Throw Away Teen (37 page)

“
Well, she was wrong but so were you. Drink your hot chocolate.”

I did and leaned against her. “This is another first, you know.”

“
What? People talking to you when you’re in trouble?”

“
Well, that, too. But I was thinking about you bringing me supper.” Marshmallows floated in the top of my cocoa, a luxury I’d rarely had before. It was odd, but I wasn’t afraid of Liz even though I knew I’d disappointed her. I still felt safe and comfortable here in her house. “What does grounding mean again?”

“
No friends can visit. No phone calls. No dates with Ringo.”

“
I think that’s pretty much over anyway,” I said. “No guy wants to be around a girl who loses it like I did.”

“
Depends on the guy,” Ted told me from the doorway as Guard trotted back into the room. “Did I ever tell you about when I was in Liz’s hospital in ‘Nam?”

“
You said she yelled at you for having cookie crumbs in your bed.”

“
That’s right.” Ted smiled at me. “Can I come in?”

I nodded. He went over by the desk and brought back the chair to sit near the bed, but not too close. And I realized how much I trusted him to keep a safe distance. That was new and different. “So why were you in the hospital, Ted?”

“
A mission went bad,” Ted said. “I was captured. Locked in a cage about a third the size of your closet. I broke out though. Made it back to where some Army Rangers found me.”

His voice trailed away and Liz added, “He was a mess. They brought him in so we could nurse him back to health. And then his buddies showed up with those cookies.”

“
She chewed me out for making a mess.” Ted smiled at me. “It was the first time someone had treated me like a normal person in ages. I knew then I had to marry her.”

I finished my hot chocolate. I knew how he must’ve felt. The same way I did tonight. Yeah, I’d screwed up when I saw Guard in the crate. I’d yelled at Jocelyn, and I’d tried to leave. I’d left a snotty message for Liz and fought with their favorite boy, Ringo, but they weren’t sending me back to Evergreen. Instead, Liz and Ted talked to me like I was a normal person. And it was okay if I got scared and angry.

I could deal with being grounded. It wasn’t much of a punishment for me. Going without meals, being locked in a closet, sleeping on a sidewalk, digging food out of a dumpster...those were much worse than losing phone privileges. “Are you going to tell Carol?”

“
Tell her what?” Liz asked.

“
Tell her that I freaked out today?”

“
I don’t think it’s her business,” Ted said. “It’s between you and us. You made some mistakes and you’re taking responsibility for them. It’s part of growing up and becoming an adult, B.J.”

“
Kind of like Sensei and his push-ups.” I finished my sandwich. “Thanks, guys.”

“
No worries.” Ted got up and put my chair back by the desk. He headed for the door. “One more thing, B.J. When you’re grounded, you lose your allowance.”

“
Ouch. You guys are tough.” I hoped I didn’t sound like I was going to laugh, but come on. No phone, no friends for three days, no Ringo, and now no money. I saw the concerned looks they gave me and tried to appear innocent. “This is harsh.”

“
Oh, you can deal with it.” Liz collected my dishes. “You missed karate today, so you’ve got two classes back to back tomorrow after cheer practice. And don’t whine at Sensei about being tired or you’ll have knuckle push-ups again. And there’s still tutoring tomorrow night with Fiona.”

I heaved a sigh as they left and gathered Guard into a hug. “Grounded, huh? I gotta tell you, puppy. This is going to be so easy. We’ll have a lot of time together for the next three days.”

He swiped me with his tongue and I laughed. I liked Ringo’s kisses better than puppy kisses, but Guard loved me whether I had a meltdown or not. I held him tighter.

***

For the next two weeks, life carried on. I served my three days sentence, but didn’t tell Liz or Ted it was easier than detention. They didn’t say one more word about me trying to leave. I wasn’t sure what to make of that. Usually, foster parents lectured and griped all the time. Liz and Ted were different. I knew they wanted me with them. I was the one who had problems.

Ringo and I hadn’t talked since my meltdown. I didn’t know what to say to him. Maybe, he worried about what to say to me. We just didn’t talk, not at the Academy and not at karate. But that didn’t keep me from sketching him in Photography or working on a painting of him at home.

At karate I was careful to follow the rules of the dojo. Sensei Nichols continued to teach me katas and helped me prepare for my first rank test in June. And I had to admit it was a lot more fun in a group than by myself.

I learned to trot on Windsong. It wasn’t much faster than her extended walk, more of a shuffle. So, I didn’t bounce on her back which was some sort of heinous sin.

Tutoring went well. When I told Fiona, I wanted to make the Honor Society, she was thrilled and said she’d help me. If I didn’t get there by June, there was always my sophomore year. I let her believe it was a school thing and a life change for me, and kept my true motive to myself. The bonus from Ted.

I phoned Terry every day. Well, at least I called Evergreen and left her messages. Eventually, she called back to thank me but it was like talking to a stranger. And Carol still wouldn’t give me Irene or Gabe’s contact information so I couldn’t get them involved.

Part of me felt detached, like my past was slowly disappearing, along with everything I’d known for the last fifteen years. I was on my own again. Even though I had Sarah and the other girls on the cheer squad, and Willa, Liz, and Ted.

Chance came to visit a couple of times a week, but so did her mother. While Jocelyn was super polite to me, I only spoke to her when necessary, and mostly for Chance’s sake.

Liz and I spent a lot of time playing poker. We stuck to the rules Carol and I had set up and I learned more about her and Ted. Unfortunately, she also learned about me. One evening when I held a handful of nothing, I asked, “Are you going to tell Carol what I tell you?”

“Do you want me to?” Liz looked across the table. “I hadn’t planned on it.”

Relief washed through me. “I don’t want her knowing anything more that she can use against me.”

“I won’t share anything you tell me,” Liz said. “But I would like to get your permission to tell Ted someday.”

“I always thought the two of you went together. You can tell him, but nobody else.”

“Agreed.” Liz held out her hand and we shook on it.

“Then, I’m gonna fold.” I put down my cards. “We don’t have to play poker for it. I’ll tell you everything.”

Liz laid down her own hand. “Whenever you’re ready.”

I took a deep breath. “Okay, you already know about my real mom losing me when she got arrested for doing drugs. By then, my biological dad was in jail again. So I ended up in foster care. My first family was the Garcias. They were cool.”

“And you stayed there until you went to the Newtons when you were four,” Liz said. “I remember you said that they didn’t feed you on a regular basis.”

“It was because I didn’t speak good English,” I explained.

“They didn’t need a reason. They’d have done it anyway because they were on a power trip,” Ted said from the doorway. “Can I stay, B.J.? Or shall I go watch TV by myself?”

“You can stay if you want. I don’t care.”

“Then I’ll stay.” Ted opened the fridge and got himself a soda. Then, he took out a second and third one, bringing the bottles over to me and Liz. “You were moved from the Newtons after you ran away for three days. I’d have lost it if Chance disappeared like that.”

I opened my Coke. “Yeah, but I was tough even then. And I’d already gotten in trouble for stealing food from the neighbors.” It was easier than I expected to tell them about the stuff I’d been through. Maybe, it was because they didn’t judge me. And Liz had told me some of the things Ted had suffered in the prison camp, like no food and being locked underground. It must have been hellish.

“Where did you end up when you left the Newtons?” Liz asked.

“The witch’s house. I stayed there six months. My caseworker said I needed a strict home, one with love and discipline.” I stopped talking and chugged my soda. “That’s where I learned that love stinks.”

“No, it doesn’t.” Liz leaned across the table and covered my left hand with both of hers. “
Real
love doesn’t stink. You just haven’t run into it for a long time.”

“Some people think dogs should be beaten if they make mistakes,” Ted said. “They starve them, lock them in crates for days, and kill them when they’re inconvenient.”

“And the same things happen to kids,” I said. “Did Jocelyn tell you what I said when she locked Guard in the crate?”

“Yes, but I think you need to share it.” Liz turned my hand over and held it securely. “Honey, we believe you. And if you share your pain, you allow it to escape like steam coming out of a volcano. You can’t keep bottling everything up inside.”

“But...I’m afraid. It was awful.”

Ted kept drinking his soda. “B.J., t
here is nothing that you can tell me or Liz that is worse than what I saw in ‘Nam. It still
gives me nightmares.”

So, I told them about the stuff I’d suffered. I told them about being tied and gagged and thrown into a dark closet. The door was always locked on the outside. I screamed
and begged to be let out. When I told the crazy lady about being put in the closet, she didn’t believe me. She swore she’d teach me to tell the truth. That was when
the beatings started.

She used anything and everything she could find, electrical cords, wooden coat hangers, canes and even
her dead husband’s leather belts. I never would’ve believed an old woman could hit me that hard.

“
She was the one who washed your mouth out with soap, wasn’t she?” Liz asked.

“
Yeah, but she wasn’t the only one.” I drank some more of my soda. Liz was crying
so I got up to get the tissue.
“I’m
sorry. I won’t
tell you anymore. It gets worse.”

Liz blew her nose and wiped her eyes. “I want to hear all of it today. Once you get your past out in the open, you’ll
start healing, honey. And I want that more than anything.”

“
Well, things got worse not better. I couldn’t do anything right. The more things I did, the more I got
punished. There were times when I didn’t eat for four or
five days in a row. Then Gabe came to live there. He
wouldn’t let her touch me. But when he was gone,
she’d put the other boys on me.”

“
What did Gabe do when he found out?” Ted asked. “That boy wouldn’t allow it to go on.”

“
After I got super beat-up one time, by the boys and her, Gabe took me to a store and
we robbed it. We stole beer, cigarettes, and food.”

“
Didn’t you get caught?” Liz asked.

“
Sure but not till the next day. Gabe wanted to make sure all my bruises were visible. The cops saw them and they called in CPS. I got moved and
so did the rest of the kids. The lady lost her license.”

“
And you developed a pattern,” Liz said slowly. “When
you couldn’t take life in a foster home, you got arrested.”

I had to think about that one. Liz didn’t sound like
she was condemning me, more like she admired me.

“
So, when did men start beating on you?” Ted asked.

“
When I was about nine. By then I was too big for the women
to handle.”

CHAPTER 26

It took another two hours and two more Cokes to bring them up to speed on the places I lived from the time I was five until I was thirteen. Eight more houses, more people who barely remembered I was there, much less to do the forms so I could get the free breakfasts and lunches at school. Sometimes, those were the only meals I got to eat.

A couple places still stuck in my mind, like the one when I was nine where the other kids in my class made fun of me because I stunk. The foster mother never washed my clothes. And my foster sisters stole most of my new underwear after my caseworker took me shopping. I got in trouble for fighting with them and that meant another move.

By the time I was twelve and living in Everett, I partied whenever I got the chance. So, I was bounced from house to house and when I was fourteen, I ended up with the guy who went crazy with the soap.

“He insisted I stop smoking. He washed my mouth out with soap and made me smoke at the same time. Every time I showered the smell of the soap made me sick.”

Liz looked like she wanted to swear, but she didn’t. “Was that all?”

“He used to make me shower with the door open so he could see I actually did.”

“No wonder you wanted a lock on the bathroom,” Ted said. “Do you want one on your bedroom door, too? I can pick up one tomorrow at the hardware store.”

“You never come in my room unless Liz is here and I invite you so I think we’re cool, Ted.”

“If you change your mind, let me know, B.J. This is your home, too, and I want you to feel as comfortable as possible. How did you get out of that placement?”

“Ran away from school. I lived on the street for a month.”

“And that stunt saved you,” Ted said. “Good idea, B.J.”

“No. My old caseworker took me back there.” I finished my last soda and got up to toss the plastic bottle in the recycle bin. “I should take Guard out. It’s been a while.”

“First, tell us what he did,” Liz said.

“He was pissed. He beat me up. Used his fists, not a belt or hanger like the witch did. He locked me in the basement for three days...” My voice cracked. I couldn’t finish it. I thought I could when I started. I looked at the clock. Almost eleven. “’I should’ve gone to bed hours ago. It’s a school night.”