The Years After (15 page)

He flinched at her acidic tone, but risked another glance her way. She finally scoffed and smiled. “But I liked seeing you. So now what?”

“Uh, I guess, we could, you know, go on a date.”

“Are you finally asking me out?”

“Yes. A date. Dinner and a movie.”

“Okay. When? Next weekend?”

“I was thinking tomorrow night.”

Her shoulders slumped. “Thank God. So was I.” They glanced at each other and shared a small smile. He finally pulled into a parking spot in front of her dorm. “So when do you work then?”

“It varies, you know, retail kind of schedule. It’s only part time, so I have a lot of leisure hours I can spend doing other things.” God, he was so good at lying and so quick, she never even questioned him or gave him a second curious glance. She simply nodded and lifted her hand to the door handle. Staring hard at her feet stretched before her, she said, “So—”

“I’ll walk you in.”
Where did that come from?
He never felt concerned before about anyone’s safety. Now he was willing to provide escort services?

She shook her head. “You’ll never leave if you do, and I really have a lot to complete. We have to make sure this thing doesn’t eclipse the rest of our lives. You know? I have a lot going on; I can’t just abandon everything. I can’t stand it when people forget their entire lives just because they get a boyfriend or a girlfriend. I never understood it,” she said with a sigh. He leaned across the console and she leaned in. Minutes passed until he finally groaned and let her go. Her eyes blinked open, “Until now.”

He leaned back. “Go on and do all your important things. I’ll pick you up tomorrow night. Six o’clock?”

She nodded. “I can come to you. My schedule is a lot more flexible.”

“No,” he snapped, slightly harsher than he meant to sound. “I mean, don’t; I’ll come to you. Promise me you’ll never come back to my end of town. It’s not safe. Let me come to get you. Promise me.”

She leaned back and her expression seemed puzzled, “Okay, that’s fine. I promise.” He didn’t mean to lay it on so thick. Gripping the steering wheel, he tried to keep his expression more casual. Just what he never needed, Olivia finding him doing God knows what.

She got out and he watched her as she half-skipped/half-jogged across the lot and into her dorm. Her hair swung behind her in a black sweep over his sweats. She turned just as she grabbed the door and waved at him. A huge grin spread across her face. The same grin that first made him notice her. His heart bumped and sped up at her simple, easy, sweet goodbye and he blushed as she ducked inside. All he could think of as he stared after her was how much he’d be hurting the only good person he’d ever met in his entire life.

Chapter Eight

“HEY, MOM,” SHE ANSWERED her phone.

“Hi, sweetie. How was your weekend?”

Olivia lay down on her bed and closed her eyes, pressing her cell phone closer to her ear. Although she had been texting her mom over the weekend, just a few lines here and there, she was really glad to hear her mother’s voice. She was very close to her mom, and in ways most girls her age were not with their mothers. Gretchen and she were best friends and confidantes; they were always like that so it was rare if they didn’t talk daily.

“I was with a friend all weekend.”

“Someone new? Or someone I know?”

“New. Definitely new. A… boy. It’s a he. I think I’ve met someone, Mom.”

Her voice reflected her exhaustion. She hadn’t slept long enough and still had many hours of unfinished homework. There was a test in her calculus class tomorrow, and the first outline of her research paper was also due, not to mention her need to practice her flute. Her schedule was heavy, as she intended to master most of the basics during her first and second year. The third year would be dedicated to fostering and expanding her musical knowledge and ability. The school had a small band that was by invitation only and which gave several performances over the year. She was lucky she got the position after trying out last spring. There were very few freshmen in it. It wasn’t like the school marching band that played at all the football games. It was a much smaller, select band intended to groom only the really serious students who aimed to formally pursue music as a career. That demanded several hours every single day of practice. But all Olivia felt like doing was curling up and daydreaming about her strange, beautiful, incredible, yet completely confusing weekend with Derek.

Gretchen was quiet for a pronounced moment. Was is from shock? Or disapproval? “Uh, wow. Didn’t expect that from you. Considering…”

“Considering I never once had a date in my life?”

Gretchen laughed, but tried to cover it. “Okay, yes. But you were never interested in boys. They showed plenty of interest towards you, so it’s not exactly as shocking as you’re implying. I’m more surprised you took an interest in one long enough to notice. Who is it? How did you meet him? Someone in the band? Or one of your classes?”

“My English class at first, but then… it’s a long story. He’s not what you’d ever expect. Are you sure you want to hear this?”

She sighed wearily. “Oh, Olivia, were you careful?”

“I didn’t sleep with him.”

“Really? Your tone of voice seemed to suggest it. You wouldn’t be the first girl to get caught up in a new romance. So what do you mean not what I’d ever expect? I expect nothing, as you’ve never shown any interest before.”

“He lied about being in my class after I mistakenly ran into him there. He used it as a way to see me.”

“Why didn’t he just ask you out?”

“Because we literally ran into each other by accident before that. We didn’t know each other at all. It kind of makes sense. I was interested, but if we hadn’t had this
class,
quote-unquote, together, nothing would have come of it.”

“All right, so the poor kid is so smitten with my lovely daughter, he has to lie to meet her. So why do you sound so hesitant?”

She stared up at her white ceiling and sighed. “He’s from a really screwed-up family. I don’t know all the details. He’s living on his own already. His father was murdered when he was younger, and he doesn’t want to talk about his mom. I swear to you, Mom, he doesn’t even understand what a normal relationship is like. Any kind. He’s puzzled that he even wants to date me. I don’t think it’s an act. He seems confused why he wants to be with me all the time.”

Gretchen’s voice was kind as she said, “Of course, he wants to be with you all the time.”

“You’re my mother; you have to say that.”

“Actually, I don’t. I wasn’t your mother as a baby girl. I didn’t have to take you in at eight years old, but I wanted to. I chose you. So really, I can say this. I could not resist you, and neither could Tony.”

She squeezed her eyes shut. “That’s the thing. I could have been just like him. If you and Dad hadn’t taken me…”

“I know. I think of that often. How lucky we were to get you, and I hope you feel lucky to have gotten us. Just don’t mistake sympathy for your real feelings.”

“I have real feelings for him,” she said, her tone growing softer. She might have been new and naive to the experience, and sometimes got embarrassed easily, but she knew she had something substantial. Her different feelings towards Derek Salazar superseded any other new person she’d ever met.

“You also don’t have a lot of experience. Keep it in check. Keep it real, Liv. Those feelings can be overpowering and overwhelming. They turn regular, normal, logical people into stupid, blithering idiots. And you’ve only just begun your freshman year in college. Don’t settle down yet. Experience everything, make lots of friends, and do all that stuff now. There is plenty of time later for steady relationships. Trust me, I wasted all my college years with Will Hendricks. I never experienced it as fully as I should have. I regret that now. I just don’t want you to suffer from that same type of regret.”

“I’m not going to quit the things I already do.” Her mom might have been right, but Olivia already felt something very deep and powerful, and so far out of proportion with the short amount of time she’d known Derek.

“Just keep your head, honey. Things are usually their best at the start of any relationship. But remember this: things usually aren’t totally real either.”

“I’ll keep it check.”

“Good. Have you met other friends?”

“Yes, people in my classes. And Ally and Kylie already introduced me to a lot of people on all those weekends I hung out up here last year.”

“Speaking of… how is Kylie?”

“You’re still not repeating everything I say to Aunt Tracy are you?”

“Never. I want you to trust anything you say to me. I refuse to be the go between for them. Unless, of course, you ever think she’s in real danger. I mean it, Liv, if you see any you signs of that, you need to tell me.”

“She sleeps around a lot. She drinks too much and parties all the time. If she’s passing even one class, I’d be shocked.”

“Some of it might just be college life.”

“You mean all the stuff you want to make sure I fully experience?” Olivia asked, not bothering to mask the irony in her tone. “Maybe, being monogamous with one guy wouldn’t be so bad, huh? At least, compared to that?”

Gretchen let out a laugh. “I deserve that. No, I probably don’t want to know you’re sleeping around. But there must be some kind of middle ground between the two, isn’t there? But Kylie… she’s always been so fragile and easily swayed by her peers and popular opinion. You always blew everyone else off and grew even stronger in your convictions. Kylie, meanwhile, bent over even more and let other people determine who she was and would be. I doubt she even has an inkling.”

“I can’t control her. I know Aunt Tracy was hoping I could calm her down. But you know Kylie. I can’t. And she’s my friend too. I don’t want to control her.”

“I know. Just keep an eye on her. If she ever seems out of the ordinary, or very sad or wild, or resuming her eating thing…”

“Her eating thing is out of control,” Olivia finally admitted. “Is she anorexic?”

“She’s flirted with it for a few years. I don’t know exactly. Tracy doesn’t, either. But as you know, she’s nineteen years old; what else can we do, but keep trying to get her to talk? She shut Tracy out for the last year especially.”

“You can’t put me between you all. She needs me to be her friend, someone she can trust, more than a keeper.”

“I realize that. That’s why everything you tell me stays between us. Like I said, just be aware.”

“I’m aware,” she said, her tone sounding heavy. Her cousin sometimes made her so sad. She’d been such a mess for so long, there seemed no real answers. Kylie was just all around unhappy, and it nearly killed Olivia that nothing seemed to change that. Kylie based her self-esteem on other kids’ opinions. She hoped college might free her even a little bit of that burden. But it only spiraled further downward the longer she remained here.

“Liv?”

“Yeah, Mom?”

“Please be careful. I know you’re an adult and all—”

“Barely.” Olivia interrupted with a scoff.

“Barely. Glad to hear you say that. But I’m your mother, and I worry about you. I know you deserve to break loose and have some fun, but I must insist if something ever happened to you—”

“I know, Mom. I’m not stupid.”

“No, you’re not. You’ve always been light years more mature than most kids your age. I just worry about things I can’t control. And about the stuff Kylie’s involved in. Please, please be careful. When you go to those parties and are around drinking and boys…”

“You sound like Derek.”

She hesitated, “Derek? Is he the new boyfriend?”

“Yes. One plus: he doesn’t drink at all, and he doesn’t like me going to parties with Kylie. He has all kinds of parental-sounding warnings, and keeps telling me to be careful and not to go out alone, and to watch my drinks and—”

“I could get along with that. Maybe you’re right, one trustworthy boy might be better than several to have fun with.”

“I honestly don’t know if he is. He’s hard to get answers out of. He doesn’t want to talk about the rest of his life. I think it was really bad. You know, the kind of stuff you usually work with troubled kids about. He uses these
go to
lines on me sometimes, and I don’t think he even realizes he’s doing it. But then, I see glimpses of someone else in all that…”

“Time, kiddo. Make sure you give it some time. But I’m glad to hear you’re aware of things.”

“Can’t have a psychologist for a mother and not be.”

She sighed heavily. “Oh, Liv, I abandon all my training and intelligence when it comes to you. Your dad actually handles your problems better than I do. I lose my mind sometimes being your mother. I still want to bring you home and lock you up safely in our house forever; and tell you to run away from boys with bad pasts and no family and maybe, secrets.”

“But if I can’t give people who grew up with less than me a chance, how could I live with myself? It could have been me, Mom. I could have languished in foster care, feeling lost and alone and confused in the world. I swear to God, no one’s ever even talked to him. I’m just using the compassion you and Dad taught me.”

She groaned. “Perhaps we were too successful with you. Then again, I swear to God, you were like that at eight years old. All right, just be careful. I love you.”

“Love you, too.” She slid the phone from her ear and just lay there for a while, thinking about her mom’s warning. She thought about being away from her parents, and felt a childish urge to rush back home. This place was not her home. It was different, fun, and even exciting, but definitely, not her home. She missed it sometimes. It sometimes lodged in a thick knot in her throat, or burdened her like a weight on her chest. Even the distraction of Kylie and Derek didn’t always make up for her homesickness.

Her parents expected her to do well. And she wanted that, too. Finally, she rose off the bed, slid her feet onto the floor and went to her backpack to dig into the work she’d been putting off.

****

They began dating and Derek mostly came to her dorm, where they hung out or someplace close by. He took her to dinner the first few times, but soon, they quit that and just mostly hung out together, at the park close to campus, or around the campus in general. They went to some events that were on campus and Derek tagged along as if he belonged. He often accompanied her while she practiced her music or did her homework. He’d mess around on his phone, or just lie there, listening to her. She sensed he found something very comforting about her dorm room. To her, it was too small and odd; but it seemed more of a home to Derek than his own. He rarely took her back to his place. Despite Kylie’s unexpected arrivals and departures, Derek did not like to take her back to his place where they’d have had total privacy.