This Time (11 page)

Assuming traffic was reasonable, she should arrive at the hospital sometime before noon. Dr. Walters had cleared Michael for visitors and had put Tara’s name on the list so she could get on the compound. She’d told Tara that Michael didn’t have any sessions until Tuesday, so he was basically on his own for the weekend.

The drive wasn’t too bad since Madelynn spent the bulk of it watching a princess movie with her pink monkey, Ted. Why she’d named the monkey Ted, Tara would never know, but Ted’s safety was important to Maddie, so he was belted into the vacant seat beside her. Shortly before they arrived, Madelynn’s curiosity kicked in.

“Mommy, what’s your friend’s name?”

Tara glanced at Madelynn in the rearview mirror, surprised that she’d forgotten to tell her. “His name is Michael.”

“Do you think he’ll like Ted?” Madelynn asked, eyeing her monkey worriedly.

Tara smiled. “I think he’ll like Ted just fine. Are you excited to visit Michael and have Christmas with him?”

Madelynn frowned and looked down. “I wish Michael could come have Christmas with Grandma and Grandpa like us.” She looked up at Tara as inspiration struck. “Mommy, because he’s sick, we’ll go see him, but maybe next Christmas he can be better and come see us!”

Tara smiled, proud that she’d raised such a compassionate little girl. “I think that’s a good idea, honey. Maybe we’ll ask him when we see him.”

* * * *

Mike struggled down the hallway to his room. He’d been trying to walk more and more each day, and the trek to the cafeteria on the first floor proved to be good exercise for it. But after a week of making the walk to and from the cafeteria three times a day, he was sore. He was in a foul mood because of it too. How was he going to manage to hold down a job if he couldn’t walk or stay on his feet? Who the hell was even going to hire him? Dr. Walters had said to expect good things during the holidays, but even that had pissed him off. What the hell could he expect? A special meal in the cafeteria that was just a different kind of disgusting than the rest of the year?

He hated to be the bearer of bad news for them, but calling it turkey or cranberry salad didn’t make it taste any better. He thought frequently that he’d give his good leg for a large pizza with everything on it. Lt. Paulson had promised him a plethora of junk food, but he wasn’t coming to visit until after the New Year.

Mike tried to be optimistic. Madelynn would open his presents to her in a couple of days, and he’d told Tara he would call Christmas evening. She’d promised to let him talk to Madelynn. He stepped into the elevator and hit the button for the seventh floor. He’d been moved after he was discharged from rehab and physical therapy. He was on the recovery ward now with all the other damaged soldiers. This was where they were sent when they weren’t quite ready to go home but didn’t need daily medical care. Mainly, this area was reserved for those who were mentally ill and those with severe PTSD. At least he wasn’t the only one waking up screaming in the middle of the night here. There was comfort in that, he was almost certain, but Mike failed to see it. The elevator dinged and the doors opened. He started down the hallway, limping the final few yards to his room, where he’d be able to lie back and take the prosthesis off. Mike made his way there slowly, each step filled with pain and discomfort. Would he ever get used to this? They’d told him the skin would heal and gradually toughen, which would make the use of the prosthesis easier. He hadn’t seen any sign of that yet. Finally he arrived at his room and gripped the doorway, staring down at his leg where the prosthesis was hidden beneath his jeans.

“Hello, Michael.”

Mike jerked his head up, and his world narrowed to the woman sitting in the chair by the window and the little girl in her lap. His heart thudded heavily in his chest, and his mouth went dry. Mike felt a squeeze against his lungs that cut off his air. His eyes burned, and a hoarse, short sound escaped his throat.

“Tara?” He was suddenly less steady on his feet than he had been just moments earlier. Not that he was very steady these days, anyway.

Butterflies began fluttering in his stomach. Mike stared at her, waiting for her to disappear. He sent a fervent prayer to whatever God was watching that she was really here and not a manifestation of his imagination.
Please God, please let this be real.

“Surprise!” Madelynn jumped up and threw her arms in the air.

Mike stared at her in wonder, his throat working in an effort to speak. She was beautiful. Perfect.
An angel.
A huge grin lit Madelynn’s entire face, and her ponytail bobbed gaily. A pink monkey was clutched in one hand. Shakily, he made his way to the bed to sit down before he fell. Tara quickly got to her feet and moved to help him. Mike stopped her, holding one hand up. He was weak enough in her eyes already.

Once he was sitting, Madelynn moved to stand directly in front of him.

“Mommy said you were sick and couldn’t come to Christmas, so we had to bring Christmas here so you didn’t miss it.” She swung the monkey around her body as she twisted from side-to-side.

Unable to speak for the lump in his throat, he nodded.

Madelynn stopped turning and looked at him with a worried expression on her little face. “Are you glad we’re here? ’Cause we brought you some presents.”

Mike opened his mouth, and then closed it and cleared his throat. “I don’t think I’ve ever been as glad to see someone as I am right now.” His voice broke on the words.

Madelynn resumed her twisting, flinging the monkey with each sideways turn. “I’m Madelynn. You’re Michael.” She looked at him suspiciously. “You don’t look sick.”

“Madelynn!” Tara scolded from her position at the foot of the bed.

Mike looked up at Tara. Her hair was pulled back from her face by a wide band. She was dressed comfortably in jeans and a plain blue sweater, but no woman had ever looked so good to him. He wanted to stand up, take her in his arms, and never let her go.

“Well, he doesn’t!” Madelynn protested.

He looked back at Madelynn. “I’m not sick like you get. I’m a different kind of sick. I had an accident, and I had to learn how to walk all over again.” He’d practiced that, tried to figure out how to explain it to her. Mike hadn’t decided if it was what he wanted to tell her, but he hadn’t expected to meet her so soon.

“How—” Madelynn began before Tara moved to stand behind her.

“Maddie, I told you not to pester Michael with questions.” She put her hands gently on Madelynn’s shoulders to keep her from asking questions Mike wasn’t comfortable with.

Madelynn looked contrite. “I’m sorry. I won’t pester anymore. Mommy,” she said, looking up at Tara, “Can I go color like you said so you could talk to Michael?”

“Yes, honey. Your coloring book is still on the table. Go and color a picture for Michael. I bet he’d like that.” Tara looked encouragingly at him.

Mike nodded and said, “No one colors pictures for me. I’d sure like one, though, if you have one you’ll let me keep.”

Madelynn bounded off, and Mike mentally prepared to have his walls covered with pictures of princesses and fairies. He would love every single one. He watched Madelynn sit in the chair in front of the table, his heart in his throat. When she was busily coloring and humming, he turned back to Tara.

“Is this okay?” she asked quietly. “I wasn’t sure, but I thought…” She trailed off as he stood up and moved closer to her, grasping her shoulders.

“Thank you, Tara.” Mike looked in her eyes and said in what he hoped was a heartfelt voice, “This is more than I ever expected, and a hell of a lot more than I deserve.” He pulled her against his chest and wrapped his arms around her, ignoring the pain in his leg. He felt her hesitantly wrap her arms around his waist. Mike pulled her tighter against him, burying his face in her neck. The tears that had been burning behind his eyes finally spilled over. He took in her scent, the feel of her body against his, the sound of her breathing. He felt happiness blossom in his heart, and for the first time in a long time, Mike let himself hope,
really
hope. After long moments, his leg felt on the verge of giving out, and he pulled away and sat back down on the bed. Rubbing his eyes, he asked, “Where are you guys staying?”

Tara moved away from the bed and sat back down in the chair by the window. “The Holiday Inn. We got here earlier than I thought we would, so we weren’t able to check in yet.”

Mike turned to watch her, still unable to believe she was here. Tara fidgeted in the chair, and he stood, intending to offer to get her something, but his leg was still too sore and he stumbled. He caught himself with a hand on the bed. Tara shot to her feet and reached for him. This time he let her, pride be damned. Anything to get her nearer to him.

She slid one arm around his waist and tucked herself beneath his arm. She looked up at him with a frown. “Are you all right?”

Mike nodded and sat back down reluctantly. “Yeah. I’m fine.” Frustration filled him. He wanted to jump for joy and swing Madelynn over his head and pull Tara closer to him. But he couldn’t do those things, might never be able to. Mike took a deep breath, trying to keep the darkness at bay. He looked up into her eyes and felt the darkness recede and the light return. Realization dawned on him. He needed her more than he’d realized. He’d survive on his own. But with Tara and Madelynn…he’d
live
.

Chapter 10

Tara watched Michael, concerned. He’d stood and pitched forward like someone had pulled his legs from under him. She looked him over while he was distracted with adjusting his prosthesis. He was thin but not as thin as he’d been the last time she’d video chatted with him. The dark circles were still under his eyes but not as prominent. What she hadn’t been able to see on a computer, though, was that he was haunted. His eyes had a hopeless, lost look in them, and his expression was dejected even while he was smiling. She wanted to pull him against her chest and hold him until his eyes lost that defeated look. Tara sat beside him on the bed and took his hand in hers. He lifted his eyes to hers, and her breath caught. She could almost see the old Michael there, pleading with her to help him.

“Does it hurt?” she asked cautiously.

He nodded, looking down at his leg. “I’ve been using the prosthesis almost exclusively for a few days now. It’s just sore. I’ll adjust eventually.”

“But for now it’s painful?” At his nod, she continued, “Is there anything I can do to help?”

He closed his eyes and shook his head. His voice was firm when he replied. “No. But thank you.”

Madelynn suddenly bounded in front of them and proudly presented a picture. She had painstakingly colored each detail, trying to stay inside the lines. Michael took the picture from her, and she linked her hands behind her back and bashfully began twisting.

“It’s Ariel. She’s a mermaid. Do you like it?” Madelynn looked hopefully up at him. Tara held her breath, unsure of how much experience Michael had with children. Especially tenacious little girls.

Michael smiled, and Tara saw the shadows disappear from his eyes for a brief moment.

“I love it!” he exclaimed. “I don’t have a single picture of a mermaid. Thank you, Madelynn.” He rumpled her hair and held the picture up as though it were solid gold. “Hey, do you know what?”

Madelynn resumed her twisting and said, “What?”

“I bet I can find Candyland if I look really hard. Do you like to play Candyland? I can’t get anyone in this place to play with me.” He winked at Madelynn, and Tara’s heart melted.

Madelynn beamed. “I love Candyland! Mommy, can we play? Please?” She looked back at Michael without waiting for an answer from Tara and told him, “I’m real good at Candyland.”

He laughed and said, “I bet you are. Stay right here.” He stood and limped slowly to the door. “Don’t move, okay? I’ll be right back.”

* * * *

Mike hoped Tara didn’t notice the grimace on his face with each step he took. The elation he’d felt when he first saw her was still thrumming in his veins, and he didn’t want to ruin it by letting her know how much pain he was actually in and how fucked up he actually was. He hoped from the center of his being that she didn’t feel an obligation to help heal him. Just because he’d lost a leg did not mean she had to play Florence Nightingale. If she decided to go down that road, Mike didn’t want it to be because he was injured and in serious need of companionship. Tara had to be the one in the driver’s seat this time so he would know he hadn’t pressured her into anything. His frame of mind was too fragile right now for him to be sure he was reading the signals right. She might not be ready to dive in yet.

Was that why she had told Madelynn that he was a “friend”? Because Tara didn’t want Madelynn to be hurt if he pulled another disappearing act? Mike rubbed his eyes as he approached the nurses’ station. He could understand that. It didn’t mean he had to like it, but he understood. If Madelynn discovered he was the daddy she’d probably always wanted and then he left, it would destroy her. Tara was trying to keep that from happening by being sure of him before either of them let their hearts get involved. He got it. He really did. It was his own damn fault, after all. So why did it hurt so much?

The nurses were ecstatic about his daughter being there and told him to go spend time with his family. The bubbly ladies winked and assured him they would get the game if they had to rob a toy store to find it.

Mike carefully made his way back down the hall and stepped into the room, announcing, “Candyland is on the way.”

His heart squeezed again at the sight of them there.

Madelynn, excited by the prospect of playing Candyland with someone new, spun around and gave a high-pitched squeal. “Yay! I get to be red! Can I be red?” She turned and looked pleadingly at Mike as he sat down on his bed. “Do you want to be red? ’Cause you can be red if you want.”

Mike looked thoughtfully up at the ceiling for a moment and then said, “No, I think I want to be green.”

“You can’t be green,” Madelynn explained, “’cause Mommy’s always green. She said it’s her favorite color ’cause my eyes are green.” She looked at him closely and exclaimed, “Hey! Your eyes are green too!”