Through His Eyes: An Institute Series Novella (The Institute Series Book 4) (6 page)

THE CL
INIC

I started splitting my time between Allira and William, blinking between them regularly.

William was doing well, although sometimes I felt like he really needed his mother – no one was ever quite as good at calming him like Allira. Seph would wear an old shirt of Allira’s, but it wouldn’t fool him for long. He missed his mother. Or perhaps I was reading into it. I wasn’t sure if babies could actually tell the difference between people or not.

I found Allira on the rooftop of Paxton’s apartment. It had an amazing view of the city, and she was visiting the spot frequently.

“How about that guy down there,” I pointed. It was a game we played … well, she played. I played along too, even though I knew she couldn’t hear me. “I think he’s cheating on his wife. Harsh, I know, but he’s wearing a wedding ring and keeps looking at the arses of every girl that walks by.”

“He has three kids to three different women,” she said with a giggle.

Sometimes we’d pick the same person on the street and I could’ve sworn she knew I was right there beside her, helping her come up with the stranger’s whole fake life. It was moments like that that led me to believe I was here for a reason. I just needed to find out why. There was no logical explanation for it. Then again, I was a friggin’ ghost. That in itself wasn’t logical.

“That woman over there is in love, and is so wrapped up in her love, she’s blissfully happy all the time.” Allira let out a loud sigh. “At least some people can have a happy ending.”

My gut pinched. “You’ll get yours. I promise.”

“I thought I saw you today,” she said, slightly raising her head to look into the sky.

It was something she’d started doing recently – talking to me as if she knew I was there, like she could sense me.

The first time it happened a few weeks back, I yelled at her for three hours straight, telling her I was right there, that I could hear her. By the end, my throat felt raw, and I gave up.

But she’d never done it before moving in with Paxton and I wanted to believe it meant something.

“I see you a lot,” she continued. “I might be going crazy.” She laughed as she wiped a tear from her face. “Miss you.”

She always ended with that. Allira started making her way back inside, trudging down the stairs with heavy feet.

Paxton and Nuka were sitting at the dining table, eating, when she walked in.

“Hey,” Allira said with a warm smile. Warm, but fake. She gave Nuka a kiss on the head, then went and sat in her spot on the other side of the table.

Paxton didn’t look up from the paperwork he was studying.

“What are you looking at?” Allira asked.

“Just numbers and projections for your aunt’s clinic,” Paxton replied dismissively.

I could see it in her face, she had no idea what he was talking about, but just like a lot of things she pretends to remember, she didn’t question it. And just how everyone had been pretending not to notice Allira’s confusion, Paxton didn’t press her on the matter.

“Can I take a look?” she asked, reaching for the folder.

Paxton hesitated for a moment before relenting and handing it over.

“Why do you have all of this?”

“Kenna’s looking for investors.”

“Are you going to help?”

“I spoke to my campaign manager last night, and he thinks we should distance ourselves from it for the time being. We’re a Defective party, but we need to show we’re also interested in other issues as well. If all of our platforms include a Defective element, we’ll lose voters. We need to be supportive, but without being too ‘in your face’ about it.”

“Maybe there’s a way I could help,” she said. I think it was more to herself than Paxton, though.

“Maybe you should wait and see how you handle your campaign duties first. It’s your first appearance tonight. Do you think you’re ready for it?”

“What’s there to be ready for? All I have to do is look pretty and smile politely.”

He smiled at that.
Sure, because we don’t want her to talk or have an opinion or anything. Arm candy doesn’t have a voice.

“Speaking of pretty, are you going to call Ebbodine to come help you get ready? She’s into all that hair and beauty stuff more than you.”

Really, Paxton?
“Don’t listen to him, Allira, you’re gorgeous without makeup.”
Why am I even bothering?

“Yeah, that’s probably a good idea.”

It wasn’t the first time Paxton made some sort of comment like that. And each time he’s said something that would normally make Allira bite back, she’s just nodded and accepted it.

How could my death tear away the person she used to be? The person she always was? She was raised to be strong, to fight, to stick up for herself.
Where the hell is she now? How do I get her back?

It’d only been two weeks since Allira moved in with Paxton, but if anything, she was disappearing even more.

When Ebbodine arrived, Allira took her straight to her bedroom.

“So, how are you doing?” Ebb asked, her usual peppy tone solemn.

“Honest answer or generic?”

“Since when do you and I do generic? Come on, Allira, it’s me.”

Allira smiled one of her fake smiles that she’d gotten so used to doing these days. And she was really friggin’ good at it. “True. I’m doing better, I think.” She shrugged. “I’m not crying as much. That counts for something, right?”

“Are you sure you’re going to be okay tonight? Are you ready to be Paxton’s ‘girlfriend’?” Ebb shuddered. “So weird.”

Allira actually let out a little laugh. Ebb’s head snapped to hers, just as mine did.
Did that really just happen? A laugh?

“It is weird, but it kind of feels … nice.”

“Please tell me you don’t have a thing for Paxton!” Ebb yelled.

“Shh,” I found myself saying. I really didn’t want Paxton overhearing. Why, I wasn’t sure.

“Not like that. I don’t think.” Allira flopped onto her bed. “I didn’t tell you about the vision I had while I was in the hospital after getting shot, did I?”

Ebb narrowed her eyes. “No?”

“What vision?” I asked.

“In my vision, Paxton and I were all dressed to go to some benefit, and he proposed.”

“He what?” Ebb and I yelled in unison. I was thankful Allira could at least hear her.

“I know. Total shock to me too. And yeah, it’s weird right now, but clearly I’m going to outgrow it if we get close enough for him to propose.”

Ebb pinched the bridge of her nose. “You know visions aren’t set in stone. Please don’t put all your hope in getting over Chad and moving on with Paxton. Of all people.”

“What do you have against Paxton? He’s handsome, smart…”

“Boring, old,” Ebb finished for her, making me smile. I knew he had ulterior motives to taking her in.

“He’s twenty-nine, that’s not old.”

“And you’re nineteen. He’s old.” Ebb started pacing. “You can’t seriously be interested in him?”

Allira shook her head. “Not yet.”

“Not ever. I won’t allow it.”

“If it’s what gets me over
him
, then I don’t really care right now.”

“I know plenty of guys you can use to get over Chad.”

“Whoa, I don’t like that idea either,” I said.

“Ebb,” Allira said with a sigh. “You know I—”

“You’re not ready for that yet. But one day you will be, and I will do everything I possibly can to make sure it’s not Paxton you turn to.”

“
Why?
”

“Because there’s something not right with him. I don’t know what, but he’s weird.”

“I agree,” I said.

“He’s not weird. He’s a grown-up. Something you’re clearly not used to being around.”

“That’s fine. He can be a grown-up, but you’re still a teenager and you
need
to act like one.”

“Hmm, all drama and angst. Don’t you think I have enough of that with Chad? You try losing the love of your life and see how much you want to party, date, and stress over what your nail colour should be.”

Ebb sighed. “Let’s just get your hair and makeup done, okay? I need to go to the clinic after this.”

“Aunt Kenna’s clinic?”

“Yeah, we’re about to open and we’re short-staffed like you wouldn’t believe.”

“Why didn’t you say anything? I can help out. I don’t know how, but it’s not like my days are filled with anything.”

Ebb pulled back, examining Allira’s face. “You’re serious?” It wasn’t an accusatory tone, just a shocked one.

“I asked Paxton about it before, and he said I should see how my campaign duties go first, but I don’t see why I wouldn’t be able to. The benefits and events are less than once a week. It’s more like once a fortnight to every three weeks that Paxton will need me.”

For the first time since Ebb walked in, she got excited, bouncing on her heels with her signature smile plastered on her face. “You should come do nursing with me! You can study on the job and everything, it’s great.”

“Uh … you do remember I want to faint at the sight of a needle, right?”

“It’s super easy, and you’ll get over that with some practice.”

“It might be easy for you, but I was thinking more along the lines of office work or filing. You know, easy stuff.”

“Don’t you want to help people? If you think about it, we’re the reason why they need the clinic in the first place.”

Allira pursed her lips, her brow furrowed in thought. It didn’t take long before her expression morphed to one of guilt, realising Ebb was right. “I’ll ask Aunt Kenna about it tomorrow.”

“Seriously, Allira, I think this is the best thing for you.”

“Yeah, yeah.”

***

Of course Kenna was ecstatic Allira was interested in the clinic, practically giving her a job on the spot. She had six weeks of intense training, just so she could learn the basics of everything, and then she had signed on to take more classes, but at a slower pace than Ebb.

Paxton had voiced his concerns, but Allira assured him once her training was done, it was only going to be a casual thing; filling in here and there when she was needed.

Then opening day came, and it was pretty clear that wasn’t going to last long when the clinic was packed full of people.

And as predicted, with the months that followed, Allira became bogged down in nothing but clinic work and campaigning events.

But she was doing better. She was working her arse off and barely had time to sleep, so instead of restless nights with her face streaked with tears, she was crashing from exhaustion and sleeping better than she had since I’d died.

She’d also stopped talking to me. I liked to think it was because she was doing better, but I missed it. It was the only time I felt like I was still connected to her.

NEWBI
ES

Allira was sitting across from some loser, preppy boy with designer pants and a stupid playboy attitude.

“Sorry. I thought this was a mutual set up. I didn’t know Ebb was keeping me as a surprise,” Dex said. “I can go if you’d like?” He started to get up out of his seat.

“No, that’s okay.”

“What are you doing, Allira? Get rid of him! He’s a dickhead – that much is abundantly clear from the way he’s dressed.”

He sat back down, and they smiled at each other.

It was happening. Allira was on a date.

I don’t want to watch this,
I inwardly groaned.

That mere thought had the pulling sensation taking over me.

I expected to blink to where William was. Instead, I found myself somewhere new, with people I’d never seen before.

The apartment I was in was small – combined dining/living area with a tiny kitchen big enough for only one person to stand in there at one time. There was a bedroom off of the living room, then a hallway with only two doors – I presumed one was another bedroom and one was a bathroom.

“Where am I?” I mumbled to myself.

“That Max girl called again,” the blonde girl in front of me said. “You really have to stop leading them on if you’re not going to get serious.”

I turned to the guy she was talking to, coming face to face with a six-foot-three wall of man. His ash blond hair was scruffy and not at all neat, and it looked like he just rolled out of bed, even though it was dinner time.

“Jenna,” he whined, “do I poke around in your love life? Oh wait, you don’t have one.”

Okay, so the girl’s name was Jenna. That still didn’t answer why I was there.

“Screw you!” she yelled, throwing a couch cushion at him.

“Come on now, sis, you know I’m only joking. Sort of.”

She grunted and stormed out of the room, but then came charging back out. “When are you going to grow up, Jayce?”
Okay, the guy’s name was Jayce.
“I realise you still have another year of uni left—”

“More like four if I go ahead with this PhD thing.” He shrugged.

“This is exactly what I mean! You have no direction, no other goals other than your degree, which you’re not even all that fussed over.”

“I have goals!” he said.

“Yeah, seeing how many girls you can screw without calling them back.”

“Not that you
need
to know this, but I don’t screw them. I never slept with Max.”

Jenna narrowed her eyes at him. “Why do I feel like you’re lying?”

Jayce laughed. “Because you think I’m some kind of manwhore? I don’t know how you came to that conclusion considering
I’m
the one who’s in my bed every night. You’re hardly ever here.”

“You may have heard of a little something called a job. You might like to try getting one someday. It’s what I have to do to pay my half of the rent. Unlike you who only has to bat his eyelashes at Mum and Dad and they cover you.”

As confused as I was, wondering what I was doing there, their argument was enthralling. I’d always wished to have a brother or sister. Now I was glad I was an only child.

“You know they would’ve done the same for you had you chosen a different career path. Mum and Dad didn’t bust their arses so we could become
public servants.
” He shuddered.

“Oh, whatever. Don’t be such a snob! I’m making a difference in the world!”

“I will too, once I get my PhD. Until then, I can do whatever … and whoever I want.”

“Real charming, bro.”

“Hey, the reason I didn’t sleep with Max, even though she’d made it abundantly clear that I could have, is because I know she’s not the one for me. If I was the arsehole you think I am, wouldn’t I have just used her?”

“Whatever. I just hope you meet someone someday who knocks you on your arse. Your ego could use a hit.” She walked out of the room again, but shut her bedroom door behind her this time.

Jayce’s face fell, like his playfulness was all an act. He looked solemn as he mumbled to himself, “Secretly, I hope for that too.”

Still confused as hell, I was relieved when I blinked again and found myself next to William’s cot, watching over him.

What I wouldn’t give to hold my son, just once.