manual skills” that you can develop by practicing on inanimate objects, such as a pillow, a stuffed animal, or a padded leather bar stool.

Illustration 18. Whipping

Accuracy
is the ability to control a whip so that when the tails fly through the air, the tips land where you’ve chosen. “A whip should be visualized as an extension of your arm,” she says. Floggers and cat-o’-nine-tails will wrap around the hip if you’re not careful in your aim. Since the ends of the whip are moving at a higher rate of speed than the midsection, your worst damage will be done where you least want it—the hip bone and the soft flesh of the lower belly. Practice with a pillow until you’re sure that you can aim the ends of the whip in exactly the spot you have selected—for instance, the upper back or the fleshiest part of the buttocks.

Do not whip joints. Do not whip areas of the body where bones lack the protection of fleshy padding—such as the tailbone, spine, and ribs. Do not whip the abdomen or kidneys. Keep the tails of the whip away from the face. You can whip the breasts and vulva
lightly
.

Heartwood defines
intensity
is the “severity” of sensation and the “cadence” with which it’s delivered.

How much of the flogger makes contact with the flesh will determine how thuddy or stingy the sensation is. If you get really good, you can send the ends of the whip whizzing by so that they barely brush the skin. This will result in a very stingy sensation. A dead-on whump of the heaviest part of the flogger will result in a heavy, thuddy sensation that many women find really satisfying, like a good, hard deep-muscle massage.

Connection,
says Heartwood, is the “ethereal” aspect of the scene that draws on the top’s “empathy, centeredness, and creativity.” Connection is the ability to deliver a whipping that fulfills the needs of both the top and the bottom.

After a good, hard whipping, you can send your partner into orbit by lightly running your fingernails along her skin. The contrast can send her into fits of giggles as she begs you to stop. (“Stop! Don’t stop!
Stop!
”)

You can economize in many areas of your toy chest, but if you’re going to invest in a whip, select one from a whipmaker whose creations are respected among experienced S/M players. See the resources for suggestions.

Hanky Code

Do you flag left or right? A hanky worn in the left rear pocket identifies you as a top; a hanky worn in the right rear pocket identifies you as a bottom. Hanky codes have a long history in the gay men’s community; like slang, the hanky code has evolved from generation to generation and from community to community. When it comes to sex, most hanky codes assume the top is the insertive partner and the bottom is the receptive one—but, of course, that’s a matter of negotiation.

Clamps

You restrict blood flow when you use clamps. They hurt when they go on, and hurt more when they come off, as the blood rushes back into the area that was constricted. You can experiment on yourself. Try attaching clothespins or small clips to the inside of your arm, sides of your breasts, or nipples.