The Years After (34 page)

Even Gretchen quit scowling and listened with her jaw dropped.

Derek rubbed his hair. “I sold drugs for eight years straight. I was pretty good at it. I could slip and in out of places without getting caught. People tended to ignore me. I was known as simply
Derek
on the streets, and no one knew I was Quentrell’s brother.”

“Why me?” asked Olivia, interrupting him. “Why did you talk to me again? Why did you come back to my classroom? I’m what doesn’t fit into your sad story.”

His face contorted, and he shrugged as his lips tightened into a line. “I don’t know. I don’t know why you. I—I just liked you. I never had a feeling like it before. I never just liked anyone without a motive. Or a reason. My intentions were not evil. No conspiracy to blackmail. I just liked you. I didn’t think it would go anywhere. And when it started to, I considered you my one escape from it all. I knew what my life was. If I reached the age of twenty-one, it would have been a long lifespan for someone like me. Jail or death lurked around every corner for me, and you were the one who showed me something different. Something more. That’s how I justified it.” His lips tilted into a sardonic, yet sad smile, “See? I even lie to myself. It’s a disease I don’t know how to stop.”

He’d never been completely honest with her. She’d known that from the very beginning. She even allowed it to go on, believing the pain of his past prohibited him from telling the truth. She was right, his past was definitely that horrific. Derek recounted it in a dead, monotone voice. She knew this was the real Derek, completely undone. He wasn’t even the same person she last saw.

Max sat all crunched up inside his chair. He didn’t react either. Gretchen leaned forward. “You can’t stay here.”

“No. No, of course not.”

Derek started to get to his feet just as Olivia was about to say, “Mom!”

“But you can’t go back there.”

Everyone’s eyes whipped over to hers. Gretchen slowly stretched her legs out to stand up. “Max? Come on; let’s get you cleaned up. And fed. You both need a decent meal. You can borrow some of Tony’s clothes while I get yours all washed up.”

Her mother stood and waited for Max to obey, and oddly enough, he did. He got up and shuffled after her. She came back out with his filthy clothes in a laundry basket. “Why is he so dirty? Why does your little brother smell so bad, Derek?”

“My mom left him a while ago. He’s been living alone. I didn’t know.”

Her gaze stayed firmly on his. “You boys need help. Serious help. Has anyone ever gotten him any speech therapy? He might suffer from apraxia from what I heard of it.”

“Ap—what?”

“A speech disorder that takes lots of speech and occupational therapy to overcome. That’s just a guess, of course. No one ever thought to help him?”

“I don’t know,” he answered, and his confusion was quite clear. Her mom’s face softened. “Okay, Derek. I’m getting a better picture of where you came from. You’re not turning out to be the big, bad, drug pusher I had built up in my mind. And that little boy in there is not at all. So, together, we’re going to figure this out. But you have to understand: this is not about Olivia. You
cannot
be with her. Do you understand me?”

He nodded. “I understand.”

She nodded as she turned towards the kitchen. “Come on, Tony, we need to make some phone calls.”

He jumped up and followed her. Olivia’s head was spinning at the sudden switch in her mother’s loyalty.

Left alone, they stared at each other.

He cleared his throat and Olivia came closer to him. In the past, it would have been so easy to slip into his lap and curl up next to his chest. She wanted to. So much so, it made her ache not to touch him. He looked so lost and hurt, and she felt that way. It was all too much and too intimidating. It gave her a scary, hopeless feeling. She’d never heard of circumstances like those under which Derek lived.

When she finally sat down right next to him, he glanced at her, looking completely startled.

“I didn’t picture anything as bad as the story you just told us.”

“How could you?”

“They’ll help you. My parents? They’ll figure out what to do. They won’t let either of you go back to that. You have to believe that.”

His mouth pressed into a tight line. “I think Max deserves a better life. I’ll owe them forever for doing that, something I never did.”

“How were you supposed to? You were trapped and hurt and scared. Did you really sell drugs to keep Max safe?”

“Quentrell promised if I made enough money, he’d leave Max out of it. I didn’t count on him devising ways to sell him off as a fighter.”

There was so much to say. A lifetime of abuse and strange, cruel things she could not begin to even understand or know what to say. Instead, she asked simply, “Did you like it?”

“What?”

“Selling drugs?”

He tilted his head and finally shrugged. “I didn’t think about it really. It’s just what I did, always. Instead of sports, or a hobby, or school even. I did that. I guess it became a habit. It kept me busy. It was always exciting, as I never knew what was coming next. Got a few close calls with the cops, and violent people who were too strung out and craving stuff, even when they couldn’t pay. I didn’t like that part. But no, I guess if you’re asking did it offend me like it would you? No. It was the status quo in my life always.”

“Why didn’t you ever start doing drugs?”

“It seemed the only thing I could control. I had to sell them. And be around them, but I didn’t have to take them.”

“You didn’t go to school?”

He shrugged and turned to stare out the front window. It was such a pretty neighbor. His face looked as if he kind of detested it. “No. Not for very long. I learned to read somehow. That’s about it.”

He kept staring out the window. She watched his mind starting to click. He was thinking of running. She felt it down to her toes. She leaned forward and touched his arm. “Where are you going to go?”

“What?” His startled glance found hers. At least, she had his attention.

“When you run? Like always? Where will go? You think we’ll finally keep Max safe so you can what? Run off into nowhere, Derek? Just stop. Stop running. Your running almost got me killed. As well as yourself. Your judgment is skewed. You have no real idea about anything. So stop. Let my parents figure it out. You can’t. God, even I can’t. So just sit your ass right there, and consider it punishment for what happened to me. This time, you don’t get to run.”

“I admitted to killing my father. They’ll have to turn me in. And Max? He has no guardian. They’ll turn him over to foster care. I can’t watch it. You don’t know the shit out there. At least, I know the shit I’m fighting. It’s a place where I’m quite comfortable.”

Olivia touched his hand with hers. He jerked as if she’d just launched a firework up his ass. “No. You don’t know that. Fight for your brother. Stay here and make up for what you didn't protect him from. You can be a good brother now.”

Her words resonated with him. She saw the moment his tense shoulders relaxed as he finally nodded and barely whispered, “Okay.”

She got to her feet. She was still worn out, from all of it. His story, and pain, and Max’s, and what happened to her. She could not deal with any of it anymore. “I need to go lie down. Don’t run. We can’t make you stay. But this is it, Derek. This is your one chance in life. I wasn’t it. This is. Don’t fuck it up like you did everything else in your life.”

With that, she left him there where he could disappear from her and Max forever. She had no idea what he’d do.

****

Derek sat in their pretty, clean living room for another half hour before his brother came out. He was clean and didn’t smell. That was something. He sat down in Tony’s sweats and a shirt that was too baggy on him. “A-are we staying?”

“I don’t know what else to do. We have no one else.”

“It’s more than we’ve ever had. They’re nice.”

Derek considered his little brother. “Yeah, they are. I’m sorry. I didn’t protect you. I didn’t get you out of there. I just didn’t know how. I thought I was doing enough. I thought—”

“I know.”

Derek nodded. Of course, Max knew. They were so busy trying not to die each day, it was hard to look after each other. “I won’t run again. I won’t leave you, Max.”

He shrugged. He didn’t believe him, and why should he? Derek wasn’t so sure he believed it himself. He’d lied and cheated for so long, he wasn’t so sure he could cease doing it.

Later, they came back into the living room. They had Olivia come back down. There was no hiding stuff here. He got that pretty quick. Just like there was no hitting or drugging. It was far from his sense of normal.

“So we think you’re both in danger. You can’t go back to Marsdale.” Tony glanced at each of them.

“What about the gun? My dad? Should you call the police?”

“No. No good can come of it. Other than, Quentrell will find you, right?”

“Probably.”

“Where will they go?” Olivia asked, looking puzzled.

Gretchen wrung her hands together. “To start? For now, we think they should stay with some friends of ours. Far from here. Far from your brother’s reach. And far from Olivia.”

“Where?”

“Lindsey’s house. They have the room, and they’re willing to let them come.”

Lindsey Cole was her mom’s best friend. Olivia had called her Aunt Lindsey since first meeting her when she was eight. They lived hundreds of miles, and two states away in a little town in Washington state. Olivia gasped. Derek glanced around. “Where?”

“It’s my mom’s best friend. That’s actually perfect. And she agreed?”

“Noah and she agreed.”

“Why? Why would anyone help out strangers that could possibly bring danger to them?”

“Because once, she was in danger, and I let her stay with me despite the danger. Because there are decent people out there, Derek, who will help people who need it. And the only danger you can bring there is in what you two do. The rest stays here.”

“Look, this isn’t right. What we’re doing. Max is under age and we should be calling the police and handing him over to Child Protective Services. I’m a counselor and I know the laws, and I’m willingly disobeying them. Will you go? You’re eighteen, so we can’t make you,” Gretchen urged. him

He glanced at his brother. Fear of the unknown was written in Max’s face. The kid could take on huge, older criminals to fight, but feared that. “I’ll go. I’ll go wherever Max goes. And can’t it just be two brothers who are out taking a vacation together? It’s not like Max’s guardian said no.”

“You know how to work any angle to suit your needs, don’t you?”

Derek flushed and nodded. Gretchen smiled. “In this case, we’ll say that’s what’s happening. Go up there and learn something, Derek. Learn how a decent person acts and lives. Stop this cycle of insanity you’ve been raised in. Learn what a boyfriend does for someone he cares about. Let this chance save your life.”

Derek took in a sharp breath and nodded. He had no idea how to express what he was thinking or feeling. There were no words. Nothing glib came to his mind. Finally, he settled for “Thank you. I will try.”

“Just try,” Tony emphasized. “Try, Derek. I’ll take you both up there. We’ll leave tomorrow. It’s a long drive.”

“You don’t have to.”

“How will you get there? We’ve come this far, we’re not losing either of you now.”

His throat hurt and his eyes ached. He was so lost, he had no idea of his own name. But he nodded and said, “Thank you, sir.”

“You’re welcome, kid.”

Chapter Seventeen

THE TRIP TO WASHINGTON state took two long days of driving. Tony and Derek switched off. They talked some; and listened to boring talk radio. But it wasn’t terrible. Derek kept reminding himself he could run any time. He could cut out and run away. He’d make sure Max was taken care of and he’d get the hell out of there. It was far enough from Quentrell that he could probably successfully disappear. Wherever they were going was only temporary, like everything else in his life, so it didn’t really matter what happened. Except, what happened to Max.

Max, as usual, rarely spoke. He was a silent teen with a menacing look whose eyes appeared either dead or flashing in anger. The thought of what would happen to Max had Derek nearly throwing himself out of the moving car more than once. He was responsible for so few things in his life; why was it now on him to make sure Max didn’t end up like he did?

Tony announced they were pulling into Ellensburg off the interstate. The land was flat with low mountains on the horizon. What caught his eyes first were what looked like giant windmills. They were clustered all around and in different spots. As they drove closer towards the sprawling town, they approached the towering structures. All white, they stood over two hundred feet tall and had huge, spinning fans. They looked spooky, like alien creatures, standing at attention.

Tony nodded towards them, “Wind farm. The turbines create electricity for the local utility company. The wind never stops blowing here, perfect spot for them.”

“Impressive. But a little freaky-looking.”

“Honestly? It’s really the only impressive thing about the area.”

The town wasn’t much. A few streets and buildings. A college campus that was pretty enough, but not much different from Marsdale and Peterson College. Derek knew they had drug dealers and Quentrell’s equivalent somewhere hiding in the pretty streets and distant farms and ranches. Illicit drugs were everywhere. They infected all walks of life and society. Wherever Derek stopped selling, another dealer filled his place. He knew he could get hooked up here in a matter of days. And it would take little more to be back in business. At least here, there was no Quentrell so maybe he could control it. Maybe even get Max out of here and forever out of Marsdale.

“Noah is a veterinarian. Lindsey was the mayor. They are good people, Derek. This is a good place. Don’t go looking for trouble, and if it finds you, don’t engage it. This is it, kid, your one chance in life to not end up like the rest of the men of your family, and to keep your kid brother from following in your footsteps. Do you hear me?”