Tilt (19 page)

skin, I lose myself within the sharp

crackle

of passion, freed by embracing

the truth I cannot change.

I find slender rays of fear

in his eyes, yet he places his trust

in me and I will not

shatter

that. I blanket his body with mine.

Tattoo him with pleasure.

Lead him to the edge of the cliff,

push him over, feel him fly,

wings beating softly in the promise of

this night.

Harley

This Night

Is probably the best one ever

in my entire life. Mom and I have

done fireworks in Sparks (yeah,

I get the irony) since I was a little

kid. We hang out in the big plaza,

waiting for the sun to go down

and the sky to grow really dark.

There is live music. Food. Craft

booths. People pitch sunshades,

put down blankets. Grown-ups

drink too much alcohol, which

is sometimes entertaining.

Usually it’s just Mom and me,

and maybe one of my friends.

But tonight we’re hanging with

Dad and Cassie and Chad, too.

Mom looks kind of pissy because

Dad is pretty drunk and Cassie

isn’t far behind. Mom says she has

to play chaperone, so she’s sober.

Oh, well. Liquor is fattening.

Mom is starting to look good.

Our diet is working. The shorts

I’m wearing are a whole size

smaller than the ones I wore

last year. I swear, I think guys

are checking me out. Maybe

it’s good Bri didn’t come along.

For once, I’m getting the attention.

Some of that is from girls, too.

Mostly because every time I ask

to go get a drink or check out

the band, Cassie tells Chad he has

to go with me.
Lots of crazies out

there, you know. We have to keep

our Harley girl safe.
She’s sort of

slurring now—
ourharleey girlshafe.

But that’s okay. It only makes Chad

want to walk around more. And I can

find plenty of excuses to go along.

There Are Couples Everywhere

Holding hands. Making out.

Dancing real, real close. I wish

Chad would hold my hand, but

the closest he’s come to that is

propping an arm on my shoulder.

Whatever! He actually touched me!

We slice through the crowd.

For some reason, people get out

of Chad’s way. He doesn’t seem

to notice. “What’s it like, having

my dad live with you? My mom

thinks he’s a jerk. Do you?”

He doesn’t even hesitate.
Totally.

That’s all Mom ever hooks up with.

But as jerks go, he’s low voltage.

Should I be mad he thinks Dad’s

a jerk? Probably not. Lots of people

do, including Gram and Gramps.

“What do you mean, ‘low voltage’?”

We keep walking, aiming nowhere

in particular. But he stops in front

of the antique steam train taking

up space on a downtown sidewalk.

He watches the kids crawling over

the engine like ants.
Low voltage

means nothing he does shocks

me. Mom has had worse losers

hanging on. Including my asshole

dad. Now, he was high voltage.

Bastard beat Mom black and blue.

Almost killed me once. They locked

him up for twenty-five years, and

that isn’t even close to long enough.

I hope he rots there. And before

he does, I hope some con with a giant

dick makes him his little bitch.

Subzero Cold

That’s what that was, and little

shivers work their way up my spine,

despite the warmth of the evening.

I really don’t know what to say,

except for the lamest thing ever.

“I’m sorry.” The look he gives lets

me know he concurs with my lame

assessment.
What are you sorry about?

I shrug. “I’m sorry he hurt you.

At least my dad’s a nonviolent jerk.”

Chad’s turn to shrug.
I was in

the hospital for a while, but I was little

and barely remember it. What

I do remember is how much I hate him.

That explains why Chad is frozen.

I want to be the one who thaws him.

But I don’t know where to start.

Don’t know what he likes in a girl.

“Did you ever have a girlfriend?”

Okay, that must have been a dumb

question because he bayonets me

with his eyes.
Of course I’ve had

a girlfriend. What do you think

I am, a eunuch or something?

My face is on fire. “No. That’s not . . .

I mean, will you tell me about her?”

What do you want to know?

She was hot as hell and a total

skank, and I really kind of loved

her that way.
He smiles at my

obvious discomfort. “Oh. Why

aren’t you together anymore?”

She dumped me for another guy.

Girls are impossible to satisfy.

“Not every girl.” Not me. I’d be

happy if he’d just like me a little.

Suddenly, Someone Yells

Chad’s name. He waves at a guy

cutting through the crowd.
Stay here,

he tells me.
I’ll be right back.

I watch him go meet his friend,

a kind of cute guy with dark blond

hair. They talk for a few, leaving me

to wonder what about. Me? Not

me? Is Chad ashamed to be seen

with me? How can I change that?

How can I get him to like me

a little? Or, better yet, to like me

a lot. He said he loved his ex-girlfriend

because she was skanky. Does that

mean because she dressed like a sleaze,

or because she put out like one?

These shorts are about as sleazy

as I know how to get. Chad did lean

his arm on my shoulder today.

Could my shorts be the reason why?

Now He Waves Me Over

To where he’s standing with

his friend. Awesome. He must

not be ashamed of me after all.

I hurry toward them, arrive just

a little bit breathless. Chad says,

Hey, sweetheart. Would you please

get me a Coke? Here’s a five-spot.

Lucas and I will wait right here.