The Year I Went Pear-Shaped (25 page)

Chapter 55: Happily Ever After?

Dear Darla,

There’s this guy I really like and he flirts with me a bit, at least I think he does, sometimes I don’t know if I’m just imagining it or not. Anyway, it’s driving me crazy! I want to be with him but I don’t know how he feels. I’ve even started slowly driving by his house and trying to ‘bump’ into him when I know he’ll be out somewhere. What should I do? Taryn, NSW.

‘Fess up Taryn, what’s the worst thing that could happen? He turns you down. So what? Life’s too damned short to waste weeks, months, even years, waiting for something to happen to you. Make it happen yourself. And if he isn’t interested, big deal. You’ll meet someone else who will be. In the meantime, what else is going on in your life? What’s your passion? Where do you want to be in the next five years, ten years? Are you happy Taryn? If you’re not, this guy can’t make you happy. Start with you. Then again, what the hell do I know? You gotta figure it out for yourself. You’re the only one who really knows what you should do. No one else can tell you. Certainly not me.

Trev, or Shoulders as he was now known by everyone, looked at me dubiously.

“Darl, I’m not sure about this bit where Steve asks Dr Ramswell back to his place for a drink. No gay man I know would offer a potential shag a beer...”

He said ‘beer’ like it was a dirty word.

“...I mean, wine maybe, or vodka but never beer, seriously. If I really were Steve and I were trying to get Ramswell into the sack, I’d be whipping up some killer martinis, dry enough to pull his arsehole up into ribcage.”

“Yeah, you’re totally right Trev, I wasn’t thinking properly when I wrote that bit. Go ahead, change the beer to martinis if you like.”

We were running through the new script for Love on the Wards. I’d starting writing the show about four months ago, after all who knew every plotline and character from the last ten years better than me?  The first thing I’d done was write in a gay storyline for Dr Ramswell and a new character called Steve, a good-looking restaurant manager who’d been shot during a botched robbery and ended up in hospital as a patient of the good Dr Ramswell.

On the night of the first onscreen kiss, the show was watched by four million viewers around Australia. The highest rating in its history. The next day talkback radio around the country was bombarded with people wanting to talk about it. It was hugely controversial, all across Sydney people were having Love On the Wards parties and gathering in each other’s homes dressed in doctors and nurses uniforms to watch. While in Queensland religious groups tried to boycott the show. One evangelist nut even tried to take down the transmission tower, he just ended up spending a night in the local jail. Even the Primeminister commented on the Love phenomenon during a parliamentary debate. Naturally, the big bosses at Channel Five have been beside themselves with joy.

It was sad to say goodbye to the girls at Lush! magazine though. There was much sobbing, kissing and cocktail drinking. And I still miss the perks, the free movies, CDs, books, and tickets to gigs, not to mention no more beauty products. It’s not so bad though, in my three years there I’d managed to hoarde away more beauty products than one person could get through in ten lifetimes. Even a Kardashian.

I had to go though. You can only fain enthusiasm about stories like ‘101 New Ways To Touch His Willy’ for so long.

So, that’s it. I’m exactly the same weight. There’s been no amazing make-over and no-one’s proposed to me. Although who knows, things with Gordon might work out, it’s certainly looking good so far. I love him with all my heart and as far as I can tell it’s mutual. But if we don’t end up as pensioners together, that’s ok too. (Well, kind of ok. All right then it’s not really ok at all but I’d survive.)

I hope you’re not feeling cheated. Maybe you were wanting me to make a feminist stand and not end up in a ‘girl gets her man’ type story? Maybe you were hoping I’d denounce Lush! mag and its ilk as vile, superficial, mysogynistic crap that promotes low self-esteem in women; keeping us caged in prisons of insecurity. God forbid women actually stopped beating themselves up for five minutes, think of all the industries that would go out of business! Think of all that energy that could be used for other things like, I don’t know, taking over the reins of the world and steering the planet away from ecological devastation and certain destruction.

Maybe you thought I’d spurn Gordon and go and work as a volunteer for Greenpeace out in Ecuador. Nah, I’m not going to be spurning Gordon but I might go to Ecuador. How I weave my life from here, I’m not sure but I’m excited. I can tell you one more thing as well, no more bloody diets, scales or body shaming.

The only piece of advice I’ll give from now on is remember that you have all the answers you need, don’t go asking anyone else what you should do with your life. You already know the answer. It’s about loving yourself. Completely and unconditionally loving yourself exactly as you are right now. That is the only secret you ever need to know.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Born in 1968, Tamara Pitelen lives with two cats and the best husband on the planet.

Originally from Christchurch, New Zealand, she has lived in Japan, Hong Kong, Sydney, London and Dubai. In 2015, she moved to Wiltshire, UK, with previously mentioned best husband on planet and cats.

In 2012, she launched the first wellness magazine in the United Arab Emirates. Called Awakenings Middle East, it was ‘the guide to wellness and healthy living in the UAE’. By the time you’re reading this, she hopes to have launched a UK version.

She enjoys spirit communication, making vegan gluten-free and sugar-free chocolate desserts, doing energy healings, hot yoga, and BBC crime dramas.

See
www.awakeningsme.com
or
www.awakeningsuk.co.uk