This May Sound Crazy (2 page)

It's 2:53 a.m. I'm in bed in Christmas pajamas
*
, watching
The Family Stone
**
, and did I mention it's June?

I don't really know exactly when my obsession with Christmas happened. I'd like to think I was just born this way (cue Lady Gaga; love you, gurl), because I've always had this strange affinity for all things Christmas. It started full force when I was fourteen. My brothers, Ryan and Spencer, had both moved out, and I had become the only child. I was used to Ryan being gone
because he's eleven years older than me, and he went to college in Washington, DC, when I was really young. He'd come back for the summer and stay with us. But when I say “stay with us,” I mean he'd eat with us and shower and then go out with his friends. TEENAGERS, AMIRITE?

But Spencer is only four years older than me. He'd always been in the next room playing his guitar LOUDLY (which was super annoying because I was TRYING to listen to the
High School Musical
sound track on repeat UNDISTURBED). And although he was (and still is) an annoying big brother, I guess it was comforting having him there. Like, when I got in trouble with my parents, he understood what it was like.

But as I said: They're both still annoying cuz they will read this and think I think they're cool.

WHICH CAN'T HAPPEN OKAY?

And for a while after Spencer left it was cool on my own cuz I could just do whatever I wanted. I could play guitar and talk on the phone loudly about
Glee
without my brothers bothering me. But then I got kinda lonely. The apartment felt quiet and empty. I started to take a lot of comfort in knowing that they'd be home for Thanksgiving and Christmas. I looked forward to it.

I started watching Christmas movies. All the time. And listening to Christmas music. ALL THE TIME. IT WAS INSANITY.

I actually got yelled at for blasting Christmas music in my room late one night.

And it got to the point that whenever I was sad, I put on something like
The Family Stone
or
Christmas with the Kranks
or
A Christmas Carol
(the one with George C. Scott) or
Elf
or one of the other million Christmas movies I love, and I felt better.

A lot better.

I guess for me, Christmas is the one time of year when everything is COMPLETELY okay. And I mean usually things are okay, but this is when it's FULLY okay. Like no boy drama or friend drama cuz everyone is just too happy eating gingerbread and chillin' to be worried. . . . Okay, LAST year I had boy drama, but I mean IRRELEVANT. My whole family, some friends, my dogs and cats (and my turtle) are there. Everyone is there at Christmas . . . and everything just feels good and comfortable.

Yes, it's a strange obsession. Usually people are just like, “Oh my God, it's so cold out, can't wait for summer.” But I think summer is gross. Like, no offense, summer, but you are hot and humid and you mess up my eyeliner. And you make me tired. COLD AIR MAKES YOU FEEL EXCITED FOR HOLIDAY FESTIVITIES. No? Just me?

Well, okay, sometimes I wish winter would end like . . . January 2. . . . But . . . Yeah . . . Can't always get what you want, I guess.

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

But, I think if there's one thing that you can always turn toward to make you feel better, even for a moment, you should hold on to that. Some people don't have something like that. So if you do, whether it is Christmas or something else, who cares if it's cheesy?

(And since when do people dislike cheese so much? I like cheese. I think cheese is a great food. Especially mozzarella, which we buy from Russo's in NYC on Christmas Eve and it's AMAZING.)

Okay, sorry. This is not a cheese chapter, though now I might make one cuz I really think cheese is underrated as a food group. Is it a food group? No. But dairy is. And what is in cheese? DAIRY.

I thought I'd add my Christmas routine so that you'd get a feel for why it's so strange that I'm so obsessed with the holiday season.

9:00 a.m.

I wake up, go into the living room to see my family for a split second before I beeline to my stocking.

10:00 a.m.

I drag myself off of the couch and head out with my family to go to church.

10:10 a.m.

We stop at Starbucks on the way cuz I'm cliché. I also get a peppermint hot chocolate OR eggnog latte cuz again #BASICBITCH.

11:00 a.m.

We get to church. We church it up.
#praise

12:30 p.m.

I stop at Bagels on the Square off Bleecker Street and pick up a bunch of bagels and some different cream cheese spreads. My favorite is a cinnamon-raisin bagel, toasted, with Dutch apple cream cheese cuz YOLO. My brothers go get Ess-a-Bagel for everyone else. It's a family rivalry that will never be settled. #bagellove

1:30 p.m.

I am now back in my pajamas and eating and my family has started opening presents.

2:45 p.m.

It's that awkward moment when someone gives you a gift and you don't understand why their brain thought it would be a good idea to give you said gift, so you're just like “Omg thank you so kind of you thx,” but in your head, your inner monologue is like “Bitch, please.”

5:00 p.m.