The Year of the Beasts (11 page)

chapter

fifteen

Tessa stood out there
on the sidewalk, in front of the movie box office. The rain was coming down. It was soft, more like a mist. First she figured that she’d just miss the commercials. Then the previews. Then the first ten minutes. Then twenty. After thirty minutes of standing there on the sidewalk, all the latecomers had already straggled in and settled in their seats with hands halfway through their popcorn.

She knew.

He wasn’t coming.

She couldn’t believe that he wouldn’t come.

He’d promised.

“I promise,” he had said.

And then she had reached for him and he’d reached for her and it felt so good to be in his arms and half naked. They weren’t just making promises with words, but with their bodies.

She lay back on the blanket that he always had spread on the ground, a childhood comforter, worn down from use, splattered with cowboy themes that bucked beneath her. She was overcome in waves. Was this what bliss was, or pure joy? Complete happiness?

She imagined that it was. She imagined that this moment, frozen, was the one that she would carry with her in her heart forever.

Up above them, the sky was full of stars going about their business of warming up distant planets. A part of their light reached Tessa. She was warm on arms full of promises and potential.

She could just imagine it. He would come and meet her and her friends. They would share a bucket of popcorn, with butter in the middle. They would agree to put M&Ms on the top for salt and sweet goodness. They would hold hands. Charlie and Tony would see that Jasper was all right. Jasper would see that hanging out with the group wasn’t so bad. That he wouldn’t have to agree with everything they said. That he could disagree and be himself. Be different.

“I promise,” he had said. “I promise I’ll try.”

But now, she was still standing by the box office, holding on to the now-soggy tickets. Ink running. Ruined. She didn’t get the refund for the unripped stubs.

She couldn’t go in.

She couldn’t face her friends.

She shivered in the rain. She looked at the café, went in and sat by the window. Staring every minute outside, Tessa hardly dared to blink in case he had changed his mind.

“Something must have happened,” she said aloud to no one in particular. The waitress cleaned the table next to her with a cloth. A man turned the page of his book. A girl typed away furiously at her laptop.

She finally texted Jasper.

“Where are you?”

She texted him again.

“Are you OK?”

She texted him again.

“Did something happen?”

She texted him again.

“You’re an asshole.”

She texted him again.

“WHERE ARE YOU?”

She texted him again.

“Why?”

She texted him again.

“Meet me. Please meet me.”

Tessa checked her phone. There was nothing.

But deep down Tessa knew. It was one world and another colliding. He had told her that planets have to stay in orbit. He could be her moon. But he had to be on his own.

The sidewalk became crowded with people as the movie let out. She saw her friends. She slunk into her chair, hoping that they wouldn’t see her and think that she just went off to be alone with Jasper. She didn’t want them to think that he stood her up. But Celina turned around and caught sight of her. Tessa didn’t want them to come in with their boyfriends when she was sitting alone.

But she didn’t have to worry. Celina waved the boys away. Charlie and Tony looked surprised. But then Lulu joined in the shooing them away. The boys shrugged and shuffled down the street and disappeared, and the two girls came in and joined Tessa, ordering a chocolate cupcake for them all to share.

After a long silence Celina spoke.

“You don’t have to pretend to have a boyfriend to impress us,” Celina said.

“I’m not pretending,” Tessa said.

Lulu squeezed her sister’s hand warmly, to show support, but to Tessa it felt like a condemnation.

“I’m not a liar,” Tessa said.

“I know,” Lulu said. But she didn’t sound sure.

“Did you try to reach him?” Celina asked.

“Did something happen?” Lulu asked.

“I’m going to walk home,” Tessa said.

“But it’s dark,” Celina said.

“I don’t think you should be alone,” Lulu said.

“I don’t care,” Tessa said and her feet, which had been so firmly planted on the sidewalk for two hours were suddenly itching to move out of there. Tessa walked. And walked and walked.

He was there, in the woods, under a makeshift tarp that slapped against the trees. Jasper was sitting there and he looked so different. So slight. So small. So flawed.

Tessa’s eyes hardened.

“I can explain,” he said.

“How? How can you explain?”

“My mom wanted me to help her.”

“Don’t blame your mom.”

“I’m not. It just made me a little late getting out the door. But I went. I showed up.”

Tessa stared at him. Not saying anything. She had been there. She’d been looking for him. She never saw him. She waited for him to continue.

“I went. I went to the movies. I was across the street, and I saw you and your friends. I was going to come and join you. But you all looked the same.”

“No we didn’t.”

“Yes. You did. You all looked like you had some secret uniform. The way your hands moved. The way you and your sister flipped your hair. The way Charlie and Tony had their hands in their pockets.”

“So what?”

“I just wanted to hang out with you. I just wanted it to be like it was. Just me and you and not the whole world.”

“But we can’t just live in these woods!” Tessa said.

“Why not?”

“Because what about when school starts? What about then?”

“Exactly. I don’t want to have to sit with you at lunch. I don’t want to have to go to this party or that. I just want us to be alone. Private. Just me and you.”

“But that’s not the way the world works.”

“But it’s the way my world works.”

“I stood there and waited.”

“I know. I’m sorry.”

“Why didn’t you just tell me no?”

“Because I thought I could do it. I thought I could try to be normal so I could be with you.”

“What are you afraid of?” Tessa yelled. “Are you chicken?”

“I’m not chicken.”

Full of fury, she hooked her thumbs under armpits and made wings and started to cock a doodle doo. She could see that it bothered him. It made her crow louder.

“Shut up,” he said.

“Don’t you want to be my boyfriend?”

“Yes. I do. I like you. I
really
like you. I just have to do it my way.”

Tessa made more chicken noises.

“Don’t be like this,” he said. “I said I was sorry. Let’s just go back to the way it was.”

But something had shifted. The tarp slapped against the tree. The branches bent in the wind. The roots from the trees looked more exposed and gnarled.

She looked at him. All the softness in him had shed. Hard jaw. Sharp chin. Set ways.

He shook his head. Disappointed, he stood up and started to walk away.

She let him walk away until she realized that she wanted it to go back to the way it was before, too. But she was too late. He was gone.

She ended up below Jasper’s window.

She threw rocks at it.

She called his name.

She screamed at the tree in front of his window.

She begged.

She apologized.

She cursed.

She pleaded.

His mother came out and told her to go home.

Jasper didn’t even come to the window to see how wild he’d made her.

chapter

sixteen

chapter

seventeen

For three days the
skies were black. The rain pounded so hard that the flowers broke, trees split, and havoc was wreaked. On the fourth day there was sun and quiet and a sky that had never been so blue. After being cooped up inside with no escape, everyone in town emerged like animals from winter’s sleep to stretch in the summer day.

Lulu and Tessa hopped on their bikes. They went straight to Celina’s. Tessa made a concerted effort to not look over to the woods. She stared instead at the river and at the things that floated by.

It was a fine day. They called Charlie who promised he’d be over in a little bit. The girls put on their swimsuits. Tessa psyched herself up for the arrival of Lionel. She decided that she would flirt with him. Even if he was not Charlie, he was, with no contest, the sweetest of all the boys they knew. His dark blue eyes were full of care. His hands were always clean and soft. He was always paying attention and would point out a pothole or a rusty nail for all to avoid.