Thin White Line (16 page)

“Ryder mentioned you were quiet all week. Now I understand why. I had figured it was your mom and dad. Shit.” She shakes her head again. “That’s why you stayed in the library at lunch.”

I would have left for lunch if we were allowed off campus, but we are on lockdown and unable to leave during the lunch hour. “I did get a lot done this week, though.”

Brooke opens her mouth, but closes it a second later when Sadie appears with a new layer of bright red lipstick. She glances at us. “Why so secretive?”

My stomach tightens. I hope she hasn’t heard us.

Brooke’s gaze shifts to her and she lifts her chin. I think for a second she might say something. Instead, she clears her throat. “You ready?”

“Definitely.” Sadie does a little shake of her head and body. She can barely contain her excitement. No doubt she’s excited to see Ryder. Who knows, maybe they’ve seen each other all week?

Giving my hand a firm squeeze, Brooke turns and walks down a hallway that leads to a door that says STAFF ONLY. A tall, burly guy with beefy forearms crossed over his chest stands guard outside the door.

“I’m with
The Frozen
,” Brooke says, pulling her I.D. out of her purse. “These are my two add-ons.”

After checking our I.D.’s, the guard gives me and Sadie passes that he places over our necks. “Keep them on at all times or you’ll be kicked out of the building,” he says, opening a door into another hallway. We follow behind Brooke to the back room where THE FROZEN is written on a whiteboard in purple sharpie.

The door is locked. Brooke knocks three times and the door opens.

My gut tightens seeing Ryder, wearing black leather pants that lace at the crotch and a black leather vest with fringe. He should look ridiculous, but instead he looks like a rock god.

The women will go nuts for him tonight.

I can’t help myself. I look at Sadie to see her reaction and she’s beaming, her gaze skipping over Ryder’s lean body.

Ryder barely looks at her. Instead, his gaze settles on me. “Wow, you look amazing.”

“Thanks,” I reply, realizing how far I have come since I first met him. I would have been weak at the knees before. Now, I want to kick him in the nuts and tell him what a prick he is. I squash the urge down because now isn’t the time. We have talked on the phone just once in the past few days. I’ve tried to remain upbeat and act like nothing is wrong.

The image of him with Sadie straddling him on the futon is burned in my brain. I stay close to Brooke’s side upon entering the room where Curtis sits on a vinyl couch. Seeing Brooke, he stands and she goes into his arms, giving him a kiss that I think surprises even him. He wraps his arms around her and she breaks the kiss to look at Ryder. “Where’s Deklan?”

“Checking on the amps,” Curtis replies before Ryder can. He slides his hand into his pocket and pulls out something. I’m not surprised to see he has pills. He immediately starts to crush them up. “Hurry and take a line before he gets back.”

I don’t have to guess who the ‘he’ is that Curtis is referring to. Deklan isn’t stupid, though. He has to know that his band mates are getting high while he’s gone. Maybe that’s why he is always finding something to do right before a gig, like doing the amp check.

Sadie gets in line and takes a snort.

I shake my head when offered. “No, thanks. I’ve been sick.” Pretty sad when I have to make excuses.

“Come on, babe,” Ryder says, sliding his arm around my shoulder, twirling a lock of my hair around his finger. His pupils are the size of pinpoints.

“Maybe later,” I reply and that seems to appease him for the time being.

I feel Sadie’s eyes on us. Surprisingly, she doesn’t seem too horribly concerned by the attention he’s showing me, but I can still tell she isn’t her usual, jovial self since walking into the room. I wonder what she expected.

“Can I talk to you for a second?” Ryder asks and pulls me to the far side of the room, behind an old pop machine.

“Why do I get the feeling that you’re mad at me?” He watches me for a long moment. “You’re different.”

“Am I?” I can’t keep the sarcasm out of my voice.

“Even at school, you’re giving me the cold shoulder. You don’t come to the lunchroom and when I messaged you yesterday to meet me at my car, you didn’t respond. So, you don’t want to go out with me anymore…is that it?”

I don’t recall getting a text message that said to meet him at my car. Maybe he’s getting his women mixed up. “So, we’re exclusive?”

His brows furrow. “Yeah, I thought that was obvious.”

“Hmmm.”

Running a hand through his hair, he sighs heavily. “What?”

It is on the tip of my tongue to say, “I dropped by your house the other day.” Instead I say, “I wasn’t sure.”

Flashing a charming smile, he lifts my chin and does his typical move of brushing his thumb along my lip before he kisses me. I pull back and he swallows hard. You’d have thought I slapped him. I’m reminded yet again that this isn’t a man who is used to rejection. He frowns and leans in to give me another kiss; this time I kiss him back, but it’s all I can do.

Now is not the time to say anything to him about Sadie. This is a big gig for their band. Let him play and then, tonight, I will tell him why I’m mad and let him know we are done.

The door opens and Deklan appears. Talk about timing.

I don’t even have to see him to be completely aware of him. He’s wearing a dark, sleeveless t-shirt that hugs his ripped body and a pair of black cargo pants that do incredible things for his body.

If I was being true to myself, maybe I would admit that I have a thing for Deklan, then again, maybe I would have never realized that if Ryder hadn’t slept with Sadie. 

“Have a good show,” I say and walk away, but Ryder puts a hand on my shoulder, stopping me.

“I need you, Kenz,” he breathes against my ear and, a second later, his back is completely pressed against me. “Let’s go to the bathroom. I need you,” he says again.

Is he serious?

I turn and look at him without blinking. “No, Ryder, you don’t need me. You never did.”

***

Half-naked girls wiggle their way to the front of the stage. I choose to stand back and watch from the side of the stage and Sadie is right beside me. Thankfully, she hadn’t heard a word of my conversation with Ryder, though she is clearly interested in what we had to say to each other because she has been drilling me for information since we left the room.

Brooke had immediately come up to me after and wrapped her arm around mine in a show of support. She was stunned when I told her I hadn’t said anything to him about Sadie.

“Then why does he look so devastated?” she had asked.

“Because, for the first time in his life, a girl said no to him,” I replied, making Brooke laugh under her breath.

I’m brought back to the present as the lights go out and a hush falls over the crowd.

“Are you ready?” comes a low growl from backstage.

Screams fill the room when the band takes the main stage. Everyone starts jumping up and down making the floor really start moving. Brooke lifts her hands in the air, encouraging the crowd to get involved. She looks amazing in skin-tight black pants with zippers at the bottom and ridiculously high, red stilettos with hearts and angels. I can’t help smiling. My cousin was born to do this and in this venue it seems so much more real. My heart swells with pride as the crowd sings along word-for-word.

Deklan is in the zone, but from time to time he glances over at me.  I smile each and every time and I can see Sadie give me a strange look when he smiles back.

Ryder—who is usually so animated—hangs back for the first fifteen minutes, his gaze shifting over the crowd from time to time. He eventually realizes that I am side stage and I take a certain satisfaction in knowing he’s looking for me.

I find my gaze shifting to Deklan and, every once in a while, I’ll look out over the crowd. The guys are staring at Brooke, but most of the girls in the crowd stare at Ryder. He has an enigmatic energy about him and he works it.

If anyone is born to be a rocker, it’s Ryder. He has the swag required of most rockers and the good looks are a bonus. Then again, so does Deklan, who pounds the drums with that crazy intensity that takes my breath away. Deklan has a sexuality about him that makes me feel like there isn’t enough oxygen in the room. I know I’m not the only girl that feels that way, either. I even hear his name screamed a few times. Where Ryder seems to love the spotlight, Deklan appears satisfied with his position behind the drums.

Brooke—who usually keeps away from Curtis on stage—is flirting with him and Curtis is eating it up. I wonder if what I told her about Ryder and Sadie made her wonder about her friend and her own boyfriend. I do think that since I came back into Brooke’s life, she’s starting to look at her own relationships in a different way. I feel good about that. Curtis is a nice guy. He loves my cousin.

I’m starting to feel warm and fuzzy until I catch sight of a familiar face on the opposite side of the stage. The redhead, who was at Deklan’s the night I woke up next to Ryder, is swaying to the music. Seeing us across stage, she actually waves and smiles. I lift my hand and wave, trying to ignore the jealousy rushing through me.

“She’s such a groupie,” Sadie says under her breath, obviously seeing where my gaze is directed.

“Does Deklan like her?” I ask, my heart hammering as I wait for the answer.

“They’re sort of friends,” Sadie says matter-of-factly.

“With benefits?”

She shrugs. “I wouldn’t doubt it. She
is
side stage.” True. Only close friends of the band are allowed side stage. Maybe that’s where Deklan was beforehand.

I’m jealous and it’s not directed towards Sadie. I’m jealous of the redhead and the thought that she’s here with Deklan is crushing.

Maybe it’s time to be completely honest with everyone in my life.

CHAPTER 15

At the end of the set, the band starts dismantling the equipment. It takes a total of thirty minutes to get loaded up.

I head towards Brooke’s car with the girls when Ryder yells out. “Hey, how about Kenzie drives with us and Curtis with you?”

No one has to ask Curtis twice. He’s already starting to head towards us.

Beside me, Sadie straightens and sniffs. “You don’t have to, if you don’t want to,” she says under her breath. “We can move some of the equipment into Deklan’s truck.”

“She can go if she wants,” Brooke says, nearly biting her friend’s head off.

Sadie lifts her brows, but remains quiet.

I walk towards Deklan’s pickup and within sixty seconds I’m wedged between Ryder and Deklan.

The redhead rushes up to the truck and stands at Deklan’s door. He has no choice but to lower his window. Her friends join her.

“Where are you guys going?” she asks and I hope that I never sound that desperate.

“Home,” Deklan answers. “I’m tired.”

Her eyes brighten. Obviously, she didn’t catch the last bit that he’s tired. “I’ll follow you.”

“It’s just the band tonight,” Deklan says and the smile on her lips quickly fades.

She glances at me and lifts a brow. “Just the band, huh?”

“She’s the go-fer,” Ryder speaks up, his hand sliding on my thigh.

“Well, we’d better get going before traffic gets too bad,” Deklan says, putting the truck in gear. “I’ll talk to you later, okay?” Deklan waits until she and her friends make it to their car before he waves and we drive off.

Every single time Deklan shifts gears his hand rubs against my leg. I don’t move. In fact, when he keeps his hand on the shifter, his pinkie brushes my knee. Why is it I’m more aware of that finger than the entire length of Ryder’s thigh pressed against my side?

Ryder’s arm slides around the back of my shoulders, his hand cupping my arm, pulling me close. The image of him with Sadie flashes in my mind and it’s all I can do not to slide away from him.

From the corner of my eye I can see Deklan chew on his lip ring. He’s probably wondering what I’m doing, especially since I showed up at his work practically in tears and, yet, nearly a week later, I still haven’t said anything to Ryder.

“I love this song,” Ryder says, leaning across me and turning up the radio, the motion making him press against my chest. Deklan’s fingers tighten around the shifter. “Maybe you can tell your mom you’re staying the night with Brooke tonight.”

I glance at Ryder. The sides of his mouth curve slowly upward. To my left, Deklan straightens.

“I have to go home,” I say. “My mom needs me.”

“Maybe just check in with her,” Ryder whispers in my ear. “You can see her tomorrow.”

“Is she okay?” Deklan asks, cutting Ryder off.

“Not really,” I reply.

“I’m sorry.” Deklan smiles softly and, once again, I feel his pinkie against my knee.

“My dad is already engaged,” I blurt. “The pain of the divorce is all still super fresh for her.” What was it about Deklan that I felt I could tell him anything?

“I imagine. That’s rough, but she’ll be okay one day, Kenzie.” Deklan’s tone is matter-of-fact. “Time has a way of healing the soul.”

God, I adore this man. I smile. “Thanks. I hope so.”

Ryder’s fingers squeeze my thigh as he tells me, “She’ll be fine. She has you.”

I want to be out of the truck and out of this awkward situation. “Thanks,” I murmur to him, wishing he’d remove his hand from my leg.

I wonder, if I hadn’t found Ryder and Sadie together, if I would still feel the way I do right now about Deklan.

***

Once we return to Deklan’s house, he opens a beer and sprawls in a chair in the living room. He says very little, just watches me as I stand talking with Ryder. Sadie sits on the ottoman, watching the television and looking bored.

Brooke and Curtis disappeared into Curtis’s room about fifteen minutes ago. She told me she’ll take me home around midnight.

Deklan’s phone rings and he glances down at it. He shakes his head and walks towards the door. He opens it and there stands the redhead, alone. So, she ditched the friends and came over, even though Deklan basically told her not to.

It’s the first time I’ve ever seen Deklan look irritated. He motions her in and, seeing me, she blushes.

Ryder shakes his head and puts his arm around my shoulder. “Come downstairs with me.”

“I don’t want to,” I state matter-of-factly, watching Deklan sit back down. The redhead slides onto his lap.

I bite the inside of my cheek. Oh my God…

He lifts the beer, takes a drink and sets it on the side table. His gaze shifts to me and I quickly look away. If I sit here another second, I think I’ll go knocking on Curtis’s door and join my cousin in doing whatever drug she’s managed to get a hold of tonight. Being numb beats the feelings I’m experiencing.

Apparently, Ryder is thinking the same thing because he whispers in my ear, “I’ll be right back.” He gets up and walks to Curtis’s room.

Deklan watches Ryder, his eyes narrow as his friend enters the room and closes the door behind him. I’m surprised Sadie doesn’t follow.

The redhead eases Deklan’s face to hers and kisses him.

I drop my gaze to the floor, but I can still see. She shifts and is practically straddling him, her hands in his hair…

I can’t sit here and watch so I grab my purse and walk out the front door. I can always call my aunt and ask her to come get me if my mom is blacked out. Or maybe I could—

“Kenzie, where are you going?”

I have one foot out the door when I hear Sadie’s voice. What the fuck does she care what I do and where I go? “Home.”

Dark brows lift nearly to Sadie’s hairline. “You need a ride?” Shaking my head, I take another step. “What’s wrong with you?” she asks, her voice tinged with anger.

“Kenz, where are you going?” Ryder steps out of the house and puts a hand on my shoulder. Why I am so disappointed he’s not Deklan? Had I honestly expected Deklan to leave a redhead that’s so hot for him?

“Home,” I answer, pulling away from him. I rush down the stairs and onto the walkway.

Ryder is on my heels. “What happened?”

I turn on him. Sadie stays rooted to the stairs.

“I saw you.”

He frowns. “Saw me where?”

“I saw you and Sadie together...at your house on Sunday night.”

Fingers slide around my upper arm. “Come talk to me.”

I yank away from him. “There’s nothing to talk about. I saw you fucking her in your garage.”

Sadie approaches, eyes all wide and innocent. “It’s not how it looked.”

“We did not have sex,” Ryder says, and he looks so convincing.

I take a quick step away. “Don’t lie to me.”

Sadie flinches, but Ryder plays it cool. “Kenzie, I want to be with you.”

“No, Ryder, you don’t. You had sex with my friend. I made a mistake. I thought you liked me and wanted to be with me, but I was wrong.”

Ryder looks like I slapped him. “Kenzie, it’s not what you think.”

Sadie actually starts crying and, oddly, I feel like I need to console her.

Just then, I hear a yell come from inside the house. A horrible wail that makes the hair on my arms stand on end. I push past Ryder and Sadie into the house.

Curtis opens the door to his room, his eyes enormous in a pale face. “Call 911.”

I push past him, into the room. Brooke lies on the bed, white as the pillowcase beneath her. “Brooke!”

“She’s not breathing,” Curtis says in an agonized tone.

Ryder rushes in behind me, Sadie on his heels. Deklan is already on the phone.

“Brooke.” I put a hand on her chest and I can’t feel a heartbeat.

Sliding a hand beneath her head, I open Brooke’s mouth, clear her airway and start mouth to mouth. My mind is a blur as I go over what I’ve seen in the movies. I watch her chest wall.

Nothing.

There’s a hand on my shoulder and Deklan starts giving her CPR. I stand back, frozen to the spot, looking at my cousin’s unresponsive body in disbelief.

“Come on, baby,” Curtis cries, running his hands down his face.

Sadie picks up a piece of foil and starts making a sweep of the room. Fire truck sirens can be heard in the distance. They will be here within minutes. Deklan tries to revive her up to the final seconds before EMT’s walk in and push us out of the room.

“What did she take?” one asks and the room goes silent.

“Answer the man,” Deklan says, looking at Curtis.

“Oxy and Xanax.”

“Smoke, snort or shoot?” the EMT asks matter-of-factly.

“Smoke.”