The Year of the Beasts (9 page)

Tessa would finger the things she wanted but couldn’t buy. She’d act impatiently and hurry them out of the store. She’d pretend she couldn’t find what they were looking for when Lulu and Celina called upon her from the dressing room to find a different size. She’d go to the food court and sit with all the bags while they went to just one more store.

Tessa believed that Lulu was stealing her place. Now Lulu was tall. Now she was close with Celina. Now she had Charlie. Tessa thought that Lulu was stealing everything that was rightfully hers. Especially the new shoes.

Once, they got to Celina’s house before Charlie and the boys came over, and Tessa faked a headache. She didn’t want them to see her in her same old clothes. Not while Lulu and Celina were changing into their fresh new outfits and looking like they were closer than ever. How could she enjoy burgers and a movie in her same old clothes? She couldn’t.

“Feel better,” Celina said.

“See you at home,” Lulu said.

If there were such a thing as a dark cloud over someone’s head, Tessa had one. It was a stormy little thing. With hail and lightning and thunder. And no silver lining.

Tessa stood in the hallway of Celina’s house. It was filled with bookcases and knickknack holders made of modern wood that curved. It looked both old and futuristic at the same time. She felt further away from her best friend and her sister than ever. She thought she would go straight home. But instead, she found herself in the woods on the path to Jasper’s house. She imagined that he’d invite her in and she would see his room. Maybe they would watch a movie. Or play his video games. Then before the movie let out, she’d go home and say she’d decided to get some peppermint tea on Main Street.

It was the first time that she’d been to his house. And the sight of it startled her. The porch looked unstable. The roof looked sharp. The windows like eyes. She called his name from the lawn.

“Jasper.
Jasper.
”

The door swung open and through the screen Tessa could see the figure of a woman. Her hair was badly in need of a dye job. Her shirt had stains on it.

“Who’s there?”

“Is Jasper home?”

“I don’t like people coming to the house,” the woman said.

“I was next door,” Tessa said. “I just wanted to say hello.”

“I don’t like surprise visits. Next time you should call.”

Jasper appeared. He pushed his mother aside and told her it was all right. His mother retreated into the house. Tessa stepped forward.

“No,” he said. “I’ll come out.”

He quickly closed the door and met her on the lawn and then ushered her into the woods.

“What’s up?” he said. “Is something wrong?”

Everything was wrong.

She lay in Jasper’s arms and cried. She cried and complained about the shoes, about Celina, about her parents, and some more about the shoes. She didn’t mention Charlie, although she was crying about him, too. She couldn’t say anything about that. Jasper was understanding, but he wouldn’t understand about Charlie.

He listened. He clucked. He nodded. He tried to be helpful.

“Can you take her shoes and stuff them with Kleenex?” he asked.

“No,” Tessa said.

“Can you wear socks?”

“No.”

“Can you talk to your mom? Tell her you need new shoes, too?”

“No.”

“Your dad?”

“No.”

“There must be something you can do.”

“No.”

“Well, the shoes you’re wearing now look really good. I like them.”

Tessa was exasperated. She wondered why he couldn’t understand. She cried harder. Jasper pulled her in close and kissed her all over, even her tears.

“Your tears taste sweet even though they are salty,” Jasper said.

But Tessa didn’t smile. So he made some goofy voices. First a robot. Then a dinosaur. Then a pirate. Then he bellowed like a wild beast.

And then Tessa couldn’t help but smile. And smiling led to laughing. And laughing led to feeling better. And then they spread out and read for a while, stealing glances at the birds in the trees and at each other.

When Tessa got home, she noticed Lulu’s brand-new cherry colored clogs sitting on the front stoop. The glow of being with Jasper was extinguished. She hated the clogs. Felt green with envy. Tried them on hoping that her feet had somehow grown two sizes since lunchtime.

They hadn’t.

She popped four pieces of gum into her mouth and chewed. When the flavor was all gone, she took the enormous wad and stuffed it into the toe of the clog.

The shoes were ruined.

Lulu had to throw them out.

One pair of shoes down. Three more to go.

chapter

twelve

chapter

thirteen

It would have all
been fine except for their parents, who meant well, but couldn’t possibly understand the silent war that was being waged between the sisters. They only saw that they had two good kids. Two good girls.

Lulu only had a pair of flip-flops left. They were a bit too small. Her heels hung over the backs a little. But she didn’t say anything. She didn’t complain. Tessa didn’t feel badly about ruining all of Lulu’s shoes. Small shoes were a little price. Small shoes were better than loneliness. Tessa liked to imagine that Lulu took it as a fair and just punishment. And that each time she kissed Charlie she felt the kiss all the way down to her exposed toes.

After all, hadn’t she stolen her crush? After all, didn’t Tessa have to pretend to be all alone? Didn’t Tessa have to slip off to the woods to get away from all the kissing? Wasn’t that why she’d ended up with Jasper, about whom she couldn’t even tell anyone? Her dirty, beautiful secret.

“Lulu, why don’t you invite your boyfriend over to dinner this weekend?” their father said at the breakfast table. He seemed pleased with himself.

Their mother nodded in agreement and poured them all some more coffee, her sleeve tattoos seemingly alive as she bent and straightened her wrist.

“No,” Lulu said.