To Have and To Hold (16 page)

mother to speak to her?

Katie laughed, but it struck Mary as more of a cackling sound than a pleasant one. “It’s an

easy mistake. I’m sure if you remembered us, you’d know how to tel the difference between

me and Leah.”

“Probably.”

“Wel , I don’t blame Dave for taking a walk,” Grace spoke up. “It’s a lovely day, and it’s not too

hot. I almost envy him. Calvin took the children to visit Thomas and El ington at the mercantile.

They’re our brothers who own the store. I should have gone with them, especial y since I could

pick up some items.”

“Nonsense,” Katie replied with a wave of her hand. “I can go. I have nothing else to do since

my husband took my son fishing.” Turning to Mary, she added, “They go fishing often.”

“That’s nice.” Mary wondered why she was being friendly to her al of the sudden. If first

impressions were to be believed, then she was assured Katie didn’t care much for her. She

glanced at Grace whose eyebrows furrowed, but Grace didn’t say anything or make eye

contact with her so Mary had no idea what to make from Katie’s sudden kindness.

“What do you need from the store, Mother?” Katie asked.

Mary dared a peak in her mother’s direction and didn’t know if she was relieved or disappointed

when her mother didn’t bother glancing her way. “I’l make a list.”

Her mother stood up and headed out of the parlor, stil not giving Mary any indication that she

saw her. Mary looked out the window in case her sisters detected the tears wel ing up in her

eyes. She didn’t like feeling as if she were a wayward child. She understood this was how she

often felt in this house, and as much as it hurt, the resentment at being treated in such a way

was growing stronger than the humiliation of displeasing her mother.

“I should go with her,” Katie said and got to her feet. “She’l forget something.”

After she left, Grace eased out of her chair and walked over to Mary. Leaning forward so no

one would overhear, she whispered, “What’s wrong? Did you and Dave have a fight?”

The concern in Grace’s voice broke Mary’s resolve. She covered her face in her hands, hoping

she didn’t cry loud enough for Katie or her mother to hear.

“Maybe we should go upstairs,” Grace softly said, wrapping her arm around Mary’s shoulders

and helping her up.

“No, I don’t want to go back up there,” Mary quietly argued, wiping her tears away. “I won’t be

sent to my room like a misbehaving child.”

Her jaw dropped. “Mary, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it like that. You haven’t done anything

wrong. I just thought you’d like some privacy.”

She studied her sister’s face and decided Grace meant it. “Forgive me, Grace. I shouldn’t

have said that to you.”

“It’s alright.” Grace glanced around the house and motioned to the door. “Let’s go outside. We

can take that path we used to walk when we were children.”

“Is it away from town?” Even if she wanted to see Dave, she was afraid he wouldn’t be happy

with her right now so she thought it best to delay the moment.

“Yes.”

Mary agreed. After Grace grabbed their bonnets, they put them on and hurried out the front

door before Katie or their mother saw them. As soon as they were down the porch steps, they

veered away from the businesses and headed for the wooded area. It was strange to look

around and not see hil s in the distance like she was used to seeing in Nebraska. They walked

in silence as they made their way past the last house in the town limits.

The trees marking the wooded area seemed familiar to Mary. “I think I recognize this place.”

“You do?”

“Wel , not directly, but I get a feeling of peace with it.”

“We had many walks through here, and sometimes it was because we were upset. I believe

you soothed me more often than I soothed you, though.”

“Why, Grace? What happened to upset us?”

Clasping her hands behind her back, she shrugged. “It’s hard to remember since it was years

ago, but they were minor things. I had a tendency to overreact. Like the time when I tripped

and showed my ankle to the boys at school. I should have realized it was an accident and

everyone understood that, but I was horrified al the same. If it’d been winter, I would have had

boots on and it would have been far less embarrassing. Or there was the time when I forgot to

do my homework and had to sit in the corner of the schoolhouse. You were always there for

me. No matter what happened, I knew I could talk to you.”

Mary smiled. “We were close, weren’t we?”

“Yes. Then I married Calvin and had to move to New Jersey where he got a better paying job.

It was hard to leave because I knew we wouldn’t see each other anymore, except for funerals

and weddings.” When her eyes met Mary’s, there were tears in her eyes. “I stil miss you.”

“I have a feeling I miss you, too.”

With a nod, Grace continued, “I’m glad you went to Nebraska. You’re happier there, and Dave

loves you. Someone would have to be blind not to see it.”

Recal ing how upset Dave was with her before he left, she sighed. “I don’t like it when I make

him unhappy.”

“Do you want to talk about it?”

Her cheeks warmed at the reminder of her mother’s words. “There’s not much to say, real y.

Our mother—” she shrugged—“didn’t like seeing Dave and I on the porch, together.” Exhaling,

she added, “We were sharing a kiss.”

“Oh, Mother wouldn’t like that.”

That seemed to be an understatement. Their mother was adamantly opposed to it.

“Mary, I know you forgot what it was like here before, but it’s best if you don’t show any

affection with Dave while you’re here.”

“Yes, I know that now.”

“Is that why you didn’t want breakfast? Did Mother say something to you?”

Looking away from Grace as they traveled the path lined with trees and flowers, she nodded.

“I wouldn’t tel Dave, so he’s upset.” She cleared her throat. “I didn’t remember that Mother

doesn’t approve of such things, and we were alone on the porch so I didn’t think anything of it.

Besides, we often do that at home.”

“There’s nothing wrong with being affectionate with your husband, Mary. Calvin and I are more

affectionate than you’d think by watching us here. We just know Mother wouldn’t approve if we

were that way in front of her so we don’t.”

That made Mary feel better. So maybe it wasn’t her that their mother was upset with. Maybe

it was seeing her kiss Dave. If their mother would have been equal y upset with Grace or any

of their sisters, then it was the action that bothered her mother, not her.

“I’m sure once you explain the situation to Dave, he’l understand why you didn’t want to talk to

him,” Grace said as they rounded a bend in the path.

“Probably.” But there was no way she could tel him how her mother compared her to a

prostitute.

“You didn’t eat any breakfast. Do you want to get something to eat at the restaurant? I know

Mrs. Jones would love to see you again. You used to work for her, and you liked her a lot.”

“I am hungry.”

“I’l take that as a yes. This path circles most of the town, so we’re not too far from the

restaurant.”

“Grace, how long wil it take for Mother to forgive me?”

Grace didn’t answer right away, so Mary glanced at her, noting the way Grace’s eyebrows

furrowed.

“She wil forgive me, won’t she?” Mary pressed, wondering why such a thing would be difficult

for her mother. “Does she make it a habit of holding a grudge?”

“I don’t think you worded the question right.”

“How should I have worded it?”

“I think the more appropriate way to think of it is whether you should let this bother you.”

“Of course, it bothers me. I don’t like knowing I upset her any more than I like knowing I upset

Dave.”

Grace stopped and turned to face her, so Mary stopped as wel and waited for her to

continue. “Mary, while this is something that upsets our mother, it’s not something you did

wrong.”

“I realize that.”

“Wel , that’s good because you didn’t always know it. I don’t know how to explain things in a

way that makes sense since you don’t remember how it was here, but you had a tendency to

take the blame for things that weren’t your fault. I used to tel you when you didn’t need to feel

guilty, but most of the time, you didn’t listen to me. Mother has a way of doing that to people,

so I don’t fault you for this. Even I had to realize what Mother was doing before I could handle

it.”

“She did it to you, too?”

“She did it to everyone, some more than others.”

Further relieved to find out it wasn’t her personal y that her mother had a problem with, Mary let

in a deep, cleansing breath. “I think I’m beginning to understand why I didn’t keep her letters.”

“Her letters?”

“The ones she wrote me after I got married. Dave said I threw her letters out. I kept yours,

though.” She paused before adding, “You remind me of Jenny in a lot of ways. A good listener

and kind.”

“I recal the name. She’s one of Dave’s sisters.”

“Yes. I think you would like his sisters.”

“I’m sure I would.” She turned and continued their walk, so Mary fol owed. “We should get you

something to eat. I have some money in my pocket, so I’l pay for it. I hate thinking of how

long you’ve gone without food and al because our mother had to say something hurtful.”

“Do you think by lunch things wil be alright with her?”

“Worry about talking with your husband first, Mary. Our mother can wait.”

“You’re right.”

Of course, Grace was right. Mary would talk to Dave first and then try to make amends with

her mother. Feeling much better, she thought of what she might like to eat at the restaurant.

Chapter Fourteen

Mary fol owed Grace into the restaurant, where a couple of people were enjoying a cup of

coffee and reading the paper. She felt a warmth about the place and recal ed the different

foods she used to cook here. She liked it here, in this restaurant, when she worked here in the

past. Not only that, but she got the feeling it was the one place she went to where she felt

good about herself, where she mattered.

“How long did I work here?” Mary asked her sister as they sat at a table by one of the

windows.

“You started working when you were sixteen.”

Her eyebrows furrowed. “Sixteen?”

“You were already an expert cook, and everyone lined up to get your food at the potlucks.

Mrs. Jones offered you the job because you weren’t going to school anymore and…”

Surprised that her sister stopped, Mary pressed, “And what?”

Breaking eye contact, she shrugged and picked up the menu in front of her. “That’s it.”

No, it wasn’t it, but did she real y want to know? Mary studied her sister’s face, noting that she

refused to make eye contact with her. With a sigh, she lowered her gaze to her menu and tried

to read it, but the words didn’t make sense. Her mind kept going back to flashes of memories

of her time here. Memories of laughing, cooking food, someone asking for her recipe. She’d

been happy here. If she was to believe what her father told Dave and the echoes emerging

from her past, this restaurant and her time with Grace were the only things she had enjoyed.

Maybe that’s why she took the job at such a young age. But stil , why didn’t she make an

attempt to find a husband first? Were there no eligible men around?

She scanned the restaurant, noting the men were significantly older and the one who wasn’t

was probably only twenty. Looking out the window, it seemed that a couple men around her

age were out conducting business, but perhaps they’d been married already?

“Oh my! If my eyes don’t deceive me, it’s Mary!”

Turning her attention to the woman who spoke, Mary saw a plump woman with graying hair

smiling down at her.

“This is Mrs. Jones,” Grace told Mary.

Mrs. Jones nodded. “I heard you don’t remember any of us. I’m terribly sorry about the way

you got hurt, but I’m thankful it wasn’t worse. My brother fel off the porch when we were

children, and his head hit a rock.” She made the sign of the cross and sighed. “I’l never forget

that day. So praise God you’re stil with us.”

“Thank you,” Mary replied, sensing that this woman had been a pil ar of strength to her in the

past.

“I hear you married a good man out west. His name is David?”

“Yes, but he likes to be cal ed Dave.”

“Nice name. It’s a good, solid one. He’s a farmer, isn’t he?”