To Fall (The To Fall Trilogy Book 1) (21 page)

At the moment, though, what ran through my mind was that I ruined it for us. I just wanted to be normal, to do what other girls could do and kiss her first boy. And I had an attack in the middle of it. Without a doubt, he’d kissed lots of girls. He was a…great kisser.

The look on his face said it all. He regretted kissing me. He wouldn’t ask me out again. He wouldn’t come to my house anymore or sit with me at lunch. He wouldn’t be my friend.

He wouldn’t fall in love with me.

Pinching my lip between my teeth, I closed my eyes. There was nowhere to look to avoid him. A thumb traced my lip. Emotion clogged my throat and tears threatened to come. It was so hard to fight it. With one soft whisper of my name, he undid me, and tears flowed from their prison. My hands slammed over my face to hide from him. “Xander, I’m sorry. I ruin everything.”

“No, Abby, no.”

The ground left me and I was in his arms. He pulled my hands down and warm lips kissed my tears away. I opened my eyes to a soft cloth and grabbed it to dab my face. Once I stopped crying, I realized what I was using and stared at it.

He looked at me, sheepishly. “What?”

“Guys don’t carry handkerchiefs anymore.” It was a half-laugh, half-cry.

He blinked at me. “Yes, they do.”

“Let me rephrase, guys under sixty don’t carry handkerchiefs anymore.”

He nodded. “Okay, you have me there.”

“I don’t know what to do with it.”

Taking it from my hand, he chucked it behind his head and I laughed. He traced something on my face with his fingers. “You didn’t ruin anything. It’s my fault.”

“No, please. Don’t apologize, I’ll cry again.”

“Abby—”

I whispered, “No. It’s me. It’s always me. And now…” I frowned unable to say it.

He tugged my chin up. “And now what?”

“You won’t kiss me like that again.” Embarrassed, the tears came crawling back.

Guilt riddled his face. “Abby, it is my fault. I was distracted and I went too far. I underestimated how much I wanted to kiss you. I have for some time, but actually kissing you is pretty damned incredible.”

“Xander,” I pleaded.

A thought tumbled around in his mind, and he broke out in a bright smile. “Okay, I’ll admit, I want to kiss you like that again, every single day, every moment I’m with you. So…we’re gonna have to practice, Abby. A lot of practice. I mean, we really need to dedicate ourselves. Are you prepared for that?”

I nodded, perhaps with too much enthusiasm and a goofy grin on my face. His laugh was deep and hearty, echoing through the mountains.

Laying me down on the blanket, he hovered, careful not to crush me underneath him and I kicked off my heels. He wrapped his arms around me, enveloping me with his body. His kiss was soft and slow, exploring, but restrained. I was lost to him. Time elapsed into the unknown.

A quiet ringing sound came from nearby. Pulling his phone out, he groaned and threw it on the blanket. His mouth dipped, lacing kisses up my neck, and I craned for more. “Times up,” he whispered against my neck, but he didn’t move away from me.

With a deep breath in, Xander stood and lifted me with him. I helped fold the blanket and pick up our trash. He closed the back of the SUV and helped me into the cab. Keeping the door open, he watched as I put my heels on, then planted his warm lips on my knee, and wrapped his hand around my calf. I wasn’t breathing.

He threw me a shy smile. “You do have incredible legs, Abigail Miller.”

Xander held my hand the entire drive home, skimming my knuckles, driving me crazy. When we pulled up to my house, there were twenty minutes to spare. Man, he was good.

“Xander, thank you for tonight. Heart attack aside, it was the best night of my life.”

He grinned. “I do have one more surprise.” He pulled out a small wrapped gift from the console. “Open.”

I ripped off the pink wrapping to reveal a square jewelry box. Inside was a ring, platinum maybe. The band was thin, and its center was beautifully engraved with two hands clasping a crowned heart and the sides were etched by whimsical, connected hearts.

Taking the ring from the box, he said, “This is called a Claddagh ring. I’m not Irish, but I always appreciated its symbolism.” Fingering the design, he explained, “The crown represents loyalty, that I shall be devoted to you. The hands denote friendship, to be by your side through both sorrow and joy. The heart signifies love. That I may cherish you and the happiness you bring me.” His eyes met mine, wide and pleading. “Abigail Miller, will you accept my promise of loyalty, friendship, and love? Will you be mine? My girlfriend?”

I nodded and shouted, “Yes!” If I busted his eardrum, he didn’t seem to care. He wasted no time and slipped the band on my right ring finger with the heart facing me. His lips met mine in a deep kiss but stopped and smiled. He pulled something out of his pocket and a flash of platinum appeared on his finger. The match to my ring, but his band was wider, masculine.

He touched my ringed finger. “Facing this way means your heart is taken. You’ve taken my heart, Abby. It’s yours.”

Bringing my finger to his lips, he kissed it. He put so much thought into tonight, to make my birthday special. It was so moving to see the match to my ring on his hand, a statement to the world that I had his heart. He was mine.

Reaching for me, Xander pulled me out of my seat with ease and set me in his lap. We kissed again, cherishing the few minutes we had left. He snuggled into my neck and stroked my leg, making tiny circles with his thumb on my outer thigh. I could fall asleep here, never having felt so protected or comforted before than I did in his arms.

“Xander, can I see you tomorrow?”

“Hmm?” He groaned. “Uh, tomorrow I can’t. I told Caleb I would do something with him.”

I fought my disappointment. I did occupy his entire Saturday night. “It’s okay.”

“I’ll pick you up Monday, though, bright and early.”

I nodded.

He opened the driver’s side door, carried me with him as though I weighed less than the cloudy air around him, and he set me down. He took my hand and led me to the front door. The curtains moved. Mom. I could imagine Dad hissing at her to sit down. Xander and I passed the threshold with my parents waiting for us on the couch. The curtains still swayed behind us.

“Hi, kids, how was the movie?” Mom’s tone was loud enough to constitute yelling.

I kept my tone low to demonstrate my inside voice. “It was good, Mom.”

Her eyes flitted between Xander and me. Dad nudged her to tone down the smile.

Xander bid my parents goodnight and I went back outside to his car again. It was becoming our ritual.

He kissed me one last time on the lips. “Dream a good dream of me tonight?”

“Deal.”

30

Abby

Sunday morning, I woke to a text from Xander and smiled at the pink roses on my dresser.

Xander:
Any good dreams?

After examining my new ring and thinking about the match on his tanned finger, it hit me. I had my first date, my first kiss, and my first boyfriend. Holy crap.

During my shower, I thought over my response. Just thinking about texting him sent the butterflies in my stomach wild.

Me
:
I did, but it didn’t compare to the real thing.

Downstairs, the sound of cartoons filled the otherwise quiet air, and two blonde heads peeked over the couch cushions. From the amount of crumbs littering the counter, they must have eaten breakfast.

“How was your date, Abby?” Emma’s curls didn’t move within their tangled heap.

“It was fun.”

Olivia’s head whipped around. “What do you do on a date?”

“Xander took me to a movie and dinner.”

Emma gripped the cushion. “Did you kiss?”

Four blue eyes widened.

Mom poked her head into the room. “Girls, I told you to get your laundry baskets. I can’t send you to school naked. It’s against the dress code and grossly unsanitary.”

The twins bolted from the couch and ran upstairs with Bozo following them, pounding the ceiling over our heads.

Mom grimaced. “One day those two are going to knock the ceiling fan down with those feet.”

I relaxed, escaping another embarrassing question from the twins. After eating cold cereal, I texted Melanie and Beth. Mel was thrilled for me to have my first kiss and she wanted the details, but I kept it vague and left the Abby-attack out. In no way did I want her to reciprocate with Tyler details. Boundaries had to be set. She was going to see him again today, and it occurred to me they spent all their time together now. A thought warmed me that maybe Xander and I would be that way soon.

Beth was happy for us and she thanked me for leaving out the particulars.

Mom and I cleaned the house. By some miracle, I had the lighter chores. Maybe she was riding on the tail of my post-date high. After lunch, my cell phone buzzed with another text.

Xander:
I am missing my girlfriend. I wish I were with you today.

Girlfriend. I was Xander’s girlfriend. I had a boyfriend. My smile wasn’t going anywhere today.

Me:
Me, too. What are you doing?

Xander:
Caleb needed help with a car he’s restoring. He calls it brother-bonding time. I call it free labor time.

Me:
I’m with you. Helping mom clean the house.

The rest of the day was a blur and I spent most of it replaying last night, gazing at my new ring. It was possible I cleaned the twins’ bathtub twice. It needed it anyway. After dinner, I excused myself, scrubbed my face clean, combed my hair, and brushed my teeth. Picking out a cute dress for tomorrow, my cell phone buzzed and I smiled.

Xander:
Dream of me tonight?

Me:
It’s been a whole day. I don’t remember what you look like anymore.

Xander:
Nonsense. No one could forget my stunning good looks.

He wasn’t wrong. I could picture him fine.

Me:
Well, the guy on the Mr. Clean bottle was looking pretty hot.

Xander:
Would you like me to shave my head?

Me:
NO!!! I love you the way you are.

I pressed send and realized what I typed. Oh crap. I didn’t mean to put “love.” He didn’t text me back and my stomach hit bottom.

Me:
Figure of speech and lack of proofreading? I didn’t mean to freak you out.

Nothing.

Way to go, idiot! I did love him, but I wasn’t going to tell him, not this soon anyway. And I wasn’t going to be the first one to say it.

The doorbell rang. A glance to the clock read 8:30 p.m. We didn’t get people at the door this time of night. I figured it was a neighbor. There were muffled voices, someone on the stairs, and a knock on my door.

Mom poked her head into my room. “There’s someone here to see you.”

I looked at the clock for emphasis. “Who?”

She smiled in answer. Oh, I didn’t know what to say to him. How could I have been so stupid? I checked myself in the mirror. Good enough.

I descended the stairs, dreading what he would say. Xander stood in the foyer, wearing flip-flops, jean shorts, and a snug blue T-shirt. His hair was damp and smelled like a musky cloud. The most important thing about him—he wasn’t smiling.

Looking down to me, his face was impassive. “Come outside?”

I swallowed hard to his cold tone.

My feet felt wooden and weighed down as I followed him to the SUV. I was soon to be Abigail Miller, the girl with that heart thing and Alexander Wright’s ex-girlfriend after less than twenty-four hours. I twirled the ring around my finger. Would he ask for it back? Would he let me down easy? Would he say:
I don’t feel that way about you
or
this was moving too fast
? My stomach hurt and my heart ached.

He pulled his cell phone out and studied the screen.

My gaze stayed down. I ruined everything in a span of five seconds. Tears pricked my eyes and my throat felt thick. “Xander. I—” I choked up, at a complete loss of words. With a racing heart, my breaths shortened, and his feet tilted in my vision.

He pulled my face up with hot hands and my heart calmed down with whatever powers he had. Xander’s lips quirked up and his eyes sparkled. “You said the L-word first. It’s out there now.”

He was playing with me? My cheeks caught fire and he laughed. I didn’t think he had any idea I was ready to pass out because of a text.

“I was already on my way over here, Abby. I’ve been thinking about you all day and I needed to kiss you goodnight. I’m sorry. I couldn’t pass up the opportunity to tease you.” He wagged the text message at me.

“Tease? You scared the hell out of me!” I slugged his rock of an arm and noticed the slight movement as his shoulder rolled back—it wasn’t to avoid being hit, more like he was trying to save my hand. How strong was he?

Xander held his hands up in defeat. “I’m sorry. If it makes you feel any better, I love the way you look, too.” He picked me up so we were eye to eye. His head dipped to my neck, electricity shot down my back, and all the questions on my tongue vanished. Between kisses, he said, “In fact, I love the way you move, the way you slow dance, the way you hold my hand, the way you feel in my arms, and I
really
love the way you kiss.” His lips found their way to mine and kissed me.

When he pulled away, my brow lifted. “You said slow dance.”

“Yeah, we’re gonna have to work on the fast dancing.”

With another slug to his arm, he laughed again and kissed me one last time. “See you in the morning, beautiful.”

I watched him drive away and made a mental note never to press send too quickly. Ever again.

Right on time in the morning, Xander’s knuckles rapped on the front door. He complimented my outfit after a kiss. I loved the attention he gave me. He took every opportunity to tell me I was beautiful. During the drive, I traced the metal etchings around his finger and he smiled. His new ring should have felt foreign, but it didn’t.

Melanie and I were dealing with the same issue, but with different girls. Rachel and her group were giving Mel a hard time and I was getting the same treatment from Danielle and her supporters, but Mel gave it more attention than I did. I thought she was a little insecure because Tyler wasn’t particularly vocal about his feelings for her.

I arrived at the Union for lunch, Hannah pushed her way between Xander and me, and Calista appeared on my other side. He frowned at them. Calista and Hannah peppered me with questions about our date. Either Xander was tightlipped about the details or they wanted to hear my version of the events. Xander and Caleb huddled over parts they needed to order for their restoration project.

Hannah’s eyes twinkled like bright emeralds. “Did your heart hold up okay with our Alexander?”

At first, I was surprised they knew about my heart condition, but Caleb probably saw my pill bottle when he and Xander saved me by the canal. “Not so much, actually.” I winced. “I thought I would need an ambulance, but Xander seems to know the key to saving my life.”

Xander let out a nervous laugh—he was listening to our conversation. Caleb squinted at his younger brother as if he were cautioning him, and I felt that familiar tension enter.

Calista began to clean up the trash from the Wrights’ lunch surplus. “Oops, it’s time for class.”

Before Xander could come around the table, the girls tugged me away.

Calista pointed to herself and Hannah. “You know we helped pick out the rings.”

Xander grumbled, “Oh, here we go.”

Hannah threw a smirk at her brother. “Yeah, he was so nervous we had to set up the entire date for him.”

Xander’s jaw clenched and it looked like he was counting clouds.

Caleb threw an arm around Xander’s shoulders. “Yellow? Did you go with yellow roses for Mrs. Miller?”

Calista asked, “How were my cupcakes?”

Xander’s nose flared.

“And the movie?” Hannah hooked her arm through Xander’s.

My sweet Xander, he wanted our night to be so wonderful, he had help from his siblings and now they were teasing him. Stopping, I said, “I love our rings. My mom was so happy to get the yellow roses. The cupcakes were delicious, and the movie was great.” I looked to Xander. “But the company was perfect.”

“Aahs” broke out and Xander’s brilliant smile replaced his scowl.

Hannah abandoned Xander’s arm and looped hers in mine. “We’re so excited for you both, Abby. I’ve never seen Alexander this happy before.”

That couldn’t be true. They were just being nice. With one last look over my shoulder to Xander, he was still smiling.

I settled into my biology seat and Will tapped my finger. “Whatcha got there, Miller?”

“Oh, it’s um, Alexander Wright and I are…” I must have been bright red.

He nodded. “Ah, I see. You guys are going steady?”

“Do people say,
steady
?”

He sat back in his chair and looked up as though the answer was on the ceiling. “Huh, I don’t know. I wouldn’t know, not my kind of thing.”

“Yeah, you need a heart first,” I quipped and backhanded the middle of his chest.

“Yes, you do.” He looked down his shirt and shrugged. “And I seem to be lacking one.”

This week we were dissecting a pig and we named ours “Oinkers.” Will gave him a proper English accent and it politely asked us to stop removing organs from his body. As we hacked into Oinkers, Will shared his stories of the new hiking trails he found, and a rattlesnake encounter that may have included him squealing like a girl. That detail was vague.

Will was wrong; he had a heart and would make any girl happy.

In cooking class, Mrs. Bradley was short on supplies, so she paired us up. Greg knocked on my cabinet and asked if he could come over and play. After I laughed, he stepped inside our small space and took up most of it. Jake paired with Sophie, and Xander had Mark. Xander flashed me a wary look from his kitchen. I didn’t think he liked being out of hero distance.

Greg seasoned the ground beef for the meatloaf and readied our supplies while I chopped. Mincing the garlic, I might have included some of the thin skin with it. Greg wasn’t too concerned. I began chopping the onion the way Mrs. Bradley showed us. The vertical cuts were hard, but I did okay, maybe a little uneven. I positioned the knife for the horizontal cut and drove it through. I realized, much too late, I had my hand in the wrong place and the blade slid across my palm.

I was right by the sink and threw everything inside, letting the water run over my cut. Using the soap, the burn was sharp and deep. The bleeding wouldn’t stop and I couldn’t see how bad the cut was. “Greg, can you hand me a clean towel, please.”

His eyes widened when he towered over me. “Ouch, Abby. Xander, it happened! Your girl’s wounded. Sorry, man, I looked away for a second.” Everyone knew I was a mess in the kitchen, but Greg must have had a secret understanding to watch over me for his friend. Guy code?