To Love and Heal (The Power of Love Series) (7 page)

"It's been a
long day," Anna's mother said as dusk set in.  "I'll help you
clean up and then we should probably all be on our way so that you can get some
rest."

"I can take
care of everything," Anna replied, though she almost regretted her words
as she surveyed the tables of leftover food and plateware.  Still, she
didn't want to drag anyone else in on the chore.

"Let's
go," Tina said with mustered enthusiasm.  "You know much I love
to clean, so let me pitch in and we'll get this done in no time."

Anna arched an
eyebrow.  "You love to clean?  Didn't you just tell me you
recently hired some college guy to clean your apartment once a week?"

"I'm just
doing my part for society by helping out a struggling student in need."

"So that's
why you told me that he doesn't know how to use a feather duster, but – quote
unquote – his beefy arms look mighty good holding it."

"Annnaaa,"
  Tina wailed.  "You're making me look bad in front of
everyone."

"Oh, they
already know what you're like," Anna replied with a wink as easy laughter
returned to the group.

Twenty minutes
later, she threw the final plastic cup into a garbage bag.  "I think
that's everything.  Thanks everyone for staying to help clean up."

"Here,"
Charlene said as she handed her a small piece of paper.  "This is my
cell number and Chuck's.  Don't hesitate to call for any reason."

Anna knew that
"any reason" was more or less a code phrase for Caleb, but she was
nonetheless grateful for the gesture.

"Should we
say goodbye to Caleb?" Charlene asked as she turned to Chuck.

"I think we
should just let him rest and I'll call him in the morning."

"It's been
quite a long day," Anna's father said ten minutes later after everyone
else had filtered out, save for Anna's mother.  "Are you sure you
feel safe with this situation?"

Anna knew she
couldn't explain it – how she felt safer around Caleb than she ever had with
any man, despite his earlier unpredictable actions.  Maybe it was what she
instinctively felt was at the core of his being – a truly good and caring
person who had been willing to sacrifice himself for others … and who was now
tormented by the one time he had been on the receiving end of an equally
selfless act.

"I'll be
fine, Dad.  Caleb is a good man. I know you're concerned because of what
happened today, but you have to trust me on this."

He leaned in and
kissed her on the forehead. "You know how you were always rescuing little
critters when you were growing up?  A stray cat – not to mention the mouse
in its mouth – a turtle trying to cross the street?"

Anna smiled
wistfully. "I remember."

Her father's face
grew serious.  "Just realize that trying to rescue people is a whole
other ballgame.  A stray cat might scratch you because it's scared, but a
person will pull you down with them – or worse – because they don't always want
to be helped.  And all the good intentions in the world can't change
that."

Anna glanced at
her mother, whose expression was a combination of Anna's caring compassion and
her father's guarded concern.  "I'm not as naïve as you think,
Dad."

"I never said
you were naïve.  I just know how you are when you care about something, and I
want to be sure you're looking out for yourself."

Anna wondered
whether he in fact wanted to say "someone", but softened the blow
with "something" instead.  And while she appreciated her
father's love and concern, she couldn't help but feel he just didn't fully
understand the situation with Caleb.

 "I
will," she nevertheless conceded.  In her mind she knew he was
right.  But in her heart
–
that was a
different story.

Anna turned on her
side for the umpteenth time to look at the clock on the nightstand by her
bed.  A minute past midnight … she sighed and closed her eyes, the
rhythmic song of peep toads in the marsh behind her property
uncharacteristically failing to lull her to sleep. She had expected Caleb to
emerge from the guesthouse once everyone had departed, but he remained
voluntarily sequestered and with each passing hour, her anxiety and concern
only multiplied.

What am I
doing?

She ignored her
own question as she pulled a pair of jeans on over her underwear and slid a bra
under her snug sleeveless tee-shirt.

What am I
doing?

Again, the
question emerged in her mind but quickly dissipated as she stepped out into the
cooler but still breezeless air.

The guesthouse
door opened before she even had a chance to knock.

"I heard you
coming," Caleb said in response to Anna's bewildered expression.

She looked down at
her quiet cork wedge sandals, then back at the grassy pathway leading to the
door.  "How could you …"  She paused, answering her own
question in her head as she realized that developing heightened senses was
necessary for surviving  in a desert battle zone.  "I couldn't
sleep – I just wanted to make sure you're okay."

"I've been
lying awake for a while, too."

Clad only in a
pair of jeans, Caleb finished pulling a tee-shirt over his head – but not
before Anna caught a glimpse of his smoothly muscular chest as it glistened in
the moonlight. It was a desirable distraction that Anna tried hard to visibly
sidestep.

"Anna, I'm so
sorry about what happened today."

"It's okay –
really.  I know you didn't mean for that to happen."

Time seemed to
slow to a halt as his pale gray eyes met hers, a mutual gaze that threatened to
melt her wedge heels into the ground.

"Do you want
to come in?" he asked quietly.

Don't – this is
not a good idea … 
"Sure."

She followed him
into the small but cozy living room, her eyes quickly scanning the
interior.  Everything looked exactly the way it did prior to his
occupancy, save for a small framed picture that sat on top of the entertainment
center. Unable to squelch her curiosity, Anna moved in for a closer look.

"That's
Haley," Caleb said as she lingered over the photo.  He was in uniform
and smiling, though his face looked weary, and his arm was firmly plastered
around what appeared to be a black Labrador mix.

"She's
beautiful," Anna said as she turned to Caleb.  Her stomach sank as
she saw the ache of regret in his eyes.

"She saved my
life – actually, she saved many lives by alerting us to a suicide bomber who
was approaching our quarters.  She actually went after him and he turned
to run the other way.  The bomb still went off but it was just far enough
from the barracks that no one was injured – except Haley."

Anna caught her
breath.  "Did she …"

"She
survived," Caleb said, answering the question that Anna couldn't bear to
ask. "But she was injured pretty badly from shrapnel.  Everyone knew
she saved our lives so there was no question about getting her medical
treatment.  I think the base doctors were afraid of a full-scale rebellion
if they didn't perform surgery on her right then and there."

Anna felt a sense
of relief as she saw Caleb smile at the recollection of a happy ending for
Haley.  But she wondered if she assumed too much too soon as it vanished
just as quickly.

"Where is she
now?"

"She's still
in Afghanistan. I wanted to bring her back with me but I was blocked at every
turn.  I was trying up to the time that I was sent home, but I ran out of
time."

Anna tried to stay
optimistic despite feeling otherwise.  "At least the other soldiers
will take care of her, right?"

"For now …
but we're not going to be there forever – even though it sometimes feels that
way.  And then she'll be left behind."

"Maybe by
then they'll know enough to do the right thing and will let her come back to
the states."

"Maybe,"
Caleb conceded, though the flat tone of his voice indicated he believed
otherwise.

After a span of
awkward silence, Anna suddenly blurted out the question that had been following
her around since earlier that day.  "Caleb, do you think you should
talk to someone about what happened today?"

"I did,"
he replied tersely, visibly defensive. "I talked to my brother."

"I mean a
professional – someone who has experience treating post-traumatic stress
disorder."

"It will go
away on its own eventually.  I just need time to adjust to being
back."

"I don't
think it's just going to magically disappear."

Caleb's face
quickly grew as tense as his voice. "Look – soldiers have been fighting
wars since the beginning of time."

"Which
doesn't say much for the human race."

"It is what
it is. This whole post-traumatic stress thing is just some new label that
shrinks are slapping on the fact that war has
always
been hell. You see
your friends die, you see children die, and then you wonder why they're gone
and you're still alive."

"So you never
heard the term 'shell shock' that goes back to World War One? What do you think
that was all about?  They might not have fully understood back then how
psychological trauma can affect the brain or how to treat it, but they
recognized the symptoms."

"So now
you're an expert on warfare?"

"No, I'm an
expert at research and one of the things I learned was that there was a
deliberate effort not to classify shell shock as a medical condition so that
they could turn around and send these same soldiers back out to battle. 
Sound familiar?"

"It's getting
late," Caleb said as he abruptly stood up. "It was nice of you to
come by to check up on things, but I'm really okay."

Anna slowly rose
from her chair, slightly dazed by Caleb's sudden coldness.  Perhaps she
had misjudged him all along, gave him credit that he didn't deserve for being a
caring person whose guardedness was the result of both inner and outer wounds,
when in fact he really didn't give a damn about anything at all.

She walked
silently to the door, surprised when his arm suddenly thrust in front of her as
he grabbed onto the doorknob. She expected him to immediately swing the door
open, but several moments passed with no further action on his part.  His
body was so close to hers that she could feel the warmth emanating from his
skin, sending a jolt of desire through her that she forcibly did her best to
ignore.

More time passed
as their frozen stance remained.  Moments?  Minutes?  Anna
couldn't quite discern anymore. Finally, she turned her head around, meeting
Caleb's gaze in silence before tracing the scar that by some miracle had missed
his eye – but barely. And then, in a simultaneous blur, her short but spurned
history with Caleb replayed in her mind – the abrupt end to a night by the fire
pit, the aborted near-kiss after the cookout with Joel, and now the sudden
"see you to the door" declaration.  Did she really need it
further spelled out?  Shoving his hand aside, she opened the door and
exited, never looking back as she quickened her pace to the house.

Caleb slammed the
door shut, anger coursing through his veins that prompted him to consider
reopening the door and ripping it off its hinges. Taking a deep breath, he
stared at the ceiling while waiting for his self-directed ire to dissipate. He
had once again driven away the one person he longed to be close to in every way
– not that his actions could have ever indicated this to her. He shook his head
as frustration nearly strangled him short of breath.  Just moments ago he
had had the perfect opportunity to pull Anna away from the door and into his
arms, passionately kissing her in the way that had been continually playing out
in his mind.  But once he gave in to his desire, he knew there would be no
going back. And what if one thing led to another and they found themselves
lying in each other's arms in his bed? He would want to protectively wrap his
body around hers … but the irony was that the person she needed to be protected
from most was
him
. He closed his eyes, wishing he could just as easily
shut out memories of last night's nightmare that had culminated with him waking
up in a cold sweat, the blanket and even sheets ripped off his bed in what he
could only surmise must have been a violent thrashing on his part. And the most
disturbing aspect to these intermittent nightmares was that he had no
recollection of his actions upon waking – only relief knowing that he was alone
and had therefore not put someone in harm's way.  And the thought of
endangering Anna … it was a horror that devoured him from the inside out. Time
… he just needed time for the lingering war-borne demons to fade away from his
psyche.

The question was:
Would Anna still be there when that day finally came?

Anna awoke the
next morning to the usual menagerie of bird chirps outside her bedroom
window.  It was a familiar sound that usually brought her a sense of peace
and comfort, but this morning it did little to ease her troubled mind. The
harsh end to the previous evening came flooding back, along with the hurt and
sense of rejection that had her reexamining why she ever felt that Caleb might
actually be starting to care about her.

The sound of
scraping metal cut into her thoughts, and she peered out the window just in
time to see Caleb locking an adjustable ladder in place before leaning it
against a tree.  He pushed against it several times to test its
sturdiness, then kneeled down to pick up something off the ground. 
Holding the object in one hand, he pulled himself up the ladder with his other
arm, ducking as a bird seemingly came out of nowhere to dive bomb him from
behind. He quickened his step up the ladder but otherwise remained calm, gently
reaching over into densely leaved branches as a chorus of squawks grew
louder.