Tokyo Love (34 page)

Kathleen stepped around her. “Wow, you have a blanket around your table? Sweet.”

“
Kotatsu
. It's pretty typical here during the winter. There's a heater under there too.”

Kathleen gasped and pulled off her shoes and dove towards the
kotatsu
. She seemed confused at first how to sit there and arrange the blanket. She eventually settled on lying down as if she was in a bed. She grinned up to Yuriko, cheeks pink.

“Feels fantastic. Another for the list.”

“The list?”

“Of Japanese things that America doesn't have. Along with proper soaking baths and the
konbini
.”

Yuriko remembered that conversation. Ages ago, it seemed now. So much had happened since then. Even from the rest of that night to the weeks that followed. Then the months that followed them. Those months of silence and confusion and hurt, when Yuriko could barely hold back the urge to stomp over to Kathleen's apartment and demand that they … what? Try again? Try at all?

She had gotten texts from Kathleen and some missed calls. She couldn't answer them. She had gone too far to try to take on any sense of friendship with Kathleen. She could barely imagine being her peer or coworker. How could she handle it, if they met each other on the train? Or in the office? Would they have some unbearable small talk about work or the weather?

I had wanted you. I had loved you
, she would have thought in desperation.

That was when Yuriko realized she was not going to make it out of this one unscarred.

It had been weeks ago. Kathleen had returned and they hadn't seen each other. Yuriko learned how to step outside of her door without holding her breath.

Yet this morning … she had been too tired or thinking about what she wanted to say to her mother when she called. Then Kathleen had just effortlessly appeared and cleanly inserted herself behind all of Yuriko's defenses.

But this time she said she loved you. She apologized and said she loved you.

She loves you.

It was a lot to take in before 10 AM.

Yuriko hadn't moved from the front door and Kathleen was beginning to look a little worried. She looked nearly comical, burrowed under the
kotatsu
like a little kid playing hide and seek. It made Yuriko smile and some of the tension in the room drained away.

Yuriko took off her shoes and coat. “Do you want some tea? My mother sent
mochi
. It's green tea flavored.” It was Yuriko's favorite.

Kathleen was already reaching for the bowl in the middle of the table with the
mochi
. “Is it a pastry?”

“It's rice. Pounded down. My mother makes it every year.”

Yuriko went to the kitchen, filling her electric kettle with water. Kathleen sat up, nibbling on the
mochi
. “Not too sweet,” she murmured.

There was a brief silence as Yuriko searched for her teapot and some cups. She wished Kathleen would turn on the TV. Just to fill up the silence.

“You know, as I've been working on Ai's new program, I've come across a little problem.”

Yuriko switched off the kettle as it boiled. “
Hn
?”

“Well, she was programmed to know me so well. But she had to learn about others by herself. She would collect data whenever she talked to you or other people, but she could never quite have the same intuition. I've come to realize that while she was able to know exactly what I wanted in a partner, she was just guessing when it … well, when it came to you.”

Yuriko let the tea steep, looking over her counter to Kathleen. She sat hunched at the table, the
mochi
forgotten in front of her and her hands twisting in the blanket. Yuriko sighed softly. “I think I know what you mean. She made a lot of assumptions based on the fact that she was designed to look like me.”

Kathleen nodded, head jerking. She wasn't looking up. “It's something I have to fix. I guess, if I want this new program to work, there has to be a clear interest or consent. I mean, just because I'm … I'm attracted to you, doesn't mean you would be attracted to me.”

Yuriko left the tea and walked to the
kotatsu
. She knelt down next to Kathleen, pulling the blanket over her knees. “That is a viable concern,” she murmured. Then, just because she wanted to ask, “When you chased me down on the train, did you know how I felt at that moment?”

Kathleen flushed, shrugging. “I wasn't really thinking.”

Yuriko gave a small grin. “I was feeling very frustrated.” She sighed, and pressed a shoulder into Kathleen's. “I was frustrated that even after all this time, even after all the drama and the miscommunication, even after hours of thinking over everything we had gone through, I couldn't tell you what I felt. I couldn't say that I still cared for you, that I wanted you back in my life. I was so
angry
with myself for being such a coward.”

Kathleen's shoulders made an odd twitching movement. “I'd think you'd be more frustrated with me. I'm the one who was in a perpetual state of denial.”

“Yes, well, that was pretty frustrating too.” She chuckled and could actually feel some tension leak from Kathleen's body. “Then look what happened. I walked away and you chased me down, shouting confessions of love in a public train car.”

Kathleen flushed a deeper red and looked at Yuriko, eyes bright. “Well, you did confess to me at a crowded festival. I think there was shouting there.” She paused, biting her lip. “I'm sorry I was an idiot then.” She exhaled, closing her eyes. “I mean, I'm still an idiot. Probably will be for a long time.” She glanced at Yuriko. “Are you willing to deal with that?”

Yuriko leaned down, pressing her cheek into Kathleen's neck. She smelled the same, after all this time. “Ai might have not been programmed with my cortex scan. But I think she understood that I was rather interested in you.”

Kathleen swallowed. “But do I … ? I mean, you've done so much for me. Put up with so much. I'm not sure how I … Do I make your life better?” She said the words so soft that Yuriko probably wouldn't have heard them if she hadn't been so close.

She sat up then, reaching out to cup Kathleen's face and force her to look at her. She was glad Kathleen wasn't crying. Her eyes were glassy, staring at Yuriko with anticipation. “I can't tell you something like that. But I can say that you make me happy. That when I saw you on that train … no, even when I saw you this morning, I was so happy. Hearing your voice, seeing you again. I was so
happy
. I never used to make wishes or prayers on shrines. I didn't see the point. But today I made a prayer at Meiji Shrine. I prayed that I could be with you, even for just a moment longer. That I could keep that feeling and remember it even when you were gone. I don't know if you better my life or anything like that. But I want this feeling that I have with you. More than anything. I love you.”

Kathleen smiled, cheeks stretching under Yuriko's fingers. “Can you kiss me?”

Yuriko grinned. “Why don't you kiss me?”

“'Cause you are holding my face back.”

Yuriko wasn't holding Kathleen back. She had probably been holding herself back. So she drew Kathleen to her, feeling the warmth of her breath, the flutter of eyelashes on her cheeks, and her soft lips.

Yuriko knew they would have more conversations like this, both needing to affirm to each other how they felt. After so long dancing around one other, it was inevitable that it would take time to build trust and understanding. Yet they had managed to take the first step. A stumbling, overdue first step.

Yuriko thought it just might be perfect.

Kathleen felt the edge of the table against her ribs, hard floor under her knees, the blanket of the
kotatsu
sliding down her legs, the warmth at her feet from the electric heater.

None of it seemed to matter against the touch of Yuriko's hands and mouth. Her shoulders under Kathleen's hands, her breath on her cheek. They felt good and so
close
.

They were both pressing now, more than they had before. Something was happening, something Kathleen felt like she almost recognized. A heat, an anxiousness. Maybe she didn't quite remember, but she thought she understood.

She let Yuriko press into her, trying to open herself up, even though she wasn't quite sure how. Or if Yuriko would be able to tell. She kissed her back, hands in that silky hair.

The first time Kathleen had sex was when she was eighteen. His name was James, and he had been a friend of Dave's. It was after her graduation party. Since their parents had graciously left the house to them for the evening, Dave was upstairs “introducing” his girlfriend to his bedroom. Wanting to be as far from that as possible, Kathleen and James were in the basement playing video games.

James just flat out asked to kiss her. Kathleen wasn't an idiot. They were alone and would be for some time. She knew he didn't want just a kiss.

Kathleen kind of felt ready for more than just a kiss too. She had just graduated from high school. She was ready to be an adult and take on college. Even though she wasn't particularly attracted to James, he was a nice guy and she did trust him.

So they kissed. Which turned into making out, which turned into a whole lot more. Kathleen had been a little overwhelmed, but James did most of the work. She just lay back and tried to feel good about the decision.

Overall the experience wasn't great. It wasn't terrible and, even then, she could tell James was trying to make it good for her. It still took her a few years, and a great deal of maturity, to realize that sex wasn't really that great unless she participated and actually loved her partner.

Kathleen knew she loved Yuriko. It was still new and strange, but she knew it now and she wasn't going to let her denial stop her from moving forward. However her naïveté just might.

She was kissing Yuriko on the floor next to the
kotatsu
. Hands in her silky hair, warm lips, wet breath. One of Yuriko's hands was still on her cheek and it just felt so good to feel the pinpricks of her nails as she turned her head for a deeper angle.

Kissing Yuriko wasn't like any of the men Kathleen had kissed before. Yet it was, in essence, a familiar thing. Kathleen had kissed before. She had also felt this urge before, an urge to hold Yuriko closer, kiss her more than she could count, and well,
devour
her.

Kathleen had told Yuriko she loved her, but she wanted to show it to her now.

Yuriko inexplicably picked up on this and was pulling Kathleen to her feet.

“My room,” Yuriko gasped into Kathleen's mouth, pulling her close again. “My bed.”

Kathleen felt her whole body flush, warm and tight, a mixture of pleasure and fear. Kathleen had experienced sex before, but she'd never been with another woman. She wasn't totally in the dark about the logistics. She did live in an age with limitless free information online. However watching online wasn't the same as reality.

The back of Yuriko's knees hit the bed. She released Kathleen enough so she could fall back on her white duvet. Her short black hair haloed around her head. Her lips were red and she grinned up at Kathleen, arms outstretched. Kathleen fell into her, because that felt like the most natural thing in the world. Their lips together felt like the most natural thing in the world. How had she denied this for so long?

Then Kathleen drew back. She was on top of Yuriko, knees planted on either side of her hips. Her insecurity was creeping back into her brain.

“I, uh … ”
Want to be on the bottom?
Was there a bottom with two women? But Kathleen did want to be submissive. Yuriko was more experienced and Kathleen was, well, not.

Then, Kathleen remembered what it was like to be submissive during sex. It had always felt unexciting and somewhat meaningless. She didn't want that with Yuriko, not after all they'd been through.

Kathleen knew sex wasn't always perfect. This time she wanted it to be. As if it could make up for all the time she had wasted. For all the times she had hurt Yuriko.

Yuriko was frowning now, puzzled by Kathleen. “What is it?” She started to sit up.

Kathleen immediately pushed her back down, a little too harsh. Yuriko landed with a soft thump and let out a laugh, as if Kathleen was just being playful and not totally overanalyzing her every move and thought.

She looked at Yuriko lying there, grinning up at her. She remembered Ai. She remembered kneeling above Ai like this. Watching as Ai lifted her skirt and touched herself. The memory was unpleasant to Kathleen. That whole encounter had been confusing and somewhat uncomfortable.

Yuriko wasn't Ai. She didn't blush on command. She wouldn't obey all of Kathleen's orders without thought. If they moved forward, they wouldn't be able to break off like she and Ai had.

Kathleen didn't want to break it off. She was afraid and a little lost, but she really didn't want to remove herself from Yuriko's lap.

Her hands flexed on Yuriko's shoulders, fingers gripping the cloth. “Can I?”

Yuriko responded by lifting her arms over her head, grinning impishly. “
Onegai
.”

Kathleen let her trembling fingers trail down Yuriko's sides. She tugged the hem of Yuriko's shirt and pulled it up. Yuriko arched her back and the shirt was free. She was wearing a bra clasped in the front. Before she could second-guess any more, Kathleen quickly undid it and the bra soon followed the shirt.

She remembered seeing Yuriko's breasts at the
onsen
, though at the time she had been concentrating on not staring. This was different. Now they were presented to her, perky and soft. Yuriko still had her arms above her head, smiling into her bicep, eyes glittering.

Kathleen felt herself falter. This was it. This was when she was supposed to enjoy herself. This was supposed to be the difference between Ai and Yuriko. Kathleen reached out, running her fingers over Yuriko's breasts. She hoped her tentativeness came across as gentleness.