Thin White Line (15 page)

“As in having sex with her,” I say to clarify.

Again, no big reaction.

Deklan clears his throat. “Ryder’s like a little brother to me.”

What did I expect?  “I know you’re really close. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have come.”

I stand and head for the door, but before I get two steps, Deklan grabs me by the hand. “Kenzie, talk to me. I swear I won’t say anything.”

Talk to me
. He’s the only one who has said that to me in what feels like forever and I desperately need someone to talk to. I don’t have anyone else.  I turn to face him. “My life sucks right now. I hate everything about it. I just…” I run my free hand down my face and sigh. “I don’t want to be here.” My voice breaks and I completely choke.

His eyes widen in alarm. It’s obvious he doesn’t know how to react to that statement. A second later, his strong arms wrap around my waist and he hugs me tight. It’s the kind of hug I’ve needed for weeks. One that says,
I’m here for you. I get it, just let it go.

I slide my arms around his shoulders and bury my face against his wide chest, relaxing into him as his hand slides up and down my back in a soothing motion. “It’s okay, Kenz. It’s going to be okay.”

He has no idea how much I want to believe those words. I desperately want to know that my life will be okay. That one day I will be happy again. Now, I just don’t know when that day will come.

I think back over the weeks I’ve been here and the hell my life has become. Granted, I’ve had fun reconnecting with Brooke and, yet, I’ve changed. I would have never taken pills in San Diego. I would have never partied, either, or gone for a guy like Josh Ryder. It isn’t my cousin’s fault. I should have said no every step of the way, but I wanted to belong and be accepted by Ryder and the rest of Brooke’s friends.

Ever so slowly I become aware that I am in Deklan’s arms and of the differences between Ryder and Deklan. His body is harder than Ryder’s, his shoulders broader, and he definitely snuggles better than his best friend.

The heartbeat against my ear accelerates.

Mine accelerates, too.

He smells incredible and I shift my head a little, my lips touching the space between his shoulder and his neck. My breath catches in my throat.
What the hell am I doing?

Slowly, his hand continues to move up and down my back and the hair on my arms stands on end.
He does it to comfort
, I remind myself,
and for no other reason.
My hand cups the back of his neck, my thumb sliding into the soft, dark hair.

His breath is hot against my ear.

I can tell our near proximity has his body reacting. I feel him against my belly. Once again, I’m reminded of the condoms in his cabinet. I’m also reminded of the fact that he slept with the redhead that weekend, of the sweet kiss they shared in front of everyone.

I abruptly step away, both embarrassed and angry. I run a shaking hand down my face. What is wrong with me? “You must think I’m a real head case.”

He shakes his head. “No, I don’t.”

“I need to let you finish dinner,” I say, wincing when I notice I left a huge wet stain on his chest from my tears. “I’m so sorry.”

“It’s okay,” he says, his soft smile once again putting me at ease.  He reaches behind his head and removes the shirt, and tosses it over the chair.

I shift on my feet.

His body really is insane. It’s so shredded, especially for someone who doesn’t frequent a gym. He is just one of those fortunate guys who seems to have incredible genetics.

I get a better look at his back tattoos. The main piece is a medieval knight with a sword. The detail of the piece is phenomenal, even down to the warrior’s intense wolf-like eyes that stare back at you.

Opening up a cabinet, he pulls out a t-shirt that says,
Branded by Uncle Steve
.

A knock sounds at the door. A girl’s voice comes through the door, which surprises me. “Deklan, your next client is here!”

Deklan glances at the clock on the wall. “I’ll be right there.”  He snaps the plastic lid back on the chicken and sets it inside a small refrigerator in the corner of Steve’s office.

“Sorry I ruined your dinner.”

“Quit apologizing,” he says with a soft smile. “I’m glad you came. I wasn’t that hungry anyway.” He washes his hands and as he dries them with paper towels.“I wish I didn’t have to work.”

“I wish you didn’t, either,” I say, meaning it. Ultimately, I’m glad I dropped by, even if I do feel uncomfortable having interrupted Deklan at work. For a short period of time, I forgot about the nightmare that has become my life. Deklan has once again calmed me down.

I follow him out into the main area where an older guy stands at the counter. He has cross tattoos on both forearms. 

A lady in her mid-thirties sits on a barstool at the front counter. Her hair is pulled up into a high ponytail, showing numerous piercings from her cartilage to her lobes. Seeing me, she lifts her brows high and smiles at Deklan.

“This is my friend, Kenzie. Kenzie, this is Steve’s wife, who we lovingly call Auntie Phyllis.”

I love the nicknames.

“Hey, Kenzie.” Her voice is surprisingly low.

“She does all the piercings for us,” Steve says, pride in his voice as he wipes down the tattoo he is working on and looks at it with a critical eye.

Deklan motions for his customer to step forward. He goes to a counter where manila files are stacked neatly, pulling a transparent paper out and setting a picture of an eagle in flight on the counter. “I thought something like this.”

The detail of the piece is absolutely amazing and I feel so much pride. He’s only twenty-two and, yet, already so talented. I can only imagine what he’ll be like in ten more years.

The customer picks up the paper and smiles. “I love it, man.”

Deklan nods. “Awesome, let’s do this.”

“Well, I’ll see you later,” I say.

Deklan reaches for my hand, his fingers curling around mine. “Stay for a while. You can keep me company.” Before I can respond, he turns to his customer. “You don’t mind, do you?”

The older man shakes his head. “Are you kidding? Hey, far be it from me to kick a gorgeous girl out the door. If she wants a peak at my manly physique, then I won’t stop her from seeing the goods.”

I laugh as he peels off his shirt, showing a wrinkly physique. Deklan shakes his head. “You’re a stud, Frank.”

Auntie Phyllis pushes a chair over beside the table and I take a seat.

Deklan’s skill with a tattoo gun is amazing. His hand is steady as he carves the outline into Frank’s leathery skin. Every few seconds, he blots the blood with a towel.  I like being able to watch him while he’s so focused on his work. He has one of those faces that could have been carved by marble. High cheekbones, full lips, and he has a habit of drawing his lip ring into his mouth as he works. My mind goes the way of the gutter a few times as I wonder what it would feel like to kiss him, or to do the things I’ve done with Ryder, and then some…

Once Deklan finishes the outline of the tattoo, he starts with the color. Every time he looks up at me, he smiles.

Frank doesn’t come up for breath. He just talks and talks and talks. I think it’s a way to work through his nervous energy, or maybe to not think about the pain of the tattoo. Whatever the case, I’m glad he has so much to say. It keeps me from having to say much of anything.

My phone rings forty minutes in. I look down to see Sadie’s number. Oh my God,
really
? I let it go to voice messaging, and then listen to the message.

“Hey girl. I see I missed your call. Anyway, I was hoping you’d be home. I was wondering if you were headed to the concert this weekend. Let’s go shopping if you’re able to and pick out something smoking hot.”

Something smoking hot to wear for Ryder?

What a bitch.

Deklan looks up at me as I put the phone in my purse. “Everything alright?”

I nod and stand. “Yeah, I’m fine...but I should probably get going in case my mom is looking for me.”

He puts a hand on Frank’s shoulder. “You ready for a short break?”

Frank winks and gives him a sly grin. “You bet. I’m dying for a smoke anyway.”

Deklan strips his gloves off and tosses them in a nearby trashcan. “I’ll walk you out.”

I tell everyone goodbye and follow Deklan out the door.

The cool night air feels good against my warm cheeks. 

We walk in silence until I stop by my car.

“Nice wheels,” he says and I’m reminded that Ryder said the very same thing.

“Thanks. It gets me from point A to B.”

“Can’t ask for more than that, can you?” he says, grinning.

That grin makes my insides knot. “I suppose not.” I hesitate before I slide into the driver’s seat. “Thanks, Deklan. I had fun.”

“So did I.”

“You’re a good friend.”

He nods and I see something that looks like disappointment flash in his eyes before it’s gone. “Call me anytime you need to talk. Or come by. I’m usually always here or at home.”

I nod. “I will. Oh wait, I don’t have your number.”

“Where’s your phone?” he asks.

I grab it out of my purse and plug in the number he gives me.

He doesn’t ask for mine and I’m disappointed.

“Talk to you soon, alright?”

I have the almost irresistible urge to reach up to pull his face down to mine for a kiss and I nearly do when Frank steps out of the store and lights a cigarette.

Deklan follows my gaze. “Well, I should get back or I’ll be here all night.”

“Okay. I’ll see you later.”

He nods and then stops. “By the way...you deserve better, but I think you know that.”

I don’t have to ask what he means by that; I already know.

CHAPTER 14

I want to look smoking hot for tonight’s concert for more than one reason, so I am more than a little surprised at the girl staring back at me in the mirror. My hair has actually cooperated for once and now falls in silky curls around my shoulders as well as down my back.

The form-fitting, black dress hugs to every curve of my body, showing off more cleavage than I am comfortable with, and the strappy heels help amp up the sex appeal. I bring along a cute sweater because the nights grow cold fast.

When Brooke and Sadie pick me up, both of them look at me in surprise, confirming I’d managed to vamp it up. This is the first time I’ve seen Sadie since watching her have sex with Ryder. I messaged her back mid-week because she’s been stalking me. I kept the conversation casual and without any hint that I knew the truth.

It has been harder to keep civil with Ryder, though. I thought that maybe Deklan would say something to him about my visit to
Branded
, but it’s obvious that he said nothing since it has been days and Ryder hasn’t mentioned anything about my knowing.

Brooke has come by every single night after school. I think her mom is checking to make sure I’m okay. I notice that every day Brooke pops or snorts a pill and she always offers one to me. I just shake my head and tell her no thanks or lie and say I already took something. I haven’t taken anything since Cole called me out.

I don’t need pills to get through my life,
I tell myself the entire way over to Portland. The city is beautiful and I take it all in, both nervous and excited for the night ahead.

“Here we are, ladies.”

The Fantasy Ballroom is in a turn-of-the-century, downtown, brick building with huge, gothic styled windows along two sides. The first floor has a bar, restaurant, and a large wooden staircase flows into a second story that is completely wide open. In the ballroom itself, there are pictures of cherubs everywhere, beautiful plasterwork and eight enormous crystal chandeliers. What blows me away the most is the floating floor that was built to make you feel movement. At first, I think it might be the age of the theater. I stress about the weight of the crowd being too much and it breaking, but I get used to it soon enough.

I like the place and can hardly wait to hear
The Frozen
play.

“You’re so quiet tonight,” Sadie says, her short red and white polka dotted skirt barely covering her butt, which means every inch of her killer legs are showing. A white tank and black bra under a bolero, leather jacket finish off the look. As always, she looks amazing.

“I’m just excited.”

She smiles and maybe it is just my imagination, but she looks relieved.

When Sadie slips into the bathroom, Brooke pulls me aside. “What’s going on? Sadie’s really worried.”

“Trust me, Brooke—Sadie’s not worried about me.”

Her brows furrow. “What do you mean?”

I stare into Brooke’s brown eyes. Honestly, I don’t know who I can trust any more. I pull her further down the hall and lower my voice. “Why didn’t you tell me that Sadie was sleeping with Ryder?”

Her eyes widen and she shakes her head. “What are you talking about?”

“Sunday night, I was bored and I dropped by Ryder’s. I saw them in the garage.”

I watch her blanch. “Ryder has a man cave out in the garage.”

“Yeah, I saw him having sex with Sadie on the futon.”

She frowns. “What?”

“You were doing homework and then spending the evening with Curtis, so I went by Ryder’s.”

I could see the fury in her eyes. “Why didn’t you call me after? I would’ve had you come by.” She surprises me by giving me a hug. “I can’t believe it. I mean, are you sure it was Sadie? It could have been—”

“She was parked in the driveway. I’ve been in her car, Brooke. I know it was her. I saw them. There was no question what was going on and who it was.”

She shakes her head. “Why haven’t you said anything to her or Ryder?”

“I guess a part of me wanted to see how they’d react and see if they’d just say something to me.” I force a smile I don’t feel. “You warned me about Ryder.”

“Yeah, but Sadie...I don’t get it. She’s your friend, too,” Brooke is quick to add.

“No, she’s not. Not really. I’d never do that to a friend.”

“Confront her,” she says, putting her hands on her hips. “Or I will.”

“I will...when I’m ready.”