Through His Eyes: An Institute Series Novella (The Institute Series Book 4) (7 page)

LETTING
GO

Standing inside the clinic, I watched Allira work. It was quiet for a Friday night, so she wasn’t doing much – just sitting behind the reception desk, waiting for someone to come in.

“You need to let her go.” The deep, familiar voice came from behind me, and I assumed it was for Allira, but when I turned, I realised the voice was directed at me.

My brow wrinkled in confusion. “Hayden?” I asked in disbelief. “But you’re…”

“Dead?” He chuckled. “Takes one to know one.”

I wanted to jump for joy and break down and cry at the same time. I wasn’t alone.

He strutted over to me, looking far more comfortable with our predicament than I was. His white hair almost glowed under the lights of the clinic, giving him an angelic quality. If it hadn’t been a feature he’d always had, I would’ve wondered if he
was
an angel.

Hayden died in the same gunfight where I lost my life. We were both members of the recruiting department for the Resistance, and we used to spend quite a bit of time together when we were alive.

He reached out his hand and shook mine, bringing me in for a man hug. “I’d say it’s good to talk to you, but that’d be a lie.”

“You don’t exactly seem shocked to see me. What … what are you doing here? How are you here?” I asked, totally confused.

“Well we’re both dead, aren’t we? Wouldn’t it make sense that we were sent to the same realm?”

“So you’ve been stuck here for the last eighteen months, too?”

“Is that how long it’s been? Shit. Time doesn’t seem to exist to me anymore.”

“Where
are
we?”

He leaned in and whispered, “I’ll never tell,” then smirked. “How am I meant to know where we are? I figure it’s some sort of limbo or purgatory. But I’ve been sent to you because you can’t seem to sort your shit out.”

“Sent to me?”

“I’m not a hundred percent sure on how it all works. Just like that pulling sensation when we transport? It’s like that. I just know what I have to do. And that’s to tell you to sort your shit out.” He grinned.

“Don’t give me that ‘unfinished business’ ghost crap. I don’t have any unfinished anything.”

Hayden laughed and nodded towards Allira behind the reception desk of the clinic. “What do you call that, then?”

“Then why are you still here? You didn’t have a girlfriend.” I nudged him playfully with my elbow, but then let out a big sigh. “I can’t believe how much I’ve missed actually talking to someone and have them hear me.”

Hayden nodded. “Gets a bit like that. I was here for … other reasons. I eventually sorted them out and got out of here, but I’ve been sent back for you.”

Crossing my arms over my chest, I kept my eyes trained on Allira as I spoke. “Sent back from where? By who?”

“You need to let her go,” he said, ignoring my questions. “It’s the only way to get out of this place. To move on, you both have to release the hold you have on each other.”

“Who did you have to let … oh, your little brother.”

Hayden nodded. “He didn’t handle my death too well, and being there, watching over him, it just made everything worse.”

“But he wouldn’t have been able to see you, or hear you. How did he know you were still there? How would she know I’m here?” I gestured towards Allira. “I’ve tried to talk to her. Repeatedly.”

“Trust me. She knows. Maybe not on a conscious level, but she’s still connected to you. Same with your little boy. I’m guessing she’s having trouble moving on?”

“That’s a bit of an understatement.”

“It’s because you’re not letting her. You’re the one holding her back.”

“So I’m just meant to leave her? I was ready to do that the day I died, but I still got put here – wherever this is – anyway.”

“You may have thought you were ready, but you didn’t know about the kid then. You have to choose to leave them both. It’s that easy.”

“And that hard,” I mumbled.

The door behind us flew open, and a guy with ash blond hair came charging in, carrying a girl in his arms.

I recognised him immediately. He was the no-goal-manwhore who I witnessed having a fight with his sister.

Allira stared at them wide-eyed, taken aback by the girl in his arms. She’d been beaten pretty badly.

“See that guy,” Hayden said, pointing.

“Uh-huh,” I dragged out the word.

“You see how Allira’s staring at him?”

“Like she stares at everyone else?”

Hayden shook his head. “I hate to be the one to tell you this, bro, but he’s the one she was always going to end up with. Whether you lived or died.”

My brow furrowed. “She wouldn’t have left me. We have a kid together.”

“Like that stops anyone?” He raised an eyebrow, but sighed when he saw the hurt in my eyes. “Okay, I was trying to sugar coat it for you. But here’s the thing, you were never going to live. Whether it was getting shot during the takeover or in a car accident a few months later, you were never meant to live.”

My mouth flew open to object to his words, but I couldn’t. I was already dead, I couldn’t argue that point.

“Hard to hear, I know. But if you don’t release your hold on her, and soon, she might miss her chance with the one guy who can bring her back from the lost place she’s living in right now.”

“And that’s how it all ends? I’m just meant to … let her go like she meant nothing to me? How does anyone do that?”

“When you realise that being here isn’t worth their pain and suffering. My brother’s future is unsure now, because I was like you. I refused to let him go. I didn’t want to miss out on him growing up, and now …”

“I’m sure Bray will be fine. Just like Allira. I’m not going to leave her or my son.”

“Grief is like cancer, a big mass of ugly that can kill you when you least expect it. If she never moves on, she’ll never lead a normal life. What has she done in the last year and a half that doesn’t seem like her?”

I scoffed and mumbled, “Everything.”

“She’s going to lose herself if you don’t let her go.”

“I’ll take the risk.”

“You always were a stubborn arse.” With that, Hayden disappeared, blinking to wherever the hell it was he came from.

He had to be wrong. She was doing better. I’d been with Allira and William for this long. There had to be a bigger reason for me being stuck here.

STU
CK

“Why am I here again?” I yelled at whoever was listening as I blinked back into Jayce and Jenna’s apartment. “I should be with Allira!” I was hoping Hayden – or whoever had sent Hayden to me – could hear me. Usually the mere thought of Allira or William would cause me to blink where they were, but no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t leave the tiny apartment. And I had no doubt some stupid higher power was at play. Even in death, I had no control over my life.
That’s a bit of an oxymoron.

Jayce entered the apartment looking tired and weary after spending the night at the clinic waiting for his neighbour … and hitting on Allira. That was not fun to watch. It was fun to watch her say no, though. I couldn’t help grinning.

“Where the hell have you been?” Jenna asked, storming out of her room like she was a parent catching a child sneaking back in from being out too late. “Thought you said you weren’t a manwhore?”

He grunted. “I’m not. Although, I did meet someone.”

Jenna rolled her eyes. “Here we go.”

“No I’m serious. There’s something about her.”

“I’m sure there is. Where did you meet this special someone?”

“She works at that Defective clinic.”

Jenna visibly stiffened. “What were you doing in that part of the city? And why did you go in there?”

“Wow, now who’s being the snob? Just because they’re Defective—”

“No, that’s not why I’m asking. You just need to stay away from that place, okay?”

“Why?”

“I can’t talk to you about it.”

“Ah, work stuff. Gotcha.”

Work stuff?
That’s when I noticed the badge sitting on the kitchen counter.
A cop?

“At least tell me the one you like is the redhead?” Jenna said.

“Brunette, actually.”

“Dammit, Jayce!”

“What?”

“You really have no idea who she is, do you?”

“Apart from the only girl to ever turn me down?”

Jenna burst out laughing. “She what?”

“Hey, it’s not that funny, but yeah … I asked her out and she said no. Actually, at first she looked at me like I was on drugs.”

“If she wasn’t Allira Daniels, I’d tell you to marry her.” She was still laughing.

“Allira who?”

Jenna stopped laughing and shook her head, walking over to a desk in the corner of the living room. She pulled out a newspaper and threw it at him. “Get your head out of your arse, Jayce. If everything goes the way it’s going, that crook right there will be the next president of this country, and look who’s on his arm.”

Crook?

Jayce skimmed the article with a furrowed brow. “But…”

“You sure can pick ‘em! You’re chasing after the very possible next First Lady, dumbass.”

“The article doesn’t actually say they’re together.”

Jenna groaned. “Just stay away from that clinic, okay? They’re being investigated, and I don’t want to have to worry about you being involved too.”

“Why are they under investigation?”

“That’s what I want to know,” I said.

“You know I can’t tell you that.”

“Then I don’t see why I can’t volunteer at the clinic. You did say I need to do something about finding a job and having goals.”

“Goals that don’t include screwing the future Mrs. President!”

“I’ll be helping people. Like I helped Tina last night.”

“Wait … what? What happened with Tina?”

He shrugged. “I dunno, she wouldn’t tell me, but she was beaten pretty bad. Found her on the front stoop of the apartment.”

Jenna grunted in frustration. “Why didn’t you lead with that? I have to go make sure she’s okay. Where is she?”

“Back in her apartment.”

Jenna was out the door before he’d even finished his sentence.

***

“What are you doing here, Jayce?” he mumbled to himself, standing outside the clinic.

“I don’t know, but I’m friggin’ stuck to you, and it’s been eight days since I’ve seen her. So could you please go inside so I can see my girlfriend?” I asked him.

“She’s not worth it,” he mumbled again.

“Actually, she is,” I said. “And as much as I don’t want you to work that out, I want to see her, so start moving.”

Jayce let out a big sigh and pushed forward, both of us disappointed when we discovered Allira wasn’t in. He told Kenna he was there to volunteer.

When Allira came in less than ten minutes later, I saw it – the look. Hayden said she’d looked at Jayce differently last week. Standing there, watching as she tried to contain her nerves … I saw it.

But that still didn’t mean anything. I had to keep telling myself that because I refused to believe I was sent here just to say goodbye.

“I promise I won’t ask you out again,” he said when she started showing him around.

“That sounds like a lie,” I said.

He followed her around the clinic, all the while chatting, all the while ignoring my taunts and eye rolling.

“I live with my sister. She… uh, has a lot of newspapers. For her job,” he said.

“What is she, a journalist or something?” Allira asked.

He actually nodded.

“Lies!” I yelled. “We may as well dye his hair and call him Drew.”

I looked up at the roof and started cussing. “Really?
This
is the guy who supposedly is going to raise my child, be with my girlfriend, and lead what should have been
my
life?”

I was getting frustrated, I just didn’t know what to do anymore. I wasn’t going to disappear, but I didn’t want to watch Allira fall for another guy, either. Not that I had a choice. I was somehow stuck now – with Jayce of all people.
At least it’s not Drew.

***

“Why Jayce, why? Just answer me that!” Jenna was yelling.

He shrugged. “I can’t explain it. This girl …”

“You’re doing this all for a girl? Have you at least got any dirt for me?”

“Did you seriously just ask me to become a CI? Do you know me at all? Also, I feel shit enough having to tell her you’re a journalist. I’m not going to betray her. Although, I did kind of lead her on a bit so she guessed it, then I just didn’t deny it.”

“Ha! If you think Allira isn’t going to see that as lying, you’re in for a rude awakening. Trust me, I know!” I sighed.
If only you could hear me.

“You’re choosing this girl over your own sister?”

I had to admit, it was admirable of him.

“Not at all. I’m making you do your job. You want to make Sergeant one day?”

“Jayce,” she whined.

“Jenna,” he mocked back.

I really hated the fact I was beginning to like the guy.

Looking up again, at the invisible force keeping me here, I yelled, “Is that why I’m stuck with him? You’re making me stay until I accept him?”