Tilt (23 page)

He doesn’t ignore me. But he

doesn’t give me what I’m craving.

I Want Him

To call me “sweetheart” and mean it.

I want him to glance at me and not

be able to tear his gaze away.

I want him to be helpless when I part

my lips, touch them lightly with

my tongue, like in movies.

It may never happen organically.

There must be a way to force

it. To make a power play.

I’ve lost ten pounds. Dieted my butt off,

literally. Plus, I’ve still got boobs.

If it’s not my body, it must be

my face. Tonight, Cassie is showing

Bri and me how to do makeup.

Dad’s working. Chad’s out.

Hopefully, by the time he gets home

I’ll be transformed. Not good with

“skank.” Vamp will have to do.

Speaking of Vamps

Now that we’re done with the eyeliner,

mascara and blush session, we’re having

a girls’ movie night, and we’re making

it a
Twilight
saga marathon. Bri and I

have seen them all, numerous times,

but Cassie has, so far, resisted. “Wait

until you see Robert Pattinson. You’ll

love him. He’s, like, totally dreamy.”

Cassie pops the first movie into

the player.
I’ve never been much

of a vampire fan. Bloodsucking

kind of reminds me of leeches.

Bri snorts.
Don’t worry. There isn’t

a lot of bloodsucking. It’s mostly

a romance. Like, the best romance

ever.
We watch Bella arrive in Forks

and start her new school, complete

with these perfectly beautiful

brother-(pretend) sister vampires.

And I fall in love—again—with Edward.

If He Can Love Bella

Chad can love me. I want him

to be my Edward—taking

care of me, always. Watching

over me, day or night, unsleeping.

Keeping me safe, by his side.

Caring for me with a passion

so pure it can’t be corrupted

by time or distance or seduction.

I know Edward is only fiction.

But that doesn’t have to mean

love like his can only be found

in books and movies or rooted

in the misty world of dreams.

The Movie Ends

And Bri and I sigh at exactly

the same time, which makes

Cassie giggle.
Robert Pattinson

is pretty cute. But I expected

a little more action or gore

or something. It wasn’t even scary.

“Now you sound like Gram.

I loaned her my book last summer.

She said it was boring. That

nothing happened, and that boy

vampires shouldn’t sparkle

because it makes them girly.”

That makes Cassie spit her beer.

She kind of has a point. But hey,

I’ve heard the werewolf is pretty

hot. Popcorn and
New Moon?

It’s After One A.M.

By the time we finish
Eclipse.

Dad came in from work half-

way through, but that didn’t

make Cassie quit watching, so

I guess werewolves are definitely

more her style. Looking at Dad,

sitting in the kitchen, hair too

long and stringy and disheveled,

I guess I shouldn’t be surprised.

Bri and I are putting our sticky,

Coke-smeared glasses into

the dishwasher when Chad semi-

stumbles through the door.

He’s wasted. But still adorable.

Hey! Am I missing a party or

what? Kinda late for . . .

His eyes crawl up and down

Bri, then turn toward me. Do

the same.
Wow. What happened

to you?
It takes a few seconds

for me to figure out he’s talking

about the makeup. Awesome.

But I have to play dumb. “What

do you mean?” I smile through the lip

gloss.
It’s just, you look great.

And you, too,
he says to Bri.

Whoever you are.
Kind of snotty

and totally Chad. Then again,

I didn’t introduce them. “This

is my friend Brianna.” Who

is staring at him with smoky eyes.

I give her a nudge. “I’m tired.”

Don’t forget to wash your faces,

says Cassie.
Nothing worse for

your skin than sleeping in makeup.

She gestures toward the bathroom.

I go, and Bri follows me. Once

the door shuts behind us, I turn on

the water and whisper, “He’s cute, huh?”

Maybe cuter than Robert Pattinson.

Faces Washed and Teeth Brushed

We head outside. Usually, I sleep on

the couch, but tonight Bri and I are camping

under a big maple tree in the backyard.

We scoot into sleeping bags, looking

up at the big canopy of branches.

When the breeze blows the leaves,

I can see stars. We talk for a while.

Then she drifts off—silent, but for

the steady in-out of her breathing. I listen

to her soft snore, and the occasional

growl of a passing car—who is

driving around at two a.m.? I close

my eyes. The next thing I know,

it’s morning, and late morning,

by the sun’s height in the sky.

“Bri?” She’s not here, so I go inside

to find her sitting next to Chad on

the sofa. And just as I come through

the door, she turns her face into

his, and the two of them are kissing.

Brianna

Kissing

I can’t believe it, but that’s

what I’m doing—kissing

a boy for the very

first

time. I know it’s wrong

that it’s
this
guy, but when

he looked at me with

hunger

in his eyes—hungry for me!—

kissing him seemed like

the right thing to do.

And

my inner voice doesn’t say

one word as I close my eyes,

lean into him. But

then,

when it all turns into a wet,

sloppy mess, my conscience

laughs out loud at my

disappointment.

And now, hearing my best

friend gasp, I yank away

and toss a Hail Mary

apology