T.J. Klune - Bear, Otter, and the Kid 1 - Bear, Otter, and the Kid (42 page)
Kid didnt like that I was staying home but grudgingly agreed with my reasons to do so. He forgot his frustrations when I told him I would be going over to see Otter tomorrow to try and get everything back. He jumped into my lap and babbled happily into my ear.
I decided to make him whatever he wanted for dinner, and he went online and found a gross-looking vegetarian thing that appeared to have been scraped from the underside of a wet log. I told him we didnt have any of the ingredients for that. He told me thats why God invented grocery stores. I told him God didnt invent grocery stores. He told me that I had no proof of this, and wouldnt I feel stupid when I died and went to heaven and saw Gods Food Mart? I told him that was a dumb name for a grocery store. He told me that I couldnt do any better. I told him Gods grocery store was named Gods Amazing Food Emporium and that they had weekly specials on the Body Of Christ Sourdough bread loaves. He told me I was sacrilegious. I told him we werent any kind of religious.
We had just left the apartment to head to the store when Mrs. Paquinn stuck her head out. “Ill watch the Kid tomorrow when you go over to Otters. Should we say around nine?”
already
?”
“Dont be difficult, Bear. Its unattractive.”
My eyes narrowed. “You
did
talk to Creed.”
She smiled. “Tomorrow? Around nine.”
“No, thank you. I need to get to bed early so I can make sure I am up and prepared to watch Tyson. At nine.”
“I got it, Mrs. Paquinn. I got it.”
to my work, and I let the Kid go with a list while I went to the office to check the schedule for the coming week. I was off tomorrow and didnt have to be in till the afternoon of the day after. That was good. It either left me with enough time to grovel on my knees for forgiveness from Otter, which would hopefully lead to me needing to be on my knees for other reasons, or it would give me enough time to find the nearest bridge to jump off of when he rejected me.
It has to work
, I thought.
“So Ill be over about eight forty-five tomorrow morning,” Anna said, startling me. I hadnt heard her approach. I watched her swipe her time sheet as she clocked out.
“Well, Mrs. Paquinn said that shes watching the Kid, and Creed says youre going over in the morning, so I figured I can drop you off and pick up Creed.”
had
these conversations. How the hell did you find out already?” I groaned.
She smiled and shrugged. “Creed called me, and then I called Mrs. Paquinn. Its really not that hard of a concept, Bear.”
“Well, Im so glad you all are taking such an active interest in this,” I groused.
She flipped her hair. “Well, it does kind of affect all of us, you know,” she pointed out.
I didnt know. “How do you figure?” I asked, the sarcasm evident in my voice.
Her eyes flashed. “Dont be difficult, Bear. Its really—”
“Unattractive. I know, I know.”
She smiled thinly. “Be ready to go when I get there, no excuses, no delays. Got it?” Her face scrunched up. “Maybe you should get a haircut before you go, so Otter doesnt think hes agreeing to love a homeless person.”
I fought back everything I really wanted to stay. That was a battle almost lost. I nodded instead.
“Good, now I have to run and help Creed finish setting up. What time tomorrow, Bear?”
“Eight forty-five.”
She smiled and walked away.
Nosy, nosy people.
Kid enjoyed dinner, saying that it turned out great. I said it tasted like sawdust, so I put ketchup and bacon bits on mine. The Kid told me that he thought gay people were supposed to be classy, but then he looked me up and down and said that even nice stereotypes can be a detriment to society because I obviously wasnt classy. I threatened to put bacon bits in everything I cooked him from now on. The Kid said he wanted to move back with his mom. I told him that wasnt funny. He grinned and said, “One day, it will be.”
I should have realized that something was going to happen. There always seems to be one final thing that occurs before the Hero of a story gets his happy ending. I thought that final thing had already happened, what with my misinformed decision to end things and the fact that Id learned A Very Valuable Lesson. Thats how stories go, isnt it? Our Hero makes a big mistake, and in doing so, learns something important that changes the way he views the world. And with that Very Valuable Lesson learned, he gets to go back and right all of his wrongs, and then he and the man of his dreams will get to fuck like monkeys as the sun sets. Thats how these things
always
work
.
Regardless of how scared I was, regardless of how I thought the conversation would go, I didnt doubt that Otter would at least try to hear me out. Hes so much better than me in that regard. I knew that even if the outcome wasnt what I wanted, even if I didnt get my happy ending, it wouldnt be because he wouldnt listen.
The night was normal. We had dinner. We watched TV. We talked, laughed, bickered affectionately. As always, the Kids eyes drooped, and his head starting nodding to the side, and even though he said he wasnt tired, I still picked him up. We brushed our teeth. I got him into his PJs. He got into bed, the covers up to his chin. We talked some more, things that I think will stay just between us, between brothers. He played with my fingers while he spoke, his eyes on mine. Finally, his eyes closed and a little snore erupted from his slack mouth. I bent over and kissed his forehead and closed the door.
I did laundry. I cleaned up the kitchen. I cleaned the bathroom. I watched some more TV. I tried not to think too much about the next day, realizing that I could plan every single word I was going to say, but my mouth would open and run on its own so there really was no point. As long as I could tell him that I loved him, that I would always love him, I think I would have been fine with everything else.
I hadnt realized Id fallen asleep until the ringing phone jerked me awake. I glanced at the clock: eleven forty-two. I had only been out for thirty minutes. The phone rang again.
I rolled my eyes and connected the call. “Drunk dialing already? Isnt it a little early for that? I expected it to be after one when you first called.”
“Bear?” Creeds voice came through, strained. I could hear someone murmuring in the background. Beyond that, a loud
thumpthumpthump
of music. “Bear, can you hear me?”
“How much have you had?” I laughed.
“Shut up and listen!” he shouted. I sat up straight at the sound of the panic in his voice.
“Whats going on, Creed? Is everyone okay?”
“No, its not. Hes
leaving
.”
“What? Who?”
“Otter! Hes packing up his shit, and hes leaving!”
“What?” I whispered. “To go where?”
“Where the fuck do you think? Back to California. Bear, youve got to fix this now! You cant let him leave!”
“But—”
“
No buts
!” Creed screamed. “
Now
!”
“Creed?”
“Bear?”
“Its strong. Ill fix this.”
He took a deep breath. “I know. Are you coming now?”
“Let me drop the Kid with Mrs. Paquinn, and I will be over. Dont let him leave.”
“Hurry,” Creed said, and then he was gone.
told you I drove like a madman through the streets of Seafare. I already told you that I jumped the curb and left my car running. I already told you that I ran up the stairs and burst into Otters room. You know what waits inside. What you dont know is that as I blew through a stop sign (undoubtedly doing Mrs. Paquinn proud), I felt the tremors start again from deep inside me, the beginning of an earthquake that caused my teeth to chatter. I knew, though, that somehow this one was different. Whatever last vestiges I seemed to be holding onto started to shift and crack with the rolling of the fault line. The white noise, the lapping of the waves, the darkness of the ocean, all were getting sucked down into the chasm collapsing inside me. I knew that this was it, the final moment, where I could either go forward or back. I pushed the gas pedal down harder,
just knowing
what was waiting for me and that I was never,
ever
going back. I knew that without him, there would be no me. Naive, I know. Misguided, definitely. But it didnt matter. I had learned my Very Valuable Lesson. I was the Hero of this fucking story. I was going to get my goddamned happy ending.
. Shit. How many fucking people does Creed know? Where? Jump the curb. Phone makes noise. Voice mail. I’ll check it later. The Kid’s fine, I just left him. Just get to Otter. Put the car in park. I forgot the keys! The front door. The music is loud. Get out of my way! Sorry, sorry, sorry, excuse me, excuse me. MOVE! Where the hell are Creed and Anna? Stairs. Hallway. Door.
OTTERS ROOM.
Knock first? No, just fucking go in. Maybe he’ll be—too late. The door slams open. Otter, at his desk. What is he thinking? His eyes are wide. Gold and green. God, he’s so beautiful. God, how I’ve missed him. God, how I just want—who the fuck is this guy? Why is he smiling at me? Why is he walking toward me? Why am I shaking his hand?
back to the present. Youll probably wish you hadnt come. I hold Jonahs hand, and I hear Otter hiss something, but I cant quite
make it out over the blood sizzling in my ears. I want to raise my eyes to look at Otter, to get some goddamned explanation for this, but I cant stop shaking Jonahs motherfucking hand. His grip is tight, mine tighter. I want to break his fingers. I want to rip his arm off. I want to beat Otter over the head with it. Obviously, he doesnt need me. Hes going back to California with
him
. I drop Jonahs hand and spin out of the room, hearing Otter shout after me. I mean to turn right, but instead turn left, wanting to find Creed and bash his face in, too, for letting
Jonah
into the house. For fucking me over. I hate him. I hate them all. I hear someone rushing after me. Right as I reach Creeds door and prepare to throw it open, I hear Otter shout, “No, wait!” I dont and the door flies open. The room is bright, the music loud, but my vision is clear, cold, concise. The door opens, but Creed and Anna arent quick enough, the shout from Otter not loud enough, and I see their lips pressed together, Creeds arms wrapped around Annas waist, her breasts pressed against his chest, and suddenly the last few months make perfect sense. Where Creed had been disappearing to, where hed been going
behind my back.
They jump apart, but its too late. Ive seen enough. My heart screams, my head screams, my body screams, but I stay silent. I want to move, but which way I dont know. My eyes feel black, my jaw about to snap out of its socket. I cant move. My feet are stuck to the floor. I want to leave, I want to leave so bad and just go away from all of this, go and drown in the ocean because wasnt that last earthquake a lie? Wasnt it just so deceitful? Couldnt I just hear Creeds words in my head? He said he needed—
there’s something i need to talk to you about
—to tell me something. He said that it—
everything’s fine
—wasnt important. He said that it could wait. And at that moment, doesnt Creed sound just like Otter? Dont I hear the voices mingle and mix until its Creed and Otter saying—
i won’t talk to jonah again
—things that are sugar in my ears, poison in my veins? Dont I hear Otter/Creed saying that he—
the fight for you is all i’ve ever known
—loves me? Has it all been leading to this? Is this what Ive been waiting for?
JUST STOP AND LISTEN!
it screams.
DON’T DO THIS, BEAR! THINK ABOUT IT FOR ONE FUCKING SECOND!
I shove it away.
“I was going to tell you!” Creed begs. “It just happened, and I didnt know how to say anything—”
But that all disappears as soon as I feel
his
hands on my shoulders, his big hands, those hands that I swore would always be mine. “Did you know about this?” I ask, my voice an earthquake. “Did you know?”
Theres no question as to whom this is directed, and I feel his hands tense against my shoulders, squeezing painfully, and he leans forward, his breath hot against my neck, and I shiver involuntarily. This causes a single tear to fall from my right eye. “I just found out earlier tonight,” Otter whispers, pressing his forehead against my hair. To lean back into him would be so easy. So easy.
Creed moves forward, but I shake my head in warning, and he stops, his face relaying the panic we all must feel. But his panic is laced with guilt, and it is my undoing.
“Did you know?” I ask Creed now.
“Know?” he asks, confused. “Know what?”
“About Jonah,” I grind out.
“Otters ex? What about him?” Creed asks, but then Anna jumps forward and whispers urgently in his ear, and as if its even possible, his face gets whiter still. “That was
Jonah
? Bear, I swear to God I didnt know that! Do you really think I would have let him in had I known? Otter would never—”
“Whats going on in here?” Jonah asks from the doorway. “Family meeting,” I say, whirling around. “I was just leaving.” I bump past Otter, who reaches out to grab me, but I knock his hands away. Jonah is
leaning against the door frame, looking calm and collected. And he still has a smile on his face. Before I know what Im doing, my fist cocks back, and I let my arm fly and smash my knuckles into his nose. He squawks as blood flies from my fingertips, and I push by him. Hes not smiling now. Bastard.
The music
thumpthumpthumps
as I storm down the hall, ignoring the looks Im getting, ignoring the stinging pain in my hand. I hear my name called. I hear people rushing after me. I almost trip down the stairs, knocking drunken revelers left and right. Someones drink goes flying. People must see the look on my face, see the entourage racing after me, because they part, and Im like Moses leading the Jews, and they all get the fuck out of my way. Im out into the yard again. My car is still running, the lights still on. I get in, but of course, the front of the car is facing the doorway and people are crowding out. Otter, Anna, and Creed are in the front. I see Jonahs blood on Otters shirt. I wonder if Otter hugged him to get it on his shoulder like that. Did he tell him that everything was going to be all right? Is that what he said?