To Fall (The To Fall Trilogy Book 1) (20 page)

28

Xander

Abby was going on a date with me. She said yes. It still hadn’t sunk in yet. I would make this a special night for her, for her birthday.

Hannah, Calista, and Caleb gave me advice. Too much advice. Every time I turned around, they told me where to take her, what to say, asked if I would kiss her. Their concerns became mine and I panicked over things I hadn’t even considered.

Doubt plagued me and guilt riddled me to the core. I had to make a decision. Maybe I shouldn’t have asked Abby out on a date. I wasn’t fair to her; she didn’t know what I was, or what she was getting into. She had the right to know. My fingers hovered over my cell. I should cancel the date, back away so she could have a normal relationship with a human. The image of her smiling at another guy, touched by another, kissed by another soured my stomach. I jammed my phone back into my pocket.

I had to get out of the house.

I went for a fly. Usually, my siblings would have joined me, but they saw it on my face—I needed to be alone. We were closest to home when we were flying. Closest to Heaven. I wandered without a clue where to go, letting the moonlight guide me. After soaring through the mountains, I flew down into the valley and passed by a park. The nights were cooler and a few people lingered around the basketball court and playground. Perching in a tree, I watched the humans.

My gaze caught an older couple strolling hand in hand, surrounded by their children and grandchildren. They smiled at each other and wrinkles from years of happiness had embedded on their faces. Only love passed between them. How precious that love must be to last so many years and share it with a family, their hearts growing with each addition.

In that instant, my doubts vanished. I knew what I wanted.

Through loops and turns, I flew around our mountains and stopped at a lookout point. The city lights stretched for miles. The stars were bright and looked close enough to touch.

Sitting in the dirt, I spoke to God. I told Him I loved Him and I would always be faithful, but soon, I could no longer serve Him. He didn’t answer and I didn’t expect Him to. He knew my heart. Guilt plagued me, as though I was abandoning Him, breaking my Vow, but to walk away from Abby would destroy me.

I made my choice, and when it was time, I would act on it. My desire was to be human, to grow old with Abby, to be loved by her as a man. I had to be patient. Now was too dangerous.

This spot wasn’t far from Abby’s house. I imagined us here, imagined kissing her. Would she let me? I wanted to take her here and share this spot with her. The spot on Earth where I chose her.

Through the unsolicited advice, there were a few useful ideas. Calista remembered seeing pink roses in Abby’s hospital room, which spurred Caleb to suggest flowers for Mrs. Miller, as well. Her parents seemed to like me. Mr. Miller shook my hand, and Mrs. Miller loved the flowers.

When Abby came down the stairs, the world stopped spinning and breathing didn’t seem important. My eyes caught her legs first. The smooth, sexy muscles were highlighted by heels. The dress flirted around her thighs and emphasized a tiny waist. The black dress was striking against her tanned skin. Abby’s dark hair was up, showing the curve of her neck.

Dark chocolate eyes shimmered, cheeks flushed, and her lips were pink and kissable. An erratic heartbeat grabbed my focus. Was she nervous like me? Could she tell?

Abby twisted her fingers mindlessly in the car and her breaths came faster. Reaching over, I interlaced our fingers and felt her racing pulse beat against my palm. I had already sent my gift to my hand so she wouldn’t be alarmed when my skin heated like a hot plate. I didn’t want her to be nervous, but I took it as a good sign.

I drove us to the movie theater; the parking lot was full, bustling with young people going out on their dates or group outings. And for the first time, I was one of them. After helping Abby down from the cab, I held her hand through the parking lot.

Pulling the thick glass door open for Abby, the smell of buttery popcorn blew out with the cold air. She smiled and thanked me with each chivalrous gesture like she always did. Without asking, I chose a romantic comedy, and at the concession stand, I ordered bottled waters, junior mints, and red vines. All credit went to Hannah.

Abby blinked up at me. “How did you know those were my favorite?”

My brows shot up and my pulse quickened. “Good guess?”

She squinted. “Liar.”

Crying took Abby’s attention off me and to the little boy that had lost his parents in the lobby. Abby bolted over to him, held his hand, and pulled him out of the dense crowd. Kneeling down to him, she dried his tears and stayed with him until his mother found him.

I couldn’t help but smile as I carried our goodies to her. We found our seats, I threw the armrest up, and Abby snuggled against me. I found any excuse to touch her, lean into her, and during the movie, I held her hand in my lap. All my concentration went into those tiny fingers and how they would twirl in my hair, if I would kiss her tonight and how her lips would feel against mine. My first kiss.

When the house lights came back on, I found her warm eyes. “Did you like the movie?”

She nodded. “Did you?”

My lips quirked to the side. “I don’t know. I was distracted.”

Abby’s eyes widened.

I tugged her hand and said, “Let’s go, I’m starving.”

“Even after eating all the candy?”

My face fell. I guess I had. “Sorry.”

She laughed. “It’s fine, I’m just teasing.”

The sun began its late descent, allowing the moon to have its turn. I drove and she didn’t ask where, letting me guide our date.

From Calista, I knew Abby loved Chinese food along with her favorite restaurant. It struck me how much I had missed, that I didn’t have to be lost all these years. I could have been in Abby’s life, waiting for her. I could have been happier knowing her.

Pulling into the lot, Abby turned in her seat. “How did you know I love Chinese food?”

“Good guess?” I smirked.

“Double liar!”

Having beaten the large crowds, we were seated as we stepped inside. The hostess put our menus down as I pulled Abby’s chair out and helped her in. I did catch the hostess giving Abby an approving nod before leaving the table. We ordered a couple of different entrées and shared them.

Conversation flowed with Abby. She genuinely enjoyed being around my family and had tried to get to know us better. I felt terrible keeping secrets from her, for lying, each of us did. She accepted we were uncomfortable with personal questions and refrained from asking. I knew we wouldn’t be able to keep our secret from her much longer.

I asked, “What else can’t you do like other girls?”

“What?” Surprise crossed her features.

My fork twirled the noodles into a tight ball. “Well, you said you couldn’t fast dance. What else?”

Abby shifted in her chair. “Um, you name it. I can’t climb large flights of stairs. I can’t swim very well. No hiking. Scary movies can be a challenge, but I don’t like them anyway. Oh, and running is out of the question, you’ve seen the result first hand.”

I nodded, committing the list to memory. “Good to know.”

Abby pursed her lips. “I still don’t know how I was able to dance with you the other night.”

Questions were mounting in her head and the guilt churned my stomach. “Maybe I’m your lucky charm.”

“Maybe.” The word was filled with doubt.

I leaned across the table. “You should add that to my résumé.”

She laughed and I felt the tension ease. “It’s getting pretty long. Soon, I won’t have any room left.”

“Hmm, good point.” I shrugged. “You’ll have to make it two pages, then.”

“Deal.”

After dinner, I caught her eyeing the dessert menu. “We’re not eating dessert here.”

“The impossible happened. Your stomach is full.”

I averted my gaze. “No, we’re eating dessert. But not here.” My answer made her smile.

Abby excused herself to the ladies’ room. On the way, she helped an elderly woman who was having a hard time with her walker. It seemed absurd, but as soon as Abby left the table, I missed her. She was in the restroom for some time, but when she came out, I realized why and my heart swelled to fill my chest. She was waiting for the old woman, to hold the door for her. Abby never shied away from helping someone in need.

Standing, I helped her into her seat and couldn’t break my eyes away from her.

“What?” Abby touched her face. “Is something wrong?”

I smiled. “No, nothing is wrong. Everything is right. I can’t believe I am actually here with you tonight. You’re breathtaking, Abby. I am blessed to know you.”

Her cheeks stained pink and I took her hand and kissed it before guiding her out of the restaurant. My smile wasn’t going anywhere.

29

Abby

Time was ticking fast and it seemed to take an eternity to get to our last destination. We had two and a half hours left. He drove us into the mountains and up winding roads, and I didn’t have a clue where we were. He stopped on a hill overlooking the city. Gazing out the windshield, it looked familiar, but I knew I had never been here before. Maybe it was on a postcard? My stomach churned and blood drained from my face. No.
My dream
. This was where we were in my dream. I sat petrified in my seat. I was going crazy.

“What’s wrong?” he asked panicked.

I knotted my fingers. “Uh, nothing.”

“No, it’s something. You want to leave. You’re uncomfortable here with me.” He put the gear into reverse.

I threw my hand over his. “No! This spot is amazing. Can you overlook this one odd moment tonight and we can leave it for another day? Better yet, forget it totally?”

Xander put the gear back into park and leaned over the console. “Abby, let’s get one thing clear. There isn’t one moment tonight I am going to overlook or forget.”

He hopped out of the cab leaving me breathless. The radio played soft country music and the back door opened. I looked behind me to see what he was doing.

“No peeking!” he instructed.

I turned, grinning.

Three minutes passed and my leg was shaking. There was a jangling of ice in a cooler and fabric moving. He was killing me, what was he doing? Xander appeared at my door and helped me down. He didn’t allow me to step forward as his body pressed against mine. Xander’s gaze went to the diamond earrings my parents gifted me for my birthday. His fingers grazed my ear and tingles shot down to my toes. “Those are pretty. Are they new?”

“Yes,” I stated.

“You got a new bracelet yesterday and now new earrings. Is there something I should know? Do you have a secret admirer?” he asked.

“No.” I could play the one-word answer game, too.

He nodded and smiled. I knew this smile. He had a secret. “Okay. Close your eyes.”

I looked down. “Xander, I’m in heels in the dirt.”

In a blink, air rushed by my ears and I was cradled in Xander’s arms. The corner of his mouth tipped up and my heart stuttered. I decided to heck with it and looped my arms around his neck, happy that it was dark and he couldn’t see me blush.

He huskily rumbled, “Okay, now close your eyes.”

The world shut off and my heart raced. He moved with such grace, I only felt slight jostles with his steps and he set me down as though I would break.

Xander held onto my hips and whispered in my ear, “Open.” We were standing on a thick blanket, two cupcakes waited for me, alight with candles. His chin perched on my shoulder. “Happy birthday, Abby.”

Okay, I hated my birthday and all birthday related items, but this was the most absolute, sweetest thing anyone had ever done for me. I fought to keep my mouth closed as I peered up to him, and our lips were less than an inch away. “How did you know? Are you a mind reader?”

He fidgeted and I swore his fingers cinched my hips a fraction tighter. “Can we also file this one under the ‘another day’ category and leave it at that?” His beautiful smile mixed with a grimace, eyes pleading.

I spun and threw my arms around his neck.

His chest and arms shook around me, laughing. “I’ll take this as a thank you?”

I nodded.

“You’re most welcome.” He guided me down to the blanket on my knees. In each of his hands, a cupcake rose to my eye level. “Make your wish.”

I could have wished for a new heart, or at least for mine to be stronger. I could have wished for Xander to open up to me and tell me his secrets, but there was one thing my heart desired. I closed my eyes and blew out the candles.

He removed the candles and held up the cakes. “Chocolate or Vanilla?”

I grappled with the decision. “Vanilla!”

Smiling, Xander handed me the cake with rainbow sprinkles. It was delicious, homemade, possibly. He also produced two bottled waters from the cooler in the back of his SUV, which I was thankful for after the rich treat.

He pulled me out of my stargazing. “What was your wish?”

My nose scrunched. “I can’t tell you, it won’t come true.”

His head tilted. “Come on, really?”

“Really. I want it to come true. It’s bad luck.”

He looked to the candles as if he could commune with them and get his answer. After a long moment, he said, “If I guess it, will you tell me?”

I was crazy to agree to this. “Well, we need limits.”

He smiled and sat up straight, excited by the challenge. “What kind of limits?”

“A limit of how many guesses you get.”

His face turned serious, but his eyes were playful. “Five.”

I scoffed. “I’m not giving you five guesses. Two.”

“Three,” he countered.

“Deal. If you guess my wish right in three guesses or less, I’ll tell you if you’re right.”

Nodding, he said, “Okay. I actually only need one guess.”

“You’re that confident, huh? One guess?”

He leaned in closer. “Well, I get three. You promised.”

“Okay. So?” I waited.

His brows rose. “Oh, look who’s eager now.”

I inched closer to his face. “I want to see you crash and burn, Wright.”

Laughing, he shook his head. “Oh, I’m gonna win this one, Miller.” He grinned from ear to ear and his tone was confident. I was nervous he would guess it. Xander stood and held out his hands. “Stand up.”

A slow song came on the radio, one of my favorites. The Eli Young Band’s “Say Goodnight.”

“Dance with me?” he asked.

I grinned up at him. “Your first guess?”

“No, it’s a request.”

Standing, I waited for him to take the lead like we slow danced before. His eyes shot to my hands, then guided them behind his head. His arms linked around me, pulling me close, our bodies pressing against each other.

I asked, “Is this how a gentleman dances with a lady?”

“Nope.” Xander pinched his brows. “Who told you I was a gentleman?”

“My mistake.”

I was happy not to behave like a gentleman and a lady anyway. Gazing into his eyes, I studied each shade of green and brown in them and counted his long eyelashes. My heart beat wildly and there was no way he couldn’t feel it. In a daring move, my fingers stretched, curling into his dark, soft hair, just long enough to grab hold. I’d wanted to do that for so long. His body tensed and he held his breath. Crap, I overstepped my boundaries. I misread him. Maybe he was one of those guys who didn’t like his hair touched.

Bending over farther, Xander’s chin brushed my cheek and his soft lips grazed my ear. “Abby, I want to make my guess now.”

“Take your best shot.”

With a step back, he studied me. “You sure?”

“Yep,” I said with forced confidence. My one thought was how perfect this moment would be for a kiss with the two of us on top of a mountain, isolated from the rest of the world, only seen by the twinkling Heavens above.

Xander closed the unwanted millimeters separating us, and one hand tilted my face up to his. His body pressed up against mine, his face an inch away. Xander’s eyes locked onto my lips, his even breaths contrasted to my fast, shallow pants. My stomach did funny dips and twirls as I watched him bring his mouth down to mine, not wanting to miss a moment. Hazel eyes closed behind almond sheets. His fresh from the clouds scent filled my senses and took me over. I let my eyes shut, immersing myself in him.

Full lips brushed against mine, feather soft. The warm skin lifted and my lips cooled in his absence. They came back to mine, firmer the second time, but still so tender. His lips overlapped mine and they stayed longer. They lifted again and came back a third time, molding to me. Xander’s breath warmed over my face, the hand holding my chin left, and his arms tugged me tight to his chest.

Everything but him slipped away. The ground disappeared beneath me and the night sounds silenced, focusing on the tingles shooting from his lips down to my toes. Warmth bloomed inside me, something only he did to me. Gripping his bulky arms for an anchor, my heart pounded with the realization of my wish coming true. It was happening. I was kissing the man from my dreams. Alexander Wright was kissing me!

Thinking it wasn’t possible, Xander held me tighter and his mouth demanded more. His tongue swept over my lips and my mouth opened to his silent plea. A sweet, velvety tongue searched for mine, gliding in, and teased my senses. Our lips locked as though they belonged together. At that moment, I knew I was meant to kiss these lips for the rest of my life.

His strong, steady heart beat in stark contrast to my fast rhythm. Xander’s breaths remained even while mine found speed. His entire body radiated heat, warming me in the already hot air. My heart rate and breaths slowed down as though I was getting used to his touch, which seemed impossible. All sense of time was lost to me—minutes, hours, and days could have passed. I didn’t care. I only wanted to feel him around me, his muscled everything touching my body, full lips entwined with mine.

My hands went back into his hair, weaving the thick strands between my fingers. My heart pounded again and my breaths came shallow.

Stopping, Xander rested his chin on my forehead. I took the moment to calm myself down. Xander peered through the open back of the SUV and grinned.

“What’s that smile for?” I asked.

His face returned to less than an inch away from mine. “Two reasons. One, we still have time.”

“And the other?”

His eyes twinkled. “Two, I guessed right. Right?”

Hanging my head, I peeked up through my lashes. “Yes.”

I was sure he could see my blush. He grinned, outwardly pleased with himself.

I arched a brow. “Okay, smarty pants. What if you were wrong? You totally put yourself out there.”

“Even if I guessed your wish wrong, I at least would get my wish.” His voice sounded deeper and gruff. “I told you, either way I would win.”

Xander’s gaze shot back to my lips. Faster than my eyes could register, his mouth was back on mine. He moved with urgency and desire, like he was restraining himself before, now releasing all of his passion into this kiss. Welcoming the intensity, I threw my arms around his neck. This kiss wasn’t tender or sweet. He was starved, hungry, devouring me. Ten fingers gripped me tighter, held me closer, as though he couldn’t get enough of me.

Warm need exploded through me, an ache for him that settled deep in my belly. His hands roamed as though they were trying to remember every angle and curve to my back. Our tongues danced together, my breaths came faster, my pulse quickened. I tried to calm down, tried to focus on something else, but it wasn’t possible with him kissing me like this. As though they had a mind of their own, my fingers threaded into his hair again. A groan rolled within his throat.

The world slanted like I was standing on a moving platform and I was slipping off it. My legs shook, pain crept into my chest over my fast heart, and I couldn’t feel his hair in my hands anymore.

Silently, I cursed. My pills were in the SUV and my dad’s warning played through my mind. Why did I have to ruin this night? Why couldn’t I have the perfect date with the guy I was in love with, who finally kissed me? The pain was too much and my heart was pounding too fast. I broke away, fighting for air, and my fingers dug into his arms.

I choked out, “Xander.” My legs disappeared from under me.

He gasped. “Damn it! Abby, I’m sorry!”

Xander laid me down on the blanket and put his hand on my chest. It was warm, almost hot. This should have been odd, but it wasn’t. He was cursing at himself, mumbling something about “light.” I couldn’t hear. Looking up, his eyes came into focus and my body relaxed. His face contorted with guilt.

I’d seen it now, firsthand; he had the power to heal my heart.
Just like my nightmare
. How the hell did he do that? How did I know he could do that? This was faster than my pills, a lot faster and more effective, too. I should have asked, I should have demanded answers. Who stopped heart attacks with a touch? Was this why we were able to dance the other night? Did Xander have some strange mutant power? Somehow, I trusted him completely. With all of my being, I knew he would never hurt me.