To Fall (The To Fall Trilogy Book 1) (23 page)

I hated lying to him. “Uh, huh.”

With a skeptical look, he kissed me when the twins weren’t looking. His lips were cold and red from the cherry flavoring.

We walked through bird exhibits, endless reptiles, more birds, and then the petting zoo. This was another chance for me to sit down while the rest of them ran around. Xander whispered something to Olivia and handed his phone to her.

Sitting next to me while a goat ate our map, he pointed to Olivia. “Smile, beautiful.”

She snapped a bunch of pictures with Xander’s phone and I handed Emma mine to take the same pictures. The goats and sheep huddled around Xander, ignoring everyone else. I wasn’t wrong. It was him. Did he have food on him or weird pheromones attracting the animals? His mutant powers?

Once again, the twins were ready to move before me. We stumbled along the monkey village where squirrel monkeys roamed free in a caged off area visitors could walk through. A spray bottle armed employee was positioned every few feet to keep the animals from jumping onto the guests. Stepping inside, the trees around us rustled and the ground came to life. Little brown faces peered at us from all angles.

Out of nowhere, a furry object flew onto Xander’s shoulder and…nuzzled his face. A zookeeper ran up to him with her sprayer aimed at Xander.

Xander held his hands up. “Don’t shoot, we’re just snuggling.” He chuckled and had another female mesmerized by his fantastic smile and fabulous physique.

“They don’t jump onto the guests like that.” She looked to her fellow employees for help.

Five more monkeys sailed through the air and landed on Xander’s arms. The twins were in awe of Xander. The zookeepers were in awe of Xander. Hell, I was, too.

Xander laughed as they combed through his hair. “I only let my girlfriend do that. Back you go now.” They jumped off Xander and leapt into the trees on his command. He watched them for a minute before turning back around. “We should go.” He nodded to the five zookeepers with their bottles pointed at him.

“Yeah, we should go,” I muttered, grabbing the girls’ hands.

The pathway to the rest of the park was uphill. Xander offered me the Xander Express again and I took it begrudgingly—there was no way I could make it without him. We traveled through the desert wildlife exhibits of coyotes, wolves, mountain lions, and bobcats. The twins loved the snakes. And no matter what the animal, it sprung to life and submitted to Xander.

“Finally, my favorite,” he said.

We were going to the predatory birds. “These?”

“Yeah.” His eyes brightened.

While the hawks fascinated the girls, Xander entered the golden eagle cage. Walking in, the birds turned and looked to him. In unison, both three-foot birds hopped down from their perch and opened their wings. They must have spanned close to seven feet each. Xander gazed at these predators with a look of admiration. He knelt and the birds’ heads bowed with him. My mouth gaped open.

The entire zoo trip had left me in amazement as wild, caged animals were drawn to him, succumbing to him, but for the eagles, it was astonishing. Such proud creatures bent to Xander’s silent plea and they willingly gave their submission.

Putting my finger to my lips, the twins stayed quiet and we entered the exhibit. When Xander rose, the birds lifted their heads and climbed back to their perch.

“Wow, how did you do that?” I breathed out.

He smiled. “You guys hungry?”

Once again, he avoided my question and, yes, we all were. I paid for the food this time, pushing Xander out of the way. Smirking, he said, “I won’t allow this again. Enjoy it.”

I looked at the trays of food, one loaded all for him. “Why? It isn’t fair you pay each time.”

His smile faded and held my chin. “Abby, I have waited a long time for you, and I fully intend on spoiling you any chance I get.”

He grabbed the trays from me and found a table with the twins under an umbrella. I followed, tripping after him.

Without a cloud to shield us from the heat, I was thoroughly gross from a layer of sweat, and my clothes stuck in unintended places that I couldn’t peel away in public. Even the girls were wearing down. Xander, though, was dry and cloudy fresh.

The last exhibit was the orangutans. The older female took notice of Xander right away, and I wasn’t an expert on animal behavior, but I was pretty sure she was flirting. After watching the orangutans play with ropes, a truck tire, and heave a medicine ball like it was nothing, we escaped into the air-conditioned gift shop. Xander bought the girls a stuffed animal: a zebra for Olivia and a giraffe for Emma.

We thanked Xander for taking us to the zoo, and as soon as he let my hand go to get to the other side of the SUV, I relaxed into the scorching leather seat, my eyelids growing heavy.

Xander hopped in; country music and a blast of hot air hit me as the engine turned over. “Did you have fun, girls?”

Emma and Olivia shouted, “Yes!”

I said I did, too, and thanked him again. He asked the twins what their favorite exhibit was and pulling out of the parking space was the last thing I remembered.

33

Xander

“I’m guessing the orangutans weren’t your favorite, Abby?” I asked, grinning. She didn’t answer. “Uh, oh. I’m getting the silent treatment. Don’t tell me you’re jealous of Bess. I’ll let you break off a tree limb for me, too.” I glimpsed over to her. “Abby? You okay?” She was slumped beside me, still wearing her hat and sunglasses.

Panicked, I threw the gear into park and grabbed her hand. She was sleeping. I knew she was tired, but this was shocking. I did too much today, pushed her too hard. I should have given her more breaks, healed her more. I would have carried her all day if she wanted.

Putting the gear back in drive, my hand returned to hers, and I headed to the freeway. Emma repeated Olivia’s comment earlier about pushing Abby last time the family went to the zoo.

I asked, “What do you mean, you pushed Abby?”

“In the chair, silly!”

I looked to her reddened cheeks in the rearview mirror. “What chair, Emma?”

Olivia huffed at Emma. “It’s called a wheelchair, Em!”

My heart hollowed watching my Abby sleeping. “Abby used a wheelchair when she came last time?”

“She always has to use a wheelchair,” Olivia explained. “She didn’t want it today. She told us not to tell you. We had to pinky swear and everything.”

Emma giggled. “Oops!”

Olivia wiggled in her seat. “She usually lets us sit in her lap and Daddy pushes all of us.”

Why didn’t she tell me? My poor Abby. The soul inside her yearned to get out and live the life she was meant to. This wasn’t what He wanted for her, this half-life. I couldn’t believe that.

If the Second Choir could only see what I did.

At the zoo, when the girls and I were in line for the carousel, I watched Abby help a young boy who fell running toward his parents. She dusted him off and sent him on his way. Over by the elephants, Abby helped a grandmother untangle her granddaughter’s foot from the stroller. A middle-aged man had a bloody nose near the iguana and she came to the rescue with tissues from her purse.

Abby amazed me. She embraced the opportunity to help others. They weren’t grand gestures by any means, which is what made them important. My heart swelled just thinking about her. So selfless, so pure of heart.

I must have taken a hundred pictures of her today, mostly while she wasn’t looking. In the petting zoo, I realized I didn’t have any of the two of us. My new screen saver was of Abby kissing my cheek while a goat ate our map. I chose it because of how happy I looked, how happy she made me. I never knew it could be like this.

I shouldn’t have gone into the eagle enclosure. It was a passive way to let Abby know she was right; the animals were attracted to me, to angels. She should see them around Archangels. Eagles were incredible creatures, graceful predators of the sky. Watching their wings unfurl, I thought of taking Abby on a fly, twisting around the mountains, skimming under clouds, carrying her closer to the stars. I knew she would really like that.

We arrived at the Millers’ around two in the afternoon and I helped the girls out before trying to wake Abby. I kissed her lips, but she slept. Picking her up, she curled in my arms and snuggled into my neck. I paused, relishing this moment, wishing to keep her in my arms, and keep her with me forever.

The Millers shot to their feet when I carried Abby inside. I assured them, “She’s asleep. I couldn’t wake her.”

Mr. Miller chuckled and held his arms out. “Yeah, she’s a heavy sleeper. I’ll take her, Alexander.”

Mr. Miller took Abby and Margaret went upstairs to help him. Mrs. Miller asked me to stay for dinner. Abby would be sad if I left and I had already planned to spend the day with her. Mr. Miller left for work and the rest of us played board games.

Mrs. Miller came downstairs from checking on Abby. “Boy, she is out cold! That was some trip to the zoo.”

Margaret glared at me over the
Sorry!
game. “That’s what happens when she walks the entire zoo.”

Mrs. Miller stopped. “Oh. I didn’t realize. Abby didn’t tell you, Alexander? She didn’t get a chair?”

“No, ma’am. I found out from these two on the way home. I’m sorry. I would have picked something else to do had I known.”

“No, Abby should have told you.” She frowned, shaking her head. “Abby wants to be like everyone else. She refuses to accept her limits and she even pushes them. Believe me, raising her was a challenge. Every time one of us turned around, she was doing too much. She still does to this day. I nearly had a panic attack when Abby said she enrolled in cooking class. You’ve seen her with a knife, Alexander.” Mrs. Miller chuckled. “Don’t think any more on it. She’s tired. She’ll live. And hopefully learn from today.”

I helped Margaret make dinner, and when Mrs. Miller went upstairs to wake Abby, she turned on me. “You should never have taken her there today. She could have been hurt,” Margaret hissed.

“Margaret, I didn’t know about the chair. And if she did get hurt, I would have healed her.”

A wooden spoon shook in my face. “You swoop in, do you? After twenty years? Suddenly, you decide you want to be in her life? Well, we’ve been here. For all of it. Do you have any idea how many times she needed you? What gives you the right to decide you want to help her now?”

“You’re right, I wasn’t there. My siblings were. They never abandoned you, but I did.”

Her eyes narrowed. “Why?”

“I was a coward. The night Abby was born, she changed me, and that…scared me. But I couldn’t stay away anymore.”

A hand went to her hip. “Changed you how?”

“I fell in love with her.”

Margaret’s eyes and mouth widened. I was sure she was ready to break the spoon over my head right when Abby stepped downstairs.

Abby looped tiny arms around me and peeked up through her lashes. “You’re still here, I’m glad.” She buried her face in my chest. “I’m so embarrassed, I fell asleep.”

I guided her to the living room couch. “Why didn’t you tell me you needed a wheelchair? I feel like a jerk. Again.”

Surprise crossed her features, but then her eyes shot down to her lap. “There was no way I was going to get in one today.”

I chased her gaze. “Why?”

“It doesn’t matter.”

I tugged her chin up. “It does matter. It matters to me. This is your life, Abby.”

“Can you drop it, please? Just this once, let it go.” She flashed me those puppy dog eyes and I melted.

But I should have known better.

34

Abby

The following Saturday, Xander’s plans were vague for the day, but he was taking me to breakfast. Knowing he would be right on time, I woke early and completed my pill counting and blood test.

Olivia and Emma ate Margaret’s bacon and eggs while watching
Sophia the First
. Dad crawled into bed thirty minutes ago and Mom was on laundry duty. I felt guilty for leaving them every Saturday, but Mom assured me she was happy I was “getting a life.”

I opened the door to my boyfriend of three weeks today. Xander wore flip-flops, what looked like black board shorts, a vintage green T-shirt, and sunglasses rested on top of his mussed hair. He looked tanned, muscled, and gorgeous with a bright smile for me.

“Are you going sand surfing today?”

His lips pulled into a secretive smile. “Not exactly. But I know what we’re going to do today.”

“Does it involve world domination?”

He laughed. “Nope. Swimming. We’re going to a water park. I hear it’s all the rage with you kids.” His smile faded when he saw my face fall. “What did I say?”

“Xander, I can’t.”

His brow creased. “Can’t what?”

Using my smallest voice, I said, “I can’t go with you.”

“Why?”

I shook my head in response.

“What is it?” he urged.

“It’s two things. Can we please pick something else to do?”

Crossing his arms, he took a firm stance. “No. Tell me the two things and I will consider picking something else to do.”

I wrung my hands. “Xander, I don’t wear bathing suits in front of people. You’re the last person I want to see
it
.” Waving to my scar, I whispered, “It’s ugly.”

“That’s one. What’s two?”

I rolled my eyes. “Xander, I can swim, but I can’t swim-swim. It’s too much for me. You remember the zoo last week?”

“That’s all ya got?” he snapped.

I blinked up at him. “Those weren’t enough?”

“No, they weren’t. Go upstairs, put a bathing suit on, and wear a shirt you’ll be comfortable swimming in. Thing one solved. Thing two, I have it covered.”

“Why are you mad at me?”

He leaned over so his nose was almost touching mine. “I’m frustrated with you, there’s a difference. There isn’t one thing about you I don’t want to see, or wouldn’t find beautiful. The scar, which I’ve seen, by the way, I find beautiful. It’s part of you. To me it shows you’re incredibly brave and strong. The only one it bothers is you. If it makes you feel better, cover it up, but I preferred you didn’t. And I can help you with the other problem. I’ll do better this time. Trust me.”

Spinning away from him, I went back to my room. I was at a loss. Five minutes ago, I was looking forward to spending the entire day with Xander and now I didn’t want to go out with him because I was self-conscious and scared of passing out. It dawned on me that I was more concerned about my scar than the other problem. And when did he see it?

Outside of my immediate family, the only other people who saw my scar were Beth and Mel. Now Xander wanted me to parade myself in front of him and hundreds of strangers.

Nothing I had would cover it. There was a one-piece, which was old and stretched out, and a couple of bikinis I wore this summer, one black and the other white with pink dots. My mind flashed to Jake and his “Pink Polka Dot” endearment for a split second. If I was going to cover up, I might as well put the cuter of the two on. Pink polka dots it was. Slipping it on, I kept my back to the mirror like usual.

I scrounged up a pink T-shirt to swim in, but put my polo and jean shorts back on for breakfast. After braiding my hair, I grabbed a bag and threw in a slew of essentials, including my emergency pills. I slipped on hot pink flip-flops and looked at my scowl in the mirror. I tried to focus on what Xander had said to me downstairs. I didn’t want to ruin today, so I was going to have to find a way to get happy.

I found Xander outside, helping Mom hose down the patio. “Here two minutes and she already put you to work?” I asked.

“He offered!” Mom smacked his chest. “Am I a fool who would say no to free help? Okay, get out of here you two.”

Stepping into the restaurant, I discovered only old couples and young families ate this early on Saturdays. We slid into a booth and the waiter handed us menus. My thoughts drifted to the water park and at what point an attack would come. Would it be as I ascended the stairs and tumble down three stories, or would I drown in a pool?

His fingers laced through mine, bringing my attention to him. “Are you not talking to me today?”

I realized I hadn’t spoken since we left the house. “I’m sorry. I’m in my own head.”

“Where’s your ring?” Hurt laced his voice, tracing my bare finger. Man, he noticed everything.

I assured him, “I didn’t want to lose it in the water. It’s at home.”

“Today’s going to be fun.”

I didn’t believe him. “Yeah.”

Xander’s eyes locked on mine. “Did you hear me earlier about being fine with me today?”

“Yeah,” I repeated with the same lackluster enthusiasm.

The waiter returned and we both ordered pancakes, eggs, and bacon.

As though we were never interrupted, Xander slumped back in the seat. “We’ll go somewhere else today. I don’t want you to be uncomfortable.”

“No. I already had a panic attack over my bikini, I packed a bag, and I am halfway mentally prepared for today. We’re going now.”

He flung himself back over the table. “What kind of bikini?”

“White with pink dots. Why?”

The only movement he made was a bob of his Adam’s apple. “You have it on now?”

I pulled on the string from behind my neck and his face broke out in a wide grin. I smacked his arm. “You are such a guy!”

“What good is having a girlfriend if I can’t ogle her?” he said as though I should have known.

My nose scrunched. “No one says,
ogle
.”

He studied the light above our table. “Check out?”

I nodded. “Yeah, they say, check out.”

Grinning, Xander settled back in his seat. “Well, be prepared to get checked out.”

I rolled my eyes and he laughed.

Xander slid closer and kissed me. “Happy three weekiversary, beautiful.”

I almost forgot with the impending death and embarrassment of today. “Happy three weekiversary yourself, handsome.” The waiter appeared with our food, and as we ate our breakfast, a thought nagged at me. “When did you see my scar?”

He flinched at my question and stared at me. I was ready to ask again, when his eyes lit up. “Well, before a few minutes ago, I had ogled you quite a few times.” He smiled and I frowned. “Hey, stop that. I meant what I said at the house.”

“You’re being nice,” I muttered.

“No, Abby. I’m not.” His tone was sharp and his brows slammed down.

Okay, I needed to change the direction of this day. Twice now, I’d upset him. I didn’t want to be that couple that bickered every moment they were together like Mel and Tyler did now. We finished breakfast in near silence and he helped me into the cab of the 4Runner.

By the time we reached the water park, my stomach had lodged into my throat. “Do you mind if I change?” I asked.

“Sure, I’ll give you privacy.” Xander stepped out of the SUV with his back to the window.

Slipping my shorts and polo shirt off, I folded them, put them in my bag, and pulled on a T-shirt. It covered my top fine, but revealed my bottoms, which I was totally okay with.

After helping me down, Xander’s eyes roamed up my body and I didn’t mind how long it took him to reach my eyes. Leaning into me, my back hit the SUV. Tipping my head back for him, his mouth sealed over mine, just long enough to make me breathless and forget that I had legs.

“I wanted to do that all morning,” he said against my lips.

His hand linked with mine and we entered the park—more like the Water Park of Death. The slides were unbelievably high and they advertised a wave pool. The strong chlorine odor burned my nostrils and sounds of kids screaming made my heart race. Xander paid for an inner tube and we found beach chairs under an umbrella.

“Do you have sunscreen in your bag of tricks there?” he asked.

I dug it out. “Would you like some?”

“I don’t burn, but if you’re offering to rub your hands all over my body, I sure as hell wouldn’t stop you.”

I shook my head. “Such a guy.”

He tore his shirt off and I marveled at him. Looking at his body gave me goose bumps and I flushed. There was too much skin, muscles, and raw male before me; he could get a dead woman’s heart racing.

Xander sat and I happily rubbed sunscreen over his shoulders and back, giving me the opportunity to look at those iridescent lines up close. They were strange but beautiful. I traced the length of the light pearl markings and Xander’s back tensed under my fingers. Ignoring his reaction, I pressed a kiss to both of them.

Xander spun, wrapped an arm around me, and his eyes turned wary. “It’s in the file. Soon, okay?” Well, he admitted it. He had secrets. Once I nodded, he relaxed and breathed out as though he had actually confessed something. “Now you.” A finger motioned for me to take off my shirt.

“I’m good. I put it on already,” I blurted out. I knew how stupid it was to choose an allover third-degree burn rather than show him my scar, but I just couldn’t bring myself to do it and see the look on his face.

Frowning, he grabbed the sunscreen from me. “At least let me get the back of your neck.”

“All right.”

Standing behind me, he took his time rubbing the sunscreen along the exposed skin of my neck. My shirt rose, he applied the cream to my lower back, and then fingers drifted over my stomach. I squealed and flew back into him.

His lips brushed my ear. “Ticklish?”

“Very! And that was more than the back of my neck.”

His hard chest rumbled with laughter and arms bound me. “Mmm, I’m not going to say sorry.” Warm lips trailed behind my ear and my eyes rolled back. “Ready?” he murmured.

His kisses must have drugged me. I sighed, “Okay, where to first?”

“Well, no one’s here yet. The lines will be short for the slides.”

Regretfully, I turned. I noticed his shorts had a zipper and I grabbed my waterproof pill bottle. “Can you hold this for me?” I asked, cringing.

Taking the bottle, he examined it. “What is it?”

Okay, so my stupidity needed to end here; I couldn’t put this conversation off any longer. “Nitroglycerin. If I get in trouble, slip one under my tongue and call the paramedics.” The second request may have been a bit premature, but gauging the fact we were somewhere I had no business being, I thought it best.

He put it in his pocket as though it were filled with something off the biology lab floor. Great. Feeling a burn behind my eyes, I spun toward the slides and a hand grabbed my arm to twist me back around so I was flush to a bare, hard chest. “Trust me today, I’ll keep you safe, and it won’t be a pill I slip under your tongue.”

And his mouth was back on mine. His tongue swept over the seal of my lips and they opened to him. Then he flicked the roof of my mouth, exploring, twisting his tongue with mine, and I was pretty sure the large hand on my hip was headed toward my backside because those fingers were farther south than they had ever been. Warmth bloomed in my belly at his touch, kiss, scent, and I was ready to tell him to take me somewhere to make out with me for the rest of the day when he let me go. It took me a second to recover myself. I was so over these teasing mini-practice sessions.

Xander picked the tallest and scariest slide that allowed two riders. Ascending the stairs, he carried the inner tube and his hot hand interlaced with mine, drawing patterns with his thumb over my knuckles. I waited for the inevitable. Walking up this many stairs should have sent my heart into a frenzy, but whatever Xander did for me was working.

He sat in the tube first and I put my feet in, yelping at the cold water, and he laughed at me. Snuggling on top of him, his entire body was toasty. With a kiss to my forehead, Xander pushed off. The enclosed slide was pitch black. We bounced within the plastic tube over bumps and twists. Encased within Xander’s cocoon, I never touched anything but him and we laughed the entire way down.