T.J. Klune - Bear, Otter, and the Kid 1 - Bear, Otter, and the Kid (44 page)

“
Are you all fucking insane?
” I scream.

 

Mrs. Paquinn claps her hands. “Oh good, Bear has finally decided to speak.”

 

“About goddamn time,” the Kid mumbles.

“Watch your mouth,” Anna admonishes him, lightly tapping him on the back of his hand. Then she smacks Creed on the back of his head. “And he gets those words from you, so you watch your language too.”

“Bear just said
fucking
!” Creed whines, rubbing what Im sure is a gaping wound on his head.

“Well, Bear just felt left out of the conversation, and hes had a rough night,” Mrs. Paquinn explains. “I think „fucking was the straightest way to the point he was trying to make.” She suddenly raises her hand to her mouth and giggles as she blushes. “Fucking was the straightest? Oh, listen to me, making funny sentences.” Creed and the Kid laugh. Anna smacks them both again. Then they all stop and look at me. I open my mouth to speak.

Otter kisses me.
I hear shocked gasps coming from our audience as his hands come up to the side of my face. My eyes are bugging out of my head, and Im looking

straight (ha, ha, ha arent we all just so punny!) into his eyes. His thumbs brush over my eyebrows and my forehead, smoothing out all the bumps and wrinkles. His lips are warm as they move across mine, his fingers trailing fire in their wake. And still he looks at me. The gold and green are so close that I can make out myself in their reflection. I look like Im about to explode. And then my body melts, and I sigh quietly into his mouth, and he kisses up the side of my jaw to my cheek, my forehead, my hair, my eyes. I fall into him, and he wraps me tightly in those big arms, and I let it all out. He rocks me back and forth, and I hear him whisper, “Never again, you hear me? Never again. Something happens, you tell me. I need you to tell me.
I need you.
” I nod blindly into his chest, and he strokes my hair. He lets me lay there for a moment and then pulls my face back and kisses the tears away.

“I want them to leave,” I mumble.

He nods and smiles, that crooked grin in full force. “Soon. Creed and Anna need to speak to you first. After that, well go wherever you want. Just you and me.” He kisses me again gently and pulls me back into the couch, curling me into the crook of his arm protectively. I grab his hand tightly, not wanting to let go. I think hes indulging me in this, but some part of me believes he doesnt want to let go, either, by the way hes clutching me. He smells so fucking good. I rub my face on his chest, trying to get the wetness off. His heart beats quickly, and I press my free hand against it. He grunts softly and captures my hand in his and presses down harder. I think I know what hes trying to say. I feel slightly better knowing we will at least have a chance to talk before… whatever happens.

I look back at the others sitting across from us, and I am surprised to see the smiles on their faces, even Annas. Creeds smile is a little green, as Im sure seeing his brother and his best friend make out isnt necessarily on the top of his to-do list, but at least hes trying. I spy their hands between them, clasped. Creeds thumb strokes over Annas.

“So, you two, huh?” I ask, wondering if Im still angry. “This something new?”

 

They look at each other and blush slightly.

 

Anna speaks for them.

O
NCE
upon a time, Anna broke up with her stupid gay boyfriend. She didnt know for a fact that he was
gay
, but there was always something that came across his face when he spoke the magic word:
Otter
. She tried to ignore the signs, tried to ignore the feeling in the pit of her stomach that ate away at her. It couldnt possibly be true, could it? Sure, her stupid gay boyfriend was always there for her, could always…
perform
when it was required, so why would these thoughts never go away?

One day, the magic word made a dumb decision and fled town to the mythical far away land of California. She never really understood the reason why, at least at the time, but the whispers in her own head saw the way her boyfriend collapsed in on himself, saw the way he became cold, distant. She tried to do the math but never came up with the right answer. She knew something had happened, something bad that she wasnt privy to, but it never stopped her from wondering. She went on with her life, trying to pick up the pieces that were left behind.

It was tiring to do so, but she knew it was necessary. No one could go through what her boyfriend went through and not break. But even as she tried to put him back together, the pieces wouldnt fit right, and no matter what she did, she couldnt make him whole again. Anna began to doubt herself, but she also began to look closer.

For three whole years, she looked closer.
Then one day, not so very long ago, the magic word came back. She didnt know why. She saw the way her boyfriend was angry at first, angrier

than she had seen him in a long time. Then she saw him slowly awaken, as if from a deep sleep. Something in him sparked back to life, and she knew it was nothing she did. The voices that spoke to her, that whispered dark things to her, said that she could never be what Otter was. Anna made some bad choices (but werent they the only choices she could make?) and harsh words were said. Even as her own heart was breaking, she broke his. She didnt believe that was even possible. It made her doubt her actions, made her believe she made the wrong decision. And then, on that fateful night, she called Otter. She didnt accuse him, didnt relay her fears. In return, Otter told her a story about his adventures in California. He told her that he came back to find himself, that he wasnt happy where he was. And while she believed his words, she felt that something was missing from his story, that it was broken somehow. So broke that it rang false in her ears. She pushed Otter toward her ex- boyfriend and prayed that what she felt to be true was a lie.

But in her heart, she knew it wasnt.

She gave them space, gave them time. She didnt want to push further because if she was wrong, it would be all the worse because of it. Yet the next time she saw him, he seemed different. He was wary around her, didnt seem to have the right words to say. But it was there, something behind his eyes that danced like shed never seen them dance before. She wanted to scream and shout and punch and kick, but she couldnt. She waited. And waited. And waited.

And while she was waiting, something funny happened. She leaned on someone she had never leaned on before. The magic word had a brother, you see, and although he had been around almost all her life, shed never thought of him as more than a friend. Even while her heart was broken, she felt something stir inside her. She wondered if it was out of anger that she felt it. Out of jealousy (of what, she didnt yet know). She wasnt trying to get back at her stupid ex-boyfriend when it happened for the first time. She doesnt even know how it happened. They were talking about nothing and everything, and someone leaned in and someone else leaned closer and their lips met, and it was awkward, and it felt strange, and the lips were so alien to her, but she didnt stop.

Anna and Creed both felt guilty, of course. How could they not? They both felt like they were betraying the one thing that bound them together. But even as they swore that it would never happen again, it did. It happened again and again and again. And then she didnt want it to stop anymore. She was happy, or at least as happy as she could be. She felt that she deserved it. She felt it was owed to her. She had done nothing wrong, she decided, even as she called herself a liar.

It went on, as these things seem to do. There were good days, and there were bad days. She felt strong and weak and forgiving and spiteful all at the same time. And after a while, she felt herself falling for the brother, the best friend, the constant who had been background noise for most of her life.

But still, she wondered.
Then came the day when the brother came running into her room, his eyes shell-shocked, his body trembling. She held him for a long time that

night. He wouldnt say what was wrong, wouldnt even give her a hint, so she just held him. They fell asleep… and were awoken by furious pounding at the door. She left the brother where he was and opened the door and saw the Kid before her. He was terrified and angry, and somehow the truth, that long-suspected truth, made itself known. The Kid didnt have to put any specifics behind it, only saying that his brother was lost so very far in himself. Because of their mother. Their mother had come back and taken everything away. She thought to the night before, to the other brother lying in her bed. And thats when she knew. And as she held onto the trembling Kid, her anger rose again, unbidden but there nonetheless. She called her ex, hiding behind a veil.

And when he arrived, when he held the Kid in his arms, when he looked at them with determination is his eyes, she knew. And then he said—

A
NNA
looks down at her hands. “You said you were in love with him, that you needed to fix it. You had such desperation in your voice, and I knew you had never felt like that for me, before.” She shakes her head, interrupting my protests. “I know you loved me. But this… this was different and dont you dare say otherwise.” She paws at her eyes, trying to clear her vision. “I threw it back in your face. Because, for once, I hated being right. But that didnt stop me, because it made everything we had seem fake. Like I was just a stand-in for all those years while you figured yourself out.”

Creed rubs her knee, then looks back at us. “I didnt mean for all of this to happen, Papa Bear. You have to understand that. It was never about going behind your back, never about hurting you. Some things just happen. You of all people should know that by now. You were doing the same thing.”

“I suppose thats one way to look at it,” I say slowly, not wanting to concede just yet.

Creed snaps his head to me, suddenly furious. “One way?” he snarls. “You were fucking my brother without conveniently telling anyone you switched teams, and thats all you can say? You coldhearted bastard, how the hell can you sit there and judge
us
?”

“We had just broken up!” I hiss back. “You say it was never about going behind my back, but thats exactly what you did! Have you just been waiting all these years for us to break up so you could make your move?”

“Have you?” he retorts, his voice ice. “Is she right? Was she just someone you used until you grew a pair and finally admitted who you really were? You forget that regardless of whom youre related to in this room, regardless of who youve fucked or who youre fucking,
I’m
the most like you. I know the guilt you must have felt every time you looked in Otters face, because I know the guilt
I
felt every time I looked at Anna. You can sit there and spout your bullshit, but dont you think for a second that I dont know exactly what you did. Otter didnt have to tell me. Anna didnt have to tell me. The Kid sure as shit didnt say a goddamn thing. But I didnt need to hear it from them because the second I found out, the
second
, I knew exactly what it was like for you.”

“Didnt stop you, though, did it?” I snap.

 

“Didnt stop you, either. Does Anna know why Otter left to begin with? Does the Kid? Mrs. Paquinn? No? Anyone?” He smiles at me. My face goes white as Otter growls, “Thats enough, Creed. Youve made your point.”

But he hasnt. He turns to Anna and says, “The night Otter left? Bear got drunk and kissed Otter and then freaked out about it. Otter thought he was influencing Bear somehow and had his own freak-out and left town. Thats the real reason why he left. Everything else was a lie.” Even as he says it, the anger in his voice fades, and the blood leaves his face as he seems to realize exactly what hes just done. The ending comes out as a whisper.

Anna looks at me, pain crystal clear. I wait for the inevitable to come, knowing no matter what I can say in return, Creeds words ring true, and I hate him for it. I hate him for being so much stronger than I could ever be. I wait, that is, until Annas hand suddenly flashes upward and slaps Creed across the face, the sound chilling in its flatness. His head rocks back, and we all stare, dumbfounded.

“I knew that, you asshole,” Anna says, voice even. “I figured that out on my own. You may be right about Bear, but at least he never hurt people intentionally like that. Apologize. Now.”
He stares at her in disbelief. “You just hit me,” he says profoundly. She glares back. “Youre lucky it was me and not Otter. You may not

have noticed when you were ripping open old wounds, but hes about to do far worse than I can ever do.”

We all glance at Otter, and I shudder as I see his eyes are black yet again. I dont know why I didnt notice his arm around my shoulder tensing, his breath becoming ragged, his cheek twitching. I almost want to let him at it, but I cant do that. I grab his chin and pull his face toward mine, and even though things might not be right between us yet (how could it be with so many things yet unsaid?), his gaze softens once it reaches mine, and I see whatevers going on in his head start to ebb. I can do this for him and maybe thats what it means to be in love: to be able to bring someone back from the brink. “We good?” I murmur, just for him to hear. He nods.

I look back at Creed, and while I see the shame written on his face, I still see the weight of his words there too. I think that maybe his immediate acceptance of Otter and me was just an act to cover his own guilt. He was too easy to win over, too quick to jump to my defense over what had to be an impossible change in the way his orderly world worked. I allow myself to be sad for a moment, wondering if things would ever be the same between us again. I hope so, because he was right when hed said we are the same. Whatever happens, at least I know that.

“Im sorry,” Creed mumbles.
“What happens now?” I ask, hating how small my voice sounds. Creed looks at me for a moment, then looks away. “We move on.” “Is that how you want it?”
He nods. “For now. Maybe… I dont know. Maybe one day, Bear.” I get up, feeling Otters hands trailing down my back. I walk over to