Too Busy for Your Own Good (21 page)

Here is another breathing exercise you can do, only this one involves some visualization. Close your eyes and picture a square. Then try to imagine traveling along one side of this square while you inhale and count to four. When you reach the corner of the square, hold your breath and count to four. Then exhale while traveling along the next side, hold your breath, and count to four. Continue this pattern until you're back where you started. This simple exercise will give your mind a much-needed break.

The thymus is an organ located in the upper anterior portion of the chest cavity just behind the breastbone, beneath the hollow of the throat. This organ produces cells important to your immune system, which is often taxed during periods of high stress. Since the thymus gland's activity slows as we age, it makes sense to keep it stimulated in times of stress.

Use your fingertips, alternating with the right and left hand, to deliver a tap (or thump) on your sternum for about twenty thumps. Easy does it, though, you're not trying to restart your heart, just stimulate your thymus. You can learn to calm yourself in particularly stressful situations by using this technique.

Do some stretches like you're on one of those medieval racks. Stand up, slowly reach your fingertips to the ceiling, and stretch higher as you yawn deeply. While sitting, stretch your legs straight out from your hips, reach forward pointing your toes, and then slowly point them toward the
ceiling (good to do undetected while sitting at the conference table).

Where is the most peaceful place on earth to you? Is it your favorite fishing hole, a place you visited on vacation, or somewhere you hope to see in the near future? Sit back and picture yourself there right now. Imagine what you're looking at, who is there with you, the weather, the sounds, the smells. Consider it a little mental vacation to get away from all the stress associated with being at work.

In some instances, it's abundantly clear just what the problem is. You can point to one person, situation, or activity and label it definitively as the reason you need to de-stress. Other times, being stressed starts with a series of small insults to your body and soul that eventually take a major toll on your overall well-being. Let's take a look at some of the obvious-to-everyone-but-you causes of stress, the “duh” factors—those things that slowly erode your comfort when you really ought to know better.

Are they too tight? The wrong length? Do they pinch you across the shoulders? Are the armholes strangling your arms? Do you wear control-top
anything
? If it's not comfortable, it has got to go, because discomfort equals stress. Years ago I realized that I was uncomfortable wearing skirts, so I replaced them with slacks. This simplified my life, especially while traveling, and I'm more comfortable being my true-to-self tomboy.

You will rarely hear a man say that his shoes are killing him. Are your shoes too tight, too high, or uncomfortable for
any
reason? Get rid of them or keep a comfy pair beneath your desk. I had to get used to “my look” being in flats rather than heels. It took a while to sink in, but it was worth it for the comfort. Besides, now I can sprint through an airport with the best of them.

Your mother was right—you
do
need to sit up straight, young lady! Your stress may be aided and abetted by poor posture, which can lead to tight, aggravated muscles and connective tissues around the spine. Do body-checks throughout the day, focusing on sitting and standing straighter than normal. While standing, your ears, shoulders, hips, and heels should be lined up perpendicular to the ground. If you are sitting in a chair, your ears should stack up over your shoulders and hips. The best posture is when your back feels weightless and long and your head feels light on your shoulders.

For some people, a frown is their face's natural default setting. Are you one of them? You'll know the answer by the time the permanent lines etch themselves in your face. In the meantime, smile for no apparent reason and smile often. The mood that tends to accompany frowning will be counteracted, and you'll even be sending a message to your brain to release some of those great natural drugs that relax your body.

Many of us snack unconsciously or by routine. We have the emergency candy bar in our desk drawer or grab a cup of coffee out of habit. Caffeine, energy drinks, and sweet snacks can yo-yo your blood sugar, stressing you more as your mood and energy level fluctuate. Replace the junk food with small packages of dry-roasted nuts and plain water. Keep your own water-filtering pitcher at your desk to control bottled water costs and litter.

All the stretching and breathing in the world won't do much to reduce your stress if you don't do a mental tune-up also. Changing your attitude can change your perception of your job, thereby lowering your stress. Remember, it's usually your perception of the event that causes you stress, not the event itself. Here are some simple attitude adjustments you can make to adjust your stress response.

Occasionally we get so caught up in the drudgery of working that we completely lose our sense of humor. But if you take everything too seriously, you're setting yourself up for stress. Laughter
is
the best medicine. Next time you find yourself in a funk, laugh your way out of it! My best friend and mentor, Lola Gillebaard, has honed humor to a fine point. (She was a finalist for the reality TV show “Last Comic Standing.”) Having a funny pal like her helps anytime I need a quick jolt of humor in my day. Being around her has also taught me to look for the light side of a problem. This helps to lighten the tone of almost any office crisis.

If you use the phone a lot on the job, place a small mirror where you can check your expression. By smiling as you answer your phone, you have a better chance of affecting a positive outcome in your conversation. Adopting a happy tone in face-to-face interactions can reduce stress on both sides. This is not just good business policy or customer service; it's good brain maintenance. As with a big goofy smile (genuine or not), you can actually change your own brain chemistry for the better when you sound happier. And happy people tend to be some of the least stressed-out folks among us.

Sometimes our reactions to a stressful situation can alienate other people. This in turn creates more stress from having to face the situation alone. A good way to keep others from wanting to help you is to have the dark cloud hanging over you that results from whining and complaining.

Check these behaviors at the door in a time of stress, and you'll get more help when you ask for it. I know that it's sometimes stress relieving to have a good old-fashioned gripe session, but the less you do it at work, the more people will want to be around you.

As a recovered perfectionist I (gradually) learned that this condition comes from an all-or-nothing mentality. I had a tendency to decide that if something I was working on was not perfect, it was garbage. During this period of my life, if one part of a project went wrong, I considered the whole thing totally messed up. This is just way too much pressure
to put on oneself. The drive for perfection is one of the surest ways to get stressed-out. Shoot for optimum instead of perfect and you'll feel much better.

Everyone gets worked up over things. Anger, in and of itself, isn't bad. What's damaging is anger as a lifestyle. Duke University published a study indicating that people who are chronically angry have four to seven times the risk of terminal heart disease and cancer as those not prone to anger. Researchers believe that hostility is the personality trait most useful in predicting heart disease. What is even more surprising is that the “silent seethers” are at greater risk than the “blow up” types.

The next time you feel the anger coming on, ask yourself the following questions:

Is this really so important? (Is it a deal breaker, life or death?)

Am I justified in my anger? (Really?)

Can I do anything to deal with the situation?

A “no” to any one of these questions signals you to calm yourself down. Research bears out that if the situation isn't really important, anger only adds to your stress. Also, if you can't reasonably defend your anger or do anything about the situation, your anger is hurting you more than anyone else—even threatening your health.

Holding a grudge is one sure way to up your stress at work. Has somebody done you wrong? It's critical that you figure
out some way to let go of your resentment. Your body actually relives a bad experience every time you think of it. Recently, I was given the opportunity to participate in a very significant (and lucrative) series of speaking engagements. It was determined that I would share this chance with three other women. When the client sent the calendar to the first woman, she convinced them to give her
90 percent
of the speeches. I was stunned, then angry, then livid. It was all I could think about—and whine about—to my husband and close friends. Things like, “How could she? The dog. She'll get hers some day.” Nice, eh?

Shortly after I swallowed this gut-bomb, I attended a lecture of one of my favorite spiritual leaders. I didn't know his topic until I got there: how to
let go of things
. “Oh my gosh,” I thought, “how did he know?” One exercise had us writing our disappointments, angers, and frustrations on a piece of paper. We skewered this paper with a long nail and swirled it in a solution, saying, “It is gone.” The paper totally dissolved! I'll never forget my little-kid glee at seeing the paper be
gone
like magic.

I actually did begin to feel better when I thought of the situation and the dissolving paper. My dear friend Lola would say, “Gone” every time I started. Eventually, my anger faded, and I saw the gift in the incident: the time commitment involved in taking on that project would have prevented me from other opportunities (namely delivering this book on time!).

Do you have someone who thinks you can't do anything right or is quick to point out your flaws? Learning to keep harmony
in
yourself and
between
yourself and others will ease stress in the workplace. Practice these steps:

1
. Absorb the harsh comment or criticism.

2
. Halt the urge to respond quickly or defend your position.