Titan (GAIA) (14 page)

Bill and Cirocco looked at each other. Bill shrugged, and gestured toward the remaining hut.

Cirocco sat awkwardly. There were many things she wanted to ask, but she was hesitant to start.

“How was it for you?” she asked finally.

“If you mean the time between the collision and waking up in here, I’m going to have to disappoint you. I don’t remember any of it.”

She reached over and probed gently at his forehead.

“No headaches? Dizziness? Calvin should take a look at you.”

He frowned. “Was I hurt?”

“Pretty bad. Your face was bloody and you were out cold. That’s all I could see in a few seconds I had. But I thought your skull might be broken.”

He felt his forehead, ran his fingers around to the sides and back of his head.

“I can’t find any tender places. There weren’t any bruises, either. Cirocco, I—”

She put her hand on his knee. “Call me Rocky, Bill. You know you’re the only one I didn’t mind it from.”

He scowled, and looked away from her.

“All right, Rocky. That’s what I need to talk to you about. It isn’t just the … the dark period, August called it. It isn’t just that I can’t remember. I’m pretty hazy about a lot of things.”

“Just how many things?”

“Like where I was born, how old I am, or where I grew up or went to school. I can see my mother’s face, but I can’t remember her name, or if she’s dead or alive.” He rubbed his forehead.

“She’s alive and very well in Denver, where you grew up,” Cirocco said, quietly. “Or she was when she called us on your fortieth birthday. Her name’s Betty. We all liked her.”

He seemed relieved, then downcast again.

“I guess that means something,” he said. “I
did
remember her because she’s important to me. I remembered you, too.”

Cirocco looked into his eyes. “But not my name. Is that what you’re having trouble telling me?”

“Yeah.” He looked miserable. “Isn’t that a hell of a thing? August told me your name, but she didn’t tell me I called you Rocky. That’s kind of cute, by the way. I like that.”

Cirocco laughed. “I’ve been trying to kill that name most of my adult life, but I always weaken when somebody whispers it in my ear.” She took his hand. “What else do you remember about me? You recall I was the Captain?”

“Oh, sure. I remember you were the first female Captain I’d ever served under.”

“Bill, in free-fall, it doesn’t matter who’s on top.”

“That’s not what I—” He smiled when he realized he was being kidded. “I wasn’t sure about that, either. Did we … I mean were we … ?”

“Did we fuck?” She shook her head, not in negation, but in wonder. “Every chance we got, as soon as I stopped chasing Gene and Calvin and noticed that the most man on board was my chief engineer. Bill, I hope I don’t hurt your feelings, but I kind of like you like this.”

“Like what?”

“You couldn’t bring yourself to ask if we’d … been
in
timate.” She made the pause as dramatic as she could, lowering her eyes shyly, and he laughed. “You were like that before we got to know each other. Shy. I think this is going to be like the first time all over again, and the first time is always special, don’t you agree?” She blinked at him and waited what she felt was a reasonable time, but he made no move, so she went to him and pressed close. It had not surprised her; she had needed to make her feelings quite clear the other first time, too.

When they broke the kiss he looked up at her and smiled.

“I wanted to tell you that I love you. You didn’t give me any time.”

“You never said that before. Maybe you shouldn’t commit yourself until you get your memory back.”

“I think I might not have known I loved you before. Then … all I was left with was your face and a feeling. I’ll trust that. And I meant what I said.”

“Mmm. You’re nice. Do you remember what to do with that?”

“I’m sure it’ll come back to me with practice.”

“Then I think it’s time for you to start serving under me again.”

It was as joyous as a first time, but without the awkwardness that usually goes along with it. Cirocco forgot everything else. There was just enough light to see his face, just enough gravity to make the heaps of straw softer than the finest silk.

The timeless quality of that long afternoon had little to do with the unchanging light of Themis. She didn’t have any place she needed to be; there was no need to go anywhere, ever, for anything.

“Now’s the time for a cigarette,” he said. “I wish I had one.”

“And drop your ashes down on me,” she teased. “Filthy habit. I wish I had some cocaine. It all went down with the ship.”

“You can go straight.”

He had not withdrawn from her. She remembered how much she had liked that in
Ringmaster
, waiting to see if things would get going again. With Bill, they usually did.

This time was a little different.

“Bill, I’m afraid I’m getting a little irritated like this.”

He eased his weight onto his hands. “The straw hurting your back? I can take a turn underneath if you want.”

“It’s not the straw, honey, and it ain’t my back. It’s a little more personal than that. I’m afraid you feel like sandpaper.”

“So do you, but I was much too polite to say it.” He rolled off and put his arm under her shoulders. “Funny I didn’t notice it a few minutes ago.”

She laughed. “If you’d grown spikes, I wouldn’t have noticed it a few minutes ago. But I wish we had our hair back. I feel pretty silly like this, and it’s uncomfortable as hell.”

“You think you got it bad? I’m growing it back all over. It’s like fleas square-dancing on my skin. Pardon me while I scratch.” He did so, lustily, and Cirocco helped him get the impossible places on his back. “Aaaah. Did I say I loved you? I was crazy, I didn’t know what love meant.
Now
I know.”

Gaby chose that moment to walk in the door.

“Pardon me, Rocky, but I was wondering if we should do something about the parachutes. One of them already floated down the river.”

Cirocco sat up quickly. “Do what with them?”

“Save them. They might be useful.”

“You … sure, Gaby. You might be right.”

“I just thought it would be a good idea.” She looked at the floor and shuffled her feet, glanced at Bill for the first time. “Uh … okay. I thought maybe I … could make something nice for you.” She hurried from the hut.

Bill sat up and put his elbows on his knees.

“Was I reading too much into that?”

Cirocco sighed. “I’m afraid not. Gaby’s going to be a big problem. She thinks she’s in love with me, too.”

“What do you mean, good-bye? Where are you going?”

“I’ve been thinking it over,” Calvin said, quietly. He removed his wristwatch and handed it to Cirocco. “You people can use this better than I can.”

Cirocco was about to burst with frustration.

“And that’s all the explanation we get? ‘I’ve been thinking it over.’ Calvin, we’ve got to stick together. We’re still an exploration party, and I’m still your Captain. We’ve got to work together toward getting rescued.”

He smiled faintly. “And just how are we going to do that?”

She wished he hadn’t asked that question.

“I haven’t had time to work out a plan on that,” she said, vaguely. “There’s bound to be something we can do.”

“You let me know when you think of something.”

“I’m ordering you to stay with the rest of us.”

“How are you going to stop me from leaving if I want to go? Knock me out and tie me up? How much energy is it going to take to guard me all the time? Keeping me here makes me a liability. If I go, I can be an asset.”

“What do you mean, an asset?”

“Just that. The blimps can talk around the whole curve of Themis. They’re great with news; everybody here listens to them. If you ever need me for anything, I’d come back. All I’d have to do is teach you a few simple calls. Can you whistle?”

“Never mind that,” Cirocco said, with an annoyed wave of her hand. She rubbed her forehead, and allowed her body to relax. If she was to make him stay, she had to talk him out of it, not restrain him.

“I still don’t see why you want to go. Don’t you like it here with us?”

“I … no, not all that much. I was happier when I was alone. There’s too much tension. Too much bad feeling.”

“We’ve all been through a lot. It ought to get better when we get some things straightened out.”

He shrugged. “Then you can call me, and I’ll try it again. But I don’t care for the company of my own kind anymore. The blimps are freer, and wiser. I’ve never been happier than during that ride.”

He was showing more enthusiasm than Cirocco had seen since the meeting on the cliff.

“The blimps are old, Captain. Both as individuals and as a race. Whistlestop is maybe 3000 years old.”

“How do you know that? How does
he
know?”

“There are times of cold, and times of warmth. I figure they must be because Themis always stays pointed the same direction. The axis points close to the sun right now, but every fifteen years the rim blocks the sunlight until Saturn moves and brings the other pole back toward the sun. There’s years in here, but each of them is fifteen years long. Whistlestop has seen 200 of them.”

“Okay, okay,” Cirocco said. “That’s what we need you for, Calvin. Somehow you’re able to talk to these things. You’ve been learning from them. Some of it might be important to us. Like these six-legged things, what did you call them … ?”

“Titanides. That’s all I know about them.”

“Well, you might learn more.”

“Captain, there’s too much to know. But you’ve landed in the most hospitable part of Themis. Stay put, and you’ll be all right. Don’t go into Oceanus, or even Rhea. Those places are dangerous.”

“See? How could we have known that? We
need
you.”

“You don’t understand. I can’t learn about this place without going to
see
it. Whistlestop’s language is mostly out of my range.”

Cirocco could feel the bitterness of defeat welling up inside her. Damn it, John Wayne would have keelhauled the bastard. Charles Laughton would have clapped him in irons.

She knew it would make her feel a lot better just to take a swing at the obstinate son of a bitch, but that would wear off quickly. She had never commanded like that. She had won and kept the respect of her crew through showing responsibility and using the best wisdom she could bring to bear on any situation. She could face facts, and knew Calvin was going to leave them, but it just didn’t feel right.

And why not? she wondered. Because it lessened her authority?

That had to be part of it, and part of it was her responsibility for his welfare. But it came back to the problem she had faced from the beginning of her command: the lack of enough role models for a female ship’s Captain. She had determined to examine all assumptions and use only those that felt right to her. Just because it was right for Admiral Nelson in the British Navy did not mean it was right for her.

There had to be discipline, surely, and there had to be authority. Naval Captains had been demanding one and enforcing the other for thousands of years, and she did not intend to throw away all that accumulated experience. Where a Captain’s authority was questioned, disaster usually followed.

But space was not the same, generations of science-fiction writers to the contrary. The people who explored it were highly intelligent, individualistic geniuses, the very best the Earth had to offer. There had to be flexibility, and the NASA legal code for deep-space voyages acknowledged it.

Then there was the other factor she could never forget. She no longer had a ship. The worst thing that could ever happen to a Captain had happened to her. She had lost her command. It would be a bitter taste in her mouth for the rest of her life.

“All right,” she said, quietly. “You’re right. I can’t spare the time and energy to guard you, and I don’t feel like killing you, except in a figurative sense.” She made herself stop when she realized she was gritting her teeth, and deliberately relaxed her jaw. “I’m telling you now that if we get back, I’m bringing you up on charges of insubordination. If you go, it will be against my wishes, and against the interests of the mission.”

“I accept that,” he said, without emotion. “You’ll come to see that the last part is not true. I’ll be more use where I’m going that I would be here. But we’re not going back to Earth.”

“We’ll see. Now, why don’t you teach somebody how to call blimps? I find I’d rather not be around you.”

In the end, Cirocco had to learn the whistle code, because she had the most musical ability. Her sense of pitch was near-perfect, and it was critical to the blimp speech.

There were only three phrases to learn, the longest being seven notes and a trill. The first translated as “good lifting,” and was nothing but a polite greeting. The second was “I want Calvin,” and the third was “Help!”

“Remember,
don’t
call a blimp if you’ve got a fire going.”

“How optimistic you are.”

“You’ll make a fire soon enough. Uh, I was wondering … do you want me to take August off your hands? She might feel better if she was with me. We can cover more ground looking for April.”