Threat (22 page)

She lets out a sigh, blowing her bangs up and
away from her face. Her voice sounds strained when she speaks. “I
don't know the whole story; I realize that. And I'm sure when you're
ready to tell me you will.” She pauses, waiting for me to
interject, but I don't. “But there are things you don't know
either. My father, he built that fire pit outside because my mom
wanted one. We never got to use it. I know he's always been
disappointed in himself that he was never able to provide me with
those kind of family bonding experiences. Even though it doesn't mean
that much to me now, I know it means something to him.”

Well shit. She's pleading with her eyes, which
is unfair; how can I say no to that face? Actually, I'm sure I can
think of a way. And I'm tempted to do so.

“It's one night. It's just a few hours of
time. Tomorrow we can spend the whole day on the lake.”

I nod slowly. “Or even better, we can
spend tonight and all day tomorrow on the lake.”

A smile creeps back across her face and I
realize how much I missed it.

“You've got a deal.”

*

The sun is dropping in the sky and taking the
temperature with it. Colin lucked out, even though it's still
lukewarm outside, at least a fire will be tolerable during the
summer, on a night like this.

From the house I can see him spark the flame
near the shore. My mom and Leah both cheer like he just made a
touchdown at the super bowl or some shit, and so does he. Ridiculous.
But they sure do seem like they're having fun together.

Without me.

Begrudgingly I make my way towards them. I
don't have the choice not to go and there's nothing I fucking hate
more than not having a choice. I hate having obligations, I hate
commitments, I hate fucking schedules and rules. It's one of many
reasons why I've avoided girlfriends and relationships for all these
years. Girls expect you to do too much shit for them, and what do
they give you in return? A nice pair of tits and a tight pussy? Well
I've never and trouble getting that a la carte, so why pay for the
whole meal?

Then I see her. Her care free, laughing face
bathed in that amber light, and all I want to do is move heaven and
earth for her.

She turns and notices me just a few yards away.
With a wide smile she beckons me with her hand. Mom and Colin notice
me as I approach.

“Nice of you to join us, David.” I
can't exactly read Colin, but he doesn't come across as entirely
happy to see me. I guess I can't blame him for that. I nod to
acknowledge him before taking the seat next to Leah, albeit not as
close as I'd like. Mom is seated across from me—her eyes light
up when she sees me.

This is going to be a long ass night.

“For a minute we didn't think we'd see
you two for the rest of trip after you disappeared all night,”
Colin remarks.

I can feel that Leah is apprehensive, even
sitting a foot away from her. If he only knew the things I did with
his daughter all night. This would be the perfect time to inject some
crude innuendo into the conversation, but I refrain.

“We just wanted to give you guys some
space,” Leah says.

In other words, we just needed to get away
from your asses
. Good God, would I
love to say that out loud. I'm impressed by my own self control.

Mom smiles warmly. “That was sweet, but
we always have time for you kids.”

I turn my head and muffle a loud bark of
laughter, playing it off as a cough instead. “Excuse me,”
I add, clearing my throat.

“Threat is teaching me how to sail,”
says Leah. “And I haven't quite gotten the hang of it yet.”

I like where this is going.

Colin's brows shoot up. “Perfect! He'll
have all day tomorrow to finish teaching you.”

Completely and utterly oblivious.

“But first, I thought it would be a good
idea for us to have our first family meeting.” Meeting? And
here I thought this was family bonding. “Especially after last
night where things got a bit, well, tense, to say the least.”
My jaw sets just thinking about it. Colin pauses and wrings his hands
together like he's searching for the right words. “I know most
of us are independent because we've been on our own for a while and
maybe some of us have had to fend for ourselves a little bit too
much. But I think it's important that each of us is able to address
that without directing any hostility towards any one member of the
family.”

Where exactly is he going with all of this? I
quickly realize that as Colin speaks, he avoids looking at me
directly. He looks at Leah, and he looks at Mom, but he mostly looks
down at the ground. Okay, maybe that's just because he doesn't really
know me well yet. But neither Mom nor Leah look at me either—in
fact, Mom's eyes are downcast the entire time. My own eyes narrow as
I listen intently.

Colin stops again and takes a breath. “What
I'm trying to say is...none of us are perfect, each one of us has our
faults. But if we're going to be a cohesive, functional unit, we
can't act out of anger. We cant lash out at each other. We can't dig
up past hurts and try to use it as weapons against each other.”

He's talking to me.

He might not be looking at me, but he's talking
about me and only me. This isn't family bonding, and it isn't a
family meeting either—it's a fucking intervention. And guess
who's the main attraction?

I try my damnedest to keep my cool, propping my
chin up against my hand and digging my fingers into my temples. This
has to be the biggest piece of bullshit I’ve encountered—who
the fuck is Colin to judge me and tell me how to act? He's known me
for all of twenty-four hours, and now he thinks he understands me? He
thinks he can
fix
me? Fuck that shit. I didn’t come here
for this.

I stare my mom down as Colin continues to speak
because I know she's the one who put him up to this. She's the one
who needs a fucking intervention; not me.

“David,” Colin says. “You
look a bit upset.

I'm not upset; I'm pissed, and there's a
difference. The heat rises in my cheeks just hearing him call me by
my real name. “My name is Threat.”

He sighs. “Okay, do you think maybe a
name like that is part of the source of your anger?”

Anger? My first ball and I have to restrain
myself. I have a right to fucking be angry. Don't you fucking analyze
me, old man.

I shake my head. “Nope, it's just a name.
Nothing more.”

“Well you must identify with it in some
way since you chose it and require everyone to call you that.”

I chuckle, realizing that I probably sound
crazy to him. We make eye contact and I ask, “Do you know how I
learned to sail?”

His gaze flits between Mom and I. “Um,
that's a bit off topic—”

“Oh, but it's a doozy, trust me.” I
glance at Mom and say, “Mom maybe you should tell the story.”

She looks distressed. “Let's not, okay.”

“I got it at camp, remember? Do you
remember why I went to that camp?”

She just shakes her head and closes her eyes
tight.

“You don't? You really don't remember? I
spent six weeks there every summer, for three years straight, from
ages eight through ten. Or did you just forget everything about my
childhood? Because that wouldn't surprise me either.”

“Threat,” Leah says softly,
reaching out and touching my forearm. She doesn't look happy when I
shake it off.

Colin chimes in. “Okay, you see David,
that's the kind of tone I’m talking about.”

I hold up my hands like I'm surrendering,
pretending to play the good guy. “You know what, you're right.
Forget I added that last part,” I say with a forced smile
plastered across my face. My attention returns to Mom. “To
refresh your memory, it was a school for 'problem children'. It was a
boot camp. That you sent me to as a child.”

“Um, well that doesn't sound so bad…?”
says Colin.

“Right, it wasn't so bad when they
starved kids for talking out of place, or made us run laps in 110
degree heat until we passed out.” Everyone becomes eerily
silent after that. I cock my head to the side. “And do you
remember why you sent me there, mother dearest?”

Her face is buried in her palm, her eyes closed
tight. “You were acting out and you needed discipline.”

“Do you remember the words you said to me
when you told me you were sending me off to camp?” I pause,
giving her a chance to speak up, but of course, she didn’t.
“'I'm sick of you and I need you out of my hair for a few
months'. Your very own fucking words.”

“You were becoming violent and they were
able to help you.”

I laugh bitterly. “A lot of fucking good
they did. I was eight years old, Mom.
Eight
. And you didn't
want me around.”

“It wasn't like that and you know it! You
were already getting in to trouble at school, you were getting into
fights—“

“Because of you!” I shout.

“Uh, okay, can we try to deescalate a
bit?” Colin asks, his weirdly calm voice sounding out of place
between ours.

“It's okay,” Mom says, her voice
wavering. “Just let him get it out. He's been needing to say
this for a while, so let him get it all out.”

“I got into fights because of
you
.”

“You can't blame your mother for things
you did, Threat,” Leah interjects.

I shake my head. “No, see it's not that
simple. When your mom has an affair with the father of one of your
peers and destroys his family. And then that kid comes to school with
pictures.
Nude
pictures of your own mother that he got off the
internet and proceeds to show them to everyone in school, you learn
to defend yourself real good.”

A heavy silence falls between us, with nothing
more than the crackling fire in the background. No one dares to move,
least of all my mother, who still can't look me in the eye.

Finally, Mom opens her mouth to speak, only
fragments of words coming out at first. “I—I did what I
had to do to survive.”

“Because you couldn't get a real job like
every other fucking mom on the planet, right?”

“I
only
did those things for you.
I only did those things to provide for you!”

I scoff. “Yeah, you sucked dick because
of me. Please.”

Her face looks pained. “There are things
you don't even know, David. Your father was almost thirty years old
when he met me.”

I wave her off. “Don't drag Dad into
this.”

“Do the math! I was fifteen when I gave
birth to you. My parents disowned me and I had no education, no place
to go,” she pauses and takes a breath.

“Bullshit, dad tried to find you and help
you but you refused him. You were too fucking proud to take a
handout, even if it meant feeding your own child and giving him a
decent place to live.”

She looks shocked. “He never offered me a
thing! I tried and I tried but he denied you until you were old
enough not to need his support anymore.” I shake my head,
resisting the urge to roll my eyes. The lies she comes up with are
ridiculous. “I know I'm not perfect. And I know I'm far from
being the best mother. You have every reason to hate me and I don't
blame you a bit for it. But I’m trying to be a better person
now.”

I nod. “That's true, you are. But only
for your shiny, new family. Never for me.”

Her shoulders slump in defeat, the light from
the fire highlighting the tears welling up in her eyes. I don't feel
good about bringing my mother to tears—I fucking hate it. I
fucking hate the way I feel right now and I hate the fact that we're
damaged beyond repair. And the only thing I hate more than all of
those things is myself.

I turn back towards Colin, who's standing
pensively by with his chin in his hand. With my arms spread open wide
I say, “You wanted an intervention, and you got one.”

Leah takes me by the arm again, trying to make
me lower it. “Threat, don't,” she whispers. “Look
at her. You need to apologize.”

I narrow my eyes at her, questioning my ears.
After all of that Leah is still taking her side?

“
I
need to apologize? I haven't
gotten a single apology out of her!”

“You know what, Threat,” Colin cuts
in, “I really hate to do this. And I understand there's been
strife between you and your mother, but I can't have you in my home
if you disrespect my wife like this.”

I nod, glowering back at him and pull myself up
to my feet. “I guess this is where we part then.”

Colin nods. “I'm sorry it didn't work
out.”

“Yeah, same.”

Leah stays still and silent. Finally she looks
up at me with those big, pleading eyes again. She had plenty of time
to say something, plenty opportunity to step in. For a split second I
think she'll oppose her father, but she doesn't.

I shouldn't be surprised. Blood is thicker than
water. Except when it comes to me.