Three Loving Words (21 page)

Enzo

I always figured that I’d be a bachelor for a very long time.  If I ever found the one, it’d be a long time from now, and that was a big if.  I figured settling down just wasn’t for my party lifestyle or my “playboy” ways.  I certainly didn’t want it cramping my style.  That was a small part of why I resented Paige when we first got married.  I thought that it would ruin my life.  It did hinder some aspects of my life, but not in the way I thought it would have.  I still had my fun, and clearly disregarded Paige’s feelings, although I hadn’t truly known or realized at the time.  I’d like to think I would have been a tad bit more considerate had I known what I was putting her through, but knowing me, I probably would have gloated.

Yet here I was, happier than I ever thought I’d be because of Paige.  She loved me.  She loved me.  She loved me.  She loved me.  No matter how I stressed it, it sounded like a crowd cheering wildly after a game-winning goal.  I had scored a hat trick, and I didn’t even know I was playing the game.  In hockey, a player who scored three goals in a game had a hat trick.  My first goal was when I fell in love with an amazing woman who loved me back, my second was when she agreed to marry me, and the third was that she was carrying my child.  It almost seemed too good to be true.  I was waiting for the referee to watch a replay and yell, “No goal.”

Apparently, the universe loved me because, for the next month, things were spectacular.  You could say we pretty much acted like a pair of honeymooners.  We did all the things a loving couple usually did.  We watched TV together, ate together, went out on dates, went to the theater, and we even cooked together.  Well, Paige cooked, and I helped with whatever I could, like chopping vegetables.  She even slept in my newly designed room.  She refused to officially move her things in there and “share” a room together until after our vow renewal.  I didn’t like it, but if it made her happy, I could live with it as long as we spent every night together whether it was in my bed or hers.  And once she said, “I do,” without coercion, this time, she’d never have a separate room ever again.  This was a possessive side of myself I never knew existed until Paige brought it out of me.

Paige hadn’t started planning the renewal-vow wedding yet because her school had started.  I asked her to quit working so we could spend more time together, but she said she liked being independent. She liked her coworkers, what she did, and feeling like her work was valued.  She also said that she figured I’d go work for my father eventually, and then she’d be bored at home.  That got me thinking.  I didn’t want to work with my father, and no matter how much he pushed me to do so, I found excuses not to or, at least, bought myself some time.  I knew he wanted me to be “responsible,” but I hated him and didn’t want to see him on a daily basis if I could help it.  Yet I was going to be a dad, and I wanted my kid to be proud of me.  When asked what his dad did, I wanted him to be able to give an actual profession instead of saying, “Nothing.  He is a stay-at-home dad.” Having Paige work and feel accomplished made me feel inadequate.  I’d have to bite the bullet and go work for my dad eventually; I was just holding out for as long as I could.

I had started calling the baby “he” while Paige insisted it was a “she.”  Really, I didn’t care one way or the other as long as the baby was healthy and happy and looked like Paige.  I just liked riling Paige up.  Some things didn’t change.  It still got me hot when Paige was feisty.

I visited with my mom often, mostly during the day when Paige was at work.   I hadn’t told her that she was going to be a grandma yet.  Paige and I had decided to wait until after the first trimester to tell everyone.  I had to admit that it was getting really hard to keep it from my mom.  That visit, one month after our “engagement,” was especially hard.  She had been telling me that I was glowing.  I didn’t particularly like that assessment.  Guys didn’t glow, but it was my mom, so I let it slide.  I did have an extra pep in my step, though; I’d give her that.  I avoided my dad at all costs when I came over, and he didn’t seem to mind.  He stayed in his office while my mom and I talked, sometimes ate dinner.

“When are you finally going to work with your father, dear?” my mom asked.  She asked me that every time she saw me.  I usually told her that I wanted to live life before I was forced to have a nine-to-five.  That usually appeased her until the next visit.

I had just opened my mouth to tell her that I had actually started thinking about doing so sooner rather than later when we both heard the commotion in the foyer.

We both stood up and ran out of the room to come face to face with Paige’s mom and dad.

“You,” Emily, her mom, pointed an accusing finger at me.  “Did you know about this?”  Before I could open my mouth to ask, she pointed at my mom. “Were you in on it, too?”

“Emily, they didn’t know anything,” Paige’s dad, Ted, said from behind her.

“What’s going on here?” I asked at the same time my mom said, “Know about what?”

That was when my dad, the great Gerry Faust, came out of his office, his slow strides purposeful as if he was the commander in chief and he’d solve this issue with one flick of his wrist.  “Ted, what’s going on?” he asked.

“You bastard!” Emily raged at him, her small fists colliding with his chest.  My mom raised a hand to her mouth on a gasp while I enjoyed the show.  It was about time someone stood up to my dad, even if Emily looked like a child hitting a giant.

“It slipped.  I don’t even know how or why.  I can’t remember what we were talking about.”

“All these years you didn’t say a word, and then it magically slips?” my dad asked him as he managed to wrestle both of Emily’s hands into one of his and hold her at arm’s length.

“You ruined Paige’s life!  And for what?”

“Paige?” I asked, my ears finally perking up.  “What about Paige?”

“Do you know why Paige married you?” Emily turned her eyes toward me.

“Because Ted owed my father money and this was the payment.”

“Right, that’s what I thought, too.  You might think I’m callous and a bad mom, but I didn’t like it at first.  I didn’t want her to go through with it.  When I realized quickly there was nothing that could be done without harm, I decided I’d rather pretend life was happy than to know we forced this upon our daughter.  She didn’t complain; she was a trooper.  I should have stopped this to begin with, but I was selfish.  I thought I’d lose Ted.  Little did I know he was conspiring with your father for this scheme.”

“What are you talking about?” I asked while my mom looked toward my dad.  “Gerry?” she asked, and he actually looked remorseful.  I was sure it was because his wife, whom he claimed to love in his own twisted way, was about to find out something he didn’t want her to.  That had the hairs on the back of neck standing straight up.  It had to have been something bad.

“I told you,” Ted tried to reason with Emily.  “It wasn’t malicious.  We wanted what was best for the kids.  Paige needed someone to be there for her and only her, and Enzo needed someone who could be a positive influence.  It was a win-win for them both.”

“Except the part where you played God with her life!” Emily shouted.

“Will someone please tell me what’s going on?” I demanded.

“Ted didn’t owe Gerry any money.  They haven’t stopped being friends.  They still consider themselves brothers, and even if Gerry gave Ted money, he’d never expect him to repay him.” Emily’s voice was hard.

“I don’t understand.”

“I didn’t, either. No, I still don’t.”

“With Paige going away to college, Ted was worried about her being on her own after depending on Nora for so long.”

“She didn’t depend on Nora!” I screamed.  “She was overshadowed by her!  She wanted to break free.”

Emily and my mom gasped.  “That’s not true,” Emily spoke.

“You’re Paige’s mother, and she loves you regardless of the shitty job you’ve done of being a parent, so I won’t tear you to shreds, but don’t think for one moment that you know her.”

“I know she didn’t want to marry you, and I should have stopped it, but I didn’t.  I know her father is a meddling no-good excuse for a father who thinks he can play matchmaker without rules.  I know your father is an arrogant son of a bitch that had no right cooking up this scheme with my husband.  What do you have to say for yourself?” She turned toward my dad.

“I did what I thought was right for the two of them,” he responded but was wise enough to look embarrassed.

“You’re a sick bastard.  You threw two people who hated each other together because you thought it was right?  Who gave you the right to toy with people’s lives?”

“I love her,” I interrupted, but Emily was on a roll.

“You told her that her father’s life was in jeopardy if she didn’t do this.  Of course, she was going to listen to you!  She changed all her plans to marry a man she didn’t love for something that was bullshit.”

“She loves me,” I tried, louder.

“What went through your stupid minds?” She addressed both men.  “Did you both just decide that you were bored and needed a better game?  ‘Let’s force our children into a loveless marriage for all eternity.’  I love you, Ted, but I hate you more.  For once, I’m going to be the mom Paige deserves.  I’m telling her about all this so she can escape this bullshit.”

“No!” I yelled louder than I probably needed to.

“You’re free, Enzo,” Emily told me, but she wasn’t really looking at me.

“Emily, please listen to me,” I said as I grabbed her hands in mine, forcing her to see me, willing her to hear me out.  “I love her, Emily.  I really do.  Yeah, it might have started off with hate, but all that’s changed.  We’ve fallen in love.  I can’t live without her.  I don’t want to.  That’s why I asked her to marry me, er, renew our vows for our five-year anniversary, and she said yes.  That’s why I’m begging you not to tell her.  Please, I can’t let you hurt her.  And I can’t lose her.  I’m afraid this will push her away.”

I didn’t want Paige hurt, and this would devastate her.  This entire time, our fathers were lying to us and playing with our lives.  She could have avoided everything.  I didn’t want her to second-guess herself and her intentions; what she thought she gave up for her family.  And truth be told, I was afraid I was going to lose her if she knew the truth.  Did she love me because of the circumstances or because she truly loved me?  I didn’t dare want to find out.

“I love her, and I’m asking you not to do this to her. I promised her that I’d do everything in my power to make sure she was never hurt, and I intend to keep that promise.”

“Why should I believe you?” she asked.

“Because I’m telling you the truth!” I said a little too loudly, which probably didn’t help my case.  I tried to calm down my racing heart before I spoke again.  “Please, you have to believe me.  What reason would I have to stay with Paige if I didn’t love her now that I had an easy out?  I love her so much, and I don’t want to see her hurt.  Haven’t her feelings been pushed aside enough all her life?  She’s finally happy, and she’s happy with me.  I don’t want to lose her.  I can’t lose her.  Just look into my eyes and see that I’m telling you the truth.”  She opened her mouth to speak, but I was worried it would be more protests.  “Give me a chance to prove to you that her happiness is in my best interest.  At least, give me some time so I can show you that I love her with every fiber of my being.  Please, Emily, I’m begging you, don’t tell her,” I pleaded.

“You really love her?” Emily looked at me as if she was seeing me for the first time. 

“With all my heart.”

“And she loves you?” she asked.

“I swear it.  She’s told me more than once.  We’re happy together, I promise.”  She looked briefly at my dad as if letting this go was letting him get away with what he did.  “I’ll deal with my father my own way,” I assured her, “but please, help me keep my promise to Paige.”

She stayed silent so long I began to worry, but I could physically see her walls cracking through the emotions playing across her face.  Finally, she spoke. “Okay, I’ll keep quiet for now.  But if I see that you’re lying to me, I’m telling her right away.”  I heard a collective exhale from the group who seemed to have been waiting with bated breath for Emily’s answer.  I wondered where she had hidden this authoritative streak.

“You got off lucky,” she told my dad before she whipped around and stormed out, with Ted following behind her.  She didn’t give him the time of day, but I heard her mumbling about him staying in a hotel until she figured out what to do with him.  I didn’t feel sorry for him since he has messed with Paige’s life, but I was fractionally indebted because our father’s meddling had brought us together.

“Is it true?” my mom finally asked my dad.

“It’s true,” he told her, no point in lying.

“I think you should sleep in the guest room tonight,” she told him before she laid a quick kiss on my cheek and whispered she loved me.  I didn’t think she’d leave him, but that was progress.

“I knew you were a bastard; I just didn’t think you were this bad.”

“Everything I do, I do for love.”

“You really believe that, don’t you?” I asked him but didn’t wait for an answer.  “I feel sorry for you because one day you’re going to wake up and realize everything you thought was true is a lie.  You don’t hurt the people you love.”

“Sometimes, you need to fall before you can get up.”