Tilt (27 page)

Totally Stupid

Because I do want her to be

happy, and she never really

seems that way. I get that

she’s lonely. Feel bad that I

am not enough to change

that. But when she started

talking about Chad and how

I feel when he smiles at me

and how every woman wants

that solid rush of pleasure, even

a mom (and a single mom at that!),

I completely understood. But then

she had to use the M word.
Anyway,

I’m just having fun with Robin.

We’re not getting married or

anything like that. You know?

Married? She’d never do that

again, would she? “Not now,

you’re not. But that might change.”

I still don’t get why that bothers

me, and neither did she. Her eyes

kind of glittered, angry.
Harley,

how come it doesn’t piss you off

that your dad found someone new?

I’d already thought about that, so

the answer came easily. “I never

expected anything different from

Dad. He’s got personality flaws.”

And it was just so accurate that

she snorted,
Ha! Ain’t it the truth?

Ain’t it the truth?
And that stupid

saying made me laugh and some

sort of barrier fell. Then she said,

Honey, don’t worry, okay? Robin

and I have only gone out a few times.

He’s leaving for Vegas tomorrow.

It’s a friendship, not a commitment.

I just wanted him to meet the girl

who will always be my top priority.

Let him see why I love you, okay?

How Could I Say No?

Still, as I sliced the apples into

a saucepan and added a little water

(per Gram’s yummy applesauce recipe),

something kept eating at me—

the commitment thing again.

Does love have to be temporary?

Or is that only lust? “Did you ever love

Dad? I mean, were the two of you really

in love?” I was little when they split

up, and I can’t really picture them

together, walking hand in hand along

the beach at sunset, or whatever.

She considered the question for

a few.
I definitely thought so once.

But young love doesn’t always last.

But it does sometimes, like with

Bri’s mom and dad, who have

been together for, like, forever.

When I argued that, she agreed.

And then I really needed to know

something else. “Have you ever

been in love with anyone besides

Dad?” When she said no, I asked,

“Then why did you get divorced?”

I said it kind of mean, and I meant

it that way, and it stung her. First

she looked mad, then she looked

hurt and I felt bad when she said,

all soft and almost whispery,

Sometimes love isn’t enough.

Right about then the doorbell

rang, and the way Mom smiled

made me know she’s in love with

Robin, for whatever it’s worth.

I can’t really blame her. He’s

pretty much all that, and more.

I Didn’t Want to Like Him

But I couldn’t help it. From

the minute he walked through

the door, he made everything

be about me. He even asked my

opinion about stuff—like what

I think about politics and war

and immigration. When I didn’t

have a good answer, I made stuff

up and he pretended every word

was valid. Then, when we sat

down to Mom’s amazing sage-

and-garlic-rubbed pork roast and

she told him I made the applesauce,

it was me he complimented.
Beauty,

brains, and a fabulous chef too?

Where have you been all my life?

And even though I knew it was

just a line, it made me feel great

that he cared enough to waste

it on me. Oh, yeah, I liked him.

So I’m Sorry

I’m Afraid Her Heart Will, Too

Especially as I happen to overhear

her talking on the phone to Bri’s mom.

I called Robin, just to say hi.

Some woman answered.

She told me he was asleep,

and it was obvious she had

been sleeping, too. God! I can’t

believe I was nothing more

than a three-night stand. . . .

Now Bri’s mom is saying something.

When Mom starts again, her voice is tired.

His sister? Yeah, right. Oh,

I suppose it’s possible. But

likely? Don’t think so. He

said he isn’t married, but

never said he isn’t attached.

Anyway, if he really cared,

he would have called me by now.

I can’t listen anymore. What’s wrong

with Mom? Why can’t she fall for

someone who will love us both?

Trace

Listening In

On adult conversations

is one of my favorite pastimes.

With much practice, I have

become a regular master of