Too Busy for Your Own Good (44 page)

Comfort
. Take some comfort items like a small down pillow, an aromatic candle in a tin, expensive mints, a DVD or two.

Nest
. When you get in your hotel room, set up your bedside table like at home (clock, book, water, flashlight, glasses, etc.). Make sure the bedding is acceptable (get the right pillow, extra blanket), hang up clothes (they'll look better), keep carry-on open on chair or rack, and put your toiletries in the bathroom.

There's a fine line between enduring a situation and knowing when to walk out. As Kenny Rogers sang, “You got to
know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em, know when to walk away, and know when to run.” Walking out can either mean physically leaving a meeting or quitting an unendurable job. These are points only you can answer for yourself. Nothing can take the place of your own good judgment.

Knowing when to gracefully exit a meeting can be valuable. The following list of situations are ones in which you might be justified in walking out.

The other person is not (or refuses) hearing you or you feel invisible.

You're being lied to. Take note of that pit in your stomach or the alarm in your head—your BS indicator. Listen to your intuition or hunch that something's not right here. Question those points that you think are untruths.

The other person is out of control. When emotions are high, communication goes down exponentially.

The other person is provoking you into a fight (physically or verbally). This is the bully's favorite strategy.

If you find it impossible to get any semblance of balance at work, it may be time for a change. Time after time, my clients have reflected back on leaving their job (sometimes even a good job!) as the best choice they ever made. What good is a high paycheck if your teenager is out of control from your lack of guidance? When was the last time your late-model car made you laugh or kept you warm on a stormy night?
How do your long hours enable you to spend time with the people who are truly important in your life? Here is how you can tell if it really is time to look for a big change:

When you don't belong. When your goals or your culture or your values, beliefs, or attitudes are truly incompatible with your job.

When you stay out of guilt. If you are in a position in a company that you're only staying in because you're loyal—even though you have reached the ceiling of your productivity and creativity—find another position where you can be the best person and create your highest and best self in the workplace.

Does the pain of the situation outweigh the gain? You are the only one who can answer this question. Make a list of the pros and cons of your position. Also take into consideration whether the pain is temporary, transitional, or permanent.

If you're at a job that's not nourishing or productive, consider other options. Certainly every job has its upsides and downsides, but you don't need to swim upstream constantly. Take a look at it, and if it's time to move on, then walk out. But remember, it's a small world. If you must leave a position, do it with class and grace. That means make your exit plan, give plenty of notice, train your replacement if possible, say good-bye kindly to (and always speak well of) your employer and coworkers.

Having a baby is like suddenly getting the world's worst roommate—like having Janis Joplin with a bad hangover and PMS come to stay with you
.

—Anne Lamott

Wouldn't it be nice if your only task was conquering busyness at work? But many of us have second (or even third) jobs waiting when we get home from work. During my speaking engagements, I ask a simple question: “What makes you busy?” The answers have convinced me that taking control of your “busy” at home presents a new set of challenges different from those that you must face on the job. Home responsibilities as a working parent—single or married—will tip you into the “busy danger zone.”

If you're trying to do it all at home, take heart! With a little planning and tweaking of your at-work strategies, you can transform your crazy busy to a
designed
busy at home. I've heard all your excuses why you can't change it.

“I've always been this way.”