Thin White Line (13 page)

I’ve never in my life been accused of being a whore, let alone a druggie. The words cut to the core and I wonder if maybe word has gotten around about me waking up next to Ryder the morning after the college party. But who would say anything? It had just been our little group there, and only Brooke and Ryder go to school with me.

Then, I think of the redhead who had been with Deklan. I don’t know her at all. She could be a student at Pacific, or she could have good friends who go here.

Word travels fast, though, wherever you live, and I have little doubt that it won’t take long before all of Pacific hears the news. At least Ryder is acting like my boyfriend now.

The bell rings and almost immediately after I have a text that reads,
Meet me in the parking lot.

Ryder stands by my car, hands crossed over his chest, watching me. “Nice wheels.”

“It’s hardly as nice as your car.”

“We both have silver cars,” he states the obvious. “Can I see the inside?”

His tone matches his expression. I’m in trouble.

“Sure.” I unlock the car and he slides into the passenger’s seat.

“Clean,” he comments, glancing into my backseat. “Your cousin could take a lesson from you.”

I laugh.

His hand slides to my thigh and he leans in, kissing me lightly on the lips.  “So...what was up last night?”

“What do you mean?”

“Why didn’t you show up at practice?”

“I told you...I fell asleep.”

He shakes his head. “There’s something more. You’ve been acting different the past few days.”

I can’t deny I’ve been distracted of late. “I just have a lot going on at home. My mom’s having a rough time right now.”

“Yeah, Brooke said it’s been rough.” He reaches up and brushes a thumb over my jaw. “It will get easier. Trust me.”

Trust him? Do I dare? Looking into his intense blue eyes, I want to believe him. I want to trust him. I want just to feel like me again.

He kisses me again, this time with more intensity. I hear a sexy whistle coming from nearby and Ryder smiles against my lips then sighs. “Are you coming to Deklan’s tomorrow night?”

“I’ll have to see. My brother’s coming into town.”

“Please come,” he says, kissing me again. “I want you there.”

CHAPTER 12

The golden child arrives on time and he calls me on my cell to let me know he’s waiting patiently for me, as I am “ridiculously late”. Apparently being ten minutes late is ridiculous by his standards. I’m so freaking tempted to pull over and let him actually have to wait even longer. I can’t count the times I stood outside my school, waiting for him to pick me up. 

“Where the hell are you?” His voice holds a familiar irritation, a tone I’ve heard too often in my lifetime.

Such a dick…

“See you in a minute.” I hang up before he can say anything else. The second I round the corner, I see Mr. Golden Boy standing on the curb, waving me down.  Like I can’t see his six-foot-two frame, or his golden-boy good looks, or the letterman’s jacket.

The temptation to drive right past him is nearly overwhelming, but I pull over next to the curb.

“About time,” he says, tossing his bag in the backseat. The entire car shifts as he settles into the passenger’s seat. “I see some habits die hard.”

“It’s nice to see you, too.” I pull away from the curb and nearly side-swipe a motorcycle. The guy honks his horn and I wave and flash him my wince face.

“Um...do I need to drive?”

Although Cole has a smirk on his lips, he is dead serious.

“I’m capable.” I flash a sugary sweet smile and watch my side mirrors.

He gives a loud yawn and asks, “So...how is Washington treating you, Kenz?”

“I like it,” I reply. “How’s Seattle?”

“Amazing.” He runs a hand through his hair. “I can’t stand the rain, but the chicks are smokin’ hot.”

Of course. And I’m sure he has his fair share of women.

“How’s Mom doing?”

“She’s been better.” I hesitate to say too much. “It’s been really rough since hearing about his engagement.”

“Yeah, I was surprised when Dad told me.”

I nearly rear-end the car in front of me. Dad called to tell him the news about the engagement and yet I have to find out by way of my distraught mother who found out by way of a social network. What the hell?

Cole is Mom’s boy and I’m Daddy’s girl. That’s how it’s always been, but apparently, I’m wrong and that’s changed. My heart pumps in triple time as I try to ignore the pain coursing through me. “What did he say?”

“He wanted to see how school was and make sure I was doing okay.”

Seriously? Yeah, I’m sure the adjustment of going to the college of your dreams is a real nightmare compared to being yanked out of private school and thrust into a public school nearly eleven hundred miles away from the only city you called home. Oh yeah, and left to deal with your grieving mother who has taken up drinking a bottle of wine every evening while taking antidepressants and anti-anxiety medications just to get her through the day.

Who am I kidding—I’m medicating myself just as much to get through my life.

My gut clenches. What a prick!  If possible, I am even more furious with my dad for blowing me off and not caring enough to worry about how I’m doing.

“I told him to give you a call.”

How gracious of him. “Well, he didn’t call.”

The information burns like salt in a wound. My dad hasn’t given me the time of day for months now. When my parents were together and Dad had been away on business, he would call my mom every single night and he’d always ask to talk to us kids. Since Cole had rarely been home, it ended up being me that he usually spoke with.

“He actually flew into Seattle and saw me. He introduced Elle to me.”

I swallow past the tightness in my throat. I can’t believe what I am hearing. My dad flew all the way to Seattle to see his son and yet he can’t pick up the phone to call me? “And you didn’t tell Mom?”

“That’s part of why I came home this weekend. I wanted to talk to her. I could hear the pain in her voice when she told me she’d heard the news.” He clears his throat. “I just want to be there for her.”

“What does she look like?” I’ve seen the grainy pictures of my dad’s future wife online, but I’m curious what this woman, who has destroyed our family, looks like face-to-face.

“I have a picture of her on my phone.”

I immediately pull into a gas station parking lot.

Cole hands me his cell and I reach for it with a shaking hand.

My dad looks like a stranger to me. He’s dropped at least ten pounds since the last time I’ve seen him, his hair is longer and curling at the ends. He’s even dressed differently in a t-shirt and jeans. He always wore slacks and button down shirts before.

Obviously he is having to work at looking younger these days.

Cole stands in between Dad and the young woman who completely destroyed my mom and my life.

I want to ask my brother how he could stand there with a big ass smile on his face and his arm around the woman who is the reason for our misery.

It’s like Cole reads my mind. “My roommate offered to take the picture. Trust me, I didn’t want it, but I couldn’t very well say no.”

“Why not?”

“Like you would have said no.” His tone says he doesn’t believe me.

“You could have deleted the picture after.”

I feel betrayed, so I can only imagine how devastated mom will be seeing a picture of her favorite child with the woman who stole her husband.

No wonder Cole was so determined to come home this weekend. He has to save face with Mom.

“Are you going to show her the picture?”

“I don’t know. Do you think I should?”

Was he actually asking me my opinion? “My initial reaction is absolutely not, but I guess it depends on how the weekend goes. You’re going to tell her that Dad came to see you, right?”

“I don’t know.”

We fall into silence for the rest of the way home. Cole stares out the window, playing with his lower lip, a nervous mannerism he’s had since we were kids.

When I pull into the driveway of the apartment, his brows lift to his hairline. It’s obvious he thinks I’m playing a joke on him.

“The upstairs apartment is ours.”

He starts to say something and then stops short. I pull open my car door and Mom steps out onto the porch.

She lets out a squeal as she rushes into her favorite child’s arms. She is so happy to see him that she starts crying and I feel a twinge of jealousy that I can’t bring her the same comfort my brother can.

She needs him. Just like I need her.

“Is that tamales I smell?” he asks, putting her at arm’s length.

“Yes, it is,” she gushes. “Your favorite.”

Since we only have a two bedroom apartment, he’s going to have to tough it out on the couch. My mom hasn’t asked me to give up my bed and I’ll lose my mind if she does.

I remove my coat and hang it on the hall tree next to his letterman’s jacket that reeks of cigarettes. I wonder if Mom has caught onto that. I know he’d been a recreational smoker in high-school, smoking every time he drank. Maybe with the college parties he’s taken to full-time.

We sit down to dinner and Mom drills Cole with questions about college. He is patient and I had forgotten how funny he is. Soon we are all laughing and I realize how long it has been since mom and I have actually laughed.

The laughter stops halfway through dinner when the subject of Dad comes up, though.

My mom fills a wine glass to the brim. If Cole is stunned by her drinking, he doesn’t react.

“So...have you heard from your father?” Mom asks, taking a sip of wine.

Cole wipes his mouth with the cloth napkin and sets it down on the table.

“Dad came to Seattle...and he brought Elle with him.” 

The fork clatters as it makes contact with Mom’s plate. Her eyes narrow. “What?”

“He had a business meeting in downtown Seattle.”

I can see her mind racing. “A business meeting that he brought his girlfriend to? In the twenty-two years we were married, he never once brought me on a “business trip”.” She uses her fingers for air quotes. “He did this intentionally to hurt me. He probably didn’t even have business.”

Cole swallows hard. He glances at me, obviously hoping I’ll jump in to help, but I don’t know what to say. Reaching out, he places his hand over Mom’s. “I was just as surprised to have him visit me as you are.”

Her brows arch. “Really? What, was he hoping to butter you up so you would convince me to go for a quickie divorce like he wants because, after all, he’s so smitten with that child that he can’t wait to drop me and show off his soon-to-be trophy wife? Who knows, maybe she’s pregnant. I can see him now—father of the fucking year to his new children, while he basically abandons the two of you.”

“Mom, I’m sorry,” Cole starts.

She pulls her hand out from beneath his.

My mom presses her lips together and I can tell she’s struggling for control. Leaning forward, I reach beneath the table and squeeze her hand. “Sorry, Mom.”

The slight squeeze against my own relieves me. “I just wish you would have told me when it happened.”

Cole frowns. Obviously, he isn’t used to being on the receiving end of Mom’s disappointment. “Sorry, Mom...I just didn’t know what to say. I figured word would get around and the picture of the three of us together…” 

“What picture?” she asks, her tone intense.

Oh no. This probably isn’t the best time to bring up the picture of the new happy family. Once Mom sees her precious son with his arm around his soon-to-be stepmother, then there will be little that can console her.

Now maybe he can see what a living hell my life has become.

My brother pales as he scrolls through his pictures and hands the phone to Mom.

She stares at it for a good sixty seconds. “She has extensions and she’s blonder.” Mom snorts. “Christ, she could be
your
girlfriend.” I know by her tone that she’s struggling to keep control of her emotions.

“You’re prettier than her,” Cole says quickly. “Honestly, Mom, she has a big nose and her eyes are too close together.”

Normally that comment would have made my mom smile. Now, she looks ready to burst into tears.

“It doesn’t matter. She’s young and young trumps looks any day of the week, especially when it comes to an aging man going through a mid-life crisis.” Mom hands him his phone back and he immediately pockets it. “Your father should have never put you in that position. It’s so uncalled for.” She clears her throat and then turns her attention to me. “Do you also have something to tell me? Has your father secretly contacted you as well?” Venom drips with every word and I’m almost afraid of the look on her face.

I shake my head. “I would tell you if he did.”

My brother shifts in his chair. He looks ready to kick me.

“He expects me to just jump and do what he wants, doesn’t he? Since he’s moved on with his life, then I should, too.” She takes a large swallow of wine. “Well, won’t he be surprised when he has to actually wait to marry his whore. I’ll eek this divorce out just so he can’t marry her.”

“And yet, what good does that do you, Mom?” Cole asks.

I’ve never seen my mom look at my brother the way she’s looking at him now.  She blinks like he slapped her.

“I mean, think about it—it will only prevent you from moving on with your life.”

Seriously, my brother needs to shut up and save himself at this point. As it is, he might just find his happy ass back on a plane to Seattle.

“You deserve better,” I add. “You don’t deserve what he did to you and you’re a far better person than he is, Mom.”

“Thanks, hon,” she says with a sad smile before she glances at Cole. I can see the pain in her eyes. Her golden boy has disappointed her.

Mom goes to bed thirty minutes later and my brother is distraught over how things have gone. I can do little to console him and, honestly, I wish he had just stayed in Seattle. He managed to make my mom feel even worse than before.

I go to bed and slip the last of the pills I took from my mom’s medicine cabinet into my mouth. I can’t deny that the pills have helped me out these past few days. They’ve taken the edge off the pain.

***

Brooke comes by the following afternoon.

My brother can hardly believe the girl sitting in our living room is our cousin. The way he keeps staring at her piercings is downright rude and I almost call him out on it when Brooke takes me by the hand. “Go to your room for a second?”

“Sure.”

I follow her into my room and she shuts the door behind me. “Can you get away tonight?”

“No way,” I say, wanting nothing more than to get out of the stifling apartment. I thought my brother’s presence would bring mom some kind of peace, but it seems to have the opposite effect on her. She is furious and even moodier than before Cole arrived. “We’re watching a movie that Cole picked out.”

“Some meat-head, action fest, no doubt.” Brooke rolls her eyes and I laugh, relieved she came by. “He didn’t even recognize me when he answered the door.”

I just smile, remembering how much I thought she changed the first time she picked me up for school.

“You could stay for the movie.”

“Um, that would be a no.” She gives me a quick hug. “Curtis is having a few people over tonight and I need to run a few errands before then.”

“No practice?”

“There’s always practice.”

My stomach tightens at that as I imagine the redhead from the other night attending every practice from here on out. “How was last night?”

“Deklan had a couple of tattoos, so he wasn’t there. Ryder was there, though.”

Good, then the redhead wouldn’t have been there.

She reaches into her pocket and pulls out a tiny little bag. “Oxycontin. You want one?”

I shake my head. “I’m hanging with my mom tonight.”

“Save it for later then.” She bites the pill in half and gives it to me.

“What does it do?”

“Takes the edge off and helps you sleep.” She winks. “You’ll love it.”

I almost ask her if she has any of the same anti-anxiety meds my mom takes. Instead, I remain quiet and put the pill she gives me into a mint tin box in my nightstand drawer and shut it.

“I better head out before my mom gets here,” she says, heading for my bedroom door. “We’ll hang out this week, alright?”