Thicker Than Water (21 page)

We all remember certain days best.

For me, it was one snowy Christmas Eve, when I looked at my strung-out, almost-unrecognizable brother and thought,
Maybe it would be better if he just overdosed and ended it. Then we wouldn't have to do this anymore.

That was a really horrible moment. When you live in a family invaded by addiction, there are a lot of really horrible moments.

But, unlike Cyrus, my brother is still with us. He has human struggles like the rest of our family, but he has triumphed over a kind of evil that most people will never have to face. As I write this, he's recently reached his fourth year of sobriety. I am proud of him in a way I can't possibly explain in words.

My brother isn't just the hero of his story. He's the hero of
my
story.

It took my brother's sobriety to heal our relationship, just like it took his sobriety for me to write this book. It also took a lot of time and tears and reliving terrible memories. I had to ask my brother questions I didn't want to know the answers to. And, most of all, I had to forgive him. And to forgive myself.

If I could go back in time, I would wish I'd had more empathy as my brother struggled through his addiction. I wish that I'd understood better. In some ways, writing this book has allowed me to leave my anger and my pain behind, to shed the emotions I'd carried for so long. My family is better for what we've gone through. Yes, we are still in recovery. But every day is something like a miracle, something we never really thought we'd get back.

And I wholeheartedly wish that for everyone who knows this struggle—the parents, the children, the siblings, and the addicts themselves—I hope all of you will find what I've found: miracles and empathy and your own personal hero as we all take things one day at a time.

When writing this book, the single most important thing to me was authenticity. In order to create and maintain this authenticity, I tapped into an assortment of sources to capture the varied nuances of families in crisis due to drug addiction. Among those sources were the A&E Network's
Intervention
;
Unguarded: The Chris Herren Story
, by ESPN Films; Current TV's Vanguard series, including
OxyContin Express
,
Gateway to Heroin
, and
Facing the Dragon
; the books
Beautiful Boy
, by
David Sheff, and
Tweak
, by Nic Sheff; the movie
Winter's Bone
; and Lisa Ling's investigation into heroin abuse for
Our America
on OWN.

In addition, the music of the Offspring, Fuel, P!nk, and many others played a key role in my process. I owe these artists a debt of gratitude for writing the kind of songs and creating the kind of music you write books to. Similarly, a handful of excellent, well-crafted novels were my “go-to” tools to help both write and structure this text, most notably
Teach Me
, by R. A. Nelson;
Liar
, by Justine Larbalestier;
Speak
, by Laurie Halse Anderson;
Clean
, by Amy Reed;
Please Ignore Vera Dietz
, by A. S. King; and Sara Zarr's
Story of a Girl
. Also, everything Barbara Kingsolver has ever written. Maybe even her grocery lists.

Lastly, I originally wrote CeCe's poem, “Canoe,” for my good friend Ken Robidoux, and a different form of the poem was first published in
Potion
magazine in 2004.

I'm indebted to so very many people.

My agent, Suzie Townsend, whose enthusiasm for this book and my career has brought me here. She understood CeCe from the moment she met her and was willing to be her champion—and mine. Likewise, Joanna Volpe, Kathleen Ortiz, Jaida Temperly, Danielle Barthel, Pouya Shahbazian, Jessica Dallow, Jackie Lindert, David Caccavo, Mackenzie Brady, and everyone at New Leaf Literary have been so welcoming. Thank you for inviting me into this wonderful agency that you've created. It's nice to call it home.

Karen Chaplin is a tremendous editor and her influence is indelible in this book. She was able to push me further and rein me in—it's the best kind of dance you can perform with your editor and I'm beyond grateful. Likewise, I need to thank everyone at Harper Teen, including my cover designers, Erin Fitzsimmons and Kate Engbring; my production
editor, Bethany Reis, and copyeditor Daniel Seidel; and Kimberly VandeWater, Olivia Russo, and the rest of marketing, publicity, and sales. Your support has been astounding.

I wrote a lot of words before I met poet Michael Waters, but he's the one who taught me how to write them well. I am indebted to him, as well as to Jim Harms and Mary Ann Samyn. Taking poetry workshops was the best thing to happen to my prose. Likewise, my beta readers—Dahlia Adler, Chelsea Pitcher, and Rachele Alpine—are as much to thank for the coherence of this book as anyone. Their support and kindness have been phenomenal. Without ever meeting in person, I've found three people I trust implicitly with my work.

I am incredibly “lucky” to call myself a Lucky 13. These 2013 debut authors have been friends, confidants, venting outlets, creative muses, and so much more. I owe them all a huge thank-you for their support and words of encouragement, especially Justina Ireland, Karen Akins, and Ellen Oh.

My fellow Binder Mods—Jess, Hebah, Tess, Sharon, and Dahlia—are the best daily sounding boards and cheerleaders with whom I share so much through the magic of Facebook messenger. Thank you, ladies, for always being so willing to listen or commiserate or send stickers of Pusheens. You're the best.

A handful of close friends and family members have been nothing if not supportive, and I owe them a debt of gratitude, especially Matt Fiore, Ali Lazorchak, Katie Wheeler,
Carly Keene, Lauren Martin, Ken Robidoux, Kaite Hillenbrand, the Nichols family, and Danny O'Brien.

I owe Josh Stultz a thank-you of epic proportions: he continues to be my attentive audience, my immovable rock, my willing chauffer, my shoulder to cry on, my photographer, my therapist, my boyfriend, my best friend, and my biggest fan. He keeps me sane and he makes me brave, and I completely love him for it.

My parents are more than just supportive—they were willing to allow me the creative and emotional freedom to explore our struggles as a family in order to write this book. Thank you, Mom and Dad, for being pillars of grace and the strongest people I know.

My son, Max. Darling boy, regardless of where my imagination takes me or where my characters run to, every highway leads me back to you. I love you big much.

Most of all, this book would not exist in any form had it not been for my brother's brave battle with addiction and his commitment to sobriety. I don't even know how to say thank you to him, but I'm so very glad he's still alive to hear me say it. In all ways, this book is for him.

Photo credit Sommer Quillen Photography

As a teacher,
KELLY FIORE
had a lot of interaction with teens, and this book in particular is very close to her heart. Kelly has written two young adult romance novels:
Taste Test
and
Just Like the Movies
. She earned her MFA in poetry from West Virginia University and has received two Mid Atlantic Artist Awards from the Maryland State Arts Council. Visit her at
www.kellyfiorewrites.com
or on Twitter @kellyannfiore.

Discover great authors, exclusive offers, and more at
hc.com
.

Cover photograph by Peter Dazeley / Getty Images

Cover design by Cardon Webb & Kate J. Engbring

HarperTeen is an imprint of HarperCollins Publishers.

THICKER THAN WATER
. Copyright © 2016 by Kelly Fiore. All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the nonexclusive, nontransferable right to access and read the text of this e-book on-screen. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, downloaded, decompiled, reverse-engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereafter invented, without the express written permission of HarperCollins e-books.

www.epicreads.com

Library of Congress Control Number: 2015947626

ISBN 978-0-06-232473-3

EPub Edition © December 2015 ISBN 9780062324757

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FIRST EDITION

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