'Til Death Do Us Part (46 page)

Maine

It was early evening and Mrs.
Deneaux
was sitting on the deck overlooking the pond. Her gaze had that far away look as she reflected back on her life.

“
Beautiful out here isn
’
t it?
”
Tracy asked as she came out the sliding door. She was holding a steaming cup of tea
,
hoping that it would somehow drive the cold in her soul away.

“
I
’
ve seen prettier,
”
Mrs.
Deneaux
said as she took a drag.

Tracy looked past the comment.
“
I just wanted to say thank you.
”

Mrs.
Deneaux
looked over to the woman suspiciously.
“
For what?
”

“
BT told us all what you did. He said they probably wouldn
’
t have made it if not for you. I just wanted to thank you for bringing my brother-in-law and friend back.
”

Mrs.
Deneaux’s
eyes narrowed.
“
Do you know why I did it?
”

“
I would imagine because their we
ll being meant something to you,
”
Tracy replied not sure of the basis to
Deneaux
’
s
question.

“
I did it because I stood a better chance of surviving with them than without them. Not because I have any personal affinity for either one. I think your brother-in-law is a dolt personally
,
and BT was just your husband
’
s lackey
.
W
ithout Mike directing him
,
he is as unsure of himself as an
eighteen-year-
old virgin with a hooker. Now Michael I miss, that was a man that could get out of a jam, smart enough to know what to do and dumb enough to do it himself.
”
She laughed at her wit.

Tracy was aghast.

“
Oh don
’
t
look so surprised
,
dearie, self-preservation is a pretty strong motivator.
”

“
At the expense of all others?
”
Tracy asked.

“
Who
should be more important to me
than
me
?
”

“
And you can live with yourself like that?
”

“
Quite comfortably,
”
Deneaux
answered.
She
turned back to the pond
as
a lone loon landed and made an other-worldly cry
.
Deneaux
took another drag from her cigarette.
“
Are we done talking?
”
she asked.
Tracy had already gone back in.

“
Fun isn
’
t she?
”
BT asked as Tracy fumed past.

She stopped to respond.
“
You didn
’
t at some point think killing her and dropping her on the side of the roadway was a good idea?
”

“
Every couple of miles, but she
never put the damn pistol away,
”
h
e responded truthfully.

“
How
’
s Gary doing?
”
Tracy asked
,
trying to take her mind off of Deneaux.

“
He
’
s pretty torn up. He thinks he alone is responsible for Mike
’
s death.
”

“
That
’
s ridiculous, Mike is...was a grown man.
”
Tracy swallowed hard as she made the adjustment from present to past tense.

“
He can
’
t help it, as his big brother he feels like he should have been able to protect him.
”

“
I
’
ll talk to him,
”
Tracy said.

“
That
’
ll do him som
e good, I think,
”
BT replied.

“
Do you think it
’
s over
,
BT?
”
Tracy asked, her eyes pleading for some hope.
“
Will my children, will my grandchild be able to live in a world in recovery?
”

BT wanted to, no
,
needed to give her the answer she so desperately sought
.
He
could not find it
,
though
,
and remained silent.

Cindy who had been seated in the room
,
her eyes red from crying
,
looked at the two of them.
“
We
’
re all dead. There is no hope for us. All day
long we prepare for the zombies. W
e are trying so hard to keep them out never realizing that in so doing we are preventing ourselves from being able to leave. And I
’
m sorry
,
but this isn
’
t the Garden of Eden
,
I don
’
t want to spend all eternity here. The zombies do not die o
n their own unless we kill them…
they will ALWAYS be out there!
”
She shouted.
“
How can we possibly defeat that? Even if we somehow keep them from coming in, what have we gained?
”

Tracy wanted to argue with her that
,
as long as they were alive
, they had a chance;
she just didn
’
t have it in her. She was sadder in life than she could ever remember being and she could not see a way to a better place.
The survivors on the planet were quickly gra
vitating to two distinct groups. T
here were the Cindy
s;
they were defeated and merely marking time until the end
.
O
n the far side of the spectrum were the
Deneauxs
: the ultra-
survivors that would do all in their
power to
stay alive no matter who they had to crush in order to get there.

Mike had
treaded
the line in between, firmly holding on to the belief that they could somehow not only survive but win,
without sacrificing who he was.
W
ith his passing
,
so too did that dream seem to have evaporated.
If not for her children, Tracy thought she might find a way to visit Mike sooner.

***

“
I was wondering when you would find me
,
”
Gary said to his sister-in-law.

“
It wasn
’
t easy,
”
Tracy said. S
he had spent the la
st ten minutes hunting him down
only to find him at the end of Ron
’
s driveway.

He turned towards her,
his eyes shot through with red.
Tracy thought that he probably hadn
’
t slept since they got back.
“
I
’
m so sorry
, Tracy,
”
h
e started.

“
For what?
”
s
he asked wholeheartedly.

“
Mike.
”

“
Stop it, just stop the
‘
w
oe is me
’
, Gary. I heard what happened.
How
could you possibly blame yourself?
”

“
I left him behind.
”

Tracy pressed on
,
even though she faltered for a moment as she thought about Mike dropping to his knees in the middle of the roadway.
“
Didn
’
t he pretty much beg you to leave?
”

“
Yes,
”
Gary said
,
looking down at his feet.

“
And what if you hadn
’
t?
”
s
he asked. She waited for long seconds, Gary did not answer.
“
You
’
d both be dead. That
’
s what would have happened. BT would have had to come here and tell your father that he lost two sons!
”
s
he said heatedly.

“
I wished it were me.
”
Tears now flowing freely.

“
That
’
s always the case, isn
’
t it?
We
’
d always like to take the place of the one we lost, and I don
’
t think it is nearly as selfless an act as we would have ourselves believe.
”

“
What?
”
Gary said
,
looking up from his shoes to Tracy
’
s hard set of features.

“
Taking the place of someone we love. It
’
s not all we think it is, any o
f us would do it in a heartbeat.
Oh,
I guess partly because we
’
d like that other person to be safe, but you know what the bigger part of the equation is?
”
Gary was looking at her wonderingly.
“It’s so we’re not left behind to harbor the guilt, the what-ifs, and the pain of moving on without the person we love.
How much easier would it be to just be in the void of death? No feelings, no pain, no r
emorse, and especially no guilt,
”
s
he said as she propped Gary
’
s dropping face with her hand.

“
He was my brother,
”
Gary sobbed.

“
He was my everything,
”
Tracy said solemnly.
“
And I hold not one s
hred of blame against you Gary…
not one
. S
o if I don
’
t
,
you shouldn
’
t either. Do you understand?
”

He nodded.
“
Thank you
,
Tracy. Mike was a lucky man.
”

“
I like to think so.
”

Gary walked away.
Tracy thought his spirits may have been improved
.
She
couldn
’
t truly tell
,
though
,
because she was sobbing.