To Live Again (11 page)

We hadn’t even done anything physical beyond a couple of long kisses before parting ways for the night, but still. Spending the evening together, talking, enjoying the best meal I’d had in ages…

Smiling, I closed my eyes and sighed. What wasn’t to love about this? And the best part was realizing that if nights like this still existed on this side of my divorce, then there was definitely hope.

My life wasn’t over after all. If I wasn’t mistaken, it was just getting started.

Chapter Fourteen

The next evening, I gave the storage unit’s roll-up door a push, and it rumbled upward, revealing the stacks of boxes and plastic crates occupying half the bay.

“We moving all this tonight?” Sailo asked.

“No, no. I still have to get some of the bigger stuff from the house, not to mention the more expensive shit that I didn’t want to leave here.” I gestured at the stacks. “Tonight, I just wanted to grab a few things so I have some basics at the apartment. Dishes, stuff like that.”

“Good idea.”

“And it should all…” I glanced at a stack marked
move first
, and then at the open trunk of my car. “Yeah, it should all fit. I’d just as soon not make two trips if I can help it.”

“I could’ve brought the van.”

“Nah. This is fine.” I picked up the first crate. “If it doesn’t fit, I can probably live without it for a few more days.”

“All right.” He grabbed the second one. “And hey, if you need help with anything, just say so. I’ll, uh, understand if you don’t want me coming with you to get stuff from your ex’s place, though.”

That gave me pause. I hadn’t even thought of how weird it might be to bring Sailo with me to the house I’d once shared with Becky. She had her boyfriend there, but showing up with mine might make things…weird.

I set the crate in the trunk, pushing it all the way to the side to make room for the others. “There really isn’t much to take from there, so…shouldn’t be an issue.”

“Okay.” He put a crate beside the first one. “Glad to help as much as I can, though.”

“Much appreciated. I don’t think you really want to get up close and personal with the remnants of a failed marriage, though. It can get a little awkward.”

“Is it really a failed marriage?”

“Huh?” I turned to him. “Why wouldn’t it be?”

He shrugged. “You’ve never said anything nasty about her, and it sounds like you get along. You had twenty-five good years, and when it ended, it ended.”

“Which is…kind of the definition of a marriage failing. I mean, it was good, and then when it wasn’t, we called it quits.”

“But was it good for most of the time?”

I stopped, eyes losing focus for a moment. He had a point. Becky and I had shared a lot of good years—that was why the divorce had been such a tough pill to swallow. Our marriage
was
happy for a long time. “I hadn’t thought of it like that.”

Sailo picked up another box. “My aunt and uncle hate each other. They’ve been married for forty-two years, and I don’t think they’ve been happy for at least forty-one of those. But they’re still married.” He put the box in the backseat and met my gaze. “So if they’re miserable and hate each other, but you and your ex are amicably moving on with your lives, how is their marriage a successful one and yours is a failure?”

I quirked my lips. “Interesting way to look at it. I think you might be on to something.”

He shrugged, a subtle smile on his lips. “I just think it’s not as black-and-white, you know? Divorce isn’t necessarily failure, and staying married isn’t necessarily success.” He gestured past me. “Do those all go on this trip?”

I turned around and scanned the boxes. “Not this stack.” I tapped the top crate of a pile by the wall. “But these…”

We loaded up what was left, and then I shut and locked the storage unit. As I drove us out, I kept chewing on what he said. I really hadn’t thought of things that way, and it…it made sense. A lot of sense. The feeling of failure I’d had since Becky dropped the bomb suddenly seemed…silly. Maybe it was a failure on paper, but was it really if we could both move on, start over, and be happy?

I pulled out on the main road. “You mind if I ask you something personal?”

“Shoot.”

I rested a hand on the wheel and glanced at him. “Were you married before?”

“Me? Oh God, no.” He paused. “Because of my son, right?”

“I’m…yeah, just curious.”

“No, I’ve never been married. As for my son, basically my friends are a lesbian couple who wanted a baby, but they weren’t getting anywhere with the adoption process. We were all sitting around one night, and we realized that between us, we have, you know, all the necessary equipment to make one.”

I chuckled. “That’s one way to look at it.”

“Right?” Sailo laughed. “So we spent a few weeks talking about it, and then…well, Mika.”

“Ah, that makes sense.”

“I mean, we
did
go the natural way. Which was kind of amusing since they’re lesbians and I’m gay, but none of us owned a turkey baster that hadn’t been handed down by a grandmother, so—”

I burst out laughing. “You’re not serious.”

He snickered. “Nah, I’m joking about that part. But we really did do things naturally. I guess…I don’t know, every other option seemed so impersonal. And expensive, and unreliable.”

“Not that the natural way has any guarantees.”

“No, but it was a hell of a lot more fun than the alternative.” He paused. “Once we’d had a couple of glasses of wine, anyway.”

I burst out laughing. “Hey, if it works for straight couples…”

“Right?” He chuckled. “So, yeah, I know the whole thing is pretty unusual. People tell me all the time that the arrangement I have with my son’s moms is going to screw him up. But he’s got three parents who love him and have a good relationship with each other, so…” He shrugged again. “I guess I just don’t see the problem.”

I drummed my fingers on the wheel. “It sounds like it’s worked out well? Being a single parent and all?”

“Oh yeah. It’s been great.” He rested his elbow beneath the window and leaned against it. “Before that, I never really saw myself volunteering to be a single parent, but to be honest, I don’t feel like one. I’m not in a relationship with his moms, and we have joint custody, but everybody’s amicable. We spend a lot of time as a family too.”

“That’s great. And if you all are happy, and he’s happy…”

“We are.” He gazed out the windshield. “I’m glad I did it. It’s not how I imagined starting a family, but I really did want to be a father, and I’d always envisioned myself starting younger than I did. So, then I’m thirty and single, and I thought, well, at least this way I won’t be rushing into a relationship just so we can have kids before I’m forty.” He gave a quiet, somewhat bitter laugh. “Guess I was onto something—I’m thirty-seven, still single, but at least I have my son.”

I glanced at him again. “Have you had any long-term relationships?”

He shrugged. “I had a boyfriend for a couple of years, but we didn’t see much of each other toward the end. Mika was still pretty little, and my boyfriend and I were both trying to get careers off the ground, so there wasn’t time, you know?”

I nodded. I thought about asking about his other relationships, but that faint bitterness in his tone suggested this wasn’t a pleasant topic. So, I left the ball in his court while I continued down the road.

After a few blocks of silence, he asked, “Have you thought about coming out to your family? Not just your kids. Like, your parents?”

“I’m…pretty sure this would not go over well with my dad.”

“Really?”

“Yep.” Great. Now I sounded bitter too. “He’s definitely from another generation. In fact, I’d say he’s a huge part of why I didn’t let myself even think of being interested in men until later in life.”

“That bad?”

“Yep. He was the ‘don’t ever let me find out one of you boys is a sissy’ kind of dad.”

Sailo groaned, probably rolling his eyes. “Jesus.”

“Mmhmm. As for, my mom and stepdad…” I thought about them for a moment. “It’s hard to tell. They’re from the same generation as my dad, but not complete assholes about it. Quite frankly, I have no idea what my mother thinks about gay people.” I blew out a long breath, tapping my thumbs on the wheel. “They threw a fit over my daughter getting pregnant as a teenager. Except they were more upset about it after her boyfriend left. They’d have been fine if she’d married him, but the minute she was going to be on her own?” I clicked my tongue. “Suddenly she needed to think about giving the baby up.”

“Of course,” Sailo muttered.

“Once the baby got here, though, they were over the moon. I mean, seriously—show my mother a baby, and she’ll forget any negative thought she’s ever had.”

He laughed quietly. “Sounds like my mom.”

“Yeah?” I glanced at him. “She wasn’t thrilled about your son?”

“Not at first. My whole family’s had very mixed reviews about Mika. Some people think we were irresponsible, since I’m not married to his biological mother, or that I consider both of them to be his moms. There are people who are horrified over me ‘letting’ a couple of lesbians raise my kid.” He laughed. “Like I’m not involved with my son’s life.”

“Everyone has an opinion about everything, right?”

“Especially when it comes to kids.”

“Yes. Amen.”

After a few more blocks, I pulled into the parking lot at the foot of my new building.

“Well.” I put the car in park. “Here we are.”

“Sweet.” Unbuckling his seat belt, he flashed me a grin. “Let’s go have a look at your new place.”

His enthusiasm was infectious. I was actually a little excited now at the prospect of showing someone my new place.

My
new place. My own apartment for the first time ever, since I’d lived in shared dorms right up until I’d moved in with Becky.

We each grabbed a box and headed upstairs. It took a few trips from the car—I really hoped the freight elevator was fixed by this weekend—but before long, we had everything stacked neatly in the hallway leading past the kitchen and to the living room. From there, we moved boxes and crates to their respective rooms, making sure there was plenty of space to bring in and set up furniture.

This was surreal. Even more than when I’d helped my kids move into dorms, apartments, and houses. The apartment had that sterile smell of a place that had recently been cleaned, and the fresh paint on the walls was still pretty fragrant. Kind of the “new car smell,” but for apartments. The floors, walls, and counters were bare, and since the whole place was empty, it was difficult to imagine my furniture fitting in here. Intellectually, I knew it looked small because there was nothing in it, and my furniture absolutely would fit. Not that I’d brought in a tape measure and notebook or anything when I’d first come to look at the place.

I showed him around, but there wasn’t much to see at the moment. A spare bedroom that I wasn’t sure what to do with yet. A small but efficient kitchen. A living room that would feel much more enormous once it had furniture. The master bedroom, where I predicted I’d be spending a
ton
of time with Sailo.

And it was mine. Every inch of it would be to my taste. My rules.

Yes, I could get used to this.

I popped open one box and pulled out some of the various supplies I’d bought after signing the lease. I’d made a run to the grocery store for basic necessities—toiletries, laundry detergent, dishwasher soap, cleaning supplies—so I wouldn’t have to try to remember everything as I was moving in. I’d bought a new coffeepot, which I plugged in next to the microwave, and coffee, creamer, and all that. Obviously.

I’d deliberately kept a stainless pot and a frying pan in the
move first
boxes, in case I wanted some real food before I’d unpacked. Aside from those and a couple of ceramic mugs, the only dishes for now were some halfway decent paper plates and plastic utensils.

As I put the sparse cookware away, Sailo held up a small, unmarked crate. “Where do you want this?”

“Just put that in the spare bedroom for now. I’ll unpack it after all the furniture is moved in.”

“On it.” He took it back to the spare bedroom.

While he did that, I took the empty box into the living room, flattened it, and added it to the small pile to be taken down to the Dumpster.

Sailo came in a moment later, and paused to look out the bay window. “Not much of a view, is there?”

“I hadn’t even looked yet.” I joined him, and we stood in my empty living room, gazing out the window. He was right about the view. It wasn’t great—mostly another building across the street—but there were glimpses of downtown and part of Capitol Hill.

Sailo wrapped his arms around me and kissed the side of my neck. “You’re only a few blocks away from Wilde’s. This is…convenient.”

“It is, isn’t it?”

“Mmhmm. Very.”

I turned around within his embrace and decided I liked this view much better than the one out my window. “I guess I’ll have to spend a bit more time at the club, won’t I?”

“Or I can stop here on my way home from work.”

“Hmm, I do like that idea. Especially once I have furniture.”

He laughed softly. “Yeah, too bad your bed isn’t here yet.” He curved his hands over my hips. “We could christen the place tonight.”

I pressed back against him, my own cock hardening as his thickened against my ass. “Do we really need a bed?”

“No, we do not. You have a shower, right?”

I gulped. “I do…”

He licked his lips.

Shower sex had never really been my thing, but without a bed, a couch, or really any flat surface besides the floor…

“Guess now’s a good time to test the hot water, am I right?”

“Yes.” He kissed me again. “I think you’re right.”

Chapter Fifteen

The next night, Sailo shut the VIP lounge door behind us, and before the latch had even clicked, we were all over each other.

“We should just reserve this place one of these days,” I said between frantic kisses one night. “If we’re gonna keep coming up here…”

Sailo laughed against my lips as he slid his hands under my shirt. “Yeah, but this place doesn’t come cheap. And I don’t think they rent it out for what we do with it.”

“Has anybody figured out what we do up here?”

He dipped his head and kissed my neck. “You really think we’re the only ones who use it like this?”

“Big shock.”

“Right?”

“Do they actually
use
this room?” I panted. “Or do the employees just use it for, uh, private functions?”

Sailo laughed. “They have parties up here sometimes. But yeah, I think the employees use it more than anyone. I don’t even know how many times one of the bartenders has been caught up here with his husband. But I mean, his husband’s a bouncer, so they’re both here. Can’t really blame them for taking advantage.”

“I’d say we could kick them out if they ever beat us to it, but if he’s a bouncer…maybe not.”

“Eh, he’s a pussycat. Knowing them, they’d just ask us to join them.”

“Oh?” I grinned against his lips. “Might be worth a shot.”

“Mmhmm.” He started kissing his way down my neck. “And I’m pretty sure plenty of people have been up here.” He pressed a light kiss below my ear. “The shift manager and his husband had a fight a few months ago, and rumor has it, they had makeup sex up here and busted one of the tables.”

“Wow. That’s some serious makeup sex.”

He laughed, sliding his hands up my back as he kissed beneath my jaw. “It was a pretty big fight by their standards.”

“They still together?”

“Oh yeah. Jon and Liam will be together until they’re dead. But you know how it is—sometimes people argue.”

“For that kind of makeup sex, it almost sounds worth it.”

“Right?” He lifted his head and met my gaze, his eyes gleaming with lust. “But I kind of like skipping the fighting and going right to the fucking.”

“I love the way you think.”

“Thought you would.”

“Mmhmm. Come here.” He led me to the booth and took a seat, gesturing for me to join him. I’d barely settled on the bench beside him before we were kissing again, arms around each other and bodies pressed as close as they could be with all these clothes in the way.

I cupped the front of his pants, and Sailo groaned into my kiss. He put his hand over mine and pushed on it, pressing my palm against his hard-on.

“Jesus,” he breathed. “That feels…so good.”

“Bet I know what you’d like better.” I unbuckled his belt. He gripped my shoulders, kissing my neck in between hot huffs of breath across my skin. Not sure where this boldness was coming from, I ran with it, and drew down his zipper.

“God…” He squirmed against me. “Oh God.”

“Did you really think I could wait until we made it back to your place after your show?”

He just moaned softly.

“Been thinking about this nonstop since the other night,” I panted. “First time I’ve ever sucked cock. And I want to do it again.”

He pulled in a sharp breath. “By all means, don’t let me stop you.”

I grinned. So did he. I kissed him quickly, then shifted as much as I could between the table and the back of the bench, and leaned down.

Sailo swore as I took his cock between my lips. He stroked my hair, his hand trembling slightly, and moaned as I ran my tongue down the hard shaft. The salt of his skin drove me wild as I took his cock deeper into my mouth. I wasn’t sure if it was still the novelty of something so new, or if I was just that turned on by going down on a man, but sucking his dick aroused me more than I ever imagined it would.

I’d been fantasizing about him all damned day, and it was no surprise that the reality was even hotter. In no time, the pressure below my belt was getting unbearable, so I shifted a little, unzipped my pants, and stroked myself while I kept stroking and sucking him.

Oh. Shit. Wow.

The combination of turning him on and touching myself took me right back to the first few times we’d fooled around—overwhelming. Mind-altering. I didn’t even care that it was a challenge to support myself with one arm and stroke him with the other hand. It was well worth the slight awkwardness just to listen to him moan as he kneaded the back of my neck.

The confines were cramped, reminding me of the backseat of a car, and somehow that made it even hotter. It brought back all those stolen encounters when I was a teenager, when we took advantage of whenever and wherever we could. Sailo and I were adults, and we could have all the time and space we wanted—within reason—for as much kissing, touching, fucking as we could stand. But here, tonight, we didn’t have much time or much room, and someone could wander in here at any moment and catch us, and that…that was fucking
hot
.

He frantically combed his fingers through my hair, swearing under his breath as I licked and sucked him. The first night, sucking cock had been a novelty—something I was finally experiencing after years of wondering. Tonight, it was nothing short of addictive. I love the way his hard dick felt against my tongue and between my lips. The taste of his skin, the little sounds he made, the way his fingers twitched in my hair—I couldn’t get enough.

“Goddamn,” he breathed, his fingers tightening in my hair, pulling hard enough to sting my scalp. “Definitely…gonna fuck you later.”

I groaned around his cock, and he whimpered. His dick stiffened between my lips, and his breath caught, and then I was coming a second before his semen rushed across my tongue.

“Shit!” he ground out. “Oh my…
God
.”

Yeah. What you said. Fuck.

Head spinning and eyes watering, I sat up, and he immediately grabbed me by the back of the neck and kissed me.

“I was gonna suck you off,” he slurred. “You beat me to it.”

“Couldn’t wait.” I kissed him in between catching my breath. “You turn me on too much.”

“Likewise.” He pulled back, meeting my gaze. “You’re staying tonight, right? At my place after the show?” The hopefulness in his eyes made my heart speed up.

“I don’t have to be anywhere tomorrow.” I reached past him and pulled a couple of napkins from the dispenser. Wiping my hands clean, I added, “As long as you want me there, I’m happy to stay.”

“Good.” He laid his hand over my thigh. “Because I do plan to fuck you more than once.”

“I should hope so.”

“Why?” He eyed me. “You saying one time isn’t enough to satisfy you?”

“Of course I’m satisfied. I just really,
really
like it when you fuck me.”

Sailo fidgeted, as if suppressing a shiver. “Me too.” He glanced at his watch. “Okay, I have to get downstairs. Soon as the show’s over and I grab a shower, though? I am all yours.”

“Looking forward to it.”

We went back downstairs, and as he headed backstage, I found a seat at the bar.

When the show started, I ordered a Coke just to keep myself cool. That was becoming a necessity when I was watching the man who regularly took my breath away.

And I had to admit, I enjoyed the show. It wasn’t my kind of music—was I getting too old for this scene?—but the beat was catchy, and I found myself tapping my foot and nodding along.

On the dance floor, men danced close enough to make me understand where the phrase “bumping and grinding” had come from. Others made out in booths or right there on the dance floor. It didn’t take a brain surgeon to figure out that the majority of the men in this room would be getting laid before the night was over.

Any other time, I’d have been envious. Sitting here alone on a barstool, with no one’s lips on my neck or hands in my back pockets, I’d have been wishing I had the nerve to find someone and break the ice.

But not tonight. Because my lips were still tingling from kissing Sailo and sucking him off. Because I could still feel his hands all over me. And watching him—watching the stage lights flicker across his bare, sweaty arms, playing with the lines of his tattoo and the contours of his muscles—I couldn’t believe he’d be all mine later on.

But he would be. Because after his show was over, and everyone else either kept on dancing or went home with whoever they were bumping and grinding with, I was going home with the deejay.

The hot, insatiable, incredibly sexy deejay.

And I definitely needed to thank Ethan and Rhett for bringing me to Wilde’s in the first place.

* * * * *

My body ached all over. Rolling over in Sailo’s bed, I felt every last thing we’d done here last night. Every move ignited twinges in muscles that still weren’t used to having this much sex anymore, and every twinge brought a grin to my lips.

We’d moved apart during the night, as we always did, and he was on his side, facing away from me and snoring softly. I slid toward him and molded myself to him.

He stirred a little, pressing back against me.

I kissed his neck. “Morning.”

“Is it?”

“Mmhmm.”

He stretched, and grunted softly. “Goddamn, I am sore.”

“Tell me about it.” I nibbled his earlobe. “You weren’t kidding about getting as much out of me as possible before the weekend, were you?”

Sailo laughed, his stubble hissing across the pillowcase. “Did you think I was?”

“Nope.” I kissed the back of his shoulder. “I was sure hoping you weren’t.”

He shifted a bit, so I drew back to let him roll over. As soon as he settled on his other side, facing me, I draped my arm over him.

“Too bad we can’t just do this all day,” he said.

“Mmhmm.”

“I’d suggest meeting up tonight, but I’ll be home late. I’ll probably just come in the door and collapse.” He trailed his fingertips along my unshaven jaw. “So, I won’t be good company. In fact, I won’t be around much this whole week, unfortunately. But I
will
be here first thing next Sunday to help you move.”

“I really appreciate it.” I combed my hand through his hair. “I’ve got the rest of the guys helping bright and early, so don’t feel like you need to be there as soon as the sun comes up.”

“I’ll be there.” He smiled sleepily. “The sooner I get there, the sooner I see you.”

“Well, I won’t argue with that.”

He lifted his head and kissed my forehead. “I guess we should get up. I have to load up the van and go pick up Evan.”

I nodded. Groaning, I sat up. “I may just have to go home and sleep anyway.”

“You’re welcome,” he said with a wink.

We both laughed, and, with some effort, got out of bed. After we’d both brushed our teeth and showered, we made our way out to the kitchen. Sailo had shaved. I hadn’t bothered, since it was Saturday.

Leaning against the counter, I said, “Do you need any help today? With your gig?”

“Nah. I’ve got Evan.” He sipped his coffee. “You’d probably be bored senseless anyway. Thanks for the offer, though.”

“Any time.”

“Of course, that’s not to say I wouldn’t enjoy having you there.” He put his hands on my hips and smiled. “It’s nice having you here.”

“Likewise.” I kissed him lightly. “I should get going, though. You’ve probably got things to do before you leave for the wedding.”

“I do.” But he didn’t let me go. In fact, he moved his hands to the front of my shirt and pulled me closer. “They can wait a little while, though.”

“Can they?” My lips brushed his. “How much time do you have?”

He kissed me, and as he did, tugged me toward him, leading me toward the kitchen door. “Probably as long as it takes to make you come again.”

“Hmm.” I let him pull me another step and grinned against his lips. “There enough time for me to make you come too?”

“You’ll have to work fast.” Another step. “Maybe we’ll have to come at the same time. Efficiency and all that.”

“Oh, I think we can manage that.”

“We definitely can.”

And we hurried back down the hall to Sailo’s bedroom.