The Year of the Beasts (10 page)

“No,” Tessa said.

Their father looked over at them both from behind the cup of coffee as it reached his lips and clicked against his lip ring. He took a long sip and put the cup back down on the table. He looked at them again, first to one girl, then to the other.

“Are you embarrassed?” he asked.

“No,” Lulu said.

“Does he have horns growing out of his head?” he asked.

“No,” Lulu giggled.

“Does he have scales instead of skin?” he asked.

“No,” Lulu belly laughed.

“Does he smell terrible? Spit smoke? Shoot lasers out of his eyes?”

The girls were guffawing now. Their father smiled. Their mother sat down and finished her pancakes. The matter was resolved.

“I have to go meet Charlie,” Lulu said. “I’ll ask him today.”

“I’ll make a roast chicken,” their dad said.

Tessa hated that she couldn’t show Jasper off and get the same reaction that Lulu got about her Charlie.

*   *   *

Tessa lay diagonally on Celina’s bed watching while Celina experimented with the number of braids she could pile on top of her head. It seemed like they hadn’t had a day alone in forever.

“You have to come, Celina,” Tessa begged.

“Why?” Celina asked.

Tessa was quiet. She didn’t want to have to say it. That she didn’t want to be alone.

“Just come,
please.
”

“You’re hopeless!”

Celina was so good at switching from one moment to the next. She moved from delighted to annoyed back to giddy with ease. It was Celina’s gift to be in the moment and then to let that moment go and move to the next one. For Tessa, things stuck with her. They colored her whole day. But having Celina as a friend made it easier to bear. Celina’s mood, when happy, was infectious.

Celina sighed and joined her friend on the bed. She put her arms around her friend and they lay there like they always had since they were little girls. Celina knew just what she needed. Just like the old days. Tessa knew that she could count on Celina no matter what. Celina was Tessa’s best friend. Celina was on her side. And best friends always knew when to show up.

“OK,” Tessa said. “Your dad’s cooking is better than my mom’s.”

“I hate her. I hate Lulu,” Tessa said. She was glad to be able to talk openly with Celina.

“No you don’t,” Celina said. “She’s just your sister.”

“You wouldn’t know anything about it,” Tessa said. “You don’t have a sister. They’re terrible.”

“If I had a sister, I would hate her, too,” Celina said with camaraderie.

“You would?”

“Sure,” Celina shrugged. Tessa knew that Celina was likely just being nice. But she took it anyway.

“She’s pretty,” Tessa said.

“You’re pretty,” Celina said.

“She’s smart,” Tessa said.

“You’re smart,” Celina said.

“Charlie likes her,” Tessa said.

“Charlie is a boy,” Celina said, which in her mind meant that he was dumb. “You two are so alike, like peas in a pod. Like twin suns.”

“That’s not true,” Tessa said. “If we were the same then Charlie would’ve liked me.”

Celina didn’t have an answer for that. She just wanted to get to the fun part of the day. Celina gave Tessa a look that said, “I have indulged you enough and now it is getting boring.”

Tessa knew deep down that no one could explain why anyone liked anyone else. It was a mystery. Why didn’t Tessa like Dylan or Tony or Lionel? Why did she slip off into the woods to be with Jasper, whom nobody liked? It was a mystery.

*   *   *

Even though Charlie wasn’t her boyfriend, Tessa was just as nervous as Lulu before he came over. How would her parents look to him? Would he think that her dad’s long hair and piercings or her mother’s sleeve tattoos were weird? Would her father, not a sports person at all, try to engage Charlie in conversation about things he didn’t know about and then look dumb? Would her mother go on and on about her rock tours with her riot grrrl band, bring out her guitar, play a few of the old songs? Would she put on an mp3 of her one college radio hit and hope that he recognized it?

Tessa could see the tension in Lulu as well. She saw when Lulu became flushed, it made her look pretty. Noticed that when her voice tightened up, it became breathy, like an old movie star and when her hands trembled, even Tessa reached out to help her. By the time the doorbell finally rang and she could hear Charlie down in the entrance way, Lulu had to pee again for the fourth time. Tessa wanted to help her sister through it. But instead, she went down to answer the door.

Dinner went smoothly. Her parents didn’t embarrass them. They were perfectly pleasant. Charlie was polite; he’d brought flowers and declared that they were for everyone in the house, which had impressed even her. But Tessa cringed with jealousy as she saw Charlie sneak his hand under the table and imagined what their hands were doing under there. Tessa pursed her lips when he complimented every bite he took of dinner. Tessa was quiet but polite and threw only the occasional mean look at Lulu.

Charlie helped their mother make the coffee.

Tessa couldn’t understand the way these things worked or why she felt so conflicted. She
had
a boyfriend. She felt that she should be happy, too.

Jasper was likely waiting for her right now with a blanket and a Thermos of hot tea in the woods. She could have asked to leave early, before dessert. She had a boy who liked her. He was right there in the woods. She didn’t have to figure out what top to wear, or which lip gloss to apply, or how to do her hair. Jasper just liked her.

But instead she felt as if she wanted to be on the couch whispering with Celina and squeezing herself in between Charlie and Lulu to widen the space between them.

She looked at the time and ignored it.

After dinner they all sat in the living room drinking their coffee.

Lulu and Charlie held hands. Celina talked about Tony. Tessa felt as though she was in a different club than all of them.

And even though no one said it, Tessa felt as if everyone was wondering why no boy had asked her out that summer. Or why she didn’t mention anyone special that she had a crush on.

Even though she was older. Even though she was just as good as Lulu. Lulu wasn’t everything. Tessa didn’t have to be left out of the support that her parents were showing. Lulu could share.

Couldn’t she have had a boy here, too? Couldn’t Jasper have come over? With his greasy hair? His in-your-face ways? His a little too edgy edge? His all-wrongness could be sitting in this living room. He didn’t have to be a secret. He could be here, too.

She wanted to figure out how to get back in the club.

Tessa stood up. Cleared her throat. Told the truth.

“I’m dating Jasper,” she said. “He’s my boyfriend and we are in love.”

Celina didn’t mean to laugh. But she did.

“That is so random!” Celina said.

Tessa knew that it was surprising because it seemed so out of left field. But it had been her secret for weeks now, and so it just seemed natural.

“You don’t have to make up a boy,” Lulu said. Lulu sounded annoyed, as if she thought that Tessa was trying to steal her spotlight.

Charlie looked uncomfortable, as though he were suddenly caught between the wills of girls. Her parents looked at each other and suddenly agreed to clear the table and clean the dishes.

“I’m not lying,” Tessa said. “I’ve been with him since the carnival.”

“He’s a weirdo,” Celina said. “Isn’t he? We think he’s weird, right?”

“Jasper’s OK,” Charlie said. “I mean, he’s not so bad a guy.”

“He’s not weird, he’s unique,” Tessa said.

“Is that where you’ve been sneaking off to?” Lulu demanded to know.

“I think I’m going to go,” Charlie said. He put his coffee cup down but took an extra cookie for his drive home.

“Jasper?” Celina said. “He’s greasy.”

“He’s not,” Tessa said. Although really he was. But her chest tightened with feeling for him; his smile, his tender eyes, his fingers touching hers, his breath, his arm around her waist, his fine mind, his big thoughts, his big dreams.

“I don’t think I’ve ever talked to him,” Celina said, “even though he’s lived next door to me my whole life.”

“So, Lulu, I’ll see you tomorrow at the movies, right?” Charlie said. His coat was on. He looked a little disappointed that he was not going to have the make out session that he had expected.

“I’ll ask Jasper to come with us to the movies tomorrow night,” Tessa said.

“Great,” Lulu said. “It can be a double date.”

“Triple date,” Celina said. “I’ll go with Tony.”

“Great,” Charlie said (although it didn’t sound as if he meant that).

Charlie kissed Lulu a little self-consciously in front of everyone and left.

“We both have boyfriends,” Lulu said. And she had said it like she was relieved.

Everyone knew that if Tessa was with Jasper, Lulu was off the hook about Charlie. The war was over.

“I’ll go tell him right now,” Tessa pulled on her sweater. Jumped on her bike. Rang the tiny bike bell. Whooped and hollered all the way to the forest. She was determined that she could convince him.

chapter

fourteen