This Time (22 page)

Tara rode him hard then, her eyes closed and her head thrown back. Her lips parted, emitting breathy little sighs and groans that drove him harder, faster. He circled the nub in a firm touch, hoping, praying that she would come before he did or at least at the same time.

When the contractions of her body started to squeeze him, rhythmically tugging on his throbbing erection, his body tensed and jerked into hers a split second before he came in hard pulses, unable to keep from crying out her name.

Chapter 19

Tara drove home in a daze the next morning, struggling in vain to keep up with Madelynn’s excited chatter. Mike’s parting words echoed unrelenting in her mind.

“Stay, just one more day.”

“Michael, we can’t.”

Silence. Then a choked, “Then go. Just go. Before I start to beg.”

“Mike…”

“Please Tara. I can’t say good-bye to Madelynn. I can’t watch you walk out not knowing the next time I’ll see you. So just…go. Don’t unman me even more than I already am.”

She’d fled. Like a coward. Instead of staying one more day, which was entirely possible, Tara left.

She didn’t call him when she got home. She pulled into the tiny house she’d so painstakingly saved for and made into a home.
Will Mike like it?
Tara shook her head and went through the process of unloading the car and making lunch for herself and Maddie.

Every action made her wonder what Mike was doing, what Mike would think. Every giggle or smile from Madelynn broke her heart. She knew it was ridiculous; she had to come home. School was going to start back just after the New Year, and Tara couldn’t miss that. She couldn’t stay until he could come home. From a financial standpoint alone, it was impossible, even with the money from him.

When Madelynn went to bed, Tara finally worked up the nerve to call him.

“Tara?” Mike answered, his voice low and rasping. Tara squeezed her eyes closed in despair. He sounded like he’d been crying, and it made her feel like crap.

“Hi, Mike. We made it home. I got busy when we got here.” She paused, hoping he would understand. “I just put Maddie to bed.”

“Good.” He cleared his throat and said, “I’m, uh, glad you made it home okay.” A pause and then a deep breath before he said huskily, “I miss you guys.”

“We miss you too,” Tara responded, trying in vain to stop the tears welling in her eyes. “Come home, okay?”

“I will.” He remained silent for a moment and then whispered, “Tell Madelynn I…I miss her. I can’t wait to see her again.”

“Okay.” she whispered, but Mike had already hung up. Why was this so hard? She hadn’t heard from him or seen him in
five freaking years
—six in February—and now she’d been away from him for a day and missed him already.
He’s different now.
That was undeniable. Tara had to believe she’d seen the beginnings of a good man in Mike six years ago and that was why she’d fallen for him. In five years he’d reshaped himself into everything Tara had believed he could be, and it was Earth-shattering. Her heart was fully engaged, broken, and stitched back together by the kindness and goodness that had become an inherent part of his character sometime in their years apart. Mike had turned into the man she’d once believed he could be. Tara steeled herself, remembering that Dr. Walters had hinted that he could be released soon. The next few weeks were going to be difficult. But she’d make it through, and when he got home, she’d tell him…everything. One thing.
The
thing. And then she’d tell Madelynn.

* * * *

“Is there something you want to tell me?” Lt. Paulson had come to pick Mike up, waiting an extra three days so he could take him home instead of just visiting. They had just merged onto the interstate when the question came out of nowhere, LT’s voice quiet and serious. The tone sent chills down Mike’s back. He’d heard that voice many times over the past few years on the SEAL team, but only once had it been directed at him. Just as it had all those years ago, that tone sent a shudder of unease down Mike’s spine.

Mike was a badass, he knew it. You couldn’t be a SEAL and not be a badass. But Chris Paulson was…something else, something more. Captured and held for nine months, the man had survived intact, rescuing himself and another soldier by escaping a terrorist compound and walking for two weeks with a goddamn gunshot wound to the knee before finding civilization. He was practically a superhero. Anyone in his right mind would be scared of him, badass or not.

Mike squirmed in his seat like a troublesome toddler and muttered, “Yes, sir.”

LT remained silent. Mike squirmed some more.

“What should I be telling you about, sir?” The sir was unnecessary since Mike was technically a civilian. But he couldn’t fathom a world where this man wasn’t “sir” to him.

Lt. Paulson glanced over, his eyes hard. “Why don’t you take a guess?”

Mike watched him nervously, trying to think of why he would be on the LT’s shit list. Suddenly it hit him, and Mike rubbed his eyes, wariness creeping into his bones. “How did you find out?”

“Don’t you fucking worry about how I found out. Worry about why I didn’t know before now. Then worry about what the hell you’re gonna do about it.” Lt. Paulson’s voice was still quiet, which was much, much worse than if he’d been yelling.

“I didn’t tell you, sir, because I was ashamed of it. And I’m giving her child support. I sent back child support.” Mike hesitated, unsure if he should inject the personal aspect. Shrugging internally, he said, “I’m trying to…fix it. Be part of their lives.”

“Ashamed of the woman or ashamed of the child?” LT’s eyes didn’t leave the road. His voice no longer held that deadly quality, and Mike relaxed for a moment and then tensed again as the question sank in.

“Neither!” Mike answered in horror, his hands clenching the seat. “Tara is…amazing. And Madelynn is the biggest victim in all of this. I was ashamed of myself.” His voice lowered, and he murmured, “I still am.” Mike looked out the window at the light dusting of snow on the evergreens lining the interstate, trying to get his embarrassment under control. “But I’m trying to make it right.”

He kept his eyes averted but saw LT nod out of the corner of his eye.

The LT cleared his throat and said, “Well, uh, she’s friends with my fiancée. When one of her friends is unhappy, Callie gets upset.” He looked over at Michael meaningfully. “And when Callie is upset, that makes me
really
grumpy.” He refocused on the road and said in short, clipped syllables, “Fix it. I don’t want to hear anything else about it.”

“Understood, sir.” Mike looked back out the window. It went without saying that Lt. Paulson would make sure he did the right thing. But the LT would never bring it up again. He’d find out in other ways. If he’d known five years ago that Mike had gotten a girl pregnant and left her, LT would have kicked his ass into the next century. It wouldn’t have been a shotgun wedding, but Mike absolutely would have been paying child support. He wished someone had known so Tara wouldn’t have struggled so much. They might have had a chance before his leg got blown off.

Mike shook his head and admitted that his commanding officer shouldn’t have had to make him do the right thing by Tara and Maddie. Mike the badass should have swallowed his pride and done it anyway.

But Mike was a different man now and could see clearly the stupidity and selfishness of his actions. Deep down, he’d always known but had covered it up with nonchalance.

When they took the exit off the interstate to head into Virginia Beach, LT shifted in his seat and asked, “You got somewhere to go? I can set you up in my apartment for a couple of days if you want. Or I can put you in the barracks.”

Mike frowned, almost startled at the prospect of rejoining the world outside of a hospital. “I’m not sure, sir.” He wanted to see Tara, but he didn’t have a phone to call her on. Besides that, she was back at school and most likely would not welcome a houseguest. “I guess I’d like to go get a cell phone first so I can make some phone calls. Then just put me in the barracks for a couple of days.” Mike glanced down at his leg where the prosthetic was latched on. “First floor if you can swing it, sir.”

LT came to a stop at a red light, looked over at him, down at his leg, and back up to meet his eyes. Mike felt his face heat and jerked his gaze away. Fury burned through his veins, and Mike stared out the window, his jaw clenched. When the truck started moving again, Mike ground out, “Don’t pity me, sir.”

This man had been his superior officer first and his friend second. He’d saved Mike’s ass on more than one occasion, and Mike had saved his a time or two. Despite that, he couldn’t tolerate pity from anyone, especially Lt. Paulson.

Mike knew the others on his team were going to pity him. They were going to shake their heads and mutter “what a shame” when he wasn’t around. And that pissed Mike off. But as long as he didn’t have to see it, he could handle it.

“There’s a difference between pity and empathy. I don’t pity you. I empathize. Figure out the difference.” LT swung into a cellular store and parked. He got out of his truck and slammed the door without another word.

Mike expected the LT to walk around to help him out of the ridiculously high truck. When LT just ignored him and began to walk inside, Mike smiled to himself.
Tough old bastard.
Even though Mike wasn’t much younger than the LT, he still considered him a tough
old
bastard and always would.

Chapter 20

Mike had been home for three days before he called. Tara supposed he’d waited until Friday afternoon so she wouldn’t have school for a couple of days. The call had been brief. She’d given him directions to her house, and he’d promised to be there around five thirty.

Tara stood in her kitchen, staring into the freezer, wondering what to make for dinner. She didn’t like to order out often, but she had to feed Mike something. Spotting a package of beef, she pried it out and decided to make beef stew. It was a good, wholesome meal, and even Maddie—picky eater that she was—enjoyed it as long as Tara remembered to call it steak soup.

Tara’s heart skipped a beat.
Maddie.
She had to tell Maddie that Mike was her father. Was this the time to tell her? Before or after dinner? How did one go about telling a child who had never known her father that he was coming for dinner? Tara dropped the package of beef into the sink and turned on the water to help it thaw quickly. She stood staring out the window, her emotions and thoughts a riotous mix.

Tell her or wait? Let Mike tell her? Tara didn’t know. She didn’t even know who to call for advice. This was so far outside of anything that anyone she knew had ever dealt with. Google it maybe? What the hell would she even search for? Tara rubbed her temples, trying to dispel the headache that was forming there.

“What’s wrong, Mommy?” Madelynn’s tiny voice popped up behind her, and Tara jumped, startled.

Madelynn giggled. “Sorry, Mommy. I didn’t mean to scare you.”

Tara forced a tight smile. “It’s okay, honey.” She closed her eyes for a moment before deciding to follow her track record and jump in feet first. “Let’s go sit down, Maddie. I have to talk to you about something.”

Maddie cocked her head to one side before saying, “Okay.” She darted into the living room to jump on the couch.

Instead of chiding her for jumping on the furniture, Tara sat down and pulled Madelynn into her lap.

“Maddie,” she began but stopped when her eyes grew hot with tears. She took a shaky breath and started over. “Sweetheart, do you remember when you asked why some of your friends have a daddy and you don’t?” When Madelynn nodded, eyes wide, Tara continued. “Well, you do have a daddy. And he loves you very much.” Her voice broke on the last words as a wide grin spread across Madelynn’s face and her little body vibrated with excitement.

“I have a daddy?” Madelynn squealed and grinned in excitement, bouncing on Tara’s lap.

Tara tightened her arms to keep Madelynn still and said, “Yes, you do. And he’s coming to have dinner with us tonight.” Unable to hold onto her any longer, Tara let Madelynn go and watched as she bounded around the living room singing, “I have a daddy, I have a daddy.”

Madelynn stopped, mid-chant, and said in a frantic voice, “Mommy, I need to put on a dress so I can be pretty when my daddy gets here!”

Tara smiled through her tears and said, “Okay, let’s go find a really, really pretty one!”

Madelynn chose a little blue dress that tied in a bow in the back, and Tara braided her hair with matching blue ribbons. Madelynn danced continuously while Tara cut up carrots and potatoes and started the beef stew. Maddie never stopped moving, her excitement almost more than she could bear. Tara kept a hand pressed against the knot of anxiety in her stomach.

When she heard a car pull up outside, Madelynn ran to the door. Tara took a deep, fortifying breath and followed.

“Michael!” she heard Madelynn screech from the front door. Tara stood behind her daughter and watched as Mike used a cane to make his way up the porch steps. “Guess who’s coming for dinner, Michael!”

Mike grinned at Maddie, but before he could ask who, she screeched at him, “My daddy!”

Mike’s grin faded, and he jerked his gaze to Tara’s. The naked longing in his eyes sent a bolt of relief through her so powerful Tara had to lean against the door for support. He wasn’t upset. She’d known he wanted to tell Madelynn, but until she saw that expression, doubt had eaten at her.

“Why don’t we go inside, kiddo, and sit down for a minute?” Mike made his way across the porch and pressed a kiss to Tara’s forehead before murmuring, “Let me. Please.”

Tara nodded and stood back to allow them both to go inside. She closed the door and took a deep breath before gesturing to the kitchen and saying, “I’m going to go work on dinner. You two sit and talk for a while.” She left the room to let Mike do what he’d wanted to for a long time.

* * * *

Mike propped his cane by the door and sat down on Tara’s couch. He looked around. Her house was small but comfortable and neat. Maddie crawled into his lap before he’d had a chance to notice any more than that and placed a loud, wet kiss against his cheek.